


A Tale of Two Victors

by SFCBruce



Category: Hunger Games Series - All Media Types, Hunger Games Trilogy - Suzanne Collins
Genre: Angst, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Post-Hunger Games, Pre-Catching Fire
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-14
Updated: 2014-12-11
Packaged: 2018-02-25 09:24:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 25
Words: 120,835
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2616707
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SFCBruce/pseuds/SFCBruce
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The 74th Hunger Games are over. Katniss and Peeta are the first dual Victors in the history of the Games. Their old lives are over, their lives as Victors just beginning. Peeta loves Katniss, but does Katniss love Peeta? This is the story of the time between the end of the Games and the start of the Victory Tour.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. HOMECOMING

**CHAPTER 1- HOMECOMING**

HOME.

Just the word sounds surreal. It's a word that I had disassociated myself from...a word that for weeks I had not allowed myself to think...because I thought the only way I would return to it would be in a simple wooden box. But now, I can finally allow myself to think of it in another context.

GOING HOME.

Katniss and I both board the train following our final post-Games interview with Caesar Flickerman. It was somewhere during the interview when it really hit me. Katniss and I are both GOING HOME. It wasn't just my goal of doing whatever it took to ensure her victory...somehow fate itself intervened and, for the first time in 74 years, two Victors were crowned for the Hunger Games. Katniss Everdeen, the girl that I have been in love with since we were both five years old, and I, Peeta Mellark, were both victorious. And, to add to the unexpected joy of actually still being alive, Katniss actually feels the same way about me!

I feel the train begin to move and watch the Capitol cityscape slowly begin to recede as we begin the journey back to District Twelve...back to HOME. Even so, Katniss and I are both unconsciously tense until the train clears the mountain tunnel that marks the outer border of the Capitol. Once we emerge into the light again I slowly exhale and glance over at Katniss, and she flashes me a small, embarrassed smile while at the same time I see her tense body visibly relax. I return her grin as we both feel the tension ease from us.

I hear a low chuckle off to the side and glance over to where Haymitch was seated with Effie. Haymitch doesn't say anything, but the laugh had come from him...perhaps he was remembering how he felt after he had won his Games and was heading back home. I study our Mentors face for a moment but his features and smile show no trace of his usual jaded sarcasm. Instead, he looks genuinely happy...happy at finally bringing his tributes back alive instead of in that simple wooden box. And not just one, as was usual for the Games...but BOTH! I just shake my head slightly and return his smile. I notice that Effie has the same expression and toss my smile her way as well. Her eyes are glistening and for a moment it seems that the joyful tears are on the way...but she maintains her composure and keeps the tears in check. Her gaze softens as she looks at her two Victors, and it seems that she's not just happy about finally being a Victors Escort...could it be that she is happy for us as well?

A Capitol attendant appears and informs us that dinner is ready. We all file into the dining car where a typically huge Capitol dinner awaits us. After dinner, we all settle in front of the television to watch a replay of our interview. Each of us is lost in his or her own thoughts. A glance at Katniss tells me that she is thinking of the same thing that I am...HOME.

Katniss excuses herself to change from her interview dress to something more comfortable. I remain on the couch watching the interview replay and reflect on just how lucky I am.

 _Mellark, things are definitely looking up for you,_ I say to myself as the interview continues to play, _You survived the Games, Katniss loves you, and you are set for life. A leg is a small price to pay for all that._ I find myself starting to grin again as these thoughts run through my head. Katniss returns, having changed into a shirt and pants. She settles in next to me on the couch and I casually drape my arm around her shoulders...and quickly glance over at her as I feel her stiffen almost imperceptibly at my touch. Before I can say anything, though, she flashes a quick smile my way, and I relax and continue to watch the interview.

Shortly afterwards, the train stops for refueling. Katniss stands up and says, "I need some fresh air. Come on, Peeta, let's stretch our legs a bit." We step outside the train, unguarded now since we are now Victors returning home instead of tributes heading towards the Games...and almost certain death.

Hand in hand, Katniss and I slowly stroll down the track. She isn't talking, so at one point I stop and gather a bunch of wildflowers for her.

"For you." I say as I present them to her. For an instant I see something flicker across her face...an almost sad expression, but very fleeting, and it's quickly replaced by a warm smile.

"Thank you, Peeta." But, I see something behind the smile. Her lips are smiling but the smile doesn't reach her eyes. Those incredible gray eyes seem to project a deep despair that the smile can't hide.

"What's wrong?" I ask.

"Nothing." Katniss answers. Still clutching my clumsy bouquet, she turns and continues walking down the tracks. Following her lead, I take her free hand and walk with her in silence.

We are some distance behind the train when suddenly a low voice makes us both jump. Haymitch. "Great job, you two. Just keep it up in the district until the cameras are gone. We should be okay." He then turns and heads back to the train. Confused, I look to Katniss for an answer...some kind of explanation. Suddenly she can't look me in the eye.

"What's he mean?" I ask.

Katniss takes a deep breath. "It's the Capitol. They didn't like our stunt with the berries."

What?! That was no "stunt!" I fully intended to eat that nightlock and die then and there rather than be forced to have to kill this girl that I love so very much. But, all I can say is, "What? What are you talking about?"

Katniss takes another deep, shuddering breath before continuing, "It seemed too rebellious. So, Haymitch has been coaching me through the last few days. So I didn't make it worse."

"Coaching you? But not me..." How could they both keep this from me?

"He knew you were smart enough to get it right," Katniss answers. Suddenly, there was a roaring in my ears and a sinking, sick feeling in the pit of my stomach as the meaning of her words sink in.

"I didn't know there was anything to 'get right,'" I say, all the while feeling more and more light headed, "So, what you're saying is, these last few days and then I guess...back in the arena...that was just some strategy you two worked out."

Inside, I could feel everything come crashing down...all the positive, happy feelings melting away. I barely heard Katniss as she stammered, "No. I mean, I couldn't even talk to him in the arena, could I?"

I fought for my breath as I answered, "But you knew what he wanted you to do, didn't you?" I search her face for a sign...any sign...that somewhere inside she has real feelings for me. Instead, she looks down and bites her lip.

"Katniss?" I drop her hand and she stumbles a bit at the sudden loss of contact. The realization of what she has just told me hits me hard.

"It was all for the games...how you acted," I say simply.

Katniss looks down at the flowers that she was still clutching in her hand and replies in a small voice, "Not all of it..."

"Then how much? No, forget that. I guess the real question is what's going to be left when we get home?" Oh, why is this happening? How could I have been so blind? So stupid?

Katniss hesitates for a moment before replying, "I don't know. The closer we get to District Twelve, the more confused I get." I wait for a moment for her to continue, but instead she continues to stand there, silent.

Finally, mustering as much control as I can, I spit out, "Well, let me know when you work it out." I turn without waiting for her reply and begin to walk back to the train, cursing my artificial leg that prevents me from running as fast as I can, but instead limits me to this awkward, lurching walk.

I don't look back as I board the train, my mind whirling with everything that Katniss has just told me. All a lie...it was just A LIE! A way to get through the Games...a way to win...a way to live. I go to my room and slam the door shut, and only then, alone, do I let my tortured emotions out. The tears well up in my eyes and the first harsh, wracking sob tears its way out of my chest as I collapse on the floor next to the bed...clenching my hands, eyes tightly shut as tears freely stream down my face.

I think back to all the beatings I had taken from my mother over the years...especially the one that she gave me after deliberately burning those two loaves of bread that I ended up giving to a starving girl named Katniss Everdeen. I think about the burning pain of Cato's sword stabbing deeply into my leg when he discovered my treachery. I remember the pain of the mutts tearing a chunk from my leg as I scrambled up the side of the cornucopia, and watching Katniss...KATNISS...frantically tying a life saving, but leg condemning, tourniquet around my leg to save my life.

I think about all of this pain...and it pales compared to the pain of having Katniss Everdeen just admit that she used me and my love to survive the Hunger Games.

Finally, my mentally exhausted self collapses in a restless sleep on the floor of my room. I don't even remember awakening, showering, or putting on clean clothes, although I must have. I can feel the train start to slow and know that we must be pulling into the District train station. I take a deep breath, open my door, and stride into the lounge...where I see Katniss standing, waiting for our arrival...HOME.

I hesitate briefly, stop, compose myself, and when she glances my way, I simply give her a brief nod of my head. I don't trust myself to do any more than that.

I stand there next to Katniss as the station comes into view, and finally trust myself to speak.

"What happens now?" I ask.

Still looking straight out at the station, Katniss replies, "We try to forget."

"...But I don't want to forget..." I softly reply. Finally, as the train slows to a stop, I extend my hand to Katniss. She glances down at my hand quickly, then for the first time looks into my face. I can see her confusion.

"One more time? For the audience?" I say. There's no emotion in my voice. I left all that on the floor of my room last night. Katniss slowly reaches out and takes my hand tightly as the train comes to a stop.


	2. REUNION

**CHAPTER 2 - REUNION**

Katniss and I stand hand in hand, facing the side of the train that is closest to the station platform. I really can't remember ever seeing so many people at the District Twelve train station before. And, sprinkled throughout the crowd are Capitol camera operators to document each second of our triumphant homecoming...although triumphant was hardly how I was feeling at that moment.

I feel Katniss clutch my hand even tighter and steal a glance at her. Far from looking like the exultant Victor that she is expected to be, she instead looks...confused, and almost lost. Just like I feel, is the thought that goes through my head.

The train finally glides to a stop and at that instant camera flashes erupt from the throng waiting on the platform. I suddenly become aware of Effie standing next to me, gently urging us towards the door.

"Out you go, you two! After all, this is all for you!" Effie's enthusiastic voice cuts through the dark cloud that had settled into my thoughts and I couldn't help but smile. Dear Effie...always the diligent Escort! Out of the corner of my eye I catch Katniss cracking a reluctant smile as well. As we turn towards the now open door we can all hear the crowd noise growing in volume.

Katniss turns her head back and catches my eye. In spite of the absolute emotional devastation that I have felt in the last few hours, I still manage to dredge up what I hope was a reassuring smile. As we move towards the door I lean forward to make myself heard over the almost deafening roar coming from the platform.

"You okay? We can do this!" I say. Katniss doesn't reply but I see her nod once.

As we get to the door I hear someone's voice announcing, "- and gentlemen, the Victors of the 74th Annual Hunger Games, representing District Twelve...Katniss Everdeen and Peeta Mell -"

The rest is drowned out in a huge roar as we step through the door. I stumble slightly as I go from the train to the platform and feel Katniss grip my hand tighter in response. Camera flashes are constant now and it seems like there is a sea of lenses focused on us.

I blink from the constant flashes, scanning the crowd for signs of my family...my friends. A rough semi-circle of peacekeepers keeps the crowd back far enough to keep us from being crushed against the side of the train, but just barely. I recognize one of the younger peacekeepers by his shock of red hair that refuses to be contained by his helmet. Darius is very easy going as far as peacekeepers go and he catches my eye, grins widely at us, and gives us a thumbs up. Katniss sees him at the same time and we both return his grin with smiles of our own. Then, over the noise of the crowd I can hear, faintly, a girls voice calling out for Katniss. Katniss and I both scan the crowd and at the same time we spot the owner of the voice.

The pretty blonde haired girl with the twin braids is sitting high up above the crowd. I steal a glance at Katniss and see the biggest smile I have ever seen her have as she raises her hand, still clutched in mine, to wave. This brings about a new roar from the crowd as they take the gesture to mean something completely different. I see Katniss redden slightly as she raises her free hand to wave at her sister, Primrose. I can't help but smile at her obvious joy at seeing her beloved sister...the girl that she volunteered for. I then see how Primrose managed to tower above the crowd...she is sitting on someone's shoulders.

Gale. Gale Hawthorne. It was pretty common knowledge that, prior to our Games, Gale and Katniss spent most of their free time together...hunting, trapping, and gathering wild edible plants. Although Katniss had always described him as her best friend, the Capitol film crews had decided to play him up as her cousin rather than as her best friend. With our whole "Star crossed lovers of District Twelve" story dominating the Games, it just would not seem believable that such a handsome young man was nothing more than a "best friend." So...instant cousin.

I catch Gale's eye for an instant, and in that instant I see his face cloud and his eyes narrow as he glares back at me. The smile that he had at seeing Katniss disappeared in an instant as her saw our upraised hands clutching each other. In that instant, it hit me.

He loves her. He loves her just as deeply as I do! I tear my eyes from his gaze and look over at Katniss, still smiling happily and waving not just at her sister, but at Gale and her mother as well. I hadn't noticed her mother standing at Gale's side until just then.

Thoughts begin racing through my head, even as I continue to smile and wave. Does she love him? Does she even know how he feels about her? This is just getting worse by the minute. Oh, how I just want to be anywhere but here right now...I just want to be alone and -

"It's not over yet, boy," Behind me, Haymitch is speaking softly into my ear. Where did he come from? "Effie wants you both...go!" He points off to the side where I see Effie standing with a Capitol reporter, camera crew standing by behind them.

"Katniss, come on," I say and pull gently at her hand. She turns back to me, confused for an instant until she sees where I am leading her. As we move towards Effie and the reporter I quickly scan the crowd for any sign of my family...where are they?

" - would like to hear a few words from our latest Victors. Peeta?" I realize that the reporter has been talking to me and I quickly compose myself. He hands me the microphone and I turn to face the crowd and the cameras. I know that, in addition to my voice (and face) being televised, that my voice is being amplified for the benefit of everyone here.

"Um...well...first of all, thank all of you for coming out to greet us here today. I couldn't imagine a better homecoming!" The crowd roars back in response. "I would just like to take a minute to thank some special people. First, our Escort, Effie Trinket. She took a little getting used to, but she kept us focused, and more importantly, on schedule...and, as we both discovered, underneath her businesslike exterior beats a true heart of gold." I glance at Effie as she smiles, somewhat embarrassed by my praise, as the crowd applauds her for probably the very first time.

"Next, our Mentor, Haymitch Abernathy. Speaking for myself, I made the mistake that everyone makes with Haymitch...and that is underestimating him. He worked tirelessly in keeping us alive and if it weren't for him, we wouldn't be standing here now. Haymitch, after this is over, I think you have earned yourself a drink!" Haymitch smirks and gives me a thumbs up sign as the crowd laughs and applauds what used to be the Districts only living Victor.

"And finally, my District partner and fellow Tribute and Victor, Katniss Everdeen!" The crowd erupts in cheers and applause again as I say her name.

I pause for a moment before continuing, "I can say without reservation that I would not be standing here today if it wasn't for Katniss." I take a deep breath before continuing, "I owe Katniss my very life several times over...and, as much as she holds my life, she holds my heart even more." At this a chorus of "Awwww" and "Oooh" rises from the crowd, as I turn to hand the microphone to Katniss.

Katniss takes the mike from me as her eyes meet mine. I can see her lip trembling almost imperceptibly and her eyes filling with tears...then suddenly she leans forward to softly kiss my cheek.

At this, another chorus of "Awws" and "Ooohs" rises from the crowd and, before Katniss speaks, I hear another female voice say, "I still think you are too young to have a boyfriend!" I spot the source of the voice...her mother fixes both of us with a stern gaze. At this I hear one of the camera crew say, "Uh oh...someone's in trouble!" This draws more laughter from the crowd.

Katniss raises the mike up to her mouth, "Umm...well, I...it's...Peeta is so much better at this than me!" More laughter from the crowd. "But seeing my sister here...Prim! I love you! I did it! I came back!" Cheers rise from the crowd as emotions finally get the best of her and her hand falls limply to her side, still gripping the mike, as her tears flow freely.

"Katniss! Katniss!" Suddenly, the blond girl with the braids pushes her way through the crowd and throws herself at Katniss. Their arms go around each other as they cling tightly to one another, both crying openly. Suddenly, Katniss remembers she is holding the mike, and reluctantly lets go of her sister. "Thank you...thank you all," she finally manages to blurt out before thrusting the mike back at me. As I take the mike from her she looks me in the eye and I see her mouth "Thank you" with a small, sad smile, and immediately she and Primrose are wrapped back in their hug, now joined almost immediately by their mother.

I stand there awkwardly for a moment, clutching the mike. The reporter gently takes it from my hand and pats me on the shoulder. Okay, now what do I do?

"Peeta," I hear Haymitch say from behind me, "Someone wants to say hello."

I turn to look at Haymitch and see that he is wearing that same, foreign, warm smile that he had just last night, as he steps aside and I see who is waiting behind him.

"Dad?" I manage to croak out before my father steps forward and crushes me to him. Now it's my turn for tears.

"Oh, Peeta! You have no idea how proud I am of you, son!" I just nod my head, unable to speak, as my face is buried in Dad's shoulder. I can smell all those old, familiar smells in his shirt...flour, cinnamon, other spices that scream "home." I become dimly aware of other hands and arms slipping around my shoulders and back.

"Welcome home, son," my mother says, with a small smile. "Thanks, mom," I reply as she pulls me to her briefly. I can feel other hands awkwardly patting my back and I can dimly hear my brothers' congratulating me as well. My mother releases me and I look up and now see other familiar faces in the crowd - my lifelong best friend, Delly Cartwright, Mayor Undersee with Mrs. Undersee and their daughter Madge, another longtime friend...guys from my school wrestling team...and it hit me.

I was home.


	3. BANQUET

**CHAPTER 3 - BANQUET**

Katniss and I are surrounded by our families. Me with my dad, mom, and brothers...Katniss with her mom, sister - and Gale. Gale! Her "cousin!" I glance over just as she is enveloping him in a huge hug. He catches me staring and I see his eyes narrow slightly again and then I see his lips curl in what seems to me to be a triumphant smile. I quickly look back to my family and now notice that Effie and Haymitch are pressing forward, along with the Mayor and his family.

Effie reaches out and gently takes us each by and arm. "Alright, you two...we aren't quite done yet! This is, after all, a big, big, big day!" I look at Katniss and see in her face the same confusion that I was feeling. What was Effie talking about? We're done! I am about to say something when Haymitch steps forward, along with the Mayor and someone that I recognize as a member of the Capitol Liaison group for District Twelve.

"Guys, this is -" Haymitch begins, but the Capitol Liaison steps forward, hand outstretched.

"Hadrian Clark...Capitol Liaison Office for District Twelve! A genuine pleasure to meet you both at last!" He shakes my hand firmly, then quickly does the same with Katniss. I search his face, but his smile seems sincere, at least.

"My job is to make your transition to your new life as Victors as seamless as possible," he continues, "And, to that end, we have VIP quarters set up for you both in the Justice Building. Please accept my apologies for not having your new homes immediately -"

"What?! What do you mean, our 'VIP quarters?'" Katniss cuts off Mr. Clark and looks him in the eye as she continues, "We are all exhausted...Peeta, myself, Haymitch, and Effie! We just want to go home! No one said anything about 'VIP quarters!'"

"Katniss, dear...I am so sorry!" Effie steps between Clark and Katniss as I struggle to digest what is going on. "It's my fault...I should have researched this more closely! It's just that, well...you know...I have never had to escort a Victor before, and -"

"And, as Victors, you won't be returning to your old homes," Haymitch finishes for Effie. "You two will be my new neighbors in Victor's Village...but, as I remember, there's some paperwork involved before the homes are turned over to you, plus there's the Victor's banquet tonight -"

"Banquet? Tonight?" Katniss is just barely keeping her temper under control. Before she can say any more, though, Haymitch cuts her off.

"Yes, sweetheart...tonight. In your honor," at this he smirks...just a bit...before continuing, "Not anything huge, you understand..."

Clark uses this as his cue to step back in. "Miss Everdeen...Mr. Mellark. I do apologize on behalf of the Capitol. I made a mistake in assuming that all this would have been explained to you prior to your leaving the Capitol. But, this is tradition for returning Victors, after all, although I do understand -"

I step in, "Mr. Clark, no apologies necessary. We understand. What happens now?"

Clark gives me a grateful look as he quickly explains the schedule. Cars are waiting for us outside the station. We will go by car to the Justice Building and shown our "VIP" rooms. Our families could accompany us, but not stay the night. We would be given the chance to relax a bit and clean up from the trip before attending the Victors Banquet at the Mayors residence. Appropriate clothing was already in our rooms for us for the banquet. Our families would go home to change and prepare for the banquet as well.

The guest list would be Katniss, myself, and our immediate families, along with Haymitch, Effie, the Mayor and his family, Head Peacekeeper Cray, and Clark. Once the banquet was over (and Clark promised a short evening) we would spend the night in our VIP rooms, and first thing tomorrow we would sign the documents for our new homes. We would also be shown how to access our Victor's accounts at the bank.

Clark would then escort us to Victor's Village, where our new homes would be ready for us to move in. Of course, camera crews would be standing by to record our every reaction that Katniss and I would have towards our new, beautiful homes.

"Okay, then, are we ready to go?" Clark, along with some help from the assembled peacekeepers, moves us and our families through the station to the waiting cars. I want to ride with Katniss, but the cars have all been assigned and instead I find myself sharing a car with my family.

Once the doors shut it's amazingly quiet inside. I feel the car start to move and finally my dad breaks the silence.

"Well, son...a lot to take in all at once," he comments. He's smiling and I return his grin. But before I can say anything my mother says, "I still can't believe that you went on television and in front of all of Panem declare that you are in love with that skinny little Seam girl!"

I look at my mother in amazement. "I don't believe you just said that!" I snap, and take a deep breath before continuing, "That 'skinny little Seam girl' saved my life more than once! And yes, mother, I do love her...not that it was ever a big secret how I felt about her anyway!"

Before my mother can reply, dad says, "Alright, let's just drop this for now, shall we? Our son just literally came back from the dead and all you can do is criticize his choice of girls?" At about this time we feel the car slow, then stop in front of the Justice Building. I glance at my parents, still fuming, and my brothers, who are sitting in awkward silence. Without waiting, I open the car door and step outside. I stand on the sidewalk waiting for the rest of my family and glance over to the car carrying Katniss and her family. I see Katniss step out with her mom and sister, and I can see that she looks upset. Oh great, I think, we are both out of sorts. Not the homecoming I had visualized!

Katniss catches my eye and must have seen the look on my face as she gives me a questioning look. I just shake my head quickly as my family joins me on the sidewalk.

Clark walks up to us, "Well, let's get inside and get you two settled." We all follow Clark into the Justice Building and into the elevator. I notice that the Mayor and his family are no longer with us.

"Mayor Undersee and his wife and daughter have gone home to make the final preparations for the banquet tonight," Clark explains. The elevator deposits us on the 3rd floor and we are escorted down a short hallway to our rooms.

"Miss Everdeen, the door on your left at the end of the hallway is your room. Miss Trinket, you have the room directly across from Miss Everdeen. Mr. Mellark, your room is next door to Miss Everdeen." Clark hands us all keys and turns to leave, saying, "I'll see you at dinner tonight...Mayor's residence, 5 PM." I then notice Haymitch walking back to the elevator as well.

"Haymitch?" Katniss asks.

"Sweetheart, I already have a home in the Village. You go relax, I'll see you both tonight." And with that, the doors close and we are alone with our families...and Effie.

"Well, you two...go relax and get cleaned up. I will come get you both at 4:30 sharp!" With that, Effie disappears into her room and shuts the door.

An awkward silence hangs over our two families as we stand in the hall. I glance at my mother, and she of course is glaring at Katniss and her family. Dad is looking over at them also, with a soft expression on his face. Finally, I step to my door.

"Well, let's see what's so special about these rooms," I say as I fumble with the key.

"Son," I hear my dad say, "Um...we are going to go home and let you get a little rest before tonight. So, we'll see you at 5." He gives me a quick hug and turns to go. Mom is already halfway to the elevator. My brothers hesitate, then they both step forward and quickly hug me before joining our parents.

I watch them go, and then Katniss says, "I'll...see you at 4:30, Peeta."

I search her face for...what, I don't know. What I'm looking for doesn't seem to be there...or is it?

"Okay, Katniss," I turn to unlock my door when I feel a hand on my shoulder. I turn and see Katniss standing so close, her gray eyes wide and moist. Without a word she hugs me tightly and kisses my cheek, then turns and without another word walks into her room. Primrose and Mrs. Everdeen stand there for a second, then Mrs. Everdeen steps forward.

"Peeta...thank you for bringing her home to us," she says simply before quickly hugging me. The gesture surprises me and she turns and joins Katniss in her room before I can say anything. Primrose then steps forward.

"Welcome home, Peeta," she says in a quiet voice, then hugs me and joins Katniss and her mom as well.

I find myself standing in the hall, clutching my room key, totally confused by everything. Why did her mom thank me? I certainly didn't do anything to save her...in fact I know I slowed her down. I try to sort out these thoughts as I finally open my door.

The "VIP" room was indeed beautiful...but old as well. I could see it was quite comfortable but paled by comparison to my ultra modern room in the Training Center. Still, it was just one night...and the bed looked comfortable enough.

I check the clock. Not quite noon...it feels so much later. I realize how hungry I am and gratified to see that the room is also stocked with a variety of light snacks. I find some cheese, crackers, and fresh fruit and settle on the bed to eat. I turn on the television and watch a recap of our homecoming. I realize from watching that Katniss and I didn't do a very good job of keeping up the star crossed lovers charade, and hope that others would simply chalk it up to exhaustion. I notice hanging in the closet is a dark suit that I am obviously supposed to wear tonight. I examine it closer and see the same black fabric with muted flames style that Portia had me in for most of my public exhibitions. I notice other, casual clothes that I am sure are for tomorrow.

I return to the bed and set the clock alarm for 3:30. I desperately need a short nap. I doze off to sleep while wondering what Katniss was doing next door. Before I know it, the soft chiming of the alarm wakes me. I stumble into the bathroom, brush my teeth, and run my hand over my still smooth face. Not that I had much of a beard before, but whatever my prep team put on my face to inhibit beard growth is still working. The shower finishes waking me up and I feel much more refreshed as I get dressed. Promptly at 4:30 Effie is knocking on my door. I open the door to find Effie already knocking on the door of the room next door. Effie turns back to me and smiles as Katniss opens the door.

"Come, come, you two. Let me look at you! Oh, Katniss...so lovely!" Effie gushes over us both as I appraise Katniss. Once again, her simple dress is a flame style, and I see her Mockingjay pin near her right shoulder. Her hair is loosely flowing around her shoulders and I notice that Cinna had thoughtfully given her comfortable shoes to wear...no heels. I then realize that it's just the three of us standing in the hallway.

"Your family?" I ask. "Oh, they left a while ago to go get ready," she answers.

"Alright, you two, come along now...we mustn't be late!" Effie steers us towards the elevator. As we stand waiting for the elevator I offer Katniss my arm. She glances down briefly before slipping her arm in mine and giving me a small smile.

Arm in arm we descend to the ground floor and walk the short distance to the Mayor's house. We arrive shortly before 5 PM and are greeted warmly by the Mayor and his family. They each in turn welcome us both to their home, and Madge, the Mayor's daughter, hugs us both warmly. I remember then that Madge was one of the few girls that Katniss was friendly with, and Madge had been a long time friend of mine as well.

Our families and the rest of the guests arrive shortly thereafter...Mr. Clark, Head Peacekeeper Cray, and Haymitch. Although there is a strong odor of alcohol about him, Haymitch is surprisingly in control of himself. He trades small talk with the Mayor and Mrs. Undersee, and although he and the Mayor seem to get along very well, Mrs. Undersee looks very uncomfortable for some reason.

My father quickly joins in the banter with Haymitch and the Mayor. My mother at least appeared to be on her best behavior and my brothers were spending a lot of time with Madge. Katniss and her family were keeping off to one side.

I edge over to Katniss, and say in a low voice, "You almost look like you would rather be back in the arena." Katniss smiles and laughs a bit, and replies, "I will be so glad when this evening is over." Just then Madge joins us, with my brothers following her like lost puppies.

"You still have it," Madge says to Katniss and gestures to the pin.

"Oh yes, Madge. Thank you so much. Here, it's yours," Katniss moves to take it off but Madge stops her.

"Katniss - no. It's yours now. You earned it," Madge says. I then notice that Haymitch, of all people, is watching the exchange intently.

"Well...thank you, Madge," is all Katniss can say.

"Madge, look at our fathers and Haymitch," I say, "They all look like long lost friends!"

Madge laughed and said, "Peeta, you didn't know? Our fathers and Haymitch all grew up together! They were all in the same grades in school and everything!"

I was, quite frankly, shocked. Dad had never mentioned even knowing Haymitch, let alone Mayor Undersee...or, for that matter, anyone. It really made me wonder exactly what happened. I mean, you don't just stop being friends with someone without a reason...

"Madge, I guess that applies to our moms as well," Katniss said. She nodded her head over to where Mrs. Everdeen and Mrs. Undersee were talking and laughing quietly.

"Oh yes," replied Madge, "They all go way back!" The three of us stood in the parlor, smiling at our parents...and Mentor...laughing and talking with each other. Only my mother was hanging back. Even Cray and Clark were talking quietly together. I had also noticed that Primrose never strayed very far from her sister. Effie, of course, was flitting about, making sure that everything was on schedule.

Finally, we were called to dinner. Thankfully, Mr. Clark kept the official part of the banquet as brief as possible. Dinner was delicious, although not nearly as extravagant as what Katniss and I had seen in the Capitol. Of course, Katniss and I were seated together, and I couldn't help but notice her discomfort. Although there was nothing obvious, I had learned to read her subtle body language over the last few weeks. I am sure from the looks that they gave her that her mom and sister noticed as well. It only served to remind me of what she had revealed to me the day before.

She didn't love me. It was all for the Games. Even now she was simply keeping up appearances. I felt my appetite quickly disappear as my despair began to grow again inside me. I just wish this evening would end!

Finally, Clark stood up. "Ladies and gentlemen, it was my honor and privilege to host District Twelve's newest Victors tonight. Having lived here in the District for so long, many of my peers have accused me more than once of 'going district.'" He pauses while we all laugh politely. "But seriously, I have come to look at District Twelve as my second home and am always grateful for the hospitality shown me here. I know we all have a busy day tomorrow, so thank you again, Mayor and Mrs. Undersee, and goodnight to you all."

With that, Mr. Clark shook my hand, very gallantly kissed Katniss's hand, and left with Cray. We all then spent a few minutes saying our goodbyes and moving out the door. My dad hugged me, told me goodnight, and walked back home with the rest of my family. I once again thanked the Mayor for his hospitality and saw off to one side Katniss saying goodnight to her mother and sister. They walked slowly back the Seam as Katniss and I stood with Haymitch and Effie.

"Well, you two, can I trust you to find your way back to the Justice Building alone? I have a few things to discuss with Haymitch before I head back."

"Of course, Effie. We're fine. Coming, Katniss?" I say goodnight to Haymitch and extend my arm to Katniss. She hesitates only briefly before taking my arm. Slowly we walk the short distance back to the Justice Building.

We walk in silence for a couple of minutes, then Katniss says in a quiet voice, "Peeta, I'm so sorry."

I take a deep breath before answering, "Sorry for what, Katniss? You did what needed to be done. We are both alive thanks to you."

Katniss tightened her grip on my arm. "It still doesn't make it right. I should have figured out some way to let you know. I really feel terrible."

I'm quiet for a moment, and then, "Can I ask you something?"

"Yes," she replies.

"Today, when you got out of the car at the Justice Building, you looked upset." I glance over at her but she is resolutely looking straight ahead.

"I was," she answered simply.

I look at her waiting for more. Finally, she says, "Mom and Prim were asking all about you...when I realized that I...cared for you. How - how I felt...when you told Caesar how you felt about me. How much I...loved you." Her breath catches in her throat as she talks. I reach over and cover her hand clutching my arm with my free hand.

"And?" I ask...dreading to hear her answer.

Katniss suddenly stopped and turned to face me. Once again I see tears welling up in her eyes. "And I...I...started to cry," as tears roll down her beautiful face as she talks, "And I told them...that I didn't know, I wasn't sure, that I am very confused..."

"Katniss -" I begin, but she puts her fingers to my lips.

"Peeta, no. What I did was so terribly wrong. I used your feelings. Haymitch was right. He said no decent person ever wins the Games. I just hope that you don't end up hating me for what I have done to you. You deserve so much better!" By now she is openly crying and clutching on to me tightly.

"I will never, ever, hate you," I whisper to her. She looks up at me with her tear stained face. "And what about you, Peeta? Why were you upset?"

"I was fighting with my mother," I reply, "She was saying terrible things about you. I was angry."

She searches my face with her eyes for a moment, then we turn and continue to walk back to the Justice Building. We walk in silence until we reach the building. Silently we walk into the lobby and call the elevator. We step into the elevator and it begins to slowly rise.

"I meant what I said yesterday," she suddenly says.

I turn to her. "Meant? About what?" I ask.

"When you asked me if it was all for the games...and I said not all of it," she replied quietly.

"Do you know which part?" I ask gently.

She dropped her gaze and shook her head. "No...not yet I don't. But I will, Peeta. I promise. I owe that to you."

The elevator stops and opens on our floor. We step out. "Katniss -" I begin.

"Goodnight, Peeta," she says, and turns toward her room...then stops, turns back to me, wraps her arms tightly around my neck, and pulls my face down to hers. I am so surprised that I don't kiss her back immediately. Her kiss isn't hungry or searching...but gentle, soft...and loving.

She breaks off the kiss and looks in my eyes. "I had to do that. For me. For us. With no cameras around."

She suddenly turns and opens her door. "Goodnight, Peeta." The door closes behind her as I continue to stand in the hallway.


	4. THE VILLAGE

**CHAPTER 4 - THE VILLAGE**

_I lay next to the river, my head reeling with fever. The heat radiating from my body is tempered somewhat by the cool mud I have covered myself with in an attempt to blend in to the river bank. Dimly, I can hear the soft gurgling of the water as it flows smoothly past my supine body. The pain in my leg has subsided to a dull ache that's almost bearable...at least until I try to move. Then the white hot agony returns with a vengeance._

_I haven't moved for many hours. I don't know how long I have laid here. I know that it's just a matter of time before I die, but I find myself smiling. I did it, I thought. I gave Katniss a chance to win. She has the bow now and with that she is more than an equal to any Career out there. I just hope she realizes that my joining with the Career pack was a ruse...a trick to keep them away from her long enough for her to put together some kind of plan, and to arm herself. I smile to myself again and think, it worked. I gave them just enough to keep trusting me, but not enough to put her in danger._

_Another stab of pain lances through my arm and neck. Arm and neck? Oh yeah, where I took a couple of tracker jacker stings. I'm just thankful that I wasn't really asleep when Katniss dropped that nest on us. I shiver slightly as I think of what would have happened if I had been sleeping. I would have ended up like Glimmer, or...what was her name again? The District Four girl? No matter, they were closest to the nest when it exploded after hitting the ground. Neither one really had a chance. I guess I was lucky that I only took a few stings as the rest of us took off blindly towards the lake. Still, just a few stings was enough to give me some pretty vivid hallucinations, not to mention totally messing up my perception of reality. It took everything I had to stumble back to the tree to find Katniss struggling to relieve Glimmer of the bow and arrows that were still clutched in her lifeless hands. Did Katniss realize it was me that came back to warn her?_

_I look up at the night sky and wonder what she's doing...if she's safe. I only wish I knew for sure that she knows I didn't betray her...that I am doing exactly what I had set out to do from the very beginning. There can be only one Victor, and I fervently hope that it's her. She is tough, and smart, and deserves to live. Besides, her sister and mother need her. No one needs me. How will I ever know if she realized that I truly did sacrifice myself for her? I haven't seen anyone else for days, except maybe the little District Eleven girl, Rue, hiding in the tree line...and even then I'm not sure if that was real or a hallucination. Maybe, I think, maybe if I see Rue again I can get her to come talk to me so I can give her a message for Katniss, to let Katniss know that I truly -_

_I jerk a little at the sound of the Anthem of Panem being played and know that the faces of today's fallen will soon be projected up to the sky. I turn my head slightly to see who among Katniss' s competition is no longer alive. There's the projection, and it's...no, that can't be right...I blink my eyes to clear them as the anthem continues to play, and stare at the projection of...Today's Fallen. There's no doubt...her Training Center picture is projected, her signature braid tumbling over one shoulder, staring defiantly back at the camera...the words District Twelve emblazoned directly beneath the picture..._

_My heart thuds in my chest as hot tears spill from my eyes...my hands clutching my face as I shake my head...I fight for breath, my pain forgotten and replaced by an even greater pain as I open my mouth and scream my first word in days: "NOOOOOO!" -_

My eyes snap open, straining to see in the darkness. I am soaked in a cold, clammy sweat. Tears flow freely from my eyes as I look up frantically, trying to see the projection, wondering what happened to the anthem, my body frozen in fear, fighting to breathe -

A dream. No, a nightmare. A horrible, horrible nightmare. I sigh heavily as I feel my body relax, my hands unclenching, my heart slowing. I look around the darkened room and try to get my bearings. Am I home? Training Center? Train? No, I finally realize. District Twelve VIP quarters. I - WE - got home earlier today...no, yesterday, as I look at the clock. A little after 1 AM. A sudden burst of panic hits me...Katniss! Is Katniss okay? I reach over and flip on the bedside light. In the soft glow of the lamp I can see my room now. Katniss...is next door sound asleep. In a few hours we will get up, have breakfast, and go downstairs to sign the paperwork for our new homes in Victor's Village.

Katniss and I will soon be neighbors. Katniss...unconsciously my fingers trace over my lips where Katniss kissed me goodnight last night. No cameras, no Games...just her and I standing in the hall in front of our rooms. For us, she had said. How does she really feel about me? I get out of bed to use the bathroom and get some water for my dry mouth. My thoughts continue...she cares about me, I think she has come to like me, can I somehow make her love -

A scream! A scream from next door! Katniss! I throw open my door and step into the hallway as another scream from her room cuts through the night time silence. I hesitate...do I knock, pound on the door, try to kick it in, what? I see another door fling open from across the hall. Effie, standing there, robe clutched tightly around her, wig askew on her head, blinking her eyes as she frantically tries to clear the cobwebs of sleep from her brain. We both stare somewhat stupidly at each other as I suddenly realize I am standing there dressed only in shorts.

Before I can be embarrassed another scream cuts through our thoughts. I step to the door and try the handle. Locked. I figured but it was worth a try. I start to pound my fist on the door.

"Katniss! Katniss! KATNISS!" I yell through the door. The scream abruptly stops and I hear movement in the room. I am just about to pound on the door again when it suddenly opens.

"Peeta? What?" Katniss says, standing there in a t shirt and pajama pants. I can see the sleep creases in her face, her eyes red and teary, hair falling loose...her breath coming raggedly as I see her fighting for control.

"Are you alright?' I ask, even as Katniss becomes aware of Effie standing behind me.

"Oh...yeah...I'm okay. I'm so sorry, I guess I was having a bad dream," Katniss stammered. She dropped her gaze to the floor and I could see a red flush creeping over her face.

"Dear, you were screaming!" Effie exclaimed. "Peeta and I both thought something was seriously wrong!"

"Well, it's not. I'm fine," Katniss snaps. She looks back up at first me, then Effie. The blush is gone. She now looks irritated...even angry.

"Katniss, are you sure?" I ask.

"It's a nightmare. I have them all the time. No big deal, I'm almost used to them," she replied, "Really, I'm fine. Peeta, Effie, it's really okay. I am sorry for waking you."

"Katniss, if you have trouble sleeping, I know a doctor...he can prescribe something for you to help you get a good nights rest," Effie says.

"Thanks, Effie. I'll let you know if I need something to help," Katniss replies, and smiles at Effie.

"Well...goodnight, then, dear. Remember, tomorrow is another big, big, big day!" Effie says goodnight to me and goes back to her room. When her door closes I turn back to Katniss.

"Peeta, I'm sorry for waking you -" Katniss begins, but I cut her off, "I was already awake, Katniss."

"Why?" She asks.

"Um...had to use the bathroom," I stammer out. Well, that was partially true, but why didn't I tell her that I had a nightmare of my own?

"Oh...well, thanks for checking on me," Katniss gives me a small smile, then looks down and I see her smile disappear. "Oh-"

"What's wrong?" I ask. She looks back up at me, face flushing again.

"I've never seen all of your...new leg...before," she stammers.

I smile. "Yeah, it's a real miracle of Capitol...or should I say, District 3...engineering. The doctors tried to explain it to me...see the cap? On the end what's left of my leg?" Katniss nods. "The cap is connected to all my nerve endings through micro surgery. And here -" I point to where the robot leg meets the cap "- is where my body interfaces with the artificial leg. There are micro processors - mini computers - in both the cap and the leg that picks up signals from my nerves and tells the leg what to do. I don't have to think, I just treat it like a real leg and it does everything my old leg could do. Except feel pain," I add.

Katniss looks back up at me. "I did that. It's my fault. If I -", she begins. I cut her off.

"No! Katniss, remember the chunk the mutt took out of me? You did what you had to do to keep me from bleeding to death! You saved my life...more than once!"

I grip her shoulders as I talk to her. I will never understand Katniss Everdeen! She saves my life...twice, no, three times...in the arena and beats herself up because I lost a leg!

Katniss gives me a small, sad smile. "Maybe I did save your life more than once...but I keep hurting you in doing so," she replies. "Goodnight again, Peeta," she says, then pulls away and shuts her door.

I stand there alone for a moment...my head reeling with confusion. I finally shake my head and go back to my room, to bed, and hopefully to a dreamless sleep.

I jerk awake at a sharp knocking at my door. "Up, up, up, sleepy head!" I hear Effie's voice, way too chipper, outside my door, "Breakfast downstairs in 30 minutes!" She doesn't wait for a reply then I hear her knocking on another door, giving Katniss the same message.

I groan and force myself to sit up. Today's the day we get our new homes! I should feel excitement but for now all I really feel is tired. I just want all this to be over so I can get a little peace and quiet. No cameras around, no interviews, no Capitol people buzzing around.

I stumble into the bathroom and quickly brush my teeth, then examine my face in the mirror. Hmmmm, still no beard. I take a quick shower, which does worlds of good in helping me wake up, then get dressed in the other set of clothes that was so thoughtfully placed in my room.

I exit the room for the last time, and briefly consider knocking on Katniss's door, when I hear the sound of her shower running. Nope, she's definitely not ready. I head downstairs for breakfast.

As I enter the small Justice Building restaurant I see Hadrian Clark sitting with Effie. Off to one side I see the usual Capitol style buffet set up. Clark and Effie both wave as I make my way to the buffet to fill my plate before joining them.

"Good morning, Mr. Mellark! Sleep well?" Clark asks.

"Quite well, thank you, Mr. Clark," I answer. I see Effie about to say something but I catch her eye and shake my head slightly.

"Please, sit down. I was just filling in Miss Trinket on how today is going to go." I sit and begin to eat as Clark continues, "I think we will wait for Miss Everdeen to join us so I can explain everything all at once."

I nod and continue eating. I find to my delight that there is hot chocolate and resolve to make sure that I have plenty on hand in my new home after I move in. For the next few minutes there is only small talk as we wait for Katniss.

"Ahh, there she is...the Girl on Fire!" Clark stands up as Katniss approaches the table. I see her eyes narrow just a bit at the Girl on Fire reference, but thankfully she says nothing.

Katniss moves to get her plate and Clark sits back down. Once Katniss joins us Clark begins to fill us in on what will be happening.

"After breakfast, your families will be joining us here. We will all proceed to room 208, where our clerks have prepared the usage documents for your new homes. The signing only takes a few minutes, and we will briefly run over some of the rules for your new homes -"

"Rules?" I look over at Katniss, who has stopped eating and was looking at Clark, "What kind of rules? Why do we need rules?"

"Well, Miss Everdeen, you have to remember that the homes are, in fact, Capitol property, that are very generously loaned to Hunger Games Victors for them to live in for the remainder of their lives. They won't actually belong to you, and as such, there are rules for occupancy that will be explained to you in greater detail later," Clark explains. He looks irritated at the interruption, then continues.

"As I was saying, we will explain some of the rules, and of course there will be a photographer - still only, no television - to take photographs to document this occasion. Now, will any members of your immediate families be living with you? As Victors, that is one of the privileges, you know," Clark finishes then looks at both Katniss and I.

"Of course my sister and mother will be living with me!" Katniss snaps. I look at her sharply. Why is she getting so irritated by all this? For a Capitol citizen, Hadrian Clark is not a bad sort at all...I even think he's on our side. I look back at Clark but he doesn't seem to be offended at Katniss in the least.

"Well, I figured as much, but we still need to ask, Miss Everdeen. Thank you. Now, how about you, Mr. Mellark?"

I hesitate. We had not discussed this at all yesterday. "Um...well...I'm not sure at this time," I answer, "When do you need to know by?"

"Well, of course your families have been invited to attend the signing, so you can check with them then and let us know at that time. Also, any and all members of your immediate family can move in with you at any time if they don't do so from the outset. You simply need to inform me of any changes of residence at the time they occur," Clark answered.

I nod and glance over at Katniss. I catch her eye and she just gives me an almost imperceptible shrug and arches her eyebrows. At that point, we hear voices outside the restaurant...familiar voices...my dad!

I turn in my chair. "Dad!" I call out. I see him hesitate at the door as I gesture him in. He enters the restaurant, trailed closely by Mrs. Everdeen and Primrose. Katniss and I both rise to greet and hug our loved ones.

I look around, and give my father a questioning look. "Dad? Just you?" I ask.

"Well, um, Peeta...your mother thought it best to stay and run the bakery this morning and it was unusually busy this morning, so she said that she and your brothers would come out and check out your house later on," he answered, almost apologetically.

I shrugged, knowing the truth. My mother was about as necessary to running the business as our pigs...she just didn't want to come out this morning. And of course my brothers were so afraid of her that they stayed rather than risk her wrath.

"I'm glad you're here, dad," I say. "Mr. Clark was just asking me if you all will be coming out to Victor's Village to share my home with me. I mean, there is more than enough room for us all..."

My father looked away for a moment, then looked back at me. "Well, son, thank you for the offer...but your mother and I already discussed it...and what with you living in the Village now, and us living right by the bakery, it would make much more sense for us to stay where we -"

"Dad!" I interrupt sharply, "You know that now money is of absolutely no concern anymore. I make enough as a Victor to support all of us at least 10 times over!"

At this, dad drapes an arm around my shoulders and gently leads me away from the small crowd at the table, which by now was paying close attention to our conversation.

"Son, keep your voice down - and, no, don't interrupt until I'm done," he says, seeing that I was ready to keep up the argument, "Believe it or not, this is one time that I agree with your mother. The bakery has been in our family for generations...going back to well before the Dark Days. I'm a baker, like my father, and grandfather, and great-grandfather, plus many more before them. Peeta, it's what I do...it's in my blood. And I know it's in your blood also. You will be baking before long yourself, mark my words. Maybe someday, when we are too old to work any more, your mother and I will take you up on your generous offer...but for now, the bakery is where we belong."

I stare at my father for a moment, my thoughts whirling around in my head. Who said Victors have it made for life? So far, coming home has been one disaster after another. It's almost as though everyone here wrote me off as dead the moment Effie read my name at the Reaping, and now doesn't quite know what to do with me now that I'm somehow still alive.

But, I do my best to swallow my disappointment, and say, "Okay, I understand. But I want you to visit...a lot!"

Dad grins at me. "You couldn't keep me away, Peeta!"

"Everyone, it's time to move upstairs for the signing," Hadrian Clark announces. We all move from the restaurant to the elevator. The Everdeens pass me as we walk across the lobby and I see Mrs. Everdeen and Katniss both give me quick, sympathetic looks. I walk next to Hadrian Clark and quietly inform him that my family will not be moving in with me. He listens, nods once, and, as we reach the office, clasps his hand on my shoulder and gives a firm squeeze. I decide that I like this guy, Capitol citizen or not.

"We had to rearrange the office somewhat, as we weren't expecting two Victors," Hadrian Clark explains, "But our staff has everything ready."

There are two small tables arranged so that whoever is sitting at them will be facing each other. Documents are neatly arranged on each table along with several pens. I see a single photographer standing by and a clerk standing by each table.

"Miss Everdeen, please take the table to your left. Mr. Mellark, the table to your right. Both of you please be seated. Our staff here will indicate where you are to sign and what it is you are signing. You will, of course, be provided with copies when you are done signing," Clark explains.

Katniss and I settle down at our respective tables and begin to sign. The photographer moves around the room silently taking pictures. Hadrian Clark begins to explain the rules to us: the homes are in our names only, if we have family living with us and we die, the family must move out and re-occupy their old home immediately. Any desired changes in architecture or color must be approved in advance by the Capitol Liaison Office first. We are encouraged to have guests, but any overnight guests must first be registered with the Peacekeepers Office. Our guests and residents are expected to follow all applicable laws regarding curfew. Any problems or issues with the homes, including plumbing, roofing, windows, electrical, telephone/digital communications, and all other issues related to the structure of the home are to be reported to the Capitol Liaison Office for appropriate action and contracting of repair work. Under no circumstances were we to contract directly with local labor for any work to our homes.

Katniss finally looks up at Clark. "What about pets?" She asks.

"Pets are perfectly acceptable, but remember, you are responsible for any damage they cause," Clark replies.

I look at Katniss in confusion. Pets? The only animals I have ever seen her with were ones she hunted and killed. She really didn't strike me as a pet person. Only when I saw her sister smile and hug her did it dawn on me. It wasn't for her...but for Primrose! Her sister must have some sort of pet!

"Can we at least rearrange furniture?" Katniss asks rather snidely. I stifle a laugh and give extra concentration to the papers I'm signing when she asks that.

If he caught the sarcasm in her voice Hadrian Clark gave no indication. "Of course you can, but remember, all existing furnishings are Capitol property as well," he answers with a smile. "If you have any furnishings in your existing homes that you wish to bring with you, please feel free to do so," he adds.

I feel somewhat bad for Clark...he has been quite decent and helpful and Katniss seems to be going out of her way to push his buttons. To his credit he has not yet taken her bait. We finish signing and then with a little ceremony and a flourish he presents us with keys to our homes.

"Now, I know you are both eager to see your new homes, but before we head to Victor's Village, we need to stop in to the Capitol Bank on the first floor and make sure that your Victor's accounts have been activated." With that, we head downstairs to the bank. Clark introduces us to the manager and teller staff and presents each of us with an access card.

"Just insert the cards here, in this slot," he explains, "Miss Everdeen, you first." Katniss steps forward and slides her card into the slot. "Now enter a unique access number between 6 and 8 digits." Katniss thinks for a moment then quickly enters a number. "Now, just a moment - there! Your account is activated! Your balance is displayed here, and you can request to withdraw cash here...see?"

Katniss gasps as she stares at the screen. "There must be a mistake," she says, "That's a LOT of money!" Clark steps forward and examines the screen.

"No, that's exactly what your monthly Victor's stipend should be," he explains. Katniss just shakes her head. "Would you like to withdraw some now?" He asks. Katniss just nods and Hadrian Clark shows her how to withdraw some cash. There is a loud "clunk clunk clunk" sound as coins drop into the dispenser. Clark gestures to the coin dispenser and Katniss scoops the money out. "Deposits will be made to your accounts once a month, this time every month." Clark the shows me how to access my account and when the balance flashes up on the screen I can see what Katniss was so surprised about. That IS a lot of money. I withdraw some cash and then we all head out in the direction of Victor's Village...and our new homes.

As we walk towards the Village Clark keeps up a running banter on our new homes. Electricity 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. All Victor's Villages throughout Panem are on a special Capitol grid that provides power constantly. Hot and cold running water. Every possible convenience. Private telephones...the only private phones in District Twelve other than the phone in the Mayors Residence. I glance over at Katniss and her family as we walk to Victor's Village. Even Katniss seems to be getting excited the more Hadrian Clark talks about the homes we are about to occupy.

Quickly, we arrive at the entrance to the Village. Twelve grand homes, all identical. In case anyone was lost or wondering why all these beautiful homes were placed in the general squalor that is District Twelve, an arched sign reading "Victor's Village" stands at the entrance. It's the first time I have ever been here, and I know the same holds true for Katniss. Hadrian Clark points out one of the homes as the one occupied by Kathleen O'Sullivan, District Twelve's first Victor from one of the earliest Hunger Games. Kathleen lived in the Village for well over 40 years and died a few years before Haymitch won the 50th Games and 2nd Quarter Quell. The official cause was an accidental death but there had always been hushed talk that she had committed suicide.

Finally we come to our assigned homes. I see that Katniss has been placed next door to Haymitch and I am directly across from Katniss. I nod and wave at Katniss and her family as they, along with Hadrian Clark, head towards her new house while myself, my father, and Effie turn and head towards my home. As we approach the front door I notice activity going on through the windows of the home and remember that Hadrian Clark has mentioned that domestics were going to be on hand for last minute cleaning. Each home, of course, had both motion and still camera crews ready to record our every reaction.

I stop at the door. "This is it," I say nervously as I insert my key into the lock. Effie and dad both give me reassuring smiles as I turn the key, grasp the door handle, and enter my new home for the very first time.

I stop as soon as I enter. This place is HUGE! Bigger even then the Mayor's residence. A pleasant faced woman is standing in the foyer and smiles as we enter.

"Mr. Mellark...and Mr. Mellark. Welcome, and congratulations! I'm Amica Romaine...Mr. Clark's assistant. I'm here to show you how everything works and answer any questions that you may have," she explains.

I take a moment to examine her. Although she, like Hadrian Clark, is a Capitol Citizen, she definitely has a very muted appearance. Come to think of it, they both don't seem to affect anything outwardly unusual. No elaborate cosmetic surgery, no facial tattooing...nothing other than some obviously artificial hair coloring and a few small facial and ear piercings. Next to Effie they both look positively conservative! I remember Clark's comment about "going district" and wonder if Amica Romaine has been similarly affected by living here in Twelve.

She smiles and extends her hand. Her grip is firm, but feminine at the same time. "Thank you," I say as I return her smile, "There's been a lot to take in over the last day or so."

"I can well imagine," she replies with a laugh as she shakes my fathers hand and introduces herself to him, "And Miss Trinket...a pleasure to see you again!"

Effie offers her a somewhat strained smile and replies, "And you as well, Miss Romaine."

"Yes...well! I am sure you would like a tour of your new home, Mr. Mellark!" With that, Amica Romaine begins our tour. "I'm sure Mr. Clark already explained that the home comes completely furnished?" She asks. I nod, still numbed by the size and opulence of my new house.

From the foyer, we are ushered through the living room and Amica demonstrates the use of the holo-projection television and music center. As I have never been much of a TV watcher (except of course for the programming deemed mandatory by the Capitol...something that apparently I am not exempt from now even as a Victor), I am more impressed by the size of the fireplace. From the huge living room we tour through the dining room and from there into the kitchen. I eagerly examine the ovens and stove, already calculating how many loaves of bread I can bake simultaneously. A refrigerator and freezer (something only the bakery had...even our old home didn't have one), fully stocked pantry, dishwasher, and every appliance imaginable.

Next to the pantry was a smaller room with two square metallic boxes that, Amica explained, were a clothes washing machine and dryer. It must have been pretty obvious by the expression on my face that I was quickly getting overwhelmed, so she quickly explained that all appliances come with detailed instructions.

"Of course, if you are having any sort of difficulty even after reading the instructions, please contact the Capitol Liaison office and we will be more than happy to send out a technician to assist and demonstrate," she says with a smile.

I simply nod my thanks as we move to the next room...the study. A small room off of the living room, simply furnished with a desk and a few chairs. On one wall is a bookshelf stocked ceiling to floor with books. On the desk is a simple blotter, a telephone, a reading lamp and a flat screen with keyboard.

"The telephone is cordless so you can carry the handset with you throughout the house," Amica explains, "There is a phone directory in the desk for both local phone numbers and some numbers in the Capitol that you may need as well."

I stifle a laugh at this. Local numbers? Let's see...three Victors, the Mayor, Peacekeeper headquarters, and the Capitol Liaison office. Pretty short directory. Still, I guess it may come in useful.

"Now, your computer," she continues, "Is directly connected to the Capitol Web. You can use it to shop in Capitol stores for goods that you can't get locally. You simply insert your Capitol account card here -" she indicates a slot in the side of the monitor "- and the money for anything you purchase will be automatically deducted from your account. You can also use it to video conference with those that have the same capability."

She turned the computer on. The screen lit up and Amica shows a tutorial program that automatically starts. "The tutorial will walk you through how to use all of the features."

I nod. "I'm sure I'll need it," I say with a small sigh. Dad looks at me quizzically. "I'm ok...just a lot to take in," I say. He nods and smiles...somewhat sadly, I think to myself.

We continue the tour. A quick examination of a small downstairs bathroom, then upstairs.

"Four bedrooms," Amica explains, "The master bedroom and bath here -" she opens a door to a huge bedroom. I walk in and look around. Enormous bed, dresser, full length mirror, walk in closet. I open the closet and see a row of clothing hanging from the rod. Pants, shirts, jackets, complete suits, shoes...I turn around in confusion.

"Oh, all these are yours," Amica says with a smile, "Courtesy of the Capitol. You will find that the dresser is stocked as well. Of course, you are responsible for any replacements later on."

I nod dumbly. They thought of everything. I step to the window and open the drapery to see that I have a view...of Katniss's new home directly across from mine. I find myself staring, hoping for a glimpse of Katniss...there! I see her drapes open and see her standing at her window. She glances out casually then freezes as she catches sight of me staring like an idiot at her. She casts her eyes down and even from a distance I can see a blush spreading across her cheeks. Quickly she looks up again and I smile and give her a small wave as she does. I see Katniss hesitate for a moment then flash a brief, small smile and quick wave before I see her close her drapes again.

I become aware of Amica Romaine talking as I come back to earth " - course, from everything that I understand, your housing situation may change before much longer!"

I look at her in confusion. "I'm sorry...what?"

"I don't know about anyone else, but I was simply CAPTIVATED by your love story during the Games!" Amica exclaimed, "It was so...uplifting...to see the love that you two share for each other blossom as the Games went on!"

I pause for a moment before replying, "Well, thank you, Miss Romaine," I say. "Katniss and I certainly...appreciate the support that everyone has shown us." I smile, but think...well, NOT everyone, remembering Gales glare at the train station.

"Well, just remember, Mr. Mellark, that, according to law, even if two Victors marry each other you still retain control of both homes in Victor's Village for life. And, speaking for myself, I would love to see a Victor's wedding here in Twelve sooner than later!"

"Um, well...I think Katniss's mother may have a say in that!" I answer with a laugh, even as I could feel my heart sink. Marriage? I didn't know whether to laugh or cry. Katniss as much admitted to me that everything she did in the arena was for the Games, almost everything, anyway. "Not all of it" she had said. What part was real, I don't know...I don't even think SHE knows. And then, there was that kiss last night...no cameras, no Games, no one but us. "For us," she had said then. It was real...not passionate, not sexual in any way...but tender, and warm, and spontaneous. I find myself touching my mouth briefly at the memory.

"Mr. Mellark?" Amica's voice cuts through my thoughts. I blink and focus on her and my father looking at me.

"Sorry," I mumble.

"No worries," she replies, "We are almost done and I am sure you are tired and just want to enjoy your new home."

I nod as we are all ushered out of the master suite and we quickly tour through the three guest bedrooms, all furnished simply but elegantly. Two additional bathrooms upstairs complete the tour.

"There is a basement as well, with your water heater, furnace, and additional storage," Amica explains as we go downstairs, "Accessible through the door between the kitchen and pantry."

We pause in the foyer one last time as the domestic staff assembles to leave. I glance at them briefly...several uniformed young women that had been working to prepare my new home for me. I start to turn when I hear a voice.

"Peeta?"

I see the origin of the voice. One of the domestics...a small, somewhat mousy looking girl, short hair...

"Elizabeth?" I ask, "Elizabeth O'Sullivan?"

She smiles shyly at me. "Hi, Peeta."

Amica steps forward. "Elizabeth, you were informed that you were not to engage in any conversation with the Victors - " she begins.

"It's okay, Miss Romaine," I interrupt, "Elizabeth is an old friend."

"It's Beth, Peeta, remember?" Elizabeth says.

"Oh...right...sorry, Beth," I reply, then continue, "What are you doing here?"

"They were hiring temporary help to get your house...houses...ready for you. And, well, the money was good, and...here I am." Beth smiles warmly at me.

Beth O'Sullivan. Her Great Aunt (or Great-Great Aunt) Kathleen had lived out here in the Village as Twelve's first Victor. Beth's father, I remember, owned O'Sullivan's Pub, a popular miners bar. I had known her practically my whole life. But "friend" was kind of a stretch. Delly Cartwright was a friend. Madge Undersee was a friend. But, Beth was not someone I had ever spent a lot of time with...

Amica Romaine's voice interrupts my thoughts, "Well, I suppose it's alright if Mr. Mellark has no objections. Do try to follow the rules in the future, please, Elizabeth?"

"Yes, ma'am." Beth replies, and smiles again at me. She really does have a nice smile. Why hadn't I ever noticed it before?

"Mr. Mellark, unless you have any other questions, we will be going now," Amica Romaine turns to gather her staff. Across the street I see Hadrian Clark leaving Katniss's new home with his domestic staff as well. Katniss and her family stood at the door saying their goodbyes. I try to catch her eye but she steadfastly avoids making eye contact with me.

I follow Amica Romaine down to the center of the street, along with her staff. My dad and Effie trail close behind. We meet Hadrian Clark and his staff in the street.

"Once again, Mr. Mellark, congratulations!" He states as we shake hands. Amica Romaine echoes his sentiments as we shake hands as well.

"Thank you both," I say, "And my name is Peeta." I smile. I decide that I like them both.

"Peeta, then. Please call me Hadrian."

"And please, call me Amica."

"Hadrian...Amica...thank you both once again. I'm sure I will be seeing you again."

"Goodnight, Peeta," they both reply as they gather their domestic staffs to walk back to town. I see Beth turn once, give me a smile, and wave. I wave back and turn to Effie and my father. As I do I notice that Katniss and her family are already back in their new home.

"Well, Peeta dear, I have a late train to catch to return to the Capitol!" Effie exclaims. "Mr. Mellark, what a pleasure it has been to meet you! Your son is such a darling! Katniss is such a lucky girl to have landed him!"

"Thank you, Miss Trinket" Dad replies with a smile as he offers her his hand.

"Goodbye, Peeta...Mr. Mellark!" Effie hugs me and air kisses both cheeks. Dad chuckles as I roll my eyes at the humorous display of Capitol affection.

"Effie...before you go, I noticed a little...I don't know...tension between you and Amica?" I ask. Effie hesitates for a moment before answering.

"It's nothing, really, Peeta. Amica and I went through Escort training together years ago. There were two districts available when we completed training. Twelve...and Three. She...got Three. Then she resigned after only three games to pursue a career in District Administration! And Three was given to someone else!" As she spoke I could see Effie getting more and more upset, then suddenly she composed herself and said, "As I said, it's really nothing." Effie took a deep breath and smiled.

"I see," I reply, still not entirely convinced, but not willing to pursue it any further.

"Well...anyway...Peeta, please take a few days to get settled. I will be in touch with you after I return to the Capitol. I left some literature for both you and Katniss. I know you will read it but please be a dear and see that Katniss does as well? Sometimes I think that girl is contradictory just to irritate me!"

"Of course I will, Effie," I reply, "Have a safe trip!"

"Thank you, dear! Bye, now!" Effie walks off briskly and soon leaves the Village.

"Well, son, I think I should be going as well...I'm sure you are tired. I'll be back soon, I promise. I would like to talk more...about Katniss," he says.

I look at my father for a moment, startled. Does he suspect something's not right between Katniss and I? And if he can see it, who else can? I take a deep, shaky breath before responding. "Um...okay, dad. See you soon?"

Dad pulls me in for a brief, tight hug. "Goodnight, son." He turns and briskly walks out of the Village. I stand and watch him go until he's out of sight. I sigh heavily and turn back to my huge, lonely house.

I shut the door behind me and feel a wave of exhaustion wash over me. I finally notice that my leg is aching...throbbing insistently. I look at the mantle clock over the fireplace...just about 5 PM.

What a day! I collapse on the couch and sink wonderfully into the overstuffed cushions. I realize that I am really hungry...no lunch, nothing since breakfast, but I can't muster the energy to go to the kitchen to find something to eat. I kick off my shoes and socks, then take off my pants. I sit in my new living room in shorts and a t shirt and laugh slightly to myself. I can do whatever I like, I think. It's my house and there's no one to tell me to get dressed! Still chuckling, I reach down and my fingers find the recessed release switches on my new leg. I depress both switches and twist the robot limb slightly to the left. I hear the metallic click as the limb detaches and settle back on the couch, letting out a sigh of relief. I look at my leg and think, you are gonna take some more getting used to...

I wake up with a start to an insistent knock on my front door. I groggily focus on the mantle clock...a little after 7...but AM or PM? PM, I decide as I fumble with my leg. The early evening sun has set even lower but is still coming through the same windows as earlier. The knocking grows more insistent.

"Just a minute! Be right there!" I call out, irritated. Who could be coming over my first night in the Village?

I stomp to the door and fling it open, not remembering until that moment that I didn't bother to put my pants on.

"Well, welcome to the neighborhood! And next time someone is knocking, you might want to put some pants on before you answer the door," Haymitch chuckles.

"Haymitch? What? Why? -" I stammer.

"Kid, I know you are thrilled to see me...but we need to talk. Put on your pants and let's go for a walk."


	5. HAYMITCH

**CHAPTER 5 - HAYMITCH**

I stare at Haymitch stupidly for a second. "Haymitch...what? No...I'm beat. You want to talk, come in...I'm -"

"Boy, don't be stubborn. It's a beautiful evening...come on out, stretch your legs, and get some fresh air," Haymitch insists. But I stubbornly refuse to budge.

"No! I'm tired, my leg hurts, and I really don't feel like any 'fresh air.'" That was only partly true. I was more afraid of running into Katniss. As much as I want to see her...at the same time I'm afraid of what she might say if I do.

Haymitch steps forward until we are almost touching. I reel back as the fumes from whatever he had been drinking that day envelope me. I go to step back but he puts his hands on my shoulders to keep me there. "He's surprisingly strong" is the thought that goes through my head.

He leans his head forward so his mouth is almost touching my ear. "Peeta...please," he whispers, "There's a reason why I want to talk outside."

I look at him for a moment. Please? Since when does Haymitch Abernathy say "please" to anyone? I hesitate for a moment then say, "Okay. Give me a second to get dressed."

Haymitch steps back and nods. I quickly slip on the pants I wore earlier and slip my feet into my shoes. "Okay. All set."

I close the door behind me. We aren't going anywhere far so there's no need to lock the door.

We walk to the street in silence and then slowly make our way past the empty homes in the Village. Finally Haymitch breaks the silence. "The first thing that I have to tell you is that it's not safe to talk in any home here in the Village. Always assume that ANYTHING that the Capitol owns is bugged."

"Oh, come on," I begin, "You're trying to say that -"

"What I'm saying is that your home, my home and Katniss's home are all bugged. I know that for a fact. Don't look at my like I am crazy...someday I'll show you one of the bugs that I found."

'Wait...so if you have found one of these bugs and taken it out, then wouldn't you have gotten into trouble?" I ask.

"Then the Capitol would be admitting as much that they have bugged my house," he says, "No, they just find an excuse to send in a 'work crew' to do some 'repairs' and replace the bug."

I digest this for a moment. "Why do they care what we are saying?" I ask.

"Think about it for a minute, boy. You get reaped, pulled from your family, sent into an arena where twenty three...or in your case, twenty two...other kids are doing their level best to kill you, you somehow survive, but broken -" at this he gestures towards my robo-leg, "and expect you to have nothing but happy thoughts about them? No, they want to keep you and every other victor on a very short leash."

I stop walking and look at him as he stops too. "Then why aren't you telling Katniss all this too, Haymitch? After all, SHE has her family living with her. I'm not prone to talking to myself."

Haymitch looks irritated as he replies, "Figure it out, boy. If I tried to talk to you both right here, right now, neither of you would listen. You would be mooning over Katniss and the only thing she would be thinking about is getting away from you. Sorry, but that's the truth."

I say nothing. "So, am I to assume that I have your undivided attention?" I nod.

He turns to resume our leisurely stroll. "Good. I'll keep this short. I still need to talk to sweetheart over there -" he nods back towards Katniss's house "and I don't want it to get much later when I do."

"Okay. Number one you already know. That goes double for your phone and computer as well. Always assume that someone is listening." I nod.

"Two. I know that what you did in the arena was no act. I admit I was skeptical at first but dammit, boy, you really love that girl...why, I will never understand...anyway, how she really feels about you is subject to debate. Anyway, I -"

I stop him. "What do you mean, 'subject to debate?'" I ask, then continue, "She pretty much admitted it was all an act!"

Haymitch sighs heavily. "Once again, Abernathy, you said too much. Boy, what do you remember about when you were airlifted from the arena?"

"I heard Claudius announce us as winners...the hoverplane appeared seconds after that...ladders were lowered, of course I was frozen to the ladder as soon as I grabbed it, then...I think I woke up in the hospital," I pause for a moment before continuing, "I know I was pretty weak from blood loss and that my leg was pretty well shredded..."

"Peeta, you passed out on the ladder. That hoverplane was equipped for medical evacuation per Games rules. They took you in to surgery as soon as they pulled you in. They had a team examining Katniss, but other than her ear, she had nothing life threatening. The wall separating you two was clear. She could see them working on you. Do you know you went into cardiac arrest twice? That basically, you died twice in front of her. I was watching the live video feed from the hoverplane...it didn't go out on general broadcast. That girl was hysterical, pounding on the wall, screaming your name, and sobbing uncontrollably. They finally had to sedate her. I don't know if she loves you...hell, I don't think SHE knows how she feels...but I know she cares...a lot."

Again, I say nothing. Katniss does care! But before I could respond Haymitch continues, "Anyway, as I was about to say, you have the first Parcel Day coming up in less than two weeks. It's customary for the Victor...or Victors in your case...to be present and assist in passing out the parcels. Usually Victors only get involved with the first Parcel Day, because it's held the same day as the District Victors Celebration," Haymitch pauses for a moment.

"Okay, but I already knew all this," I say.

"My point, boy, is that on that day you two will be in front of cameras again. You MUST present the two of you as being in love. You won't have a problem with it but you may need to give her some cues. On that day you two have to be inseparable...and madly in love."

I sigh heavily. More play acting. "Okay. I can do it," I say.

Haymitch nods. "Good boy. Effie will call you in a week or so with the details. Katniss will need help, though. Okay, number three. Be prepared to lose every single friend you have."

I wasn't expecting that. "Excuse me?" Is all I can think of saying.

Haymitch looks at me sadly. "Peeta, I know this part will affect you a lot more than it will her. But, you are pretty much going to lose just about every friend you have here in Twelve. I didn't have anyone to warn me about that...Kathleen had died years before my Games so my mentor was assigned by the Capitol. It's gonna hurt...a lot. I just wanted you to know in advance."

"Haymitch, you don't know my friends. They are -" Haymitch stops me.

"Peeta," he begins gently. I've learned that whenever he actually uses my name to really pay attention, "Think about it. How many people have your friends killed?"

"What? I didn't kill anyone! I..." I stop suddenly as a vision, clear as day, pops into my head. A campfire the very first night of the Games, me running with the Career Pack, a solitary girl huddled on the ground trying to keep warm, Cato laughing as he thrusts with his sword, ignoring her pleas for mercy...me doing everything I could not to throw up. Then later, when we didn't hear a cannon, me convincing them to let me go back and finish her off...wishing against hope that she would be dead by the time I got to her, and horrified to find her still alive, her breathing shallow, hands covering her belly wound, blood covering her mouth and lower body.

I stop suddenly and grab a lamp post as I squeeze my eyes shut against the torrent of tears I feel welling up. I tried so hard to forget that. The girl looking up at me, crazed with pain and fear, trying feebly to push herself away from me. Hearing her choke out, "No...please...no more..." and knowing that she classed me in with the monster that stabbed her and left her for dead. I sag against the post sobbing openly now as Haymitch steps forward, one hand on my shoulder to steady me.

"Her name was Holland," I choke out to Haymitch, "From District Eight. She was fifteen, Haymitch. Fifteen!"

"Peeta -" Haymitch began, but I interrupt, "No! You made me remember, so you get to hear ALL about it!" I was shouting now but didn't care who heard me...Katniss, Peacekeepers, the Capitol, even President Snow for all I cared.

"She was so scared, Haymitch...scared and hurt and she knew she was dying. I knelt beside her and used my water to wash the blood from her face. She begged me for water and I finally gave it to her even though they told us never to drink water with a belly wound but I figured she was dying anyway...and it was all I had to give her."

Haymitch says nothing so I continue. I am more in control now and talking much quieter as I say, "I ask her what her name was and she tells me Holland. I smile at her and tell her my name and she tries to smile then she groans and starts crying again and looks at me a begs me to make it stop hurting. I tell her there's only one way I can do that and she looks at me and smiles and says "I know. It's okay. Please, Peeta." So I kneel by her head and tell her to close her eyes and she does...and I do it. Just like they showed us in training. I pushed my knife into the artery in her neck and felt her blood cover my hand. She just made a little sound as I pulled my knife out and she lay there with her eyes closed and smiles and whispers thank you to me and I hold her hand until she dies."

Haymitch says gently, "I know, kid. I was in Mentors Observation. I saw everything." He pauses for a minute than says, "Now do you see what I mean? Your old friends, or most of them, are gonna be scared of you. And the way the Gamemakers edited your mercy killing made it look like you were pretty ruthless and cold blooded about the whole thing. Mercy doesn't sell during the Games...ruthlessness does. So, I just want you to be prepared for when it happens."

I wipe my eyes. "Anything else?" I ask.

"Yes," he continues, "Like I said, the Capitol will be watching you like a hawk. I know you are the giving type and want to help people out, but don't try to use your Victor's stipend as some kind of charity account. If they see you trying to help someone pay their taxes or catch up on a mortgage, even your own family, they WILL get involved, and it usually will end up worse for whoever you are trying to help. My advice is to spend your money - you earned it after all - but spread it around. The same goes if you decide to use your baking skills to passing out free bread to the Community Home or some of the older people. Be very, very careful."

I nod. "Okay. No charity, I got it. Anything else?"

We start to walk back to my home. "One last thing. Trust no one, and that includes family. Believe me, there is a lot of jealousy that arises when some sixteen year old kid is suddenly made a celebrity, is given a house, and becomes rich overnight. People have very short memories...they tend to forget what you went through to get here, and would love nothing more than to see you go down. Also, I noticed you getting chummy with the Capitol Liaison folks. Nice enough people, for Capitol anyway...but just remember that...they ARE Capitol. And for all that talk about how much they love living out here in Twelve, believe me, they would jump at a chance to get back to the Capitol. Trust them less than anyone else."

We arrive at my house. The sun has set but it's still plenty light out. "Thanks, Haymitch," I say.

Haymitch nods. "If you need to talk, kid...you know where to find me." With that he turns to leave. I watch him walk across the street to Katniss's house and shut the door. I wonder how she will take his advice, I think. I smile a little at the thought and I am tempted to find someplace to sit outside and eavesdrop, but quickly shake my head at the thought.

I'm finally hungry and go into the kitchen to make a quick sandwich before bed. I'm beat. Hopefully, I'll be able to sleep tonight. I find myself nodding off on the couch again so I drag myself upstairs for a shower and bed. I am pleasantly surprised to find that shower is almost identical to the ones in the Training Center. After my shower I open my windows and glance across the street. I see the light on in Katniss's room and lights at Haymitch's as well. I wonder how it went, I think to myself. I see a shadow moving on the drapes in Katniss's room, then her room goes dark as she turns off her light.

I pause for a moment, then whisper "Goodnight, Katniss," then crawl into my own bed. In seconds, I am asleep.


	6. PRIMROSE

**CHAPTER 6 - PRIMROSE**

I've been home for a few days now, and I am finding out one inescapable truth about being a Victor. It's boring!

Before the games, I kept busy. Up before dawn every morning to work in the bakery, have breakfast, then off to school. The last few years I've been on the wrestling team...the only extra-curricular activity my mother would grudgingly allow. Then, after wrestling practice, it's home, work in the bakery some more, have dinner, do chores, homework, and then fall into bed for a few hours sleep and do it all over again.

The only break in this routine was the weekend, where I was expected to put in a lot more time in the bakery. I never minded that much, though. The smell of baking bread, flour, and cinnamon was a smell that would always make me think of home. Weekends weren't all work, of course...just more of it. Most Friday and Saturday nights there was always some sort of dance going on somewhere. That's the one good thing about living in an outlying district like Twelve...other than the Reaping each year we were pretty much left alone.

Dances were just about the only social activity we had. And, just about the only time where Merchant and Seam kids mixed...at least, most Seam kids anyway. I always looked but rarely saw Katniss at a dance.

Katniss. I still remember the night I threw her the bread, five years ago, like it was yesterday. The beating I got from my mother. The satisfied feeling I had when I went to bed that night. And the confusion I felt the next day when I saw her in school, where she didn't even meet my eye, much less say anything. I started to say something to her about twenty times that day...but always stopped. Then, school was out, she was walking home with her sister, and I missed my chance...again.

And now, with her living so close to me, well, she may as well be in the Capitol. I haven't seen her in days, although I hear her every night, screaming from a nightmare. I am always awake when the screaming starts...awake from my own night terrors. Unlike Katniss, mine are quiet. Hers follow a predictable pattern - screaming, her mother or sister rushing into her room, then silence. The lights stay on over there for a long time afterward, and almost every night I see Haymitch's lights on as well. I'm the only one in the dark.

Sometimes I sleep again, sometimes not. When it starts to get light I get out bed and have breakfast. I try to learn how to work all the gadgets and appliances that the house comes with and always call Hadrian's office for help. He and Amica are very accommodating and send someone from the office right away to help. Each time it's Beth O'Sullivan that comes out.

I can't figure out why, but I don't feel entirely...comfortable with her. There's no reason for this feeling, Beth is very nice and helpful, but there's always...something...about her. Like the way I catch her looking at me when she doesn't think I can see her. Her almost flirtatious attitude. At any rate, I am almost relieved when she is done and leaves. I consider calling Hadrian or Amica and asking for someone else but I feel that she would probably get in trouble or something if I did. Still, she does have a nice smile, and it's nice to have company...even if she does make me borderline uncomfortable.

Dad kept his promise to visit...sort of. He came by a couple of days ago and I made lunch for him. I was shocked that mother let him out during the middle of the day but he assured me that everything was covered. Dad and I agree on one thing...our bread was much better than store bread!

Conversation with dad was nice...small talk, district gossip...until he turned our talk towards the one topic I DID NOT want to discuss...Katniss.

"So, Peeta...tell me...I know you have had your eye on that young lady for a while now, but until your interview and the Games I had no idea it was so...serious," he said with a smile.

"Uhh, yeah, Dad...she's something...special, all right," I stammer. Dad looks at me quizzically. "Go on, son...and?" He prompts.

I stand up suddenly. "Let me show you the yard, Dad," I quickly say. I head for the back door. Haymitch's advice about talking in the house was never more clear.

"Peeta, no, sit down," he begins, but I interrupt with, "Please Dad, I think you will like this," I insist. I look at him with a pleading expression. He gives me a knowing look and starts to say something but I quickly shake my head and put my finger to my lips.

Dad nods slowly and stands up. "Okay, Peeta, lead on," he says cheerfully, but his expression is worried. We quickly step outside and I close the door behind us. We slowly stroll across the manicured grounds in silence until we were about 100 feet from the house.

"Alright, son, what -" Dad begins but stops, staring over my shoulder. I slowly turn and see what made him suddenly stop talking - two Peacekeepers slowly walking along the Village fence. They were a little distance away but still seeing them startled both of us. They both look over at us, nod their heads in greeting and continue on their way.

We watch them in silence for a minute or two. Dad lets his breath out in a long sigh. I turn back toward him. I hear Dad mutter softly, "After all these years I would think that I would be used to seeing them, but..." He pauses and looks at me. "Sorry, son. Long story."

I nod and quickly explain why we couldn't talk in the house. I leave out what Haymitch told me about not trusting anyone...after all, this is my father!

"Okay, Dad...about Katniss and I," I begin, then quickly fill him in on where Katniss and I really stood with each other. Dad stands, quietly listening, as I finish. He looks at me sympathetically.

"Peeta...look, I can't tell you that everything will work out. And I am probably the last person in the world to give you relationship advice. I just know that she would be making a mistake by rejecting you."

"Thanks for listening, Dad," I say, "And for understanding." In a weird way, I feel a lot better. Other than Haymitch, Dad is the only one in the District that knows the whole story about Katniss and I...except for her mom and sister of course.

A few minutes later, Dad leaves to go back to the bakery. He hugs me warmly before he goes. Funny, he was never much of a hugger before my Games. Now, it's like he's afraid that I will disappear if he doesn't hang on to me...I just wish I could see him more!

I watch Dad walk away until I can no longer see him. He turns, once, and waves. I wave back and only then realize that not once did we talk about my mother or brothers. I slowly stroll around my house and decide that tomorrow I will walk into town. I haven't really been to town since I have been back. Yes, that's what I'll do, first thing -

"Kitty, kitty!" I hear a girlish voice cry out. "Buttercup! Here, kitty, kitty!" At first my mind doesn't register...who could be looking for a cat here? I walk along the side of my house, looking for the owner of the voice, when a low growl stops me in my tracks.

There, by my feet, in a clump of bushes nestled against the side of the house, I see a pair of yellowish eyes staring back at me. It takes my mind a minute to register that this isn't a mutt, and I'm not in the arena...it's an ordinary cat!

"Buttercup! Where ARE you? Bad kitty!" I hear the voice again as I squat down. The eyes move a little further back in the bush and I hear that same low growl again...but this time not quite as menacing.

"Buttercup, I presume?" I say with a grin. At the sound of its name the cat meows softly and edges forward. "It's okay," I say gently, "I'm one of the good guys." I slowly extend my hand towards the cat. Slowly I see the cat emerge from the bush, and I notice that its fur is that orange shade that I am so fond of. "I see where you get your name," I say as I gently scratch the cat behind its ragged ears.

"Buttercup! There you are! Bad kitty!" The girlish voice is now standing in front of me and I look up to see its owner. Of course...Primrose. Katniss's sister, the one that she volunteered for! She looks at me and smiles. "Hi again, Peeta," she says warmly.

"Hello, Primrose," I say as I slowly stand up, returning her grin. "This must be what you're looking for?" I ask.

"Yes...bad kitty!" She says. "I can't believe he was letting you pet him! He doesn't like anyone except me...and he HATES my sister!" She says with a laugh.

"Well, animals are supposed to be intuitive," I answer, "Maybe he senses something in me."

Primrose picks up her cat, which promptly snuggles against her. "He really seems to like you," I say, "Why does he hate Katniss?"

"When I first got him she tried to drown him in a bucket of water," she replies, "That's the only time I have ever been really, truly mad at her!"

I'm shocked...I couldn't imagine Katniss ever doing anything that would upset her sister. Whatever her reason, she must have thought it was a good one. "We didn't have a lot of food at the time," Primrose explains, then continues with, "Was that your dad I saw earlier?"

"Yes," I answer. She looks at me quizzically. "Peeta...are you okay?" she asks.

"Sure, why?" I begin, but stop. We have moved to the front of the house by now and I sit heavily on the curb by the street. "No, not really," I admit.

She sits down next to me. "It's about Katniss, isn't it?" She asks.

I feel my face redden as I busy myself watching a trail of ants make their way down the gutter.

"Peeta...Katniss doesn't keep anything from me," she says, "Of course, it took a lot from me to get it out of her! She never mentioned anything about you and her until after Haymitch came over the other night."

I look over at her. How unlike her sister she is! I suddenly realize how close I came to being district partners with this little girl. She wouldn't have lasted a day, I think to myself. She's too good, not enough fight in her to do what it takes to survive the arena. For once I'm at a loss for words. I finally manage to say "Oh."

She smiles at me...this little Seam girl that looks so much like the Merchant girls I grew up with. She definitely takes after her mother's side.

"I know her better than anyone," she continues, "She is the best sister a girl could have! Her biggest problem is that she's stubborn...and that she's spent so much time taking care of me that she never found time to be a girl."

Primrose pauses for a moment and sets Buttercup down. He sniffs around where we're sitting then lays down between us. I reach down and scratch behind his ears and am rewarded with a low purr.

Primrose smiles first at the cat, then at me. "When I saw you two in the tribute parade, and there was fire coming off of you, and she looked so brave standing there, and then when you held hands and showed everyone that you were a team..." her voice trails off, then she continues softly, "I knew that you would keep her safe."

"How did you know?" I ask. "You looked so...determined," she answers with a laugh.

"I had never seen her dressed up until the night of the interviews," she goes on, "And both my mother and I couldn't believe how beautiful she looked!"

I look down again, feeling my face redden once more. "Neither could I," I say in almost a whisper.

"Peeta, my point is, now that she doesn't have to take care of Mom and I...maybe now she will find time to be a girl."

"Maybe," I say. Then I blurt out what's been sitting in the back of my mind for days, "But there's Gale..."

"Gale's like a big brother to me," Primrose explains, "I love him so much! But, after watching you with Katniss during the Games, and seeing you after you got back, and talking to you here...I like you too, Peeta," she says with a smile, then continues, "And my friends call me Prim!"

"Okay...Prim," I reply with a grin.

"Peeta, believe me when I say, I know how Katniss feels about you deep down inside, no matter what she may have told you. She really -"

"Prim!" Another voice cuts through the late afternoon air. Katniss.

Prim and I both look up, startled. Katniss shuts her front door and walks toward us. "Mom told me to come get you...she says she needs you for something," Katniss explains. She glances over at me, expressionless, then back to her sister.

"Sorry, Katniss...I was looking for Buttercup. Peeta found him for me, and we were just talking..." Prim explains as she stands up, once again clutching her cat.

"Well, get on home, Prim," Katniss says. "Okay, okay...bye Peeta! Talk to you later!" Prim turns and smiles. I smile back as she walks towards their home.

Katniss looks at me once again, then turns without a sound to walk back to her house.

"Katniss," I say softly. Katniss freezes at the sound of her name.

"What, Peeta?" she answers quietly, not turning around.

"Just...well, I haven't seen you around since we moved in," I begin, "And I was just wondering how you are."

She relaxes her tense shoulders a bit, and says, "I'm...okay."

"Are you sure?' I ask quietly.

Katniss spins around, eyes flashing as she snaps, "Of course I'm sure! Why wouldn't I be okay? I'm alive, right? A Victor? More money than I will ever need in my lifetime, a house so big that my old Seam house could fit in the living room of this one, no worries ever again about where my next meal is coming from, able to take care of my sister and mother...I'm more than okay! This is what I've dreamed about!" As she talks I see her fists clenched, her chest heaving with her heavy breathing as she spits out each word.

I sit dumbfounded as her anger tumbles out of her mouth. For the first time, a new thought creeps into my head. Why do I even bother? I pull myself painfully to my feet and give her a baleful look.

"Sorry for asking," I mutter as I turn towards my house. I take a couple of heavy, limping steps and then hear her say softly, "Does it hurt?"

Oh yes, it hurts, I think as I stop. It hurts, but not how you think. Still, I can't muster up enough anger for the kind of reply I want. Instead I just nod.

"I'm sorry," she says quietly. I hear her take in a quavering breath and slowly turn around. I search her face but the anger is gone, replaced by...what? Sadness? Pity?

"I didn't mean to take it out on you," she continues. "This is nothing like I expected it to be."

"I know," I reply simply, then add, "Haymitch talked to you?"

She nods and I search her face more closely. Is she crying? "Yeah he did. I imagine he had the same talk with you...he likes you a lot more than me, you know," she says.

"He always has," I say with a small smile.

"I...I need to go," she stammers out. "Okay," I say quietly, "Katniss...if you ever...need anything -"

"Thanks," she quickly says and turns to go.

"I miss you," I blurt out. Katniss stops in her tracks. "Same here" she says quietly then disappears into her house.


	7. ADJUSTING

**CHAPTER 7 - ADJUSTING**

**PART I - DREAMLAND**

_I stare down at the lifeless body sprawled at my feet. Holland, the female District Eight tribute, is dead by my hand. I try to tell myself that what I did was an act of compassion, but the gnawing guilt grows as I contemplate my act. I know I have to return to the Career pack quickly before they become suspicious, but I remain frozen to the spot, trying to convince myself that it was Cato, not me, that killed this poor girl. I rub my hand against my pants in a futile effort to scrub her blood from my fingers. I have to move, I tell myself. I finally will myself to turn and start violently in surprise as I see a small, dark figure standing just a few feet behind me. I grip my knife tighter and take a step backwards as the figure steps forward into the light of the dying fire._

_"Peeta," Katniss whispers, now fully revealed by the fire._

_"Katniss...where...where...how?" is all I manage to stammer out. "Shhhh," she hushes me softly, "I thought you betrayed me," she continues quietly, "And I was so angry with you. I saw you with the Careers after I heard this girl," she gestures towards the small, sad body at our feet, "scream, and heard you say you were going back to finish her."_

_"Katniss, I -" I begin but she presses her fingers to my mouth. "I was in the tree that you all stopped near, when you left to go back. I waited till they moved on a bit and climbed down, then followed you back here. I won't lie, Peeta...I followed you here to kill you."_

_She looks up at me, her eyes shining in the dim light. "Katniss...you know why I did what I did, don't you?" I ask her quietly. She nods slowly. "I saw how gentle you were with her, and how compassionate, and how much it upset you. I realized then that what you were doing with the Careers was an act to protect me."_

_She steps closer until only a hands breadth separates us. The only sound is our own deep breathing. She reaches up slowly and takes my face in her hands. My own hands cup her face gently and I rub my thumb across her lips, seeing and feeling her small smile in response. She raises herself up and at the same time pulls my head towards hers, until I feel our lips pressed warmly together. Our kiss is tender, yet searching. She breaks our kiss briefly, her eyes searching mine, then with a low whimper kisses me again with more hunger than before. My arms wrap around her as her arms twine around my neck._

_She breaks the kiss just long enough to whisper, "I do love you, Peeta," then her lips once again flower open against mine. My heart feels like it's going to hammer out of my chest. Her hands caress the back of my head as our kiss deepens, and I hear a bell begin to ring softly. A bell? Where is that sound coming from? Where -_

My eyes snap open as I lay there, confused, trying to remember - oh. I'm in bed. In bed in my home in Victor's Village. And I was just awakened from the first good dream I've had in what seems like forever...awakened by...bells? I suddenly realize that my phone is ringing! How do I work this damn thing again? I fumble for the handset on my nightstand and blindly stab at the "Call" button. Good, the ringing stopped. I put the phone to my ear and hear a woman's faint voice, "Hello? Peeta? Hellloooo..."

"Hello," I answer in a rusty sounding voice, "Hello," I say again, clearer, "This is Peeta..."

"Peeta! Effie here! How ARE you, dear?" She asks. I squint at the clock. It's late...almost 10 AM! Well, that's what I get for staying up all hours watching that idiotic program on Capitol TV! Lately it seems the rage to have movies and TV shows featuring Games Tributes that fall in love.

"Umm...OK, Effie," I answer. "Good to hear from you," I say lamely.

"Oh, Peeta, I have missed you and Katniss SO much! But, I didn't call for idle chatter! I've been SO busy lately, I don't know where to begin! But, we have a few items that we need to discuss! First item is Parcel Day. The first Parcel Day is coming up in just a few days and I need to make sure that you and Katniss are ready for it!"

"I did glance at the package you sent me, Effie," I say, trying to stifle a yawn, "I will read it in more detail later on."

"Oh, good!" She exclaims. "Please make sure you do read it thoroughly, and please make sure Katniss reads hers also!"

"I'll make sure I talk to Katniss about it today, Effie," I say, thinking that if she doesn't want to read it, she won't.

"Oh thank you, Peeta! You are such a dear! And please don't hesitate to call if you have any questions! Now, the other topic I need to discuss with you is your talent."

"My talent for what?" I ask. Effie laughs. "Silly boy...your TALENT. You are a Victor now, you know. Every Victor is expected to develop a talent. After all, you don't have to work any more...you have to have some activity to keep you occupied!"

"Oh," I say somewhat stupidly. Effie continues, "In the package that I sent you are some suggestions that you may want to consider. Again, please call if you have any questions! Well, I hate to cut this short, dear, but I still must call Katniss and Haymitch. He still has Mentor responsibilities to you and Katniss, after all. Goodbye, dear!"

"Bye, Effie," I manage to say before the call is ended. I lay back in bed and sigh once, deeply. I guess I have something constructive to do today, after all. In a strange way, I'm glad. Keeping busy has been a challenge. Realizing how much I have changed is a shock. It's so hard to believe that only a few weeks have passed since Reaping Day. It feels like a million years.

**PART II - A FEW DAYS EARLIER**

After the visit from my father, I decided to walk into town the next day. I thought that a visit to the bakery...even with my mother there...would be in order, and even pleasant. What a mistake! Dad was short tempered trying to deal with a problem with one of the ovens, so he didn't have much time to spare for me. My brothers were working frantically trying to keep the baked goods coming out while short one oven. The only person that had any spare time was my mother. To be fair, she tried to be nice...but being nice just doesn't come easily to her. She asked me if I was still "mooning" over that "awful little Seam girl." I just found myself getting more and more irritated the more she spoke. When I finally reminded her that she was the one that picked Katniss to win over me she actually had the incredible nerve to say that she wouldn't have won without my help! Mom kept telling me that Delly Cartwright was much more suited for me than Katniss was! Dad finally came out when he heard the rising voices and, as always, ended up playing peacemaker. I finally ended up storming out and barely even said goodbye to either my mother or father.

I was so angry that I was walking for almost 5 minutes before I realized that I wasn't sure where I was going. My mind was still so muddled by my last encounter with Katniss. Why did I have to admit to her that I missed her? And why did she have to say "same here?" What exactly did that mean? That she was admitting that she missed me too? Or that she missed herself? Why couldn't she just speak with some clarity instead of these muddy responses?

I stopped walking. This was crazy. Where exactly was I? I looked around and finally realized where I was...near the District school. I stared at the familiar buildings for a minute...remembering where I used to stand when I watched Katniss and Prim walk home every day, and...Okay, enough, Mellark! I have to stop letting every place I go remind me of her. Suddenly I hear a bell and commotion at the school. I look up sharply and see kids pouring out of the buildings and it hits me. Lunch time. Suddenly I don't want to be there. Maybe if I backtrack no one will -

"Peeta? Peeta!" I hear a feminine voice calling my name. Dammit! I sigh heavily. No escape for me. I turn slowly and try to find the owner of the voice. "Over here!" I finally spot her, and find myself smiling. Delly!

"Hey, Delly!" She's standing with three other girls that I recognize immediately. They all turn towards me as I walk over to the group.

"Madge...Leevy...Beth," I greet the girls as I finally catch up. Before I can say anything else I'm smothered in a hug.

"Peeta Mellark! WHERE have you been hiding? You've been back for almost a week and NO ONE has seen you," Delly exclaims, "Did the big bad Victor forget about all his OLD friends?" Delly glares at me sternly as I stammer out, "It's not like that, Delly...I mean, getting settled in...and, um, well..."

Delly finally can't control herself any more and breaks out laughing. Delly has been my best friend for as long as I can remember. Everyone liked her and she got along with everyone. "Oh, you should see yourself now, looking all guilty! You know I love you no matter what!" She grins at me with that absolutely dazzling smile. Her smile is what really sets her apart.

"Thanks, Delly," I see Madge, Leevy, and Beth are all smiling. Madge I have known for almost as long as Delly. A great girl, she always seemed just a little reserved...like there is something on her mind that she can't quite talk about. Leevy I don't know well except to say hello...typical Seam look, a lot like Katniss, and...OK, stop, Mellark! Don't go there again!

I shake my head slightly and focus on the here and now. Then there's Beth. Smiling hugely at me. I finally notice what seems to be different about her. Here in Twelve the Merchants that lived in town all seemed to run blue eyed, blonde hair, and fair skinned. I was no exception to that. The coal miners from the Seam ran just the opposite...dark brown to black hair, olive skin, and gray eyed. Even when Merchant and Seam married the kids usually ran to look one way or the other, like Katniss and Prim. Beth...she was different. Light brown hair and eyes and fair skinned. I knew her father owned a popular miners pub but he was solidly Merchant. Was her mom Seam? I shake my head as again as I realize that Delly is talking again.

" - think you need some company out there! It must get awfully lonely," she adds.

"Anytime, Delly," I say with a smile, "And you're right...it has been pretty...lonely."

"How's Katniss doing, Peeta?" Madge asks. I remember that Madge was about Katniss's only real friend in school...well, except for Gale, of course.

"Um, fine, okay I guess, Madge," I answer. Before I can continue, Leevy jumps in. "You guess? You don't know, Peeta? I thought you two were madly in love!" I glance at her sharply but she is smiling and has a mischievous glint in her eye. Delly and Madge both laugh, joined after a moment by Beth.

"Well, we're still getting settled in, and, you know," I stammer. Madge steps in before I can continue, "It's okay, Peeta. Hey, do you think she would like some company too?"

I shrug. "Probably. I know I would. She does have her mother and sister, though...unlike me."

Delly looks at the other girls. "How about we come out this Saturday? There's no school, and it's the weekend before Parcel Day and the Victory Party!"

"I think Saturday would work, Delly," I say with a smile.

"Great! Does Saturday work for you guys too?" She asks. Madge, Leevy, and Beth all nod in agreement...Beth a little more enthusiastically then the others, I think. I smile at thought I having some company, and -

"Hey! Lover boy!" A voice across the yard cuts into my thoughts. I look up. Oh, no. Dawson Bannon. Of all the people. He strides across the yard towards the girls and I. Of course, he's with his group of friends...a bunch of guys just like him. I then notice that we have attracted a lot of attention...and I realize with a shock that it's because of me! I'm no longer "just Peeta." I'm "Peeta the Victor" now...and I'm not sure if I like it.

"Hey, Daws," I respond to Bannon, keeping my voice as flat as possible. The girls give way to Bannon and his group, forming a small semi circle behind me.

Bannon stops a step or two away from me. His father and mother were both from the Seam originally, but his dad managed to work his way up the ladder from miner to the Mine Management Office...something almost unheard of here in Twelve. Rumors had it that he didn't care who he stabbed in the back on the way up. He was thought of quite favorably by the Capitol Liaison office, which pretty much sealed everyone's opinion of him.

"So...Mellark? Where's your girlfriend?" Bannon sneers. He and I had never gotten along, although I knew he was careful with me. Last year when I placed second only to my brother on the school wrestling team, Bannon placed fourth. But, having his friends to back him up seemed to give him more confidence.

"Obviously, not here, Daws," I reply in the same neutral tone I used before.

"Aww, too bad," he says, "When I saw you here, I was looking forward to...congratulating her...too," he finishes with a sneer.

I realize that I'm feeling strange...it's obvious that Bannon is trying to provoke something with me. I can feel my heart pounding, and it seems like all my senses are focused on the boy standing three feet away from me.

"Peeta, come on," I realize that Madge is pulling my arm slightly, trying to lead me away. But as tense as my body has become, she would have more luck moving the school flagpole.

I smile slightly. "It's okay, Madge. It's a relief to know that there are some people here that still don't like me," I say in a low voice.

"What's that, Lover Boy?" Bannon asks. "Still having girls protecting you?"

By now I'm aware that quite a crowd has formed around us. This is not how I envisioned my first visit to the school, I say to myself.

I take a deep breath. Don't fight, Mellark...the bigger man walks away. I blink my eyes. For a split second it wasn't Bannon standing before me...but Cato, the District Two Career that almost killed me twice. I suck in a deep breath at the vision and feel my heart pound in my chest. My vision clears back to Bannon but it's like I am looking at him through a tunnel.

Bannon sneers at me again. "So, tell me, Mellark? Anything about the time you and Everdeen spent in that cave that wasn't broadcast? Is she as prime as everyone thinks?"

Distantly I hear a roaring in my ears and know that the thing to do is leave, but I stay rooted to the spot. I shake my head and blink rapidly as the image of Cato keeps replacing Bannon's sneering face.

"Shut UP, Bannon," I spit out.

"The Phony Victor speaks!" Bannon exclaims. "Like always, he had a girl to do his dirty work. How's it feel having to ride the coattails of some skinny little Seam tramp?"

I really need to leave, NOW! "Shut your filthy mouth!" I snarl.

Bannon steps forward until his face is inches from mine. "Have your slut shut it for me," he begins to say, but never finishes.

My hands both flash forwards, my palms slapping against his ears. Bannon's eyes go wide and his mouth opens but his scream is cut off as I grab his hair with both hands and savagely head butt his face. I hear his nose crack from the force of the butt as my real foot slams down on one of his feet. I hear bone cracking again as he recovers enough to take a weak swing at me. The only thought that goes through my mind is, it's just like hand to hand practice in the Training Center. I dodge his swing, grab his hand, turn sharply to one side, and twist. He screams again as another loud crack signals a broken wrist. I let his hand go and he collapses limply to the ground, blood gushing from his nose, his arm at a strange angle, leg stretched out awkwardly in front of him. The whole one sided fight doesn't last 10 seconds.

I straighten up as my breathing and heart both slow down. The crowd is deathly silent except for Bannon's sobbing. I stare down at him, horrified at what I've done, but at the same time filled with an almost fierce elation.

I take a deep, shaky breath. Dimly I'm aware of people running up. I look. Teachers...and a Peacekeeper. Just great.

"You...you tried to kill me!" Bannon manages to choke out. He cradles is broken arm in his good hand.

"What's your kill count, Daws?" I ask him quietly. "My...what?" He stammers.

"Your kill count," I answer softly, "You know, the number of people you've killed."

The teachers and the Peacekeeper make their way thru the crowd. Bannon coughs, spraying blood, and says, "You're crazy...I've never killed any -" I interrupt.

"Mine's low...for a Victor. Only one. I was given a half kill for finishing off the District Eight girl for Cato, and a half kill that I shared with Katniss for Cato at the end. Daws, if I really wanted to kill you, you'd be dead now," I finish.

The teachers stare at me in horror. Some of them not so long ago were MY teachers. Now, they look at me like...like...I'm some kind of mutt. I can feel anger welling up in me.

"You all saw!" I shout. "Mandatory viewing, remember? You all stood there and watched me get Reaped. Watched Katniss and I at the Parade, at the Cornucopia during the bloodbath, during the Games. You all watched me get a tracker jacker nest dropped on me, watched me get stabbed, watched me kill a defenseless girl, and watched a mutt tear a piece out of what used to be my leg!"

The Peacekeeper steps forward. He's young, but I don't recognize him. "Mr. Mellark," he says quietly, "Come with me, please."

"Are you arresting me?" Oh no, what have I done? What will my father think? What will...Katniss...think?

"No, sir," he answers, "But I think I should take you out of here." I nod slowly.

The teachers have a stretcher out and are rolling Bannon onto it. They pick him up. I hear him groaning with pain. They start to take him away but I step forward and stop them.

"Daws. Look at me," I say quietly. He stares wide eyed at me, like he's seeing me for the first time. I speak louder, so everyone can hear me. "If this were the arena, right now all you would be was a cannon blast echoing in the distance, and a face in the sky tonight. But it's not the arena, it's District Twelve."

I turn to leave with the Peacekeeper. The girls step forward and Delly lays her hand on my arm.

"Peeta? What happened to you?" She asks quietly. I notice then that all the girls had been crying. The tension disappears from me completely and I feel like crying myself.

Instead, I laugh bitterly. "I became a Victor," I answer, as the Peacekeeper and I walk away slowly.

**PART III - VISITORS**

Saturday. Visiting day for me here in Victor's Prison, er, Village.

After the fight with Bannon I spent the next few days locked away in my home. The Peacekeeper, who's name I never did get, told me that he would have to file a report, but assured me that from everything he had seen that I was defending myself.

I have to laugh at that. Bannon never laid a hand on me. Still, the Peacekeeper informed me quietly that Victors were always allowed some...latitude. So, the official report, backed by witnesses, was self defense. That whole incident really made me understand why Victors never went back to school after their Games, though. I mean, who would want a kid sitting in class that everyone knew was a killer?

Dad came out and saw me the day after the "incident," as it was being referred to. He only mentioned it once, when he asked if I tried to walk away from it. I answered him honestly, and told him that part of me tried to, but another part of me wouldn't let me move. He just looked at me sadly and said that he understood.

No, you don't, dad.

Each day makes me realize just how broken I am. Afraid to sleep at night because of the nightmares. I know Katniss has the same problem. I can hear her just about every night. The screams, lights coming on, movement in the Everdeen household. The quiet, and eventually the lights go off again. I never hear anything from Haymitch's but every night when I wake up I see lights on at his place, too.

I tried to talk to him about it. I would have preferred Katniss, but she disappears out of the Village every morning and I don't see her again until the afternoon, when she walks Prim home from school. Haymitch, of course, was drunk and made no sense. He had kept his word to us about staying sober enough to help us during the Games, and I think Katniss and I were both shocked at how...capable...he actually was when he wasn't drunk. Guess he's making up for those weeks of involuntary sobriety now, though.

Today, though, I get some visitors. My first, other than my family, and my neighbors. I called Madge a couple of nights before and she told me of course it was still on, and acted like my beating Dawson Bannon nearly to death never happened. She told me that she had talked to Katniss also and Katniss said that she would be home that day too, so Madge mentioned that she was going to spend a little time with her.

I told her no problem with that, secretly wishing I could join her. Of course I didn't mention that part. I did casually mention my surprise at her and Leevy becoming friends, though. Madge just played it off with an explanation that Leevy and Katniss were a lot alike and that Leevy is nice and fun to be around.

Correction, I think to myself. Leevy and the "old" Katniss were a lot alike. If the "new" Katniss is anything like what I've become, she's a stranger.

I admit I'm excited at the prospect of visitors. I even did some shopping for lunch supplies and actually did some baking for the first time since moving out here. For the first time since coming home I actually felt almost normal. The smell of bread, pie, and cake baking brought back memories of the bakery and I loved the way it made my house smell. Of course I made way too much, but I fully intended to send my guests home with some food.

Promptly at 11 AM my doorbell rings. I was a gorgeous mid summer day. I answer the door and my guests are standing there with big smiles. I had to admit, they all looked great! They had all dressed up, even Leevy, who I knew didn't have much in the way of extra money. She caught me looking and explained, "My Reaping dress. Nice to wear it for something happy for a change. Do you like it?"

I admitted I did. Leevy was the same age as Katniss and I. Life in the Seam was never going to be easy for her and it had already taken a toll on her. Unlike Katniss, whose years of hunting had toned her body, Leevy was just thin. What was appealing about her was her wicked sense of humor. She loved making people laugh.

Madge, of course, was stunningly pretty. By District Twelve standards she was rich. She was one of the most popular girls in school, and was completely unaware of that fact. We had been friends for years, but Delly and I had been friends for life.

Although Delly had the typical "Town" look...blonde hair, blue eyes, she was decidedly average looking...until she smiled, which she did often. Her smile completely transformed her and made her almost as popular as Madge was.

Beth was the enigma. I had known her for years but never really known her. She was a brown haired, brown eyed version of average looking Delly...complete with the transforming smile. She was following me around like a puppy dog, sticking right by my side.

I gave the girls a quick tour of the house. This was the first time any of them (except for Beth) had been inside a Victor's Village home and they were all duly impressed. I was a little embarrassed at Beth's attention, though, and really felt myself redden when I saw the others smirking at us when she couldn't see.

She finally excused herself to use the bathroom and Delly wasted no time bringing me up to speed.

"She has such a HUGE crush on you, Peeta," Delly whispers, "She and Gale Hawthorne are probably the only two here in Twelve that are rooting against you with Katniss!"

I stab of panic hits me as I remember Haymitch's admonishment about the bugs. I can only hope that Delly's whisper was quiet enough.

I nod and whisper back, "Oh, I've noticed."

Madge shoots us a look that lets us know that Beth is coming back. I busy myself with laying out my lunch spread for the girls and I. For the first time I use the big table in the formal dining room. All the girls, Madge included, are quite impressed with the house. I was surprised at how starved I was for company...and most of all for company that had nothing to do with the Games. I sat back and enjoyed the feeling of relaxation that spread over me. We were talking about everything and nothing, and laughing easily.

After we finished eating and everything was cleaned up and put away (the girls insisting on helping even though I kept trying to get them out of the kitchen), Madge let me know that she and Leevy were going to run over to Katniss's for a little bit to say hello. I nodded, wishing I could go too, but turned my attention back to my other two guests.

Delly had discovered my office/study and was eagerly examining the books on the shelves. She had always been fond of reading and was busying herself by leafing through a large atlas that had page after page of full color maps. I had never been much of a reader myself, but I had taken a look at some of the books out of boredom. After looking through a few I noticed a trend. They had all been carefully selected to cast Panem and the government, especially the Capitol, in the most positive light possible. Still, Delly didn't seem to mind at all.

That left just Beth and I. Although I had relaxed a little with her here, even knowing that she was harboring a crush on me, I made an effort to keep my guard up. I certainly didn't want to give her the wrong impression, but at the same time I was genuinely starting to like her and didn't want to upset her either. The whole situation made me wonder...is this how Katniss feels when she is around me?

As we talk, I begin to wonder why I had never really noticed her before. She is funny, and smart, and fun to be around. I'm suddenly very curious about her very un-District Twelve like appearance, but I know that I can't ask her here in the house. Ever mindful of who may be listening, I ask her if she would like to step outside for a few minutes. Puzzled, she nods and, after letting Delly know that we were going outside, we head out the door and find ourselves walking pretty much the same route that Haymitch and I had taken. I glance over at Katniss's place once, but I see nothing.

After a minute or so of silent strolling, I turn to her. "Beth, do you mind if I ask you something?"

She smiles and replies, "Not at all, go ahead."

I hesitate. "I'm kinda curious...about your family," I begin.

She frowns a bit. "My family? What about them?" She asks.

"Well," I begin, "I couldn't help but notice that you don't have a typical...district...look."

She blushes a bit. "No?"

I shake my head. "No...I was just wondering...well, is your whole family from Twelve? I mean, I know your dad is, but..." I trail off lamely.

She takes a deep breath. "You're right," she says slowly, "Others have seen it, too."

"Beth, I'm not judging," I say quickly. "I'm just...curious, that's all."

"It's my Mom," she blurts out.

"Your...Mom?" I ask. "I'm sorry, but didn't she..."

"Die? Yeah, ten years ago. The year that really bad flu went through the district," she explains.

"Wow...I'm so sorry, Beth," I say.

She gives me a small smile. "It's okay, Peeta," she says reassuringly, "But I get my looks from her. You see, she was...not from around here."

I admit that her revelation startled me. District residents that were allowed to move between districts was extremely rare...almost unheard of.

"Oh," is all I can think to say, "You mean like...from another District?"

She meets my eye for a second before turning away. "Something like that," she says quietly.

I frown, confused. "Something" like that? If her mother was not from Twelve then she must be from another district...or even the Capitol itself. The Capitol was the likeliest bet, but District Six was a possibility also. Trains moved in and out of Twelve regularly, and District Six ran the trains.

"Beth, I don't -" I begin, but she stops me. "Peeta...I - I can't say any more." She looks at me, her eyes glistening.

"Hey," I say quietly, "Hey." I put my hands on her shoulders as tears track down her face. I pull her closer to me and wrap my arms around her. She buries her face in my shirt and clings to me as I hear her sob quietly.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have -" I begin, but she shakes her head. "No, it's okay. It's just...hard to talk about it. Hardly anyone knows...the truth...about my mom. Maybe someday, okay?" She looks up at me and forces a smile onto her tear stained face.

I return her smile and my fingers go to her face, wiping the remnants of her tears from her face. She shivered slightly from the touch of my fingers on her face.

"I used to dream about you holding me like this," she whispered, "And I can't believe I just told you that," she continues, a blush spreading over her face.

"Um...I didn't mean to upset you," I say quietly, but before I can say anything else her hands pull my mouth down to hers and she kisses me...tenderly but hungrily at the same time. My only thought was, "It's different than Katniss...but the same also." Without any more thought I kiss her back.

Beth pulls back and looks into my eyes. "Oh...I'm so sorry, Peeta," she stammers, "I really didn't mean -" I shake my head.

"Don't be sorry," I say, then look up, startled, as a movement outside the fence catches my eye. A Peacekeeper on patrol is eying us intently, then nods slowly in our direction when he sees that I've noticed him watching. I step back - guiltily, I think - and take a deep breath.

"I...think we should go back in," I say. She nods quietly. She saw the Peacekeeper also.

We go back into the house where we find Delly still pouring through the books she found. "Oh, there you two are! Peeta, these books are fantastic! Do you mind if I borrow some?" She asks.

"Sure, Delly," I answer. "Help yourself." She smiles her thanks then notices Beth's face, still tear stained and blotchy. I catch her eye and shake my head almost imperceptibly. She nods, once.

I hear the front door open. "Looks like Madge and Leevy are back," I say. We move to the foyer as Madge, Leevy...and Katniss come into the house.

"Katniss...hi," I say in surprise. Katniss glances over at me and gives me a simple "Hi."

"Peeta...Katniss...thanks for having us today," says Madge, echoed by Leevy.

"Oh! Madge, are you ready to go?" Delly asks. Madge nods. "I still have a few things to do today," she states.

"Come to think of it, I did tell my parents I would help in the shop this afternoon," Delly says. Beth catches on and nods, "Yeah, I need to get going too," she adds.

I regard my guests with narrowed eyes. Something's going on here. "Okay, guys...thanks so much for coming today."

Katniss adds, "Yeah, thanks Madge...Leevy," she hugs them both briefly, "It was really nice having company."

Our friends quickly say goodbye and quickly leave. What was THAT all about?

The door closes behind them and no sooner were we alone Katniss turns to me, her eyes flashing. "Now, explain what happened?!" She snaps.

I regard her for a moment, then say coolly, "Nice to see you too."

"Peeta!" I can see that she is really angry. "So, I'm walking Prim home from school the other day and I see that she's upset. So, I ask her, 'What's wrong, Little Duck?' And then she says that she saw a terrible fight at school and that one boy was hurt really badly. It REALLY scared her, Peeta...but of course I had no idea who was involved until Madge and Leevy come over today and tell me that it's YOU that almost killed Dawson Bannon!"

"Are you crazy?! What the hell is wrong with you?" By this time Katniss is really worked up.

I stare at her numbly for a moment, then gesture towards the living room. "Would you like to sit down?" I quietly ask. Katniss hesitates for a second, takes a deep breath, then quietly nods her head.

We sit facing each other. "Katniss...I'm so sorry Prim saw that. I really feel terrible about the whole thing. I just...don't know what happened to me. I think about what I did to Bannon and it almost makes me sick."

"Prim was really scared, Peeta," Katniss says accusingly.

I take a deep, shaky breath. "I just...I just...it's like it wasn't Daws standing in front of me at all, but...someone else," I finish weakly.

Katniss frowns. "Someone else? But...who?"

I pause for a moment. "Cato," I say softly.

Her eyes go wide at the sound of the name. A glimmer of understanding appears in her eyes. She presses her hand to her mouth in horror. "Oh my God...Peeta..." is all she is able to say.

I sit there in silence. Katniss stands up from her chair, hesistates for a moment, then walks over and sits next to me on the couch. Gently, she takes my hands in hers. She takes a deep breath. "Peeta," she begins quietly, "I'm sorry for yelling at you. What you just told me...believe me, I understand." I nod as she leans in a little closer. "I just want you to know that I -"

We both jump as we hear the front door slam and look up as slow, heavy footsteps approach the living room. "Yoohoo! Anyone home?" A familiar voice calls out.

**PART IV - HAYMITCH**

We both relax. Haymitch appears at the entrance to the room. Swaying slightly and clutching a bottle in one hand, he grins and says, "Hi, kids!"

"Haymitch, don't you know how to knock?" I snap. I glance over at Katniss...she's glaring angrily at him.

"Family has to knock?" Haymitch says in amazement. "Peeta...I'm hurt...really!"

"Family?" Katniss says incredulously. "Since when are you...we...family?"

Haymitch walks into the room and plops down heavily into the chair that Katniss had been sitting in. He regards us for a moment before taking a healthy pull at his bottle.

"Sweetheart, we..." he gestures broadly at the three of us, "all became family the instant you two were declared Victors."

Katniss snorts in derision. "I have all the family I need, thank you!' She snaps.

Haymitch pauses for a moment, then says, "Oh, you'll get it eventually, sweetheart."

"Okay, so what's on your mind, Haymitch?" I ask before the whole "family" thing can go any further.

"Glad you asked, kid," Haymitch answers, "You see, I'm not as clueless as everyone seems to think. I keep abreast of local current events, so I know all about the, uh, 'incident.'"

I wait for him to continue. "And?" I finally say.

"Aaannd," he says, stretching the word out, "I wisely decide not to say anything to you about it unless YOU came to ME...until today, that is...when I saw Miss Sunshine here storming over to your place with her friends I figured that it wasn't a social call, being as this is the FIRST time she has been over here since you two graced my neighborhood with your presence."

"So," Katniss says snidely, "More 'mentoring' on your part?"

"Exactly, sweetheart," Haymitch answers, "More 'mentoring.'"

He pauses to take another drink, then continues. "First of all, I'm not gonna sit here and say that I'm sorry that you kicked the snot outta that Bannon punk. He's had that coming for a long time. However, I am surprised, Peeta, that you were the one to snap before Sweetness and Light, here."

"I have a name, Haymitch," Katniss snaps.

"Sorry...KATNISS," Haymitch says with exaggerated courtesy. "Anyway, as I was saying," he shoots Katniss a look, "I thought that the first blow up would come from sw...Katniss...and not you, considering all the anger and attitude she carries inside her. That being said, it was bound to happen...eventually."

"It's not our fault!" Katniss says emphatically. "I mean, everyone's treating us differently...at least they are with me. I thought this would be different somehow...but I get home and it's like everyone changed while we were gone!"

I find myself nodding in agreement. "Katniss is right, Haymitch. Everyone has changed. I didn't really notice it at first, because I haven't...gone out...a lot, but it's true. Everyone -"

Haymitch puts up a hand to stop me. "Let me guess," he begins, "Your families tiptoe around you...sorry, Peeta, I know you don't see your family much, but I bet they do...people stop whatever they are doing when you approach them or walk into a room. Conversations die around you. And in your case, Peeta, I would bet that it wasn't Bannon you saw in front of you...but...someone else."

I look over at Katniss. She's quiet but I see something in her eyes. Understanding.

Finally, Katniss breaks the silence. "Haymitch...how -"

"Victor, remember?" He says. "We - all of us here - are part of the most exclusive club in Panem. I think with you two our active membership sits at...let's see...59?"

He regards us for a moment before continuing, "One more thing. The folks around here haven't changed. You have." We both look at him dumbly, then Katniss says, "No, we -"

Haymitch holds up his hand again. "They saw you get reaped. Dragged from your home and families. Paraded in front of the entire country. Interviewed. Dumped into an arena where it's kill or be killed. Get beaten, stabbed, stung, and cut. Almost die more than once. They watched you KILL other kids. Think about it. You two have watched the Games before. Does watching change you? No."

Haymitch stands up unsteadily. "Okay, I said what I came to say." He turns to walk to the door.

"Haymitch," Katniss says. He stops but doesn't turn around. "Thanks." He nods once and walks out the door.

Katniss and I sit in silence for a moment, then Katniss stands up. "I should be going," she says simply.

I stand up also, "Okay," is all I say. I walk her to the door. Katniss reaches for the doorknob.

"Wait," I blurt out. I take a deep breath. Katniss turns back towards me. "What, Peeta?"

"Just...please tell Prim...I'm sorry. I'll apologize to her in person...later. I just want her to know that," I say.

Katniss regards me for a moment. "Okay," she says simply, "I will." She turns to go again but stops. "Prim really likes you, you know," she begins, then turns back around again.

"Peeta...I'm so sorry," she says quickly, then leans forward and kisses me quickly once on the cheek.

She smiles at me once, sadly, then turns and opens the door. "See you later," she says and shuts the door behind her.


	8. PARCEL DAY

**CHAPTER 8 - PARCEL DAY**

**PART I - TALENTS AND THREATS**

I sit in my study, looking at the envelope that Effie sent me. I notice that her handwriting is very elegant and ruler straight. I lean back in the chair and rub my hand over my face. My name is Peeta Mellark. I am 16 years old, although I feel like 100. Along with my district partner Katniss Everdeen, we are the only dual Victors in the history of the Hunger Games. We have been home for a little more than a week, although it seems like forever.

Parcel Day is coming up, along with the District Victors Celebration. Parcel Day is the way a new Victors District gets to share in some of the Capitols largesse. Starting with the first Parcel Day about two weeks after the Victor comes home and once a month for every month until the next Games, the Capitol sends parcels of food, medicine, oil, and other necessities. For a poor district like Twelve, Parcel Day is more than just gifts of luxury items...for many people it's literally the difference between life and death.

I sigh and take a sip of my tea, then open the envelope. I glance over the stack of documents...mostly some glossy brochures on past Parcel Days and District Victors Celebrations. I glance at some of them, noting the pictures of Victors passing out goods at previous Parcel Days. I recognize Johanna Mason from District Seven, Finnick Odair from District Four, and others, smiling as they handed out packages to people in their districts. Unlike other photos that I've seen of Victors, the smiles that I see on the Parcel Day brochures look genuine. Maybe some good can come from all this after all, I think.

I notice a schedule amongst the brochures. It outlined what time I - we - were expected to be at the train station, how long we were expected to pass out parcels, and what was expected of us during the Celebration. That part looked easy enough...unlike the formal banquets that Katniss and I attended, the Celebration was blissfully free of rigid schedules. Looking at the brochures the Celebrations in other districts looked like nothing more than giant street parties, with food, drink, and events described as "carnival rides" all paid for by the Capitol. About the only thing Katniss and I were expected to do was to mingle with everyone, eat, drink, and ride the rides together. Easy enough.

I sigh again as I realize that, some time before Parcel Day, Katniss and I were going to have to get together and make sure that we were both working on the same page. Once more, we had to portray ourselves as the "Star Crossed Lovers of District Twelve." There would simply be too many Capitol cameras on hand for us to act any differently.

Even though she lived right across from me, I pick up my phone. I just didn't feel like facing anyone this morning. I pull out the directory and dial her number.

"Umm...hello?" I hear a feminine voice after a few rings.

"Hi...uh...it's Peeta," I begin.

"Peeta! Hello! Are you looking for Katniss? This is her mother," the voice says.

"Well...yes," I reply, "Is she there by chance?"

"Oh no, I'm sorry, she's not. She walks her sister to school in the morning then usually stays out all day, then walks her sister home after school," she explains.

"Oh, uh, I see. Well, I was just calling because...well, I need to talk to her about Parcel Day," I explain.

"Ahh, yes, Katniss did get a package in the mail about that. Well, I will definitely give her the message that you called, Peeta."

"Oh, thanks, Mrs. Everdeen," I say, "Have a good day. Bye."

"Thanks, Peeta. You have a good day too. Goodbye." She breaks the connection. It was only after we hang up that I think, Oh no...I used the PHONE. I replay the conversation in my head...nope, nothing incriminating. Nothing to indicate to anyone that Katniss and were anything but we had sold everyone that we were. I feel myself relax as I sit back and rather shakily take another sip of tea. I idly pick up one of the papers scattered on the desk. Something about "Victor's Talent" catches my eye. Oh, yeah, Effie was talking about this. I skimmed over the document.

Let's see...Victors no longer had to work for a living, so the Capitol "encouraged" them to develop a "talent." Something useless for the entertainment of the Capitol and its citizens. I laughed softly to myself as I realized that Katniss already had a "talent" that she had displayed quite competently during the Games...one that she really couldn't  
"display." I was sure that the Capitol would take a very dim view of Katniss's "talent" being poaching on Capitol land. Hunting, after all, was illegal...even though I was reasonably sure that someone in authority had to have been aware that she didn't acquire her skill with a bow in the few short days we had in the Training Center.

I turned on the computer on my desk and quickly skimmed through the tutorial on how to purchase items from Capitol businesses. I already knew what my "talent" was going to be, and it wasn't anything that local businesses could really help me with. Quickly I scanned through the directories until I found the businesses that I was looking for, then began placing orders. This isn't as hard as I thought it would be, I think to myself. After completing my purchases, I received a message informing me that my orders have been processed and that I was given "Victor's Priority," and that my purchases would be shipped immediately and would arrive at the District Twelve train station on Sunday...on the Parcel Train.

I smile in anticipation as I power off my computer and clean up my desk. At last I will have something to do other than watch Capitol programming all day! I decide to call Haymitch and get his thoughts on the whole Parcel Day/District Celebration thing. Consulting the directory again, I punch in his number, only to get a message stating that his line was in use, and did I want to leave a message. I hang up instead.

That puzzled me. Who could he be talking to? I remember Effie saying something about her having his phone re-installed now that he had two new Victors to mentor, and that Haymitch was less than thrilled by the prospect. According to Effie, apparently Haymitch, for reasons known only to him, had ripped out his old phone and destroyed it years before. That revelation did not surprise me in the least. So it was all the more puzzling that he would actually be talking to someone. It's probably Effie, I say to myself. I decided to walk over to his place instead of trying to call him again.

I walk outside, enjoying the feel of the morning sun on my face. Mid summer was always a favorite time of year. As usual, Haymitch's house looked deserted. Blinds closed, drapes drawn, and dark. I knock on his door and wait. No answer. I knock again and wait. No answer. I know he's here, why isn't he answering? I try the door. Unlocked. I slowly open the door and step inside. The foul smell hits me almost physically. I recoil slightly as a multitude of odors, some that I recognize, and others that are just plain offensive, envelopes me.

"Haymitch?" I call out softly. In spite of his insistence that we are all "relatives" out here in the Village, I still feel uncomfortable. No matter, I'm greeted by silence...no, I hear talking...from upstairs. Slowly, I climb the stairs and call out again, "Haymitch?"

I get to the top of the stairs and look around. I hear a voice that I now recognize as Haymitch coming from one of the bedrooms. I start towards the voice and I can now make out what he's saying. What I hear makes me freeze in my tracks.

"- understand, SIR," I hear Haymitch say. The contempt that he put into the word "sir" was unmistakable. "Yes, I - no, I'm sure - listen, you and I both know, he's a very likable boy, and has...had...a lot of friends here."

I can see him now through the open door of the bedroom, pacing back and forth, the cordless handset to his ear. What is he doing up here?

"I'm - no, no, I'm sure it was nothing. No - I doubt if she knows anything. Please, SIR," more contempt, "I said I would take care of it." Haymitch pauses and is listening intently to whoever he is talking to. I'm sure it's not Effie. For about a minute he's quiet, just nodding every so often. Finally, "Yes - thank you, SIR. I appreciate your letting me handle this. No, you won't have to...take any other action. Yes - yes, good day to you as well, SIR."

Haymitch viciously stabs at the "End Call" button on the phone and sighs heavily, then jerks, startled, when he sees me standing in the hallway.

"Hay -" I begin, but stop when his finger flies to his mouth. Quiet. I nod. He walks out of the room and glares at me as he passes me, making a "follow me" motion with his hand. Quietly we walk down the stairs and head through his kitchen. My eyes take in the filth that I see. Dirty dishes, spoiled food, and empty bottles are everywhere. Haymitch opens his back door and, with a grand sweeping gestures, ushers me out, following close behind.

Before I can say anything, he puts his finger to his lips again as we walk a little distance from the house, then suddenly he stops in his tracks and quickly turns to me.

"How long were you standing there?" He demands.

"Long enough," I reply.

He takes a deep breath. "Okay. You were never in my house today, and you heard nothing. Got it?" I nod. "Got it?!" Haymitch repeats.

"Got it," I reply.

"Good," Haymitch continues, then, "Damn that woman anyway. 'Haymitch, you have responsibilities to them now. Don't argue, you need a phone.'" He mimics Effie's Capitol accent remarkably well. I would have laughed but I really don't see anything funny about the whole situation.

"Okay," Haymitch pauses for a moment, "Now, about Elizabeth O'Sullivan," he says.

"What about her?" I ask warily.

"Do you...like...her? I mean, she's...a friend?" Haymitch puts very subtle emphasis on the words "like" and "friend" and his meaning his crystal clear.

I bristle a bit at the not so subtle insinuation. "Yes, I like her, and yes, she's a friend," I finally answer.

"Remember what I told you that you are going to lose most, if not all, of your friends?" He asks. I get a chill when he says this. I nod.

He looks at me sadly, "I'm sorry, kid," he says, "But she has to be your first lost friend."

I stare numbly at him for a moment. I would have been relieved to hear him say this a week ago. Beth's attentiveness and obvious attraction to me were annoying, especially where my feelings for Katniss were concerned. But now...I had gotten to know her a little bit better, and I genuinely found myself liking her.

"She's just a friend," I say softly. Haymitch shakes his head and says gently, "No...she was a friend. And, if you really like her, the best thing you can do for her is to not be her friend any more."

"It was that Peacekeeper," I say bitterly, "wasn't it?"

Haymitch shrugs. "I don't know. I do know that you kissed her."

"Technically, Haymitch...she kissed me. But...I didn't push her away. So, I guess Peacekeepers are now reporting public displays of affection?" I ask angrily.

"They do when the girl you're kissing isn't Katniss," Haymitch snaps. "Listen, and listen close, boy. I know Katniss told you what's going on between you two and the Capitol. Your best bet is for the both of you to really sell your romance. And you aren't selling it if you're making out with another girl!"

"Tell that to Katniss. She's the one ignoring me."

"Peeta...look. I know this hasn't been easy for you. But you have to understand that the...person...I was talking to is NOT playing around. That call was your - our - only warning. So, if you really like Elizabeth, you need to break it off with her entirely, soon...or something...very unfortunate...will happen."

I feel that same chill again. I nod. "Okay. Next time I see her...I'll do it."

"Kid...for what it's worth...I know what you're going through...and I am sorry."

I simply nod, then turn and go home without another word. I will talk to him about Parcel Day some other time.

**PART II - PLANS**

I sit at home for the rest of the day, drained. I have music playing softly in the background. I nap off and on, but each time I am awakened by a nightmare.

Somewhere about noon I hear a meowing outside my front door and scratching at the door itself. I know who it is. Buttercup. Prim's homely little cat has taken to visiting me just about every day with Prim being back in school. I get up and let him in. He responds by rubbing against my ankle (only the real one, he shies away from my robo-leg), and purring. He follows me into the kitchen where I put down a small bowl of milk and open a can of fish I found in my pantry for him.

I know Prim feeds him, but he eagerly attacks my offering. I smile at him and retreat back to the living room and my couch. I lay back, hearing but not listening to the music, and staring blankly at the ceiling for a while until I feel the small weight of a cat jumping up on my chest.

"Have enough to eat?" I ask quietly, while scratching behind his ears. He purrs contentedly, his paws kneading my chest as I pet him. Gradually he curls up and I soon see his eyes droop as he starts to fall asleep. I soon join him.

I jerk awake at the sound of knocking. Buttercup's head snaps up at the sound and he lets out a low growl and a hiss. Only one person gets that kind of response from him.

"Peeta?" Katniss calls out and knocks again. "Coming!" I shout as I get up from the couch. I'm stiff and my neck is sore from how I was laying.

I shuffle to the door, Buttercup close on my heels. As soon as the door opens Buttercup shoots through and runs across to Katniss's house.

"There goes your friend," Katniss says with a smile, then, "Mom said you called and wanted to talk to me."

I nod and step outside. "Do you mind if we talk out here?" I ask. She shakes her head. "No, not at all." She knows we can talk more openly outside.

We stroll down the walkway to the street, then turn down the street towards the center of the Village. "So where did you go today?" I ask casually.

Katniss looks at me sharply. "Why?" She asks suspiciously.

I shrug. "Just curious," I answer. "Your mother said you usually are out all day, every day."

"Oh," she says, and relaxes a bit. "I walk Prim to school, then I go out and check traps...for Gale," she explains.

"Traps?" I ask. For Gale, I think. Always for Gale.

"Yes. Traps and snares...for animals. Gale can't go out except on Sundays because he's working in the mine six days a week. I collect whatever was caught and reset the traps. Then I head to the Hob and sell everything that Gale and his family don't need for dinner. I also collect wild plants for him and his family. Then, I drop off their dinner and whatever money I got for his kills at his house with Hazelle...his mother. Then, I meet Prim after school and walk her home. Satisfied?" She finishes sarcastically.

"Katniss," I say with a sigh, "I was just curious. I'm not being nosy." Yes, you are, Mellark, you liar, but I continue, "It sounds like you manage to keep busy. Are you...hunting...also?"

She stiffens a bit, then says, "No. Not yet. I...can't just yet. Maybe soon."

I nod as we walk. Oh, how I want to take her hand in mine. We walk for a minute in silence. We are almost at the end of the Village. Time to turn around and start back.

Katniss finally breaks the silence. "Peeta," she begins, "I'm sorry. It seems like every time we talk I end up snapping at you or yelling at you. You don't deserve that."

"It's okay," I answer, but she cuts me off. "No, it's NOT okay, Peeta! You've been nothing but nice to me, and considerate, and attentive, and I repay you by either ignoring the fact that you live just across the street from me or by throwing it back in your face! How can you even say you...love me...the way I treat you!"

We stop walking and I turn to face her. "I think you know why, and how much, and for how long, I have loved you. And it's not fair of me to expect you to feel the same way about me. We both weren't supposed to win, remember? But, both of us did. Dealing with my feelings is my burden, not yours. I know that you don't care, and -"

"You're wrong," she interrupts suddenly, "You're wrong, Peeta Mellark, if you think I don't care!" She stares at me intently, her gray eyes glistening with moisture, her strong hands gripping my shoulders tightly.

She pauses and takes a deep breath, and says quietly, "MY problem is that I do care...I care very much...and I stay away from you because...when I'm around you, I get confused, and I feel...strange...and I don't know how I would have been able to keep on going if you...hadn't won the Games with me." Her voice is steady but I see two tears slip silently down her face.

"Hey," I say softly, as I wipe her tears away with my fingers. She lets out a little shaky laugh. "Remember on the train?" She asks, "When you asked me if what I did was all for the Games?" I nod. "Yes," I say simply.

"And I said, 'not all of it?'" I nod again. She continues, "Remember during our Post-Games interview with Caesar, when I said 'We saved each other?'"

I swallow heavily and take a deep breath. "Yes," I whisper.

"I meant every word," she said with a small smile.

Wordlessly I pull her to me and hug her tightly. She doesn't resist. I hold her for a moment then whisper, "Thank you."

Her mouth is next to my ear and she whispers back, "You deserved to know that."

I pull away from her as we both take deep breaths. Her hands drop back to her sides as do mine. Finally, I say, "Effie called me this morning."

We start walking again as Katniss nods. "Me too," she says.

"So...looks like we are spending Sunday together," I say.

"Yes, it does," she answers, then says, "It'll be fun."

"I think so to," I say, surprised that Katniss actually thinks something will be fun.

"The train is supposed to get there at 8 AM. I think we should get there by 7:30 at the latest," I say. She nods and moves closer to me as we walk, slipping her arm in mine. I look at her in surprise.

"Just practicing," she says with a smile. I roll my eyes a bit and say, "Good idea, you need it."

She punches me lightly on the arm with her free hand. "Ha ha, very funny," she says with the same smile.

"Just remember, cameras will be everywhere," I remind her. She nods solemnly. "I know," she says with a sigh.

We arrive back at her house. "See you at 7 Sunday morning, then?" I ask. Before she goes into her house she turns to me. "Peeta...this whole Parcel Day thing...it's the best thing about being a Victor. We get to help," she says with a smile. I smile back and say, "Yes, we do, and I agree!"

"Okay, then, 7 AM Sunday!" She says, then gives me a quick hug, and whispers, "That was for you, not for practice." Her door closes behind her and I walk back to my place.

**PART III - PARCEL DAY**

Sunday morning - Parcel Day - dawned beautifully. As usual, nightmares plagued my dreams the night before. I was surprised that I didn't hear any screaming coming from Katniss's place that night. I had thought about maybe talking to her about my - our - dreams, but every time I thought about bringing it up, something inside me would stop me. Someday, I thought.

I get up, have a quick cup of tea and a quick breakfast, then shower and get ready to go. I had to admit I was looking forward to today. Not only was I going to spend virtually the entire day with Katniss, but we were going to do something good for the district, and get to spend the day at the District Victor's Celebration. Life in District Twelve was not easy, and reasons for celebrating were few and far between.

At 7 AM sharp I show up at Katniss's door. I knock briskly, and soon Prim opens the door. The second I see her face I know something is wrong.

"Peeta! Good morning," she says, "Katniss is...running late. She said that she would meet you at the train station no later than 8."

"Is everything okay, Prim?" I ask.

"She had kind of a...rough night," Prim admitted., then added hastily, "But she's okay! We just all overslept a bit," she added with a grin.

I nod, tell her that I will see her later at the Celebration, and start walking into town to the train station. I hope my disappointment wasn't too obvious. I really wanted to be able to have a few minutes with her before the craziness of the day took over.

The walk to the station doesn't take long and the station manager is waiting outside, along with the Mayor and Hadrian Clark. I greet them all, assure them that Katniss was on the way, and was informed by the station manager that the train was actually running ahead of schedule and should be here in a few minutes. I take the station manager aside and let him know that I was expecting a personal shipment on the same train.

"No problem, Mr. Mellark," he says with a smile, "We received a copy of the bill of lading for your shipment yesterday. I know you're going to be busy today, so if you like we can store your goods in the freight office for you and run it out to your house tomorrow."

"Great!" I say. "Thank you so much, that will work out great."

At about that time we hear the train coming into the station. Unlike most trains coming into the district, this one is big. I realize that, in addition to the parcels for Parcel Day and my shipment, all of the equipment and carnival rides for the celebration were on the train as well.

The train stops and the first person off is a young Capitol woman. I look her over quickly. Young, probably no older than 30, typical Capitol fashion, head completely shaved. As she gets closer I see an intricate tattoo of green vines covering her head.

She sees me and smiles. "Mr. Mellark? I'm Cressida," she says, "I'm the director of the Capitol networks camera crew today. My assistant, Messalla, will be along in a moment with the camera crew."

I smile and shake her hand. She seems friendly and personable. She quickly greets Hadrian, the Mayor, and the station manager. It seems that this is not her first visit to Twelve.

She turns back to me. "Where's Miss Everdeen? I was under the impression that she would be here as well."

"She's running late," I explain. "She should be here shortly."

"Oh," she was clearly disappointed, but continued with a smile, "Well, our job here today is to be as invisible as possible. You two are the stars of this show. We are here to simply document Parcel Day and the Celebration. There will be live feeds going back to the Capitol all day long and the footage we shoot today will be edited for a special broadcast later on this week. We will leave you alone as much as possible, but we will be interviewing some of your family members, friends, and neighbors. Parcel distribution will begin promptly at 9 AM. Traditionally Victors hand out parcels for a couple of hours. That will give the carnival crews ample time to set up their attractions. At 11 AM you and Miss Everdeen will move to the square and officially start the Victors Celebration. I promise...no speeches, no testimonials...just fun." She pauses at the sound of someone calling her name. I glance over and see a young man coming up with two other men wearing insect-like shells. I notice lenses and realize that they are actually wearing cameras.

"Mr. Mellark, this is Messalla, my assistant, and my camera operators Castor and Pollux." she says by way of introduction, quickly adding, "Miss Everdeen is running late, so we will begin set up by distribution without her."

We shake hands all around and quickly her assistant and the cameramen disappear. The whole time a constant stream of trucks is rolling through the station loading docks, carrying carnival equipment to the square.

"Well, I think that's it," Cressida says, then adds, "Unless you have any questions for me?"

"Only two," I say, then continue, "How are they going to get everything set up in time for the Celebration to start? And, please call me Peeta," I add with a smile.

Cressida returns my smile. "Don't worry, Mr. - Peeta. These people are professionals and the equipment can be set up and taken down very quickly."

I nod, then continue. "It seems that you have met our Mayor and Capitol Liaison before?"

She laughs and says, "Yes, I was out here during your Games. When you and Miss Everdeen made the Final Eight."

Of course, I think to myself, nodding. The Capitol sends camera crews out to the districts where the tributes that make up the Final Eight are from, to get interviews and reactions.

"I must be off, but I'll see you later, Peeta," Cressida says. She smiles once more and disappears to supervise her crew.

A moment later Katniss runs up, out of breath. "I'm so sorry, Peeta," she pants, "I had...a bad night."

I nod. "It's okay, Katniss," I say, giving her a quick hug. She stiffens almost imperceptibly but just as quickly relaxes and returns my hug. Your acting skills are improving, I think, a little bitterly.

Katniss quickly warmly greets the Mayor, and politely greets Hadrian Clark. We are ushered to an open box car where pallets of Parcel items are stacked neatly. I spot the camera crew and wave over to them. Cressida waves back and I point them out to Katniss. She smiles and waves while saying under her breath, "Huh, typical Capitol." I explain to her that Cressida had promised not to bother us unless absolutely necessary and added that she seemed very nice. Katniss simply nods.

A crowd begins to form to receive Parcels. We both notice that the earliest arrivals are all Seam. Katniss greets many by name and with both sit in the open door of the box car with our legs dangling. For a few minutes we engage the growing crowd with some small talk while waiting for the official Parcel Day to begin. At one point Katniss squeezes my hand and whispers, "This makes what we went through worth it," then surprises me by giving me a big kiss. I recover nicely to return her kiss with enthusiasm, and as we look up to the sound of the crowd clapping vigorously, I spot Cressida smiling and giving us a thumbs up signal. I then spot a tall figure standing at the back of the crowd. He's not clapping.

Gale.

Gale is standing near the back of the crowd, arms folded across his chest, scowling. I sigh. I knew he would be here today. I just hope he doesn't start any trouble. I glance over at Katniss and see her smile waver slightly as she spots him, then smile widely at him and wave enthusiastically. Gale sees her waving and returns her smile and wave with his own, but somewhat less enthusiastically.

At that time the Mayor steps forward and quietly informs us that we are about ready to start, then, as Katniss and I sort through the Parcels, he gives a brief speech announcing that Parcel Day has begun.

The crowd surges forward enthusiastically and soon Katniss and I are hustling back and forth, handing out packages. Katniss is smiling and laughing as she sees families enthusiastically tearing open the boxes, revealing food that is rarely seen here...fresh fruit, candy, canned meats and vegetables, and fresh vegetables. Other boxes contain medicines and ointments, bandages and salves, while still others have small mirrors, hairbrushes, ribbons, pins, and other small items.

Several times we stop to hug and kiss for the cameras while the baggage crews continually work to deliver the packages. I finally see Gale with his mother, brothers and sister make their way to the front of the crowd and pointedly work their way to the side where Katniss was working. She jumped down to hug each one in turn, leaving Gale for last. Gale she favors with a big kiss on his cheek as well as a hug. I concentrate on passing out boxes while smiling and talking with the people receiving them.

Finally the Mayor comes up and tells us in a low voice that it's time for us to make our way to the square so we can start the Victors Celebration. We wave one last time and head over to the square. I see Cressida and her camera crew and staying true to their word...leaving us pretty much alone while interviewing many of the people around us.

We arrive in the square and I see that all of the temporary carnival structures and rides are all up and the operators are testing everything out. We make our way to a temporary stage...I realize that, while being a bit smaller, it's in the exact same place as the stage set up for the Reapings.

We mount the stage and the Mayor introduces us to an enthusiastic crowd, then the Mayor invites us forward to open the celebration.

I take the microphone first. "Is everyone having a good time?" I ask to the cheers from the crowd. "Katniss and I are so happy that we were able to bring this to you. Enjoy!"

Katniss speaks next. "Thank you all for coming out today, and thanks to the generosity of the Capitol for providing all this for us!" She says to polite applause. I see Haymitch at the edge of the crowd giving her a subtle thumbs up. "I hope you all will eat more than is good for you and everyone, please, enjoy yourselves!" The response was more enthusiastic this time as we descend from the stage. People press around us, shaking our hands and slapping us on the back. It's all I can do to keep my hand holding on to Katniss's.

Katniss turns to me, smiling, her eyes shining. "What should we do first?" She asks.

I point to a large contraption that someone identified as a Ferris Wheel. "I think we are expected to ride that," I say with a smile.

She examines it and says, "Well, it doesn't look too bad," then takes my hand and runs to the big wheel. It's all I can do to keep up. We get to the wheel where we are ushered to the front of the line, then in quick order we are seated in an open gondola with a metal bar clamped over our laps.

The operator grins and says, "It's customary to give couples a bit of...privacy...on this ride," then starts the ride. Both Katniss and I are laughing at the sensation of being whirled around and when I steal glances at her she seems like she is truly having fun. Suddenly the wheel stops with us at the very top. The gondola sways back and forth a few times as we sit, puzzled. Was something wrong?

Realization hits me. I turn to Katniss and say, "I think this is the 'privacy' that he mentioned," I say with a smile.

Katniss frowns in confusion then blushes when she realizes what he meant. Then she grins and slides closer to me as my arm goes around her shoulders. She snuggles into me and whispers, "Do you suppose there are cameras up here?"

I grin and shrug. "Well, we better assume that there are," she says with a smile before pulling my lips down to hers. She kisses me deeply and holds our kiss until we feel the wheel moving again.

She pulls away from me slightly with a small smile on her face. "Too bad that was all for the cameras," I whisper to her with a grin of my own. She laughs lightly and says, "Maybe..."

We get off the ride to cheers and applause from the crowd and I see Katniss blushing again. We make our way through the crowded square...meeting our families for hugs (even from my mother) and more photos. We stop at the food booths and try the various dishes. We go on still more rides, some of which leave us feeling a bit queasy when we get off.

One time I spot Dawson Bannon, in a walking cast with another cast on his arm and a bandage over his nose. I wonder for a moment how he got professional medical treatment but then realize that, because his father was upper mine management, and so had access to the Capitol appointed Mine Office doctor. He sees me but doesn't look me in the eye.

I only spot Beth once and hope that she doesn't come up to talk to me now. What I have to tell her will be painful...for both of us...but thankfully she just smiles and waves and goes off with some friends.

We only see Gale once more. Haymitch had taken him aside and, from the looks of things, was giving him a lecture. Whatever Haymitch said to him must have worked, because neither of us saw him any more that day. Later on Katniss ran into his mother and she explained that Gale had taken ill from too much rich food and had gone home.

The Celebration continued well into the night but shortly after it got dark people started to leave. The next was, after all, a school and work day for everyone...well, almost everyone. As the guests of honor Katniss and I stayed until the very end. We were both pleasantly exhausted and I couldn't remember the last time I had so much fun. Maybe, I thought, being a Victor wouldn't be so bad.

I remember asking one of the carnival operators if they were staying the night and he said no, they would tear everything down tonight and load it back on the train. By the time the sun came up tomorrow all evidence of them being here would be gone and the train would be hundreds of miles away.

Finally, it was time for us to say goodnight and make our way back to the Village. Our families had long since gone home and gone to bed. With a smile, Katniss asked me if I would walk her home and of course I said yes. I offered her my arm and we slowly strolled back to the Village.

As we walked, Katniss finally broke the silence. "Today was so much fun, Peeta," she said. I nodded and told her I agreed with her.

"I wish every day could be like today," she said quietly, and then, "Oh, I almost forgot to tell you what Effie sent me,"

"What's that?" I asked.

She sighed. "A flute!" she said. "What?" I replied. "Isn't that the most ridiculous thing? How am I supposed to learn flute here? And why a flute? She's been bugging me about my 'talent' all week!"

"You have a beautiful voice," I said, remembering that long ago time in music assembly when we were just five, "Why don't you -"

"No." She said flatly. "I'm not singing for...those people," she declared emphatically, then, "What about you, Peeta? Have you picked a 'talent?'"

I nod slowly. "My supplies are being delivered tomorrow." I say.

"And?" she asked.

I look at her quizzically. "Are you gonna elaborate or do I have to guess?" She said.

I laugh. "It's my secret...for now." That's all I will say.

"Okay, fine...be mysterious," she says. We then notice that we are in front of her house.

"Well...goodnight, Katniss," I say, facing her.

"Peeta...I had so much fun today," she said softly.

"Me too," I reply.

She glances down, then back up at me. "Damn, why does everything have to be so complicated?" she says, before wrapping her arms around my neck and finding my lips with hers.

We stand in front of her house sharing the most tender, searching kiss we had ever had.

She finally breaks the kiss and stares into my eyes, like she is searching for something.

"Katniss, I -" I begin, but she puts her fingers to my lips. "Peeta...shhhh," she says.

I kiss the fingers on my lips. She sighs once, then raises up on tip toe to quickly kiss my cheek. "Goodnight, Peeta," she says as she runs into her house and shuts her door.


	9. DELIVERY

**CHAPTER 9 - DELIVERY**

I sit in my darkened kitchen nursing a cup of tea. My nightly foray into dreamland once again has taken me back to the hated arena. As usual, Katniss played a central role in the nightly play my subconscious mind created. And, as usual, I wake paralyzed, fighting for breath, soaked in sweat. I was hoping that the wonderful day that I had with Katniss just yesterday would spare me from at least one night of terrors.

Parcel Day. All day long and into the night we portrayed the perfect happy couple...holding hands, hugging, laughing, and plenty of kissing. I had never seen Katniss smile and laugh so much. Even before our games...before we were Reaped...Katniss was rarely seen with a smile. She was forced by the death of her father to grow up way too fast.

There are two Katniss's, I think. The one before her fathers death...and the one after. Before Katniss was a reasonably happy girl...I had seen that myself. A girl with an easy smile and a quick laugh. A girl that LOVED to sing. After Katniss was a girl that may go days without cracking a smile. A girl that rarely laughed. A girl that NEVER sang.

Yesterday, though...yesterday, for the first time, I got to see a glimpse of Before Katniss. A smiling, laughing, 16 year old teenage girl out with a boy (me) for the day. I hope that I get to see her again, soon.

Today, though...in a few hours my shipment of Capitol goods that I had ordered will be delivered. I find myself eagerly anticipating my own Parcel Day. The day when I treat myself. Maybe, I think, maybe it will even help me with my nightmares.

Across the street, the lights are on, as usual. Although I didn't hear it tonight, I'm sure Katniss once again woke up her mother and sister with another screaming nightmare. I know Haymitch has trouble sleeping at night also. What a fine group we are, I think.

I carry my cup into the living room to relax on the couch. Maybe I can doze off and get a few more hours of sleep before my delivery gets here. I turn on the Holo-TV and catch a recap of yesterdays festivities. Cressida and her camera crew did a great job of capturing Katniss and I enjoying the day for the District. I watched several of the interviews that she did with some of the District residents, and notice that Gale is conspicuously absent from the interviews. And, my suspicions of cameras hidden in the Ferris wheel gondolas was confirmed as I watched the passionate kiss that Katniss and I shared on top of the wheel.

One interview catches my eye. Beth. I sigh and think that I will have to talk to her and the sooner the better. On the Holo-TV Beth is smiling and joking with Cressida, obviously enjoying herself. As I watch her I realize that I'm looking at Katniss and I, only in reverse. Here's a girl that admittedly has had a crush on me for a long time, and, up until a couple of weeks ago I barely knew she was alive. Now I am in the position that I put Katniss in...where I just don't return Beth's feelings.

I turn the Holo-TV off and sit in the darkened living room. Katniss keeps sending me mixed signals. Like yesterday. Or is it just wishful thinking on my part? I know Haymitch has coached her along for events like yesterday, but unless her acting skills have improved, I just can't see Katniss faking THAT much. Of course, she's concerned about keeping up appearances especially when camera crews are around to record our every move.

I close my eyes and lay back on my couch. Life's never easy, I think. Life's never -

A knock on the door jolts me awake. What time is it? I see through the blinds that it's light out. I peek through the blinds and see delivery trucks parked in front of my house.

I quickly slip on shorts and a t shirt and walk outside just as a driver is making his way up the walk.

"Mr. Mellark?" he asks.

"Yes, that's me," I answer.

"We have a pretty big shipment for you here. Just tell me where you want everything."

I walk over to the first truck and look in the back. "Everything in here...in the kitchen," I say. The driver nods and gestures to a pair of workers standing by. They begin to unload the truck as I go to inspect the second truck.

"All this in the basement," I say. The driver nods again and gets a somewhat larger crew to work.

After a quick glance in the third truck, I tell the driver, "Everything in here goes upstairs. Follow me, I'll show you what room."

As I go into the house I realize that taking everything through one door is causing a huge jam up. I ask the driver if some of the things can be brought around to the back of the house. He takes a quick look at what doors I want him to use and goes to issue instructions.

"First truck, unload to the kitchen through the back door. Second truck, through the outer entrance to the basement."

The workers make their adjustments as the driver and I go upstairs and I show him the bedroom that I had emptied. Soon the third truck is being unloaded in here as well.

The driver and I step aside so I can sign the invoices that he has. As I do I see Mrs. Everdeen come out of the house across the way and walk over to me.

"Good morning, Peeta!" she says cheerily, smiling.

"Morning, Mrs. Everdeen," I smile back.

"Looks like moving day! Don't tell me you are tired of the neighborhood already!" she says with a wink.

I laugh and say, "No, no, nothing like that. These are just some things I ordered to help keep me busy...and to work on my 'talent.'" I explain.

"Hmmmm...Katniss is supposed to be learning a 'talent' also," she says, "But, everything Miss Trinket has suggested just leads to Katniss rolling her eyes and snorting."

"She is stubborn. It didn't take me long to learn that," I say.

"She certainly is that," Mrs. Everdeen replies, "Now that she can afford it, I do wish she would treat herself a little. You both have earned it...and from what I could see yesterday, under that grim, unsmiling exterior I do believe I have a 16 year old daughter hiding, begging to get out!"

At that the driver comes up. "Excuse the interruption, but everything's unloaded, so we'll be off."

I nod and shake his hand. "Thanks again," I say as I dig in my pocket, and pull out a handful of coins, "Here...as a thank you to you and your crew."

The driver smiles. "Thank YOU, sir!" A minute later the trucks roar to life and in a moment Victor's Village is once again quiet.

Mrs. Everdeen says, "Well, I know you must want to get your things unpacked, Peeta. Have a good time with...whatever you bought!"

"Thanks again, Mrs. Everdeen...and tell Katniss and Prim I said hello."

"Will do! Bye!" I watch Mrs. Everdeen walk back to her - I mean Katniss's - house then go back inside my place. I have some putting away to do.

I head into the kitchen. Large commercial sized sacks of flour and sugar, boxes of baking soda, cans of baking powder, and boxes of sundry items such as raisins, nuts, and dried fruit are stacked everywhere. Eggs and milk I will pick up locally, but I didn't want to have to walk into town every time I wanted to bake something...and I do feel like baking.

I hum softly to myself as I put everything away. Later I will busy myself in the kitchen. Two more rooms to tackle first.

I head upstairs to the back spare bedroom. I had moved the bed and armoire down to the basement a couple of days ago. It was too big of a job for me alone, but I managed to enlist Haymitch's help with some of the more awkward items of furniture. I survey the items that had been delivered there this morning. Several easels, a stack of blank canvasses, palettes, brushes of all shapes and sizes, and dozens of jars of paint await my attempts to bring my dreams (or nightmares, as the case may be) to life. Two dozen sketch pads of different sizes and boxes of pencils will allow me to create just about anywhere. Baking may be my comfort zone...but painting will be my Talent.

The last room to put in order will be the most strenuous. I head into the basement to stacks of heavy duty wooden boxes. Grabbing a hammer and crowbar from my well stocked tool bench, I start to open boxes. Sets of weights...dumbbells, barbells, and kettle bells of all different sizes. Racks for the weights. A bench press and preacher's bench. Katniss was the one that originally pointed out that my physical strength was my biggest asset in the arena. As I assemble the racks and benches and find a place for everything I reflect that this is the room where I will work out my frustration...exactly as I planned it.

Finally, hours later, I'm exhausted but I feel like I accomplished everything I set out to do. I fix myself a late lunch and realize then just how hungry I am. After eating I head upstairs to shower and change into fresh clothes. After my shower I realize that Katniss and Prim should be walking home soon. I fix myself a cold drink and decide to sit out in front to enjoy the warm afternoon...and possibly catch Katniss before she disappears into her own house.

As I wait, Buttercup pays me a visit. I'm rewarded with loud purring as I scratch the battered little cat behind his ears. He contentedly rubs up against my real leg for a few minutes then curls up at my feet and goes to sleep. Admittedly, I'm feeling drowsy myself. Maybe, I think, maybe a Victor's life won't be so bad...then I hear feminine voices approaching.

I sit up and look towards the entrance to the Village. There they were. Katniss and Prim strolling along, chatting and laughing. Katniss is most natural when she's with her sister, I think. The barriers she erects for everyone else disappear with Prim. She smiles and laughs so easily with her. I smile as I watch the two sisters walking closer.

"Hi, Peeta!" Prim calls out and waves. Buttercup's ears perk up at the sound of her voice as he stands, stretches, and trots out to greet her.

"Hi Prim!" I wave back and add, "Hello, Katniss." Katniss glances over at me and gives me a small wave. "Hey, Peeta," she says quietly. Prim scoops up her cat. Buttercup is eying Katniss warily as the girls head toward their home. I watch as they reach the door. Prim stops, turns around, and waves again. "See you later!" She calls out. Katniss gives me a small smile and wave before they both disappear into their house.

I realize that I've been holding my breath and sigh heavily. Well, what did you expect, Mellark? I ask myself angrily. Did you expect her to run over and pick up where we left off last night?

"All for the show," I mutter to myself. The good feelings that I've had all day were disappearing fast. No sense sitting out here anymore. I get up and turn to head back in the house when I see someone else heading into the Village.

Beth.

I take a deep breath. Now's as good a time as any, I think. I sit back down and wait. She wordlessly turns up my walkway and walks towards me. I stand up again as she walks up my front steps. "Hi, Peeta," she says quietly. She's not smiling.

"Hi, Beth," I reply, "Want to come in?" If I'm gonna do this I want every bug in my house to pick up me ending any kind of relationship that I may have with her. I realize that it hurts me to even think about it. She's a nice girl and deserves better. She deserves someone that can return her...feelings. The same feelings that I have about Katniss.

She nods slowly. "Okay," she says simply and follows me inside.

"Want something to drink?" I ask. She hesitates then shakes her head. "No, thanks."

"Please, sit," I say. She sits on the couch, and I sit next to her.

She turns and looks at me. "Peeta, this isn't coming easy for me, so I'm just gonna say it."

What? This is a surprise. I truthfully did not see this coming. "Okay," I say slowly.

Beth takes a deep breath. "I've done a lot of thinking since...last weekend. And I know it was wrong of me to kiss you. I mean, you declared your love for Katniss on TV in front of the whole country! I really don't know what I was thinking. I mean, I know I'm not pretty, and -"

"Stop right there," I interrupt, "Who says you aren't pretty?"

She gives me a sad smile. "That's very sweet, Peeta, but I know the truth. Boys...don't ask me out. They don't...notice me. And you were no exception." Oddly, she doesn't sound angry, or bitter. Just...resigned.

"Beth -" I begin but she interrupts. "Peeta...no. You know what's it like to...to have a crush on someone for a long time. When you were Reaped a piece of me died inside. That piece died some more when you confessed your love for Katniss. When they started playing up the whole star crossed lovers thing...well, that piece just got bigger and bigger. Then, when you won...well, I admit that I was star struck, too. When Mr. Clark offered me the chance to help get your house ready, I took that as a sign." I sit quietly, listening.

Beth takes a deep, shaky breath before continuing. "When I actually got the chance to talk to you...well, you were as nice as I imagined you to be. And I started thinking that maybe...just maybe...we could...end up together. But yesterday - I saw how you and Katniss were with each other. And - I saw how you looked at her. You don't look at anyone else like you look at her."

"Beth, I'm -" I start, but again, "Please let me finish, Peeta. This is SO HARD. I just need to face reality. You love Katniss...and Katniss loves you." I almost laughed bitterly when she said that. If she only knew that it was all an act, I think. Instead, I nod solemnly.

"So...I've decided that...that...it's best if I just go -" Beth presses her hands to her face as tears begin to track down her cheeks. I feel terrible...and I haven't said a word. She's done it all. I should feel relief, but instead I feel like I was the one giving her the speech.

I ease closer to her and wrap my arms around her. At my touch she leans limply into me and I can feel her shoulders shaking as she sobs quietly into my chest. I awkwardly rub her back as she cries.

Finally, she takes a deep breath and sits up. "Thank you," she says quietly. "For what?" I ask.

"For being you...for being the nice guy I knew you were," she answers with a small smile.

I give her a sad smile. "I should go," she finally says. I nod.

I walk her out and down the walk way to the street. "Goodbye, Peeta," she says and turns to go.

"Beth, wait," I find myself saying. She stops and turns and I take her into my arms and hug her close. After a moment I feel her arms go around me. We stand there for a moment, not moving. Finally, she puts her lips to my ear. "She really does love you, you know," she whispers.

I pull back, startled. Beth is smiling at me. I frown slightly. "Don't look so surprised," she says. "Katniss loves you. I'm a girl...I can tell."

Beth lets me go and turns away again. She takes a few steps then turns and says, "She does, you know. She just needs to realize it herself." Then she turns and walks away. She doesn't turn around again.


	10. TALENT

**CHAPTER 10 - TALENT**

**PART I**

_Once again I struggle to climb the cargo net dangling from the ceiling. My strength doesn't help me here. I try to remember what the instructor said...hands on the vertical strands, feet on the horizontal strands, but the higher I climb, the more the net swings and sways. I find myself slipping again and struggle to hold on. Rue went up this as naturally as walking across the room! Likewise, Katniss had no problem scaling the net; in fact, she was almost as fast as Rue was. I feel my feet slipping once again and frantically dig for a foothold. No use. The net twists under my weight and I find myself hanging with my back to the floor for a split second before tumbling to the mat 10 feet below._

_The impact is jarring and I lay there for a moment, dazed by the fall. Dimly I hear laughing and struggle to focus my eyes on the source. Across the room I see Cato, Clove, Glimmer and Marvel laughing uproariously at my embarrassment. I feel myself flushing and sincerely wish that I could just melt into the floor._

_"Throw that metal thing over there," I hear a low voice next to me say. I turn my head and see Katniss kneeling next to me. Her words sink in and I shake my head. "What? No...Haymitch said we're not supposed to show our strength..." I answer._

_Katniss looks me in the eye and says forcefully, "I don't care what Haymitch said! Those guys are looking at you like you're weak. Throw it!"_

_Katniss stands up and walks away. I glance over at the Careers all watching me and smirking. I can only guess what they're thinking._

_I get to my feet and walk painfully over to the rack where large weighted balls are kept. I can't help but look over at the Careers as I approach the weights._

_I grasp the handle and pick it up with one hand. It's the heaviest weight in the rack and I see the Careers looking on with interest as I walk forward a few steps. I have my target picked out._

_I grasp the weight with both hands and swing it back. I can see the Careers all watching with quizzical smiles. I know what they're thinking. What's he think he's gonna do with that? Throw it?_

_I cock my arm back and step into the throw. My arm whips around overhand as my momentum carries me towards the target. The weight flies out of my hand and sails directly towards the rack of spears across the room. It hits dead center knocking spears off and pushing the rack itself back several feet._

_I stand for a moment to catch my breath and watch as the Careers slowly walk away from my demonstration. None of them are smiling now._

I have this same thought over and over as I work with my new weights. Curls, bench presses, overhead presses, flies and kettle bell swings. My muscles tremble as I put my body through its first strain since I left the arena. Upstairs in the kitchen are batches of fresh dough rising. I decided to break in my weights while waiting for the dough to rise.

With a grunt I heave the bar bell back onto the rack. I'm perspiring heavily and I'm sure that I'll be sore in the morning. I make a note to look into installing ceiling fans down here. At least I had the foresight to bring a glass of water down here. After the dough rises, I think, I will get a batch of bread started, and while that's baking I'll soak in that tub upstairs...the one that shoots jets of water. That should calm my muscles...that and some ointment that I found earlier.

I'm just about to grab the curl bar for another set when I hear an insistent knocking from upstairs. Puzzled, I head up to the kitchen and to the front door. "Coming!" I shout.

I mop my face with a spare dish towel as I open the door. Katniss.

"Hi," she says simply, then, "What have you been doing?"

"Katniss! Hi!" I answer. What is she doing here? "Uh...I was in the basement...trying out my new weights."

"Oh," she said, then, "Mom said you got a bunch of stuff delivered today."

"Yeah," I answer, "I did. Want to come in?"

She nods and I shut the door. "Want something to drink?" I ask. She shakes her head. "No, thank you."

We head to the living room and I gesture for her to sit. I can feel my heart pounding and I know it's not from the exercise.

"I saw Beth O'Sullivan leave earlier," she says without preamble. Straight to the point.

"She was here," I admit. I've got nothing to hide. So why all of a sudden do I feel guilty...like I did something wrong?

"I was just curious as to what she wanted," Katniss explained, then, "It seems like she's been spending quite a bit of time over here." I search her face intently. She's trying very hard to keep that impassive look fixed on her face but I see something else peeking through.

I'm relieved that Katniss is here, actually. Maybe reinforcing Beth's decision to distance herself from me within hearing of the bugs that Haymitch assures me are everywhere in my house will further convince whoever is listening that she is no threat to the relationship between Katniss and myself. If only they really knew how one sided it really was, I think.

"She actually came here to tell me that she couldn't see me anymore," I explain, then, "She said she saw how we were together on Parcel Day and realized that it wasn't fair for her to think that I would choose her over you, and that she could see how real our love was for each other." I know I laid it on a little thick there, just like I was sure that the irony in what I was saying was not lost on Katniss.

Or, was it? I watch Katniss carefully for some sign that she detected my subtle sarcasm, and to my surprise all I see is a little surprise, and...something else. Relief, maybe?

But Katniss reveals nothing when she speaks. "Oh...well...that was...perceptive on her part," is all she says. Still, I could swear I see relief in her eyes...maybe.

Suddenly she changes the subject. "So, Mom said you got quite a lot of stuff today. Any of it related to your 'Talent?'"

I nod and point. "Upstairs," I answer.

"Can I see?" She asks. I don't answer her but instead ask, "So, what's your 'Talent' gonna be?"

Katniss lets out a heavy sigh. "I've no idea and it's really frustrating! I'm sure Effie is fed up with me...everything she suggests is so ridiculous! Flower arranging...I mean, the only thing I think of when I see any plant is, can I eat it?" We both laugh at this, then, "And music! She sent me a flute! I'm the least musical person in Twelve...and before you say anything...NO! I am NOT singing!"

"Okay, okay," I say, "Calm down! I'm sure between you and Effie you will think of a great 'Talent.'"

"I hope so," she says, then, "So, can I see yours?"

"I'll make a deal with you," I say, "Once you figure out your 'talent' and let me know, then I will show you mine." I say with a smile.

"Peeta! Not fair!" Katniss is almost pouting. I laugh. "Nope, that's the deal." I say.

Katniss scowls and snaps, "Fine!" I realize that I have to give her something so I say, "Come into the kitchen, though, and I will show you something."

"What?" she says, still scowling. "Just come on...you'll see," I reply. Katniss rolls her eyes at my evasiveness as she follows me into the kitchen. "It smells good in here," she comments as we enter then kitchen, then, when she sees my bowls of covered bread dough rising, "Oh! You're baking!"

"Well, almost," I say as I push my fist into each batch of dough, feeling the mixture in each bowl deflate as I quickly re-cover each one, "I'll be ready to start baking in a little while."

"We've been buying bread at the bakery," Katniss blurts out. I smile. "Well, it's the best in town."

For some reason Katniss is blushing. "I mean - it's a lot better than store bread," she stammers out.

"No comparison," I agree. Then, "Katniss, did you have a good time yesterday?"

She nods. "Uh huh. Did you?" she asks.

I smile. "I had a wonderful time."

"I...I'm...happy you did, Peeta. I mean, it seemed like you were, but..." she hesitates.

"But what, Katniss?" I ask.

"Well...I know it's hard, whenever there's cameras around, and we both have to..." she trails off.

"Go on," I say softly.

"I mean...we both have to be smiling all the time, and...not say the wrong thing, or do the wrong thing..."

"Katniss. I had probably the best time I have ever had in my life yesterday. I loved seeing how excited people got when the received their Parcels. I loved being able to give the district a day of celebration. I loved riding the Ferris Wheel with you and being stopped at the top," at this Katniss blushes a bit, "I even loved eating too much greasy food and riding rides that made me regret eating at all," at that we both laugh, "but most of all, I loved doing all these things with you."

Katniss drops her eyes to the floor for a second, then closes the short distance between us and wraps me in a fierce hug. My arms go around her automatically, holding her close to me. I feel her lips on my cheek, then her whisper, "Thank you."

"For what?" I whisper back. She pulls away from me and fixes me in her gaze.

She smiles. "For being able to say what I wanted to say," she answers, then, "I should go. It's getting late."

I don't want you to go, my mind screams...but instead I simply say, "Okay."

We walk to the door. "'Night, Peeta," she says quietly.

"See you soon, Katniss," I respond. She smiles briefly and then walks back to her house without looking back.

**PART II**

I inhale deeply, savoring the aroma of bread baking. I ready my next batch for the oven as my first loaves continue to bake. I didn't realize just how much I missed this. Baking has been part of my life as long as I can remember. Sure, it was work...hard work. And being around hot ovens in the middle of summer was certainly no fun. Not to mention trying to please my mothers exacting standards. But, for all that, it was...familiar, and...comforting.

I check the timer and peer into the big oven and check the four loaves baking. Just about ready, I think. Two loaves of raisin nut, and two loaves of seeded whole wheat. My next batch is different...cheese buns. I arrange the buns on cookie sheets in preparation for the oven.

I reflect on how much easier it is to cook with an easily controlled heat source. The wood burning ovens we used in the bakery were finicky and difficult to control. They were also old and prone to breaking down. I smile as I remember my dad's eyes gleaming as he toured my kitchen. I sigh. Dad. I resolve to see him soon. Funny how I barely think of my mother and brothers. They barely acknowledge me when they do see me. I sigh again and shake my head. Today certainly has been a strange day, I think. First Beth, then Katniss.

Katniss. Was she jealous? I chuckle a little at the thought. It's hard to imagine resourceful, independent, stubborn Katniss actually acting like a teenage girl and being jealous...but that's what it looked like to me. I remember Beth's words as she left, about Katniss loving me even if she doesn't realize it. Is that even possible? I know how I feel about Katniss...I couldn't imagine loving her like I do but not be aware of it.

The timer buzzes, snapping me out of my daydream. I carefully take the bread pans out of the oven and set them on top of the stove, then slide the sheet with the cheese buns inside. I close the oven door and set the timer. A noise at the window makes me look up, but it's just the rain hitting the glass. It started to cloud up in the afternoon and a light rain started to fall about the time Katniss left. I could see it's coming down much harder now.

As I look out the window I see the sky outside light up briefly as lightning flashes across the sky, followed a few seconds later by the rumble of thunder. I yawn. It has been a tiring day. The bath earlier had almost put me to sleep. Another flash, this time brighter, following by a ripping crash of thunder.

I examine the loaves that I just baked. The wheat I made for Haymitch and I. The two loaves of raisin nut are for the Everdeens. I wonder if Katniss will remember the significance of this particular bread. The bulk of the cheese buns will be going to the Everdeens as well.

The timer buzzes again and I take the sheet with the cheese buns out. Done to perfection. I set them on the stove top to cool a bit as I transfer the loaves of bread to cooling racks. I wash the bread pans, dry them and put them away. I quickly transfer the cheese buns to a cooling rack, then wash and dry the baking sheet and put that away. I yawn again. I cover my bread and cheese buns and head upstairs. I glance out my window out of habit. Katniss's house is dark as well as Haymitch's, which surprises me. I remind myself to talk to Haymitch tomorrow about Beth...let him know that everything was taken care of.

Before I go to bed I put a sketch pad and several sharpened pencils on the nightstand. I turn out the light and in minutes I am sound asleep.

**PART III**

I wake with a gasp, my eyes flying open. I can feel my heart thudding in my chest. Outside, the storm rages. Lightning continues to light up the dark sky and thunder continues to roll. Automatically I get out of bed and cross to my window. Lights are on in the two houses across the way.

I grab my sketch pad and some pencils and leave my room. I enter the room that I'm already thinking of as my studio and shut the door. Only then do I turn on the light. I can't explain why, but for some reason I don't want Katniss to know that I am awake every night when she is.

I sit at the small sketch table, and, while the image from my nightmare is still burned in my brain, start to draw rapidly. I had never done this kind of art before but it seemed to flow out of me, through my pencil, and onto the sketch pad. I draw furiously for an hour as the rain continues to patter at the window. Finally, I put the pencil down and examine my work. I nod to myself.

Wide awake, I go downstairs to make a cup of hot chocolate. No matter how hard I try I can't get it to taste like it did on the train or in the Capitol. Cup in hand, I go back upstairs to my studio.

I set the cup on the sketch table and set up an easel, then select a canvas from the stack in the closet. I pick up a palette and several brushes, then quickly sort through tubes and jars of paints. I quickly mix the paints on the palette then, with my sketch set up next to the canvas as a guide, I begin.

Focused on my work, there was no sensation of time passing. At one point I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror on the closet door and had to laugh. A sixteen year old boy, standing in nothing but shorts, one artificial leg, and with paint smears on my hands, arms and face. I look...crazy, I think to myself. Then I think, well, maybe I am. No one can come out of the Games the same person they were when they went in.

I notice the sky lightening with the coming of morning when I finally step back from my handiwork. The storm is over and I can see that the clouds are already starting to break up. I have been at it for hours but strangely I don't feel tired. I stare at the image that I created.

My nightmare from last night stares back at me. A lunging wolf-mutt with blonde fur and green eyes, mouth open in a snarl, seems to leap off the canvas. Now that I'm done I feel drained. A wave of emotion surges over me as I get shakily to my feet. Mechanically I move through the room, putting paint and unused brushes away. Fortunately the majority of the paint not on canvas seemed to be on me, and what missed me is on the drop cloth. The used brushes I drop into a jar of paint remover to soak. I gather my cup and pause at the door to take one more look at the image on canvas.

"I'm sorry, Glimmer," I whisper sadly as I turn off the light and close the door.

I go downstairs quickly to rinse out my cup, then head back upstairs to my bedroom. Although I'm exhausted I take a shower and scrub the paint off. Changing into clean shorts and t shirt, I regard my bed briefly. More sleep, I think. Before I can crawl back into bed I hear a door close across the way and hear girls voices. I step to the window to see Katniss and Prim. Of course, she's walking Prim to school. Katniss looks like a different person when she's with her sister. Her face is relaxed and often creased in an easy smile as the girls slowly stroll up the street.

Prim happens to glance up and sees me standing at the window. She smiles and waves. "Morning, Peeta!" This causes Katniss to glance up as well. She sees me and waves as well, but says nothing. I wave back at the girls and watch them walk down the street. Just before they go out of sight I see Katniss look back over her shoulder. She catches my eye and she flashes me a quick smile before the two girls disappear from sight.

I sigh deeply. I doubt if I will ever be able to figure out Katniss. I shake my head slowly and flop down on my bed. It was a long night.

**PART IV**

My eyes snap open. I have no idea what time it is but from the way the light is coming in through my window it's still morning. Another dream woke me up, but this time, it was a good one. I grab the sketch pad and a pencil and, propped up on my elbow, I start to draw.

Unlike the nightmare with the Glimmer-mutt, this dream, although taking place in the arena, was from one of my most cherished memories of that terrible time. My vision this time is much simpler and my pencil flies across the paper. Every so often I pause to make a correction or two, but in no time I'm finished.

Once again I trudge into my studio, this time with a cup of hot tea. Breakfast is a couple of cheese buns I took off the cooling rack. Once I'm set up, I prop up the sketch next to the easel and go to work. Again, unlike my earlier nightmare, this painting seems to take life on its own. Where bringing the Glimmer-mutt to life took hours, this one seems to flow in a seamless path from my mind, down my arm, through my hand, and from the brush onto the canvas. And this time, I'm much neater and cleaner as well. No paint spatters on me or the drop cloth.

Finally, my dream has come to life on canvas. I inspect my work with a smile. I've brought to life the small cave we hid in while I was wounded and feverish. Katniss is leaning over me with a tender look on her face, while just over her right shoulder the cave entrance could be seen.

Satisfied, I clean up once again. I finish cleaning the brushes I used earlier while the brushes that I just used soak. I wash up and get dressed. I wrap up most of the bread that I made last night along with most of the cheese buns, then collect up my packages and head out the door.

My first stop is Haymitch's. I knock several times but get no answer. I finally try the door...unlocked...and walk in, calling his name. I stop to listen but this time I'm not interrupting a phone call. Nothing but silence. I head into his kitchen and he's passed out on a chair by the kitchen table, head and arms resting on the table. A bottle of liquor is sitting on the table. I pick it up and see that it's almost empty.

"Haymitch," I call out softly, then, "Haymitch!" He stirs a bit but doesn't open his eyes. I reach down to grab his shoulder and shake him but as soon as I touch him he sits up with a roar, swinging his hand violently around in a circle. Startled, I jump back, and hear a ripping sound.

Haymitch stares at me blurrily for a moment, and that's when I see the knife clenched in his hand. I glance down at the front of my t shirt and see a gash through the material. Cautiously I open the gash and see a red line seeping blood in a few places across my stomach.

"Rule number one, boy," he growls, "Is be very careful how you wake me up. Oh...and sorry about your shirt."

"I'll remember that," I say wryly.

"So, what do I owe the pleasure?" Haymitch asks, still slouched in the chair.

"Oh...uhh...I did some baking last night, and thought you may like some bread." I explain.

Haymitch eyes the packages that I'm carrying, then gestures to the table. "Go ahead and set it down here," he says.

I set down a whole wheat loaf and the cheese buns on the table. He eyes the buns with interest, then picks one up and takes a bite. He grunts appreciatively.

"Thanks," he finally mumbles, then, "So, did you take care of that 'problem?'"

I form the word "Beth" with my lips and he nods. "Uhh, yeah I did," I answer, "It's all settled."

He smiles, a bit ruefully. "Good," he says, then, "Come out back. I want to show you something."

I nod as he gets to his feet unsteadily and lurches towards his back door. He pulls the door open. I go through the door and he follows, shutting it behind him. We walk a few steps from the house, then he turns towards me.

"I just wanted to confirm it with you," he begins, "I got another phone call from our...'friend'...this morning, commending me on my prompt attention to the 'problem."

"Well, I really didn't do anything," I confess, "She was the one that decided she couldn't keep seeing me." I quickly recap my conversation with Beth to Haymitch. When I finish, he nods slowly.

"If I were you, I wouldn't get my hopes up too high and start thinking that Miss Sunshine is in love with you, kid," he advises.

I nod, and simply say, "I won't."

We head back into the house and Haymitch thanks me for the bread. I leave to make my next stop.

"Peeta! Good morning!" Mrs. Everdeen is standing at the open door. "Morning, Mrs. Everdeen. I was baking last night and thought you might like some bread."

She smiles. "Oh, how thoughtful! Please come in!" She opens the door wider and I enter. Whereas Haymitch's house is filthy, this place is immaculate. "You can bring it into the kitchen," she says, then, "I was just about to make some tea...would you like a cup?"

"Yes, please...thank you, ma'am." I set the bread and cheese buns down on the counter top. As Mrs. Everdeen makes the cups of tea, she glances over at the bread.

"Two loaves...AND cheese buns?" She says with a smile. "I hope you kept some for yourself."

I laugh. "Oh yes, and gave some to Haymitch already," I reply.

"Good. Please, sit," she gestures towards the kitchen table, then brings the cups over and sits down.

"So, Peeta," she begins, "Are you enjoying what you had delivered to your house yesterday?"

"Yes," I smile, "The baking was part of it."

"I know," she replies, "Katniss told me that you were getting ready to bake last night. She also said that you were being very mysterious about your 'talent' as well."

"I was...with her," I admit, laughing, "But I'll tell you...it's painting...you know, pictures, drawings, stuff like that."

"Really? I would enjoy seeing them sometime," She said, "I knew you were artistic from the decorations on the cakes and cookies down at the bakery, which, by the way, are not nearly as pretty as they were when you did them."

I take a sip of tea. "Well, I was thinking about talking to my father about helping out in there," I said, "Discreetly, of course. The Capitol doesn't like their Victors to work, so it would have to be for 'fun' only! And, of course you can see my paintings...once I have some to show you!" I don't mention I already have completed two.

"I'm sure your father would appreciate the help," she says quietly, then, "He always was a good, hard working man."

"My dad pointed out Katniss to me when I was five...on the first day of school," I say, "He said, 'See that little girl? I wanted to marry her mother, but she ran off with a coal miner.'"

"He...your father...said that...about me?" I could see that Mrs. Everdeen was blushing.

"Yes...I'm sorry, maybe I shouldn't have said anything," I stammer.

"No, no, Peeta...it's...alright. Your dad and I...we were 'a couple' for a long while. In fact, all of us were friends back then. Your dad, me, Haymitch even...and a lot of others," she said wistfully.

"I remember seeing you all talking at the Victor's Banquet on our first night back," I reply, "You all seemed like you were having a good time visiting. I wonder what happened with all of you?"

Mrs. Everdeen stared into her cup of tea for a moment, then said sadly, "Haymitch won his Games. Everything changed after that."

"Oh," I say, then, "I think I know what you mean."

"I know you do, Peeta," then, "So you have to work extra hard to keep your friends!"

Hard to do, I think, when they avoid you like the plague. But, I say, "I'll certainly try."

She smiles and pats my hand, then asks, "When was your last good meal?"

I shrug my shoulders and say, "I'm not sure...but I do alright."

"I doubt that," she says, then, "Would you like to come for dinner? And perhaps Haymitch also?"

I suddenly realize two things. One, I am really hungry for a good meal. Two, I will be sharing that meal with Katniss!

"I would love to come for dinner," I say with a smile, "But only if I can bring something!"

"How about dessert?" She asks and I nod eagerly. "It's settled, then. How about Wednesday night, six o'clock?"

I agree readily and promise to make sure that Haymitch comes also...sober. I leave to go home shortly after that and she hugs me at the door as I leave. I walk back to my house and it feels like my feet don't touch the ground one time.

Two nights from now, I will be having dinner with Katniss. It's a start.


	11. DINNER DATE

**CHAPTER 11 - DINNER DATE**

**PART I**

I'm rolling out pie dough on my kitchen counter. It's Wednesday morning, and tonight is my dinner date with the Everdeens. Of course, I'm excited because I get to spend time with Katniss...but I find myself almost as excited at the prospect of just having dinner with other people. I realize that I must be a lot lonelier than I had even realized.

On a positive note, I haven't had a nightmare for two straight nights. Instead, my dreams have been dominated by visions of Katniss, wearing her red interview dress, walking through the Meadow here in District Twelve. One image is especially strong...Katniss holding her hand up near her face, smiling as she examines a butterfly perched on her finger. The past two nights this dream has awakened me and both nights have found me in my studio, trying to capture this image on canvas. I put an incredible amount of detail into this portrait, trying to capture every tiny detail. My pencil sketches focus on tiny details...the butterfly on her finger, her lips curling in a delighted smile, her eyes glittering, the fall of her hair. Each brush stroke is placed with infinite care. I want to capture this image perfectly.

I press the dough into the pie plate. I had decided on a simple apple pie for dessert. I'm also making a batch of frosted sugar cookies. While the pie is baking I will work on getting the cookies decorated.

As I work on the pie, my mind drifts back to yesterday, when I went to Haymitch's to extend the dinner invitation. Truthfully, I expected him to decline, but he agreed immediately.

Of course, he was passed out on his kitchen table, and he woke violently when I poked him. This time, though, I managed to skip out of arms reach.

"What the hell do YOU want, boy? I still have bread," he growls.

"No bread today, Haymitch. We've been invited to dinner...tomorrow night at the Everdeens," I explain.

Haymitch's bleary eyes fight to come into focus. "Dinner, eh? Who's cooking...Katniss or Una?"

I have to think a moment until I realized that Una was Mrs. Everdeen. "Uhh...I guess Mrs. Everdeen," I answer.

"Okay, I'll be there," he answers immediately, "As long as Katniss isn't cooking. From what I've seen that girl has some amazing talents, but just between you and I, she could burn water."

I laugh. "Okay, I'll let Mrs. Everdeen know...and oh, by the way, she has one request. She wants you there sober."

Haymitch sighs deeply, then nods. "Tell her I will be on my best behavior. I knew there had to be a catch, though...but that woman's cooking is worth an evening of sobriety."

I tell Haymitch that I will let her know. There was no answer when I knocked so I called later on and told her. She actually sounded excited that Haymitch agreed.

"Peeta, you've no idea how happy I am that Haymitch agreed to come," she said. "He and I go back a long ways. It'll be so nice to reconnect with him...he did say he would be sober, right?"

"He promised, Mrs. Everdeen," I assured her.

"Wonderful," she said, but didn't sound convinced, "Well, see you tomorrow!"

I place the pie in the oven, then go to work decorating the cookies. Simple floral decorations, I had decided on two different patterns. Half the cookies would be decorated with primrose blooms and the other half with katniss leaves. I hope that the meaning isn't lost on her.

As I work on the cookies, I came to the realization that this would be the first social setting that Katniss and I would be in together that was NOT a part of the Games. This would be a quiet family dinner with the people that were quickly becoming my new family. I hoped that it would be the first of many. If only I didn't have Gale for competition.

I sigh. Gale Hawthorne. I admit that even before I was Reaped, I harbored a certain jealousy towards the tall, good looking Seam boy. He was, if listening to the whispers of the girls at school was any indication, one of, if not the most, popular boys in school. He certainly didn't lack for female admirers. And, I'm pretty certain that he was well acquainted with the practice of taking a willing date behind one of the slag piles...admittedly not the most romantic of places but they certainly offered a good deal of privacy. But, for all that, he didn't look at any girl the way he looked at Katniss.

Of course, Gale and Katniss had a very strong common bond. They had both lost their fathers in that terrible mine accident over five years ago. At the time, Katniss and I had both been eleven and Gale was thirteen. Both Katniss and Gale had fathers that regularly hunted outside the fence...a highly illegal activity that could have seen them flogged or worse had they ever been caught. Hunger is a strong motivator, though...and, up until the accident, both the Hawthorne and Everdeen families ate very well. Both Gale and Katniss had been accompanying their fathers on forays into the forest, learning how to hunt, trap, fish and gather edible plants...right up until the day of the accident.

The accident. I remember that day like it was etched into my brain. Katniss went to school that cold January morning a pretty typical eleven year old District Twelve girl, and in the space of twelve hours was forced to grow up. We had all felt the rumble of the mine explosion as it came up through the floors of the school building. The teacher stopped talking in mid sentence and there were several seconds of absolute silence...then the emergency siren began to wail and, without a word, every kid in my classroom was up and heading out the door, all with one destination in mind...the mine entrance. Even though, as a Merchant kid, I didn't have any relatives in the mines, I had plenty of friends at school that did. I noticed that every family in the district, mine included, gathered at the mine entrance. No one had to say anything, but everyone in the crowd gave way to those families that had loved ones in the mine that morning. All the rest of us hung back, waiting for word.

As usual, my mother was one of the first to leave, muttering something about work not getting done standing around waiting to see who died. My father just gave her a look, and then turned to wait with the rest of us. Eventually my brothers left also, until it was just Dad and I standing there in the cold, watching as group after group of miners was brought up. I glanced at my father a couple of times and saw that his gaze was firmly fixed on the Everdeens, standing near the entrance with the Hawthornes.

Finally, late in the afternoon with the light fading, the last group of surviving miners was brought up. By then there were only two families still waiting. I saw Dawson Bannon's father go over and talk briefly with Mrs. Everdeen and Mrs. Hawthorne...saw both women start to quietly weep as they were led away by Mr. Bannon. The kids were all crying, too, even Gale...but not Katniss. As they passed us (how I wanted to say something to her!) I saw Katniss, tears quietly rolling down her cheeks, but eyes fixed straight ahead and chin set firmly. Already, she looked older.

Somehow, Katniss and Gale found each other...and helped each other. The first few months were the worst, though...right up until the rainy day in April when a starving, emaciated Katniss showed up trying to sell her sisters baby clothes, and I deliberately burned two loaves of bread (and earned a beating from my mother) that I threw to her. We had only talked about that once, during our Games...but I knew it was a turning point for her. After that she grew stronger with each day.

Soon, she and Gale were inseparable. By the time of our Reaping, Katniss had achieved an almost legendary status with the kids at the district school. She hunts, she traps, she fishes, she goes to the Hob, she sells her kills to Merchants and Peacekeepers alike. She had virtually no friends other than Madge, Gale and her sister. By the time we were sixteen there was an aloofness about her that was almost...regal. Like she was a princess...or a queen, but one that almost everyone admired and looked up to. And through all this, over the last few months I saw the change in how Gale looked at her. There was no doubt in my mind...because I looked at her the same way.

Gale Hawthorne was in love with Katniss Everdeen.

**PART II**

The timer sounds, my signal that the pie was done. I remove it from the oven and set it on the stove to cool. I smile ruefully as I clean up my kitchen. At least, I tell myself, Gale and I have great taste. I ask myself why he has never told Katniss how he feels? I mean, they spent literally every day together. I know he came to see her after the Reaping when she volunteered for Prim. Could it be that he was...afraid? Afraid to tell her? Afraid of rejection?

With some satisfaction, I think that at least I finally found the courage to let Katniss know how I feel...and on national TV there was not one person in Panem that didn't know how I felt about her...Gale included. When I caught Gale glaring at me during the Homecoming and again at the District Celebration and Parcel Day...who was he angry at? Was it me? Did he look at me as competition for Katniss's affections? Or was he angry at...himself? Angry because, unlike him, I found the courage to let Katniss know that I loved her?

As I finish cleaning up, I reflect that, in a way, I really respect Gale and even like him in a way. For years, he fought to help keep Katniss alive. At the age of thirteen he took on the role of providing for his mother, two brothers, and baby sister. There was much to admire about him. I laugh as I think that he certainly doesn't feel the same way about me. To him, I'm just the guy that rode Katniss's coattails to our co-victory in the Games. The guy that dared to confess his love for her. And the guy that Katniss had to pretend to be in love with in order to survive the Games.

I have another thought just then. How does Katniss feel about Gale? I knew she was very close to him and she admitted that he was her best friend. But...was there love there? Did she know that he loved her? Had she seen him privately since returning?

I shake my head. Pull yourself together, Mellark! If I keep thinking about it I'll drive myself crazy for sure. The problem is...I can't STOP thinking about it. But, no matter how Katniss feels about me, or Gale, one fact is inescapable. The Capitol...and President Snow...thinks that she and I are madly in love, and that Gale is her cousin. And, it's obvious that someone in the Capitol is keeping tabs on us. The phone calls that Haymitch got regarding Beth and I confirm that. And, if they were watching Beth and I...they will certainly be watching everything that Katniss does as well.

I look around. The kitchen is as clean as it can get. The pies are cooling and the cookies are decorated. It's still early in the afternoon...I have several hours before I have to get ready. I feel tense so I think a workout is in order. With that thought in mind I walk down the stairs to the basement where my weights await.

I work with an almost savage intensity. I can feel my muscles trembling with the effort that I am putting out. Beads of perspiration form on my face, arms and chest as I try to exercise my frustrations and fears out. There is no ventilation in my basement and the air is stale and stagnant. I resolve to order fans for my basement first thing tomorrow.

**PART III**

I glance at my mantle clock. 5:58 PM. Time to go to dinner. I pick up the pie and the plate of cookies and head across the street. I close the door but don't bother with locking it. After all, I will be right across the street.

I take a deep breath and walk across the way to the Everdeen house. I can feel my heart pounding in my chest. What was wrong with me? I've had many meals with Katniss...just because this was the first genuine socialization that I have ever done with her all of a sudden I'm scared? Yes, I answer myself emphatically. Now I'm standing in front of the door. I hesitate then knock firmly three times. The door opens.

"Hi, Peeta!" Prim greets me with enthusiasm and a smile, "Come on in!"

I smile back and step into the house. "Hello, Prim," I answer.

"Oooh, pie...and cookies!" Prim relieves me of the desserts. "I'll put these in the kitchen."

"Okay," I nod, then, "Where's Katniss...and your mom?"

"I'm in here, Peeta," Mrs. Everdeen calls from the kitchen, "Come on in...Haymitch is already here!"

I follow Prim into the kitchen. Even though it's identical to mine, it's somehow...different.

Mrs. Everdeen greets me with a hug. I can see Haymitch sitting at the kitchen table with an amused smirk on his face.

"So glad you are here, Peeta," she says, then, "Katniss is upstairs getting ready. She'll be down in a minute. Please, sit."

"Mom, do you need any more help?" Prim asks. "No, everything won't be ready for another half hour or so," Mrs. Everdeen answers.

"Okay, I'll be in the study doing homework until dinner then," Prim says, then leaves the kitchen.

"Come on, boy, have a seat. You're making me nervous," Haymitch says with the same smirk.

I smile and sit as Mrs. Everdeen says, "Haymitch, don't badger him! Peeta, don't pay any attention to him!"

"It's okay, Mrs. Everdeen," I answer with a smile, "I'm used to him telling me what to do. Not that I always listen to him, of course!"

"Better listen to me, kid...I'm still your mentor, after all," Haymitch says with a snicker.

"Listen to you about what?" Katniss says. With her soft feet I didn't even hear her come in. I glance over at her and inhale sharply. Her dark hair was falling loosely around her shoulders. She was wearing a dark green sleeveless blouse and, to my surprise, a long, almost floor length, skirt and sandals. And...a little makeup.

"About doing what I tell him to do, when I tell him to do it, Sweetheart...just like you should," Haymitch answers.

Katniss rolls her eyes and says, "Oh sure...of course...how stupid of me! Oh, and hi, Peeta." I notice her eyes narrow a bit when she looks at me and greets me.

I stand up. "Hello, Katniss," then, "You look beautiful," I blurt out.

Katniss's face softens a bit and I see a little blush in her cheeks as averts her eyes from mine. "Thank you," she says softly.

"Now, see, Haymitch...Peeta IS a gentleman," Mrs. Everdeen says, "I didn't notice YOU standing up when my daughter entered the room!"

Haymitch laughed and said, "Oh, Una, I'm too damn old to jump up every time a pretty girl walks into a room," then, "Peeta's right, though, Sweetheart...you do clean up nicely."

"Haymitch -" Katniss says, blushing even more, then, "Thank you."

I turn to sit back down but before I do Katniss says, "Peeta, wait," then, "Mom, how long till dinner?"

"Oh, about a half hour or so," Mrs. Everdeen answers.

"Okay...I just need a few minutes to talk to Peeta before dinner," Katniss says.

"What about, Katniss?" I ask.

"Um...in private," she answers, "Come on."

"Private? I'm hurt!" Haymitch blurts out.

"You'll get over it," Katniss says sarcastically, then, "Come on, Peeta."

I follow her out of the house. Whatever she had to say, it wasn't just private...it was something she didn't want to share with the Capitol.

"Okay, Katniss, what's -" I begin, then she whirls around. Her eyes are flashing angrily and her mouth is set in a thin line.

"Don't think I didn't 'get it!'" She snaps, then, "What, you had to rub my face in it?"

I step back from her verbal assault. My mind was whirling. What was she talking about?

"Katniss -" I begin, but again she interrupts, "It's not bad enough that we were starving! It's not bad enough that I was watching Prim dying! No...you HAD to be noble and do something for me that I could NEVER pay you back for! And then you had to remind me about it years later?"

Understanding begins to creep over me. "Are you talking about the bread?" I ask softly.

"Yes!" She almost spits out the word. "The bread! Those two loaves of raisin nut you so 'thoughtfully' brought over the other day. I'm surprised that you didn't deliberately burn them, too...just in case I DIDN'T get the message!"

Her anger was radiating off of her...her chest heaving with her rapid breathing. How could she change moods so quickly? Minutes ago she was blushing at my compliment...now she looked like she would gladly put an arrow in me! And worse, I could feel myself getting angry, too...angry because she obviously didn't "get it."

I take a deep, shaky breath. "May I say something?" I ask quietly.

Her eyes narrow as she snaps, "Fine. Go ahead!"

"Okay," I say slowly, "Yes, I baked those two loaves especially for you. And yes, I did want to send you a message with them." I pause.

"I knew it!" Katniss snaps, but before she could say anything else, I say, "May I continue?"

She makes a "go ahead" gesture with her hand, still glaring.

"But, my message wasn't what you think," I say quietly, "I should have known better, though. I know how in the Seam if someone does something for someone else, it's not looked at as a simple act of kindness. It's looked at as a debt that has to be repaid."

"And I did," Katniss says, but with a little less venom than before, "In the arena. It's repaid with interest."

I nod. "If it wasn't for you, I'd be dead right now," I say. Katniss says nothing but averts her eyes from me and suddenly begins to examine the walkway beneath her feet.

"But, Katniss, when I gave you that bread over five years ago, I did it out of kindness...and out of love. I didn't do it to indebt you to me," I explain.

"Then what was your message with this bread?" she asks in a small voice, her anger abated...for now, I think.

"Just that -" I pause and take a deep breath, "- Just that, like I was five years ago, I'm always here for you, to help, whenever you need me."

Katniss stands before me, head still down. I see her put her hand to her mouth and she tries, unsuccessfully, to stifle a sob, then she suddenly whirls around and runs back into the house. I follow awkwardly, cursing my robo-leg as I enter the house behind her, only to hear her running upstairs, then I hear the sound of a door slamming.

I lean back against the door. Once again, I try to do something nice for her and it backfires.

"Katniss? Peeta? Is everything okay?" I hear Mrs. Everdeen call out from the kitchen.

"Yes," I answer, "Katniss just had to - get something from upstairs," I finish lamely as I walk back into the kitchen. I see Mrs. Everdeen at the stove, busy with something, and Haymitch at the kitchen table shoots me a questioning look. I shrug, arch my eyebrows, and mouth, "Later" to him. He nods.

"This pie and these cookies look absolutely delicious!" Mrs. Everdeen says.

"Thank you, ma'am," I say, "I used my fathers recipes for both."

She smiles, "Well, now I'm sure they will be good, if it was Liam's recipe that you used."

Prim walks into the kitchen. "Not much homework tonight, Mom," she says, "Need any help?"

"I will, dear," Mrs. Everdeen answers, "Could you fetch Katniss? You can both help. Haymitch...Peeta, could I trouble you both to move to the dining room? We'll eat in there tonight. I've been dying to use those fancy dishes in there!"

We both nod and go into the dining room. When there, Haymitch comes over and asks in a low voice, "What -" I cut him off. "Later, Haymitch."

We both sit in awkward silence for a few minutes, then Mrs. Everdeen, followed by Katniss and Prim, enters the room carrying steaming serving bowls and a platter with a large bird on it.

"Turkey tonight!" Mrs. Everdeen says with a smile, then, "Haymitch? Would you do the honors and carve?"

Haymitch smiles. "Well, if you're gonna trust me with a knife," he says jokingly, and begins to carve the bird.

The girls put their serving bowls down and go back into the kitchen for more. As the aromas of the food hits me I suddenly realize how hungry I am. I examine what's on the table. In addition to the turkey there's a bowl with what looked to be some kind of roasted potato, and another bowl of small steaming onions. Katniss and Prim return then with a sliced loaf of bread that I recognize as the other loaf I brought over the other day and a tossed salad.

"Haymitch, you sit there at the head," Mrs. Everdeen instructs, "I'll sit here next to Prim. Peeta, you sit there next to Katniss." Mrs. Everdeen asks Haymitch to give the traditional District Twelve blessing as we all join hands. Katniss's hand is warm in mine as Haymitch blesses our dinner.

The different dishes are passed around the table. Katniss blushes a bit as she passes the bread to me. When the potatoes are passed to me, I look at Katniss inquiringly.

"Roasted katniss root," she says, almost in a whisper. I raise my eyebrows and nod, then say just as quietly, "The turkey. Yours?" She nods and says, "Snare."

"Okay, you two. Enough hand holding under the table!" Haymitch jokes. He then says, "Time to bring out my contribution," and presents a bottle of wine. Everyone looks at him warily.

"Hey! I was good all day! And this will go great with the bird," he says with a wink as he opens the bottle, then says "Una? A little splash?"

Mrs. Everdeen hesitates, then, "Oh, what the hell. Just a little, Haymitch." Haymitch grins and pours, then pours a somewhat larger glass for himself. He goes to set the bottle down, but then Katniss says, "Me too."

I glance over at her, startled. A glance back at Haymitch shows me that he's just as startled.

Katniss looks around, and says, "What? I survive the Hunger Games but can't have a glass of wine with dinner?"

Haymitch laughs. "Point taken, Sweetheart," and reaches for her glass. Mrs. Everdeen says, "Haymitch. Just a little."

"Relax, Una...she DID survive the Games, after all." Haymitch looks at me. "Peeta?" He asks, holding up the bottle.

I nod and hand him my glass. "Why not?" I say. Then I notice Prim do the same.

"Primrose! Absolutely not!" Mrs. Everdeen says, but Haymitch ignores her and pours the last tiny bit into her glass.

"Una, two swallows won't kill the girl," he says with a wink.

Mrs. Everdeen is about to say something, but I stand and raise my glass.

"May I make a toast?" I ask. Haymitch, grinning, signals me to go ahead.

"First, to the Everdeens in general and Mrs. Everdeen in particular for inviting Haymitch and I here for dinner tonight. You were right, ma'am...I do miss home cooking!"

She blushes as Haymitch says, "Hear, hear!" We all drink.

"And another toast, to Katniss," I look at her. She's watching me as the blush returns to her cheeks. "You will always be the Girl on Fire to me," I finish quietly. We all sip again and I sit back down.

"One more," I hear Katniss say. I look over at her. She's standing with her glass raised. "To someone that for a long time I only knew of as the Boy with the Bread. To Peeta," she finishes almost in a whisper. Another sip then Haymitch says, "Can we please eat before all this sentimentality makes me lose my appetite?"

We all laugh quickly and dig in. Dinner was pleasant and delicious. As we all drank wine, there wasn't enough for Haymitch to have a refill, so he remains sober. Talk is about totally inconsequential things, mostly district gossip. Prims cat Buttercup makes an appearance and I incur some mild wrath from both Mrs. Everdeen and Katniss by cutting up a little turkey on a plate and giving it to him.

After dinner the pie was quickly demolished and the cookies were put on the table. Mrs. Everdeen and Haymitch both sip coffee and converse while Katniss, Prim and I have hot chocolate. Katniss picks up a cookie then examines it closely.

"A Primrose?" She asks. I smile and nod as Prim picks up another cookie and looks it over.

"Peeta? A Katniss leaf?" At this Katniss grabs another cookie from the tray and blushes when she realizes what the decoration is.

"Don't look so shocked, Sweetheart!" Haymitch says with a laugh, "By now nothing this boy does should surprise you."

"That was very sweet, Peeta," Mrs. Everdeen says, and Katniss ads quietly, "Yes, it was."

We all offer to help with the dishes but Mrs. Everdeen says, "Haymitch and I will clean up tonight. Next time it'll be your turn, kids." She puts Haymitch to work over his weak protests.

Katniss, Prim and I go into the living room. Prim turns on the Holo-TV to some Capitol drama and curls up on the couch, engrossed in her program.

Katniss and I stand there somewhat awkwardly, then I walk around the room, inspecting the decorations. There is very little of a personal nature here except for one framed photograph sitting on the mantle.

I examine it. A smiling man, probably early 30's, looks out at me. The resemblance is unmistakable.

"Your father?" I ask. Katniss nods. "That was a couple years before -"

I nod quickly. "Nice looking man," I say, then, "You favor him."

"Thank you," she says suddenly. Somehow, I don't think she's talking about the photograph.

I look at her quizzically. "For what?" I ask.

Another blush and once again her eyes get watery. "For...the bread," she stammers.

I laugh and say, "Oh, you're welcome. I hope you liked the cheese buns too. I'm gonna be baking more in a -"

"Not that bread," she says suddenly, then, "You were right earlier. Living in the Seam, we don't - didn't - like to owe anyone for anything. It took tonight for me to realize that, sometimes, something given doesn't need repayment. Just thanks. And I didn't do that when your first gave it to me." She pauses and takes a shuddering breath as a tear silently spills out of each eye and slowly tracks down her face. "Oh, Peeta, you don't know how much I wanted to thank you then. I just didn't know how. The next day at school when I saw you and I was walking up to thank you, then you turned and I saw the bruises on your face and neck...and I knew it was because of me...and I was SURE that that last thing you wanted was to see me and be reminded that you got beat because of me, and -"

I gather her in my arms and hold her gently. She buries her face in my shoulder and I feel her body shake slightly as she very quietly cries. I glance over at Prim. She is steadfastly watching her program.

"You're welcome," I whisper gently. She looks up at me and quickly laughs. I see her makeup is smudged. "I think you need to fix your face," I say.

She laughs again. "Mom and Prim ganged up on me tonight and told me that for once I needed to at least make an attempt to look like a girl."

"You succeeded," I say with a smile, which brings another blush.

"What are you doing Sunday?" I ask suddenly. I desperately want to take her on a picnic somewhere...just the two of us.

For an answer, she grabs my hand and says, "Prim, Peeta and I are going outside."

"Okay," Prim answers absently.

We walk outside and Katniss shuts the door firmly behind us. We walk down to the street and I say, "Something about Sunday that you couldn't say in there?"

"Well...I kinda already...made plans for Sunday," she says quietly.

"Oh?" I say. I have a sinking feeling inside me as I already know the answer.

"Yeah," she says, then, "I saw Gale yesterday...after his shift at the mine was over. He asked me to go hunting with him on Sunday. It's his only day off during the week and I've been checking his trap line every day but he says he needs a partner and his brother Rory isn't ready yet." She stammers out.

"Oh." Is all I can say. I feel like I've just been punched in the stomach. Katniss has plans already. On Sunday.

With Gale Hawthorne.


	12. BREAD DAY

**CHAPTER 12 - BREAD DAY**

**AN APRIL MORNING, ABOUT 5 YEARS EARLIER**

_I wake up to the sound of my mothers voice screeching at my brothers and I to get out of bed. At eleven, I am the youngest of three. The worn springs on my narrow bed creak loudly as I slowly, painfully, start to move._

_My brothers, unhampered by such restrictions as a black eye, split lip, bruised neck and sore back, are already leaping out of bed. They know from painful experience not to incur mothers wrath and be too slow to get downstairs. I slowly and carefully turn my head to the small, dirty window in our bedroom. It's still pitch black outside but it appears that the rain stopped sometime during the night._

_I slowly swing my legs out from the bed and gather myself to stand up. "Better move faster than that," Alec advises. At fifteen, he's the oldest and my mothers favorite. I see his eyes narrow just a bit as he sees the evidence on my face, neck and arms of mothers latest displeasure with me. Even in the dim light of the single oil lamp he can see the bruises, dark purple in the middle, fading to ugly shades of green and yellow at the edges. He exchanges a knowing look with Quinn, my fourteen year old number two brother._

_"Go ahead and use the bathroom first, Peeta," Quinn offers in a rare display of generosity. Alec is already through with the bathroom and is quickly dressing. I nod my thanks and, grunting a little at the discomfort any motion causes, pull myself up and stagger into the bathroom._

_Another oil lamp casts its dim light as I use the toilet. I examine the bowl and am relieved to see that I didn't pass any blood. I find my toothbrush and squeeze a tiny drop of paste onto the bristles. Carefully, so as not to re-open my split lip, I brush my teeth. At least none of them are broken or loose, I think ruefully. A quick brushing of my hair and I relinquish the bathroom to Quinn._

_Moving around has loosened my aching limbs a bit so I manage to dress quickly and head downstairs...not to breakfast, but to work in the bakery, helping prepare for the morning rush. Alec and Poppa are already at work. "Good morning, son," Poppa says gently. "Morning, Poppa," I answer as I put on my apron. I start to pull balls of dough out of the icebox and onto the counter. Quinn now joins us as he and Alec begin to knead the dough and parcel it out into the various pans. Poppa moves easily through the bakery as the familiar smells start to fill the room. Once, when I was standing in good light, Poppa gently cupped my face in his big hand and carefully examined me. He says nothing but his mouth is set in a tight line. He only gets that way when he's angry._

_I hear mothers voice barking at us as we work. As usual, no one moves fast enough for her and she continues to harangue the four of us while she stands in the doorway, sipping her morning tea._

_Finally, as the first batches are rising in the oven, my father tells my brothers and I in a low voice to please clean up the bakery and then come to breakfast. As he brushes past mother I see him take her by the arm and slam the door behind them._

_My brothers and I work in silence as we catch snatches of our parents angry "conversation."_

_"- deliberately burned two perfectly good loaves, and for what? So he can GIVE them away to that skinny little -"_

_"- be amazed if you didn't really hurt him this time -"_

_"- nothing but a stupid boy, he will never amount -"_

_"- see his NECK is bruised, Abigail! What did you hit him with -"_

_"- a weak man, Liam! You always were! Someone has to be firm -"_

_"- swear, Abby, if you EVER beat any of the boys like that again, I'll -"_

_My brothers and I quietly finish cleaning up, and finally my father opens the door. He looks drained._

_"Boys...come on to breakfast now," he says quietly._

_"Yes, Poppa," we say almost in unison, as we quietly file into the house. We eat in silence, with little sound and no conversation. Breakfast, as usual, is stale breads that didn't sell. My mother sits at one end of the table with Poppa at the other end. They exchange a few angry glances at each other but during the entire meal no one says a word. After breakfast my brothers and I clean up the table and grab our book bags and lunches for school. Mother, as usual, disappears but Poppa stands at the door and gives each of us a hug and kisses the top of our head as we pass him. He is especially gentle with me._

_We walk towards school in silence for a bit, then Alec and Quinn break off when they see their friends. They shoot me quick, apologetic looks then continue on to school, noisily engaging with their friends. The sun is out and there isn't a cloud in the sky this morning._

_I don't walk alone for long, as my best friend Delly Cartwright joins me, followed quickly by the Mayor's daughter, Madge Undersee. They both gasp as they see my face in good light for the first time._

_"Oh my gosh, Peeta! What happened?" Delly asks in horror. I can feel myself blushing._

_"I...fell down last night," I explain lamely._

_"Oh?" Madge says skeptically, "How many times?"_

_"Peeta, did your mom -" Delly begins, but I abruptly cut her off. "Just drop it, Delly!" I snap._

_Delly falls silent and I catch her looking at me reproachfully, so I give her a small smile...even though it hurt._

_Suddenly, as we near the school, I feel my breath catch in my throat. Katniss and her sister are walking from the direction of the Seam towards school._

_Delly gently teases me. "Is today gonna be the day you actually talk to her, Peeta?" I blush furiously and shoot my friend a look. Madge looks on sympathetically._

_"I hope she starts doing better soon," Madge says suddenly, "Her and her sister, I mean."_

_"She will," I say firmly. Delly laughs. "And you know this how, oh wise one?"_

_"I ga...I mean, I just know," I finish weakly._

_"You what, Peeta?" Delly prods. I set my mouth in a firm line. Realization creeps over Delly's face. I never could keep anything from her._

_"Peeta? Are all those bruises and Katniss connected somehow?" I shrug and say nothing._

_"If that's the case, you really should talk to her, Peeta," Madge says gently._

_"I...I...can't," I say quietly, then, "But maybe today...she will talk to_ _ me _ _."_

_They both look sadly at me and we finish our walk to school in silence. Together we enter our schoolroom. Katniss is already there in her usual seat. One row to my left and two desks ahead. She does look better, I tell myself. As I sit she looks behind her and for a split second she meets my eye, then she turns away as I feel myself blushing._

_Class starts and for the next two hours we are all busy with school work. I get more than a few curious looks from students and teacher alike, but no one says anything. At break, we all head outside. I avoid my friends...if Katniss wants to talk to me, or thank me, I don't want her to think she's interrupting. But, she stays on the other side of the yard, by herself, as usual. The bell calls us back into class before I can muster my courage to talk to her._

_At lunch I again sit by myself, eating a tasteless, stale bread jelly sandwich. Delly and Madge keep shooting me looks. I shrug apologetically. They both nod sadly and turn back to their lunch. Katniss, as usual, sits as far as possible for everyone. Even at this distance I can see the scorch marks on the bread she's eating, along with some cheese. Still, she says nothing, and doesn't even glance in my direction._

_The afternoon session passes quickly, then the final bell of the day rings. As I gather my books I see Katniss is already heading out the door, striding purposefully to meet her sister for the walk home._

_I hastily gather up my books and leave the school room. I see Katniss stop suddenly in the school yard, then bend over and pick something up. She straightens up and briefly I see her eyes flicker over at me, then she turns and begins walking to meet her sister. Quickly I cross the yard and start my familiar route home. I don't wait for Delly, Madge, or my brothers. I want to be available in case Katniss wants to talk to me._

_I catch one glimpse of Katniss walking with her little sister. Katniss is showing something to her and seems to be excited about something. I'm close enough to see that Katniss is showing her sister a dandelion. A dandelion? Why the excitement over a weed? Soon she and her sister turn toward the Seam and I continue to walk home in solitude._

_She'll thank me tomorrow, I say to myself._

**PART I**

I stir listlessly in bed. The nightmares returned with a vengeance Wednesday night, and every night after that. For the last three days I have done nothing. I don't paint, I don't bake, I don't work out. I left the house, once, on Friday. I walked into town and picked up a few things at the grocery. I stopped off at the bakery...I miss Dad. I just want to talk to him, and get the benefit of his gentle wisdom. What I got instead was mother. Our conversation was brief and uncomfortable. At least her vitriol wasn't directed at me today. Alec and Quinn seemed to be her favorite targets now. We hug awkwardly when I leave. It's like hugging a stranger.

I really should bake...or paint...or something. But I don't. I mope during the day and at night my nightmares poison my sleep. I don't even gain inspiration from my night terrors for painting. Lately the Games nightmares have been mixed liberally with a confusing intrusion of my memories of the night I gave Katniss the bread, those many years ago. Sometimes it's Katniss beating me after I give a starving Glimmer the bread, or I see Marvel skewering Katniss with a spear just as I step out to toss the bread to her.

It's not just at night, either. Fitful daytime naps end the same way. I'm exhausted and when I see myself in the mirror I scarcely recognize the bleary face staring back at me.

Now I can better understand why Haymitch drinks.

I have to pull myself out of this. Come on, Mellark...she's only going hunting with him! After all, she's been running his trap lines every day for weeks. Why is this any different? They used to hunt together practically every day.

I don't care. It's different. Hunting was something she did before our Games. Now, she's not doing it to feed her family. She's doing it now to feed HIS family.

I'm not being fair, I tell myself. They've been friends and hunting partners for years. This means nothing. And, after all, Gale Is a proud man. He wouldn't accept charity from her. But, he would accept her sharing kills with him.

Dawn is still over an hour away. I sigh and roll over in bed. Suddenly, a sound from outside makes me sit up. Soft footsteps coming down the way.

I quietly get up and steal to the window. I see a shadowy figure walking towards Katniss's house. As I watch I see a rectangle of light appear quickly, then disappear, from the house across the way. A small figure jogS quickly down the walkway and meEts the other figure in the street. I slink further back from the window, feeling like I am intruding on an intimate moment.

"Hey, Catnip," the taller figure says quietly. Gale's voice carries clearly to my window. The smaller figure stops in front of him, then suddenly clinches him tightly.

"Gale," Katniss chokes out. Gale laughs lightly. "Hey, hey, easy now!"

I see Katniss step back, then Gale's voice again. "Ready?"

"I'm so ready for this," Katniss replies with a laugh, then together, they turn and walk back towards the entrance to the Village.

I wait for ten more minutes before I let my tears come.

**PART II**

I sit at my kitchen table, my cup of hot chocolate slowly cooling in front of me. I feel drained after my breakdown upstairs. It seems like, in my life, there is no middle ground. Just incredible highs and devastating lows.

I've only been home less than a month, I say to myself. I rarely see any of my old friends, the one time I tried visiting the school ended with me almost beating someone to death, and, with the exception of my father, even my family have become strangers. Not to mention that the girl that I have been in love with for the last eleven years lives right across from me, yet at times might as well be on the moon.

Katniss. At times she is attentive, she laughs at what I say, she hugs and kisses me...then she sticks another knife in my heart and twists the blade. I need to talk to someone about her. Maybe if I can get someone to listen I could get a fresh perspective on things. The problem is who?

Haymitch? Maybe, if I could get him sober enough. Forget Haymitch.

My father? Maybe, if I could pry him away from my mother and the bakery long enough. His visits here are infrequent and usually short.

Delly or Madge? Hmmmm, maybe...but I know that more and more Delly is expected to help out with her families shoe shop in her spare time, and Madge has a mother that hasn't been well in a long time.

I shake my head. Three months ago I would have had no problem finding one of my many friends to lend a sympathetic ear. Now, my list is down to four. I even briefly consider calling Effie, or possibly Portia or Cinna...until I remembered that the phones are far from secure.

I sigh and drain the rest of my cup. I need to do something to get my mind off of my troubles for a while. I wash my cup then start rummaging through my bread pans. I select several of the small ones and a few larger ones as well. I've had this idea in my head since I knew I was coming home.

Settling into the familiar routine of preparing dough allows my mind to clear a bit. It's almost noon before I know it. While waiting for the dough to rise, I go upstairs to clean up and get dressed. As I straighten my room up, I hear voices from outside. Not Katniss...or Gale. Younger.

I go to the window and see two kids walking slowly through the Village. Prim with a boy about her age. I smile for the first time today and head downstairs.

I open my front door. "Hi, Prim!" I call out. Prim stops walking when she sees me and flashes me a smile. "Hi, Peeta!"

I walk out to the street as the kids wait for me. "Peeta, have you ever met Rory?" She asks.

I know I've seen him at school before, but I can't place who he is. "Don't think so," I reply. Rory is hanging back a bit and is eyeing me suspiciously. I put my hand out to him. "Hi, Rory, I'm Peeta," I say. After a moment, he takes my hand and shakes it firmly.

"Rory Hawthorne," he mumbles. Of course! Gales younger brother! No wonder he's looking at me like something he stepped in, I say to myself. How ironic that both Everdeen sisters are in the company of the two oldest Hawthorne brothers. No fair, Mellark, I say to myself. It makes sense that Prim and Rory would hang out together. I'm too young to be this cynical, I think.

"So, what are you two up to?" I ask.

"Well, we did go to the Meadow," answers Prim, "But that was boring, so we came back to the house and watched some stupid Capitol program until Mom kicked us out. So, we're just wandering around the Village. What are you doing, Peeta?"

"Well, I'm gonna be baking in a bit," I answer.

"Can I...we...help?" Prim asks. "I would love to learn how to bake!" I see Rory roll his eyes at this but he says nothing, just continues to stare at me in a not very friendly manner.

"You sure? I'm going to put you to work if you are," I say. Prim nods her head enthusiastically.

"Yes I'm sure! We are so bored! Come on, Rory!" Without waiting for an answer she grabs Rory's hand and practically drags him into the house. I smile and follow after them.

Once in the kitchen I have both kids wash up, then show them how to punch the air out of the dough. Rory brightens a bit when punching the dough, and soon he and Prim are making a contest out of it. Once they are finished I show them how to recover the dough and set it aside to rise again.

While we are waiting I take a batch of cookie dough out of the fridge and roll it out with a rolling pin. I find some cookie cutters and soon Prim and Rory are cutting out different cookie shapes. The whole time Prim keeps up a running commentary on Katniss's various failed attempts at finding her "talent."

As we slide cookie sheets into the oven, I pour some orange juice for all of us. Rory drinks his eagerly and nods when I ask if he wants more. Gradually I see him relax a bit more.

"The cookies will take a while," I tell Prim and Rory, "You want to see my stuff in the basement?" Although I extend the invite to both kids it's really directed at Rory. They both shrug. "Sure," Prim answers.

I open the door to the basement and we go downstairs. When Rory sees the weights and other equipment his eyes light up. "You work out with these? It's better than the gym at school!" He tries out a couple of the smaller dumbbells as Prim looks on, bored. I demonstrate pressing a larger barbell over my head. Rory looks impressed. I catch Prims eye and she gives me a quick smile.

We head back upstairs when we hear the timer chime. Prim and Rory take the cookies out of the oven and I show them how to put them on the rack to cool. Next, we separate out the bread dough into the various pans that I had taken out earlier. I notice that Rory, although still not overly enthusiastic, seems to be enjoying himself at least a little bit.

We slide the bread pans into the oven. "This will take longer than the cookies, and the cookies need to cool a bit more before we decorate them," I explain, "So why don't we go upstairs and I'll show you a little of my 'talent.'"

We go upstairs and, before we all go in the studio, I go in first and cover up the painting of the Glimmer-mutt. No sense in explaining what part of my head THAT came from.

"Come on in," I finally say. Both Prim and Rory's eyes get big when they see the two paintings on their easels. I realize that this is the first time anyone has seen any of my work, aside from myself.

"That's...amazing," Prim whispers while examining the paintings. Rory just nods his head, speechless.

"Is this one Katniss's interview dress?" Prim asks suddenly. I nod. "Why the butterfly?" She asks. I shrug my shoulders. "I'm not sure...that's just how I would see her when I painted this."

"Has Katniss seen these?" Prim asks. I shake my head. "You two are the first."

"Wait'll I tell Katniss," Prim begins, but I interrupt, "Prim...please don't say anything to her about these. You, either, Rory," I add.

"But why? These are beautiful!"

"I...have my reasons...okay?" I answer. Rory just shrugs and says, "Okay, no problem."

Prim looks stubborn.

"Prim...please?" I say, "I'll show these to her when...I'm ready. Okay"

Finally, "Okay, Peeta. I - we - promise." I smile. "Thanks."

"What's this one?" Rory gestures at the portrait of Katniss in the cave.

"Oh...that's her in our cave. During the Games," I add.

Rory regards the painting for a moment, then asks, "Is it true...what they say?"

"Is what true?" I ask, as Prim says, a silent warning in her voice, "Rory..."

"That you said...you know...all that stuff about Katniss, um, during the interview...as part of the Games. To...well...to make people feel sorry for you and maybe want to help you," Rory explained.

"It's okay, Prim," I begin, "Who is saying that, Rory?"

Rory now looks uncomfortable. "Well...just about everyone. At school...folks in the Hob...everyone."

I sigh deeply. "So people think I lied?" And I wonder where you heard all this first, Rory, I think savagely.

Rory looks at me apologetically. Prim just looks upset. "Well, yeah...and other things, too," he says miserably.

"Let me guess. If it wasn't for Katniss I would be dead now, right?" Rory nods. "Well, they're right about that. Katniss saved my life...more than once. But as for the other - Rory, Prim...no, I didn't lie. Everything I said there I meant with all my heart...and I still do," I finish.

They both look at me silently. I continue, "They were half right about one thing, though. I was trying to get help, to get sponsors. But not for me. For your sister. I needed her to come home...to you and your mom," I finish. Prim stands quietly and nods. I notice a single tear rolling down her cheek.

"Come on, let's go back downstairs," I say to the kids. They nod and follow me down. As we go into the kitchen I hear a faint voice outside calling Prims name. Prim goes to the door and calls back, "Rory and I are at Peeta's, Mom!"

"Sorry, guess she was getting worried about us," Prim says with a little smile. By this time the bread is done. After taking it out of the oven, I show Prim and Rory how to decorate cookies with a few easy designs. While they work I think about what Rory just told me.

I'm not back a month and, according to Rory, "everyone" in the district thinks that I'm a self serving liar that was only looking out for my own interests. No wonder people are shunning me. I have a pretty good idea where these rumors are coming from, too. I look at Rory and think, I'm gonna have to have a chat with your brother before much longer.

By this time, it's getting late in the afternoon. Before they leave I insist on splitting the cookies between the two of them and I give each of them one of the larger loaves of bread. As we walk to the door, Prim extracts a promise from me to come over soon and meet her goat, Lady.

We walk slowly towards the street when we hear voices. Katniss and Gale are coming back. We see them walking up the street with full game bags. Both Prim and Rory run up to their siblings in greeting.

I hang back a bit, determined to keep my face impassive. "Hi, Katniss," I say quietly, then, "Gale."

"Hi, Peeta," Katniss replies softly. Gale hesitates, then nods his head. "Mellark."

Katniss glances at her sister and smiles. "Whatcha got there, Little Duck?"

"Cookies and bread that we made," says Prim, "Rory got some too."

Gale's eyes narrow. He takes the bags from Rory and thrusts them out towards me. "Here. Take these back," he snaps, then, to Rory, "We don't need charity."

Katniss looks horrified. "Gale!"

"It's not charity," I say firmly. It's all I can do to keep a calm face. "Prim and Rory earned those. They made everything you see there. All I supplied was the ingredients."

"It's true, Gale," Rory explains, "Peeta just showed us what to do. We've been baking all afternoon. It was a lot of fun, actually," he finishes, and smiles at Prim.

Gale says nothing. Wordlessly he hands the bags back to his younger brother.

"Guess we should be going, Catnip," he finally says, then, "Today was fun...like the old days."

"Yes, it was," Katniss says, rather coolly, "Let me know when you want to go out again."

"I...I will," he says, then, "Time to go, Rory."

"Okay, Gale," Rory replies, then comes over to me and shakes my hand. "Bye, Peeta...and thanks!"

"See ya, Rory," I reply with a smile, "And don't eat all those cookies at once! And share with your brothers and sister!"

He laughs. "I will! Bye, Prim!"

Prim smiles. "See you at school tomorrow, Rory!" We watch them walk towards the Village entrance until they were out of sight. Finally, Katniss says, "Prim, why don't you run your cookies and bread back to the house...and can you take my game bag, too?"

"Sure, Katniss," Prim says while giving me a grin.

As soon as Prim reaches her house, Katniss turns to me. "Peeta, I'm sorry."

"You don't have to be sorry," I reply.

"Yes...yes, I do," she answers, "He had no right to act like that."

"Forget it," I say brusquely, "So how did you do today?"

"Oh...some edible plants, a couple of squirrels, and a rabbit. There's more but I gave most of it to Gale. And Peeta...it's just a hunting trip," she finishes awkwardly.

"I didn't say anything," I say defensively.

Katniss smiles. "Not with words, you didn't. You don't have to. I can see it all in your face."

I can feel myself blushing. "Katniss, I -"

"I've gotten to know you better than you think the last couple of months," she says, "Really, all we did was hunt."

I say nothing. "Is this how it's gonna be EVERY time we see each other? Me apologizing to you...you apologizing to me? It's either that or these long, uncomfortable silences! It's like we're both walking on eggshells every time we're together! I just want to be able to say something to you without worrying about hurting you by saying it!" Katniss blurts out.

"And what do you want to say to me, Katniss?" I ask quietly.

"I...I...just - things, Peeta," she stammers, "You know...stuff," she finishes weakly.

"I worry about hurting you too, you know," I confess, "And I don't want to say the wrong thing, either."

She laughs, a little bitterly, I think. "I don't think you have ever said the wrong thing," she says softly.

"Well, there's some people out here that don't believe what I've said during the Games." I quickly explain what Rory told me earlier.

"Where did he hear this garbage from?" She asks furiously, then, "Never mind. I have a pretty good idea!"

"Me too," I agree. Just then we hear Prim calling out for Katniss. "Mom needs you," she says. Katniss nods, and turns back towards her house. "Peeta, I...we'll talk later, okay?" She's gone before I can agree. I sigh and turn back towards my house.

"Peeta! Wait!" Prims voice stops me. "I need to ask you something." She runs across the way to where I'm standing.

I look at her inquiringly. "Sure, Prim, what is it?"

"It's been bugging me...but remember the Reaping, when my name was called?"

I nod. "Yes," I simply say.

"Well...I was...what I'm try to ask is...if Katniss hadn't volunteered for me...would you -?"

"Have tried to protect you? Fought for you?" She nods.

"It's been bugging me," she admits, "But, yeah. I know I would've been a liability to you. Twelve year olds don't usually do very well in the Games, you know," she finishes in a small voice.

"Prim, if you were my district partner...I would have done everything I could do to try to send you back to your mom and Katniss...alive," I say earnestly.

She smiles shyly at me. "Really?" she asks in a small voice.

I smile back. "Really." I say firmly.

"Thank you," she whispers, before kissing me on the cheek and running back home. I find myself pondering her question and realize that I knew the answer all along.

I would have fought for Primrose Everdeen just as hard as I fought for Katniss Everdeen. I'm strangely comforted by the thought. I slowly walk back into my house and shut the door.


	13. D.T.'S

**CHAPTER 13 - D.T.'S**

**REAPING DAY - DISTRICT TWELVE - 74 ADD (AFTER DARK DAYS)**

_I nervously examine my image in the small bathroom mirror. My parents, along with Alec and Quinn, are already downstairs. This is my fifth Reaping. It's Quinns last._

_I run my brush through my hair one last time, then put out the oil lamp and walk slowly downstairs. The square is almost right outside our front door, so it will take no time to get there._

_My mother gives me an impatient look and quickly inspects Quinn and I. We are all dressed in our Reaping best. It's not just a matter of vanity...everyone is required to attend Reaping dressed in their finest clothes. As we check in we will be inspected by Peacekeepers. If we don't pass inspection our family will face a heavy fine._

_Mother can't find any fault so in silence we file out and walk the short distance to the square. At check in we say goodbye to our families. In turn, Quinn and I are hugged by our oldest brother Alec, who, at 20, is in his second year as a spectator at the Reaping, then our mother, who gives each of us a perfunctory squeeze, and finally our father. He hugs first Quinn, murmuring something to him, then moves on to me. He gathers me in his arms and gently whispers, "Good luck, Peeta. I love you."_

_"I love you, Poppa," I whisper back. Poppa. The only time I call him that now is on Reaping Day. By some unspoken arrangement my brothers and I all started calling him Dad when we were about 14 or so. Except for today._

_Quinn and I queue up behind a table with a sign behind it marking it as the table for all tribute candidates whose last name begins with the letters M through P. Even though it's still early the square is filling up quickly. I glance over at the Justice Building where a temporary stage has been erected. A few people are milling around on the stage. Members of the Capitol Liaison staff, Head Peacekeeper Cray, Mayor Undersee, and Effie Trinket, the Capitol's District Twelve escort. She is in stark contrast to the rest of the people on the stage with her pink hair and bright green suit. To the rear of the stage are three chairs. A microphone on a stand is placed exactly in the front center, with a large glass bowl on either side. I glance at the Boy's bowl. My name will be in there 5 times._

_I can't help but glance down to the second table where E through H sign up. There's no sign of Katniss yet. Quinn sees this and elbows me playfully. "Are you actually gonna talk to her afterwards this year?" He asks teasingly. I blush and shrug my shoulders._

_Quickly we move to the front of the line. A Peacekeeper pricks my finger and squeezes a small drop of blood. She dips a probe on a small handheld scanner into the drop, and watches it intently. I hear it beep quietly, then she indicates the page in front of her. I press my bloodied finger onto a square next to my name. I'm now officially checked in._

_Quinn and I exchange a quick hug and we both murmur "Good luck," to each other as we take our place. Quinn is close to the front with the eighteens. I'm further back with the sixteens. Boys on one side, girls on the other. There's not much talking. Everyone is lost in their own thoughts._

_There she is! Lining up to check in, wearing a nice blue dress, her hair in its signature braid. Next to her is a small blonde girl with twin braids running down her back. She keeps nervously tucking her white blouse into the back of her skirt. Her sister...Primrose, I remember. Watching them, my resolve stiffens. This year I talk to her. Right after the -_

_"Gonna actually say something to her this year, Mellark?" I hear a familiar voice and turn, my blush coming back as I do. Blake Carrow, a classmate and member of the wrestling team...and a friend. He lives in the Seam and is an only child. Behind him Dawson Bannon snickers at Blakes remark. I glower at them both but still greet them._

_"Hey, Blake...Daws," and then quieter so only Blake can hear, "Yeah. I hope anyway..."_

_He chuckles. "As I recall, this is the fifth Reaping you've said that!"_

_"Yeah, yeah, I know, but this year's gonna be different. I -"_

_Blake shushes me quickly as the Mayor begins to talk. It's the same old speech every year, and I half listen as he talks. I try to keep an eye on Katniss. The Mayor finishes up by listing our districts previous Victors. Only one, Haymitch Abernathy, is still alive. He chooses this moment to stagger onto the stage and plops down in the chair next to Effie Trinket. He drunkenly tries to hug her and there's a brief ripple of laughter as she pushes him away. The Mayor quickly introduces Effie Trinket. I'm still just half listening until she makes the announcement._

_"Ladies first!" She says enthusiastically, then steps to the Girl's bowl and dips her hand in. I squeeze my eyes shut and chant to myself, not her, not her, not her, not her, not -_

_"Primrose Everdeen!" Oh, no, not her either! I gasp as does everyone else in the crowd. Katniss's sister, all of twelve years old, her first Reaping, one slip in the bowl, was Reaped. My eyes lock on Katniss and the look of utter shock on her face. Out of the corner of my eye I can see her sister slowly making her way up to the stage. Katniss seems paralyzed. As Primrose walks I see the back of her blouse come untucked from the back of her skirt...and then I see Katniss chasing after her. The crowd of girls around her makes way before her as she runs after her sister. No, I think, No Katniss, stay there, Katniss, don't -_

_"Prim!" I hear Katniss cry out, then again, "Prim!" Just before she reaches the steps Katniss catches up to Primrose and sweeps her behind her with one arm. No, I think again, then -_

_"I volunteer! I volunteer as tribute!"_

_A half gasp, half moan escapes my lips as I feel myself swaying. I'm dimly aware of hands grabbing my arms. There's a roaring in my ears as I digest what just happened._

_Katniss is going to the Hunger Games._

_Suddenly my chest feels tight as I fight for breath. I half hear someone talking but pay no attention. Someone's patting my shoulder. I turn my head and see Blake eyeing me sympathetically. Everyone around me is kissing their middle three fingers of their left hand and raising the hand into the air. I recognize the old symbol of respect, normally seen at a funeral, now given to Katniss. Everyone here has already written her off as dead, although I mechanically give her the salute also. I need to see her, I think desperately. After the Reaping, during the Visiting Hour, yes, I'll go see her...it may be my last, my only, chance to -_

_"Peeta Mellark!"_

_What? Who's calling my name? I suddenly realize that everyone around me has given way and I'm standing in my own little circle. I see Blake's face, his mouth set in a grim line, and he grips my shoulder once then lets go. The realization hit me just then._

_I've been Reaped. I'm going to the Hunger Games, too. As I begin that oh, so long, walk to the stage, one thought keeps going through my mind._

_I'll have plenty of time to talk to her now._

**PART I**

That was different, I say to myself, as I untangle myself from my sweaty sheets. My first nightmare about the Reaping. I glance at the clock. 2:18 AM. I sigh and grab my sketch pad and pencil, then flip on the bedside light and start to rough out a drawing.

It's early fall here in District Twelve. Life here in Victor's Village has settled into a routine. Haymitch drinks, Katniss hunts, I bake. The days are still warm but the nights have a definite chill to them, and we are getting fall rains regularly.

On Sundays I make my usual big batch of breads. Mostly small loaves, with larger ones for Haymitch and the Everdeens. Sometimes Prim comes to help bake, and occasionally she brings Rory with her. In spite of the four year difference in our ages, she has quietly become a good friend. Katniss, of course, spends every Sunday outside the fence, hunting with Gale. I try not to let it bother me. Sometimes I actually succeed.

Every Monday I take the small loaves of bread that I baked on Sunday and carefully, quietly, distribute them. Prim helped me identify some of the Seams poorer residents. Those that were unable to work the mines any more due to age, sickness or injury.

I'm careful not to go to the same house twice in a row. I have to be careful because, according to Capitol law, I'm engaging in "Unregulated Charity Activities."

I help out at the bakery now, once or twice a week. I work in the back away from the public and of course I accept no payment. At least I see my father on a regular basis, and I even get along better with Alec and Quinn. Mother is the same, as usual.

Quinn. My older brother is full of surprises. Two weeks ago he popped in to my house in the Village for a visit, and brought his new girlfriend along. Turns out I already knew her. A girl named Beth O'Sullivan. They met at a town dance and hit it off right away. They both seem happy, and Quinn even suggests that I bring Katniss to the next town dance. I swallow the pain I feel inside and tell him that I would check with her.

Another Parcel Day is coming up, the third since we have returned. I showed up at the last one but I didn't stay very long. The District Six train crew commended me on showing up at all, saying that I'm the first Victor that they know of to show up at more than one Parcel Day.

Mid week dinner with the Everdeens has become a regular event, although I've only seen Katniss show up twice since the first time. It's just as well...both times she showed up it was uncomfortable to say the least...you could cut the tension in the air with a knife. We rotate between my place and Katniss's house. Haymitch gets a pass on hosting due to the absolute filth he lives in. There's always a positive, though...I've become good friends with Mrs. Everdeen, who now insists that I call her Una.

I still see some of my closest friends from time to time. Delly is my most frequent visitor and always offers me a shoulder to, if not cry on, then lean on regarding Katniss. Madge has become a regular visitor here in the Village also, but as much to see Katniss as to see me. Blake Carrow stops by every now and then. I make a point to spend as much time in town visiting my friends as they do coming to see me. Still, I spend a lot of time alone.

I have even sought out Haymitch's company. He's not a bad sort if he's not too drunk. He would rather die than admit he was lonely out here in the Village for the last 24 years, and he always acts like I'm bothering him or interrupting, but I know he's usually glad to see me. He is even teaching me chess. An elaborate board with carved pieces was part of my furnishings when I was awarded my house, and we play here in my living room. Lately, though, he has been acting very strangely...more so than usual. Irritable, jittery, very moody. I've learned the hard way not to ask him if he's okay. It wasn't until tonight that I found out why.

**PART II**

Earlier tonight, I had put the finishing touches on my latest painting. It's the Reaping scene from my nightmare I had last night. In the background is the Justice Building with the stage in front. Effie is standing on stage, while behind her sit the Mayor and Haymitch. Haymitch is slouched over in his chair as usual. Katniss stands in front of the stage wearing her blue Reaping dress, while with one hand she is pushing Prim behind her. Peacekeepers stand on either side. I smile with satisfaction. I think I captured it just right.

After I shower I go to bed, where I fall asleep quickly. It's still fairly early but I see no sense in staying up late. I'm jolted awake by someone pounding on my front door. I look at the clock. 11:02. I slip on a t shirt and shorts and lumber down the stairs.

"Coming!" I shout as I approach the door. I open it a crack to see Prim standing there. I open the door all the way. Before I can say a word Prim is grabbing my hand.

"Peeta...we need your help. It's Haymitch," she begins.

"Haymitch? What?" I reply, then "Is he okay?"

As we walk towards Haymitch's house I hear noises coming from inside. Haymitch, yelling incoherently. The sound of things breaking. Ominous bangs and thumps.

"All that started a few minutes ago," Prim explained, "Mom and Katniss are trying to get him to open up but all the doors are locked. We're really scared, Peeta! He's acting really crazy!" Prim looks like she's on the verge of tears. I squeeze her hand in reassurance as we arrive at Haymitch's front door. I see Mrs. Everdeen banging futilely on the door.

"Haymitch! HAYMITCH! It's Una! Please open the door!" More yelling, more breakage sounds.

"Where's Katniss?" I ask.

Mrs. Everdeen looks at me gratefully. "Oh, Peeta...thank goodness you're here! Katniss is around back trying to get in."

Stupidly, I try the doorknob. Mrs. Everdeen watches with a bemused expression. I give her a sheepish look, then try my own hand at pounding on the door.

"Haymitch! Open up! It's Peeta!" I call out. More yelling from inside, then a different sound. A window breaking...but from where?

I kick savagely at the door with my Robo-leg. Surprisingly, the door gives a bit. Encouraged, I kick again. It buckles a bit further. I'm getting ready to kick again when the door flies open and I see Katniss standing there.

"Broke a window near the back door," she explained, "Then reached in and unlocked the door. Haven't seen Haymitch, though." I look at her hand. The heel of her hand is wrapped in a blood soaked dishrag. She shrugs. "I'll live," she says simply. I nod in response.

We all enter and hear sounds coming from upstairs. Cautiously, we climb the stairs and follow the sounds. They are coming from a spare bedroom.

The door is ajar but there's no light coming from inside the room. I push the door open, illuminating the room somewhat from the hallway light.

Haymitch is curled up on the floor, crying. He's muttering something over and over and every now and then he lashes out violently, screaming, "No! NO!" He then would lapse back into sobbing and moaning.

It's Katniss that speaks first. "Haymitch? Haymitch? It's Katniss...and Peeta," she says gently. Haymitch stirs a little and lifts his head to look at us. We all have to stifle exclamations of horror. His skin looks sunken, yellowish. He has several days beard growth, his hair is matted, but his eyes are the worst. Red rimmed, yellowed, bloodshot...and staring like he's seen hell itself.

Katniss goes to kneel next to Haymitch when he suddenly lashes out, arms flailing wildly. Katniss, already off balance, is struck by one of Haymitch's fists and goes sprawling. I hear Prim scream softly as I circle around, then dive down and grab Haymitch's arms. Haymitch and I struggle but I soon get control of his arms, while Mrs. Everdeen, Prim, and Katniss, now sporting the start of a nice black eye, try to control his legs. Katniss is talking to him again, trying to get him calm. "Haymitch, it's okay. We're here. Nothing's gonna hurt you."

Haymitch suddenly stops struggling as his eyes try to focus on Katniss. He blinks rapidly, his breath coming in ragged gasps. Then finally, he speaks in a plaintive, pleading tone to Katniss.

"Maysilee? Maysilee?"

Mrs. Everdeen lets go of Haymitch's leg as her hands suddenly go to her mouth. I see her eyes go wide and she lets out a half gasp, half sob as she says, "Oh, no...oh, no..."

"Mom? Mom!" Katniss barks. Mrs. Everdeen...Una...jerks as if startled, then her features set into a determined mask.

"Prim, run home and get the wine...you know, the stuff I make for medical use. And bring the bottle of ground valerian also. Quickly!"

Prim runs out of the room. We continue to hold on tightly to Haymitch, although he's not struggling any more. Finally, Katniss asks her mother, "Who's Maysilee, Mom?"

Mrs. Everdeen looks stricken for an instant, then says, "She's...was...my best friend."

"Was?" Katniss asks.

"She...died. A long time ago," Mrs. Everdeen explains.

"Oh," Katniss says quietly, then, "I'm sorry, Mom."

"You didn't know, dear," Mrs. Everdeen replies gently.

"I guess I must look something like her, then," Katniss begins, but Mrs. Everdeen shakes her head and gives a short, bitter laugh. "No, dear...you look nothing like her," she says sadly.

Haymitch is still mumbling, "Maysilee...no...look out! No, no, no..."

Prim runs back into the room, panting. Mrs. Everdeen directs her to find a glass...a cup...anything. Prim leaves again and reappears quickly with a cup. She tells Prim to fill the cup with her homemade wine and directs her in adding what she called ground valerian. She takes the cup with the mixture and coaxes Haymitch to drink. He drains the cup, and then one more, and finally seems to relax, even though he's still fidgety.

Katniss looks at her mother inquiringly. Mrs. Everdeen explains, "He has liquor madness. This only happens when someone that drinks like Haymitch is forced to stop suddenly. The best thing to do would be to give him the valerian in tea...but I don't have enough to treat him fully. So, a little alcohol in the wine and the valerian to help with his...anxiety and hallucinations...will help him."

"Is he trying to quit drinking?" I ask. That doesn't seem likely, but I guess anything's possible.

"More likely he ran out," Mrs. Everdeen said. "Where does he normally get his liquor?"

"The Hob," Katniss answers, "And a couple of weeks ago Cray confiscated Rippers still and her stock. Something about her holding out on him."

"Cray," spits Mrs. Everdeen, "That figures. He was probably forcing her to pay him some kind of protection money and she fell behind. That man is a despicable human being."

"What about O'Sullivan's place? Or the Liquor store?" I ask.

"Dry," came a hoarse voice. We all jumped. Haymitch. He snorts then continues, "This time of month is always dry week. Everyone's out...except for some fruity wine and maybe beer. Oh, and you can let go of me now...and sorry about your eye, Sweetheart."

"It's okay," Katniss says quietly. We all let go of Haymitch's various appendages and step back.

"Haymitch?" Mrs. Everdeen says, "Are you sure you're okay? Just a few minutes ago it was all we could do to hold on to you."

"Well...no, truthfully I feel like shit," Haymitch admits bluntly, "But that wine of yours has a kick to it. That, and the stuff you added...I hope I didn't say or do anything...other than try to knock your daughter's head off."

Katniss snickered a little at that, but Mrs. Everdeen said, "You saw Maysilee."

Haymitch's face went pale at the name. "I'm...sorry, Una," he finally says.

"It's okay, Haymitch," she replies quietly, then, "I'm going to leave this bottle...and the valerian. Neither is really enough for what you need and really shouldn't be mixed, but I don't have any other options." Quickly she explained how to mix the two together, then we help Haymitch to his feet. He sways unsteadily, then suddenly plops down in a chair.

"I'll be okay...just give me a minute," then suddenly he throws up all over himself.

"Shit," Haymitch grunts.

Katniss turns pale at the sight. I turn to Una, Katniss, and Prim.

"I'll get him cleaned up...you should go home," I say. Mrs. Everdeen...Una...hesitates.

"Peeta, are you sure?" She asks.

"Trust me, I have some experience in this," I say with a laugh, and I see Katniss flash a quick smile as I meet her eye. I smile back and nod slightly.

"Well...thank you, Peeta," Mrs. Everdeen finally says, then, "I'll come by to check on you tomorrow, Haymitch."

Haymitch just mumbles a goodbye. Mrs. Everdeen and Prim leave. Katniss hangs back for a moment.

"Do you want me to send one of the Capitol people to help?" she asks with a smile.

I laugh, as I struggle to get Haymitch out of the chair. "Yes, tonight, I would gladly accept their help," I reply.

Katniss hesitates, then asks, "Just curious...why didn't you let them help on the train?"

I smile. "Oh, I had my reasons."

"Well...thanks, Peeta," she finally says, then, "Let's not make cleaning up Haymitch a habit, huh?"

"Definitely," I say emphatically, and add, "We should also see what we can do about laying in an emergency stock for him so this doesn't happen again."

Katniss nods, and, with a final smile, leaves. I turn back to my task. "Okay, Haymitch...looks like it's you and I once again." He just grunts in response.

**THE DISTRICT TWELVE TRIBUTE TRAIN - REAPING PLUS FIVE HOURS**

_Katniss and I glance at each other briefly, then back down at our Mentor struggling to rise out of the puddle of his vomit that he was laying in. We wordlessly each take an arm and help Haymitch to his feet._

_"I tripped?" Haymitch asks, then, "Smells bad." He wipes his hand across his nose, smearing his vomit all over his face. I feel my stomach lurch at the sight...and smell...but I have to control the urge. The seed of an idea has been planted in my head._

_"Let's get you back to your room," I finally say. "Clean you up a bit."_

_Together we manage to guide Haymitch back to his compartment, then unceremoniously dump him in the bathtub fully clothed. I turn the shower on him, then turn back to Katniss._

_"It's okay," I say to her, "I'll take it from here."_

_The look of gratitude that Katniss gives me is almost worth dealing with my puke covered mentor. Still, she hesitates, but finally says, "All right. I can send one of the Capitol people to help you."_

_"No. I don't want them," I quickly say. What I need to do I have to have privacy to do. Who knows when I'll get a chance like this again?_

_Katniss just nods, and, without another word, leaves the room. As the door shuts behind her I start to work on Haymitch._

_Haymitch mumbles a bit but doesn't resist as I strip him out of his wet clothes. My own shirt is soaked through, but I keep it up until his wet, soiled clothes are laying in a heap next to the bathtub._

_I quickly scrub Haymitch, then towel him off and rummage around until I find a fresh shirt and pants for him to wear. By this time the combination of him throwing up most of what he drank, plus the shower, has had a sobering effect on him. Grumbling, he takes over drying himself as I go back into his room and pick up the phone. An attendant immediately answers and I order a pot of coffee and a sandwich tray to be delivered._

_I take off my own shirt and work at drying myself off when Haymitch comes out of the bathroom, dressed in the clothes I left for him. He looks at me uncomprehendingly then I see recognition dawn in his eyes._

_"You're my latest tribute," he says simply._

_I nod, and extend my hand. "Yes. Peeta Mellark," I introduce myself._

_Haymitch takes my hand briefly, then says, "Liam and Abby's kid?"_

_I nod. "I'm the youngest."_

_"Where's Spunky?" He asks suddenly. I look at him in confusion until I remember what he said about Katniss at the Reaping...how she had lots of spunk._

_"You mean Katniss?" I ask. He shrugs. "Yeah, whatever. The girl that volunteered for her sister. Say, you didn't volunteer too, did you?" He asks suddenly._

_I shake my head. "Good," he grunts, "I couldn't handle TWO hero's on this trip."_

_Just then the attendant knocks with the coffee and sandwich tray. Haymitch looks annoyed at first but brightens when he sees what I ordered. "You did this?" He asks._

_"Yes...thought you could use it," I explain._

_Haymitch pours some coffee and offers to pour a cup for me. I decline. He shrugs his shoulders, picks out a sandwich, then sits and looks at me._

_"So...what's her last name? Spunky?" He asks as he begins to eat._

_Irritated, I say, "It's Katniss. Katniss Everdeen."_

_Haymitch lets out a long sigh. "Drew and Una's girl," he says quietly, then, "I thought having to mentor my friends was bad. Mentoring their kids is even worse."_

_I sit quietly, then I finally say, "Mr. Abernathy, I have a -"_

_"Stop right there. It's Haymitch...just Haymitch," he says firmly._

_"Okay...Haymitch. Anyway, I have a favor to ask," I begin._

_He chuckles. "Want a little jump on the competition? Some one-on-one advice?"_

_I shake my head. "No. But before I tell you I need to know if you'll remember this in the morning...otherwise it's a waste of my time."_

_Haymitch nods slowly. "You sound serious, boy. Okay, it's your dime...start talking."_

_"Excuse me?" I say. "Dime?"_

_He laughs briefly. "Sorry, kid...just a very old expression. It means I'm all ears."_

_"Okay." I take a deep breath. "The bottom line is...Katniss has to win."_

_Haymitch sputters on his coffee, choking as it went down the wrong way. I get up and pound his back until he gets control of himself again._

_He regards me for a moment. "Kid, I coulda sworn you just said you want Spunky to win?"_

_I nod. "I just don't want it. She NEEDS to win. Her sister and mother depend on her."_

_"Twenty three years I've done this and thought I've seen it all," he mutters, then, "Okay, assuming of course that you're sane -"_

_"I am," I say quickly._

_"- That's debatable...but I have to ask...why? Do you have a death wish?"_

_"No," I say slowly, then, "I'm in love with her."_

_Haymitch looks at me for several seconds, takes a bite of his sandwich, chews, swallows, then takes a drink of his coffee. He deliberately sets everything down and leans forward._

_"Don't take this personally, kid," he begins, "But I think you're bat-shit crazy."_

_"Look at me," I say calmly, "Do I look crazy to you?"_

_He shakes his head slowly. "No...that's the scary part. Okay, so you love her...although I can't for the life of me understand why...my next question is...does she know how you feel?"_

_I shake my head. "No. Some of my friends and family know, even though I've never said anything to any one. You are actually the first person I've ever told."_

_"I'm honored," Haymitch says sarcastically, "Okay, you have my attention. Do you have a plan?"_

_"Not yet...other than I plan to do whatever it takes to protect her."_

_"Not just a lunatic," Haymitch mutters, "but a noble lunatic at that."_

_"I'm serious, Haymitch." I say._

_"I can tell, kid," he says, "Okay, I'm not sure what we are gonna do. This is totally new for me...or any other Mentor, I would bet. But for now...you and I never talked. Got it?"_

_I nod. "I don't want her to know about this talk, either," I say._

_"Good," he says, "Tomorrow, as far as she knows, you poured me into bed. Just make sure, whatever I do or say, you have to follow my lead. You'll know what to do."_

_I nod. Haymitch looks thoughtful for a moment, then says gently, "You know, Twelve doesn't do very well in the Games...no matter what I do, I may not be able to help her much...or you."_

_"You don't know Katniss," I say firmly, "She's strong. And there is no one in Panem that's better with a bow than her."_

_Haymitch arches his eyebrows at that revelation. "Really? How did she - no, never mind...I don't wanna know. I'll take your word for it. Okay, kid, it's late, and I need a drink after all this...don't worry, I won't forget this," he adds._

_I turn to go. As I turn the knob I hear him say, "Peeta. What's the real reason why you want to die to make sure she wins?"_

_"Without her, I have nothing," I say quietly._

_He looks at me and says, "Fair enough. I'll do my best."_

_"She's gonna win, Haymitch. She's gonna live." With that, I leave._


	14. THE HOB

**CHAPTER 14 - THE HOB**

**PART I**

The day after Haymitch's episode of liquor withdrawal, I search every cabinet and cupboard of my home in the Village, looking for anything with alcohol in it.

Katniss and I both dismissed Mrs. Everdeens suggestion to just let him dry out. We have had a hard enough time dealing with post-Games stress, and we are still learning how to cope. I bake, paint, and work my weights. Katniss traps, hunts, and dotes on Prim. We have only been dealing with our demons for a couple of months. Haymitch has been doing it for twenty four YEARS. As much as we would like to see a clean and sober Haymitch, Katniss and I both know that liquor is his only way to cope.

I finally found a few small bottles stashed in the dining room sideboard. I quickly scan the labels: Bourbon, Scotch, Vodka, Rum, and Gin. It's not much but hopefully it will tide him over until the next supply train arrives.

I gather up the bottles into a box and head out the door. Before I go to Haymitch's I stop at Katniss's first.

I knock twice. The door opens and, surprise of surprises, Katniss is home. She looks disheveled and I immediately realize that she's been doing what I've been doing. She eyes me and the box quizzically.

I open the box and show her the bottles. "Dining room sideboard," is all I say. A look of relief crosses her face and she mutters a quick "Thanks" before slamming the door.

I stand in front of the door for a second or two, then mutter, "You're so welcome," before continuing on to Haymitch's. I knock twice on his door, then try the handle. Unlocked. I let myself in...after all, Haymitch did say that we are all "family" out here, and cautiously enter, calling out his name. I head for his kitchen, where I find him, along with the now-empty wine bottle, sprawled out on the kitchen table, his ever present knife clutched in his hand.

I pull out a bottle at random and loudly set it on the kitchen table. I see him jerk at the noise and he slowly lifts his head and eyes the bottle, at first uncomprehendingly, then, as the realization of what it was hits him, he grins broadly and slowly, almost lovingly, picks the bottle up and holds it to his face.

I put the remainder of the bottles on his kitchen counter. As usual, his place is a mess. I make a note to talk to Beth the first chance I get...I know she's still working for the Liaison Office and might be willing to take on a job as Haymitch's housekeeper...or at least may know someone that would.

Haymitch opens the bottle and holds his nose over the mouth. He inhales deeply. He looks at me and grins again as he takes a long, noisy swallow from the bottle.

He pulls the bottle from his lips and lets out a long, satisfied, "Ahhhhhhhhh..." I smile and shake my head. "Haymitch, that stuff will kill you someday."

"Gotta die of something, kid...and I've been on borrowed time for the last twenty four years," he replies, then, "I knew there was a reason why you're my favorite."

"Your favorite what?" Katniss asks. Haymitch and I both jump. We didn't even hear her come in. She's carrying a box, and I have a good idea what's in it.

"Well, look what the cat dragged in," Haymitch drawled, "'Mornin' Sweetheart." Haymitch lifts up the bottle in mock salute to Katniss and takes another drink. He eyes the box and arches his eyebrows. Katniss just sighs and shakes her head disgustedly. I move to take the box from her and tilt my head towards the line of bottles on the counter. She nods and hands me the box with a little smile. I return her smile and notice that now she's sporting a real beauty of a black eye. Quickly I add her bottles to the ones I've already put up.

Haymitch eyes the both of us, then sets the bottle down. He stands up unsteadily. "Listen," he begins, "I'm not good at humility...or gratitude. But, I wanna thank you both for...last night." He finishes weakly.

For a moment, neither Katniss and I say anything. Then, shocking both Haymitch and I, Katniss suddenly throws her arms around Haymitch and buries her face in his chest as she lets out a choked sob. Haymitch just looks at me wide eyed as he awkwardly wraps his arms around her. Just as suddenly, Katniss steps back and hits Haymitch with her clenched fist in the middle of his chest.

"Don't you EVER do something like that to me...us...again! You had me...us...scared to death!" Katniss is practically screaming at him, her tear streaked face contorted in anguish.

This time it's Haymitch that gathers her in his arms. I've never seen either of them like this with each other. Haymitch is not a small man, and Katniss looks very small and vulnerable in his arms. He holds her close for a moment and squeezes his eyes shut, then whispers softly, "I'm truly sorry, Katniss. It won't happen again."

I feel like I'm watching a scene that I shouldn't be watching. I shift uncomfortably from one foot to the next. Katniss pulls away from Haymitch and says, "Oh, you're right about that. Peeta and I will make sure it never happens again. Right, Peeta?" She turns and looks at me.

"Uhh...right!" I finally answer. "We'll take care of it, don't worry," I finish lamely.

Haymitch comes over to me and awkwardly gives me a hug, that I just as awkwardly return. "Thanks, Peeta," he says simply. I just nod in response.

Haymitch straightens up. "Well, I'm sure you two have better things to do with your day," he says.

"Yeah...well...okay, Haymitch," I say, then, "We should get going, Katniss." I take her hand in mine. She stiffens almost imperceptibly then relaxes as her fingers twine with mine.

Together, we turn and walk to the door. "Haymitch, if you need anything..." Katniss says. Haymitch, once again slumped in his chair, looks at us and nods. "Well...see you later then," she says as we walk out the door. We are barely on the walkway when she turns, wraps her arms around my neck, and kisses me.

She pulls away and looks at me. To say I was shocked was an understatement.

"That was for last night," she says softly, then kisses me again. This time I actually respond. Oh, how I've missed that feeling of her lips on mine.

"That was for just now," she says, "You are such a good person, Peeta." She smiles up at me.

I smile back. "I'm happy that you've finally noticed that," I joke.

She laughs. "Oh, I've noticed, believe me," she says lightly, as she takes my hand in hers and we walk towards her house.

"So, how are we gonna make sure that Haymitch never runs out again?" I ask. "Even when the next shipment comes in, we can't go buy liquor. We're still under age. Unless you're planning on having someone buy it for us." Gales face crosses my mind. He's old enough. I frown.

We reach her door. She turns to me and says, "There's one other place where they don't care about your age," she says, then, "The Hob."

The Hob. I've never been in there, and, quite frankly, the place scares me somewhat. But, I'm not gonna let Katniss see that. I nod. "Okay," I say, "Let's go."

"Not today, silly," Katniss laughs. "Ripper's still not back in business. I'll keep an eye out for when she comes back...then I'll let you know."

I nod, relieved. "Okay, sounds good." I say, then, "Well...see you." I turn to go but Katniss grabs me once more and gives me a last, quick kiss.

"Bye, Peeta," she says with a smile, then disappears into her house. As I walk back to my place I realize that today was the first time I can remember hearing Haymitch call Katniss by her name.

**PART II**

The following Sunday, the monthly Parcel Train arrives, and with it, the scheduled supply train as well. Not a moment too soon, either, as Haymitch was starting to run low on the liquor that Katniss and I had given him. Haymitch wasted no time in visiting the districts one and only liquor store to restock.

Ripper was still out of business. Her attempts at finding materials to make a new still had failed up to this point. Mrs. Everdeen busied herself on making another batch of homemade wine, both to have on hand for medicinal purposes and in case another emergency bottle would be needed for Haymitch.

The Saturday after Parcel Day, I had company over for the day. Quinn and Beth, along with Blake and his new girlfriend Leevy. Delly also stopped in along with Madge; Delly, to return some books she had borrowed and to borrow some more, and Madge to see Katniss. Quinn, Beth, Blake and Leevy all tried talking me into going with them to some dance that night. Once again, I declined, citing some prior engagement. I know I didn't fool any of them.

So, I was definitely surprised when, that evening, there was a knock on my door. I had been sitting on my couch working on a new sketch. I answered the door to find Katniss standing there.

"Katniss! Uh, hi...come on in," I say.

She quickly shakes her head. "Thanks, Peeta...but I just came by to tell you that Ripper's back in business. So, I'm headed to the Hob tomorrow...are you still in?"

"Oh...uh, sure," I answer. Then, "But aren't you hunting tomorrow? With Gale?"

"I already told him I couldn't make it tomorrow," she replied, "He said he understood."

"Okay, then, just come on by when you're ready to go," I say. She nods and says, "Okay, see you in the morning...G'night." With that, she turns and walks back across the way. As I shut the door the sky lights up with a flash of lightning. Oh, great, I say to myself as the first peal of thunder rolls across District Twelve, just what we need. A thunderstorm. With that, rain begins to pour out of the sky. I sigh and go back to my sketch.

Guess I'll find out about the Hob sooner than I thought.

**PART III**

I'm cleaning up from breakfast when Katniss knocks on the door. I quickly dry my hands and answer the door.

"Ready?" She asks. I nod. "Just let me grab a rain jacket."

I pull on a rain jacket with hood. The rain has slowed down some but it's still coming down. I notice that Katniss is wearing something similar. As we walk towards the entrance to the Village she suddenly takes my hand.

"Well, we're gonna be in public together today, after all," she says with a smile. I return her smile as her fingers twine around mine. Her hand is warm.

As we walk she jokes with me, "Now, don't worry, Peeta...I won't let any of those scary Hob people get you!" I find that I'm enjoying myself. Even though we're holding hands for show...somehow it doesn't feel completely forced. She really seems relaxed around me. As we walk and talk, I find myself wishing that I could figure this girl out. For days she ignores me and treats me like a stranger, then there's times like now when she treats me...well, like a girlfriend would treat her boyfriend.

Soon we approach the Hob. At one time it was a coal storage warehouse but abandoned by the Company years ago. Since then it's gradually become the marketplace for those that couldn't afford to shop in the local merchants' stores, even though many of the Peacekeepers, including Cray, the Head Peacekeeper, shop here as well.

As we enter the dimly lit building I'm assaulted with at least a dozen different odors, none of them bad, just...different. The smells of cooking food, live animals, smoke from small fires, candle wax, cooking oil, and other more exotic smells invades every breath I take. I find myself inhaling deeply. It smells...alive. I glance over at Katniss, who is busy greeting someone. Here she looks animated, relaxed, and...happy. I realize that, in spite of her expensive clothes and that she's well fed...that she belongs here. I'm aware of Katniss holding my hand and leading me to one of the booths. An older woman is cooking some sort of stew in a pot suspended over a small fire. I recognize her but can't think of her name.

"Peeta, this is Greasy Sae," Katniss introduces us. The woman stops stirring and extends her hand.

"Hello, Peeta," she says with a warm smile, "Welcome to the Hob!"

"Thank you, ma'am," I respond, gripping her hand firmly. I notice that a good number of customers seem to be Peacekeepers. One of them catches Katniss's eye and saunters over.

"Miss Everdeen...and Mr. Mellark. A pleasure to see you both!" He says, smiling. He's young, with a shock of bright red hair. We shake hands.

"Hello, Officer Darius," I say respectfully. He laughs. "In here, I'm just Darius. And how's the lovely Miss Everdeen today?" He asks with a wink.

Katniss laughs. Apparently this isn't the first time Darius has flirted with her, but instead of being offended, she looks amused. "I'm just fine, Darius, thank you. We actually came in today to see Ripper," she explains.

"Ah! Well, she's set up in her usual spot peddling her poison," he says with a smile.

"Great! Well, we best be going, Peeta...see you later, Darius...Sae," Katniss says with a wave. We quickly head over to Rippers stall. The one armed woman looks to be close to Sae's age, and is more than happy to sell us each a half dozen bottles of clear liquor, all the while cursing Cray. We thank her as we each gather up our bag, when a crowd at the other end of the Hob catches our eye.

Katniss frowns slightly. "That's Valentine," she explains, "A 'friendly' rival of Sae's. They've been in competition longer than I've been alive. Usually, though, it's Sae that has the crowd at her booth."

I nod. "Maybe she has something different today," I say.

"What do you say we find out?" Katniss asks. I shrug my shoulders. Truthfully, I'm finding this place to be fascinating.

Katniss smiles and says, "Okay, let's go!" Along the way she's stopped and greeted by a half dozen other vendors who also are quick to give me a warm greeting as well. I begin to wonder why I always thought this place was scary.

We push our way through the crowd at Valentines stall and we can see what the commotion was all about. A whole pig is slowly turning on a spit above a fire. Katniss is amazed.

"Valentine! Where did you get THAT?" She asks. "Wild pigs never get this close to the district anymore!"

The old woman's laugh degenerates into a coughing spell. Recovered, she smiles and says, "You know me, girl. I don't give up my sources."

Katniss laughs. "Well, you do come up with the strangest animals over your fire!"

Valentine's eyes glitter. "Would you like a piece of the pig, girl?" She asks, then coughs again. Something on her face catches my eye...under her nose, hard to make out through the soot on her face, but...it looks like dried blood right above her lip.

"I'd love a piece," Katniss says, then asks, "Peeta? Want to try some?"

Even though the smell is wonderful, I have a funny feeling. "Uh...no thanks, Katniss. I did eat right before we came, remember?"

"Oh, that's right...well, you're missing out," Katniss says. Warning bells are ringing in my head as I lean in close and whisper, "Maybe you should pass...I have a feeling something's not right here."

As she pulls some coins out of her pocket, Katniss says in a low voice, "Nonsense. I've eaten her cooking before. Don't be ridiculous," she snaps.

Before I can say anything else, I hear a familiar voice from behind us. "Hey, Catnip! And, Peeta? Coming down to see how the poor folk live?"

"Gale!" Katniss says, surprised.

"Hello, Gale," I say evenly.

Gale's standing behind us. I can see his brother, Rory, standing next to him. On the other side is another guy about Gales age. Katniss smiles at them. "Hello, Rory...hey, Thom. Peeta, do you know Thom?" Katniss asks.

I shake my head. "Thom's part of Gales crew in the mines," Katniss explains.

I extend my hand to Thom. "Nice to meet you, Thom," I say. Thom grins and takes my hand. He squeezes, hard...but somehow, I was expecting that. I match his grip with my own and see his eyes widen a bit in surprise, then he relaxes and smile. "Likewise, Peeta," he says. Somehow I feel like I've just been tested...and passed. I grin at Rory. "Hey, Rory!" Rory smiles back shyly. "Hi, Peeta."

"So...Peeta...you are about the LAST person I ever expected to see in the Hob!" Gale says with a smile...or was it a sneer?

I hold up my bag of liquor bottles. "Just laying in a stock for Haymitch...just in case," I explain, then, "And I appreciate your letting Katniss come in here today with me for this, also...I know how much hunting with her means to you."

"Well, after all, Haymitch is one of us," Gale says, then explains, "You know...he's Seam...or was, anyway. Besides that, the hunting would have been lousy today with the rain."

Katniss eyes our exchange warily. I'm sure she can sense the growing tension between us. Absently she takes the small plate of roast pig that Valentine passed over to her and, before I can say anything, takes a bite. I sigh. Too late now, I think.

"Valentine, this is delicious!" Katniss exclaims, then, to me, "You sure you won't try some, Peeta?"

"Aw, Catnip, you know he's Town," Gale says, "He's used to much...finer...food than something like Hob roasted pig! But, I'M not too proud!" And with that, he spears a chunk of meat off of her plate with his knife and pops it in his mouth. "Mmm mmm mmm! Good!"

I suddenly notice that the crowd around us has become noticeably larger. People are sensing a confrontation. Valentine takes advantage of this and takes advantage of the temporary boom to her business. She's kept busy carving and selling pieces of pig. All the while, Gales words and attitude dig under my skin. Still, I try to maintain calm.

"Anyway, I know this is your only day off, Gale," I begin, "And I know Haymitch will appreciate your changing plans for him."

"I would?" Haymitch's voice comes in from behind me. "Don't look so shocked, kid," he says with a chuckle, "I thought I would stock up a bit more and decided to check out some of Val's roast pig, here."

Before I can say anything Haymitch takes a big bite of roast pig. "Damn, girl, that's a fine swine!" The crowd laughs as Valentine smiles her thanks. The pig is steadily disappearing.

"Yeah, this is my only day off," Gale says quietly, "Because, you know, I work. In the mines. And you...let's see...you...bake?" He says with a smirk.

"Gale!" Katniss snaps. I had almost forgotten she was here. She's handing her empty plate back to Valentine and absently wiping her greasy fingers on a scrap of cloth.

"It's okay, Katniss," I say, then, to Gale, "Yeah. I bake. I've baked all my life. And?"

Gale leans forward a bit. "And, I wouldn't call decorating cookies with little sugar flowers working. Of course, you don't even have to do that anymore, thanks to Katniss, here."

"DAMN you, Gale!" Katniss shouts. "What the HELL is wrong with you?"

Gale blinks, startled by Katniss's outburst, but quickly recovers. "Why, nothing, Catnip," he says smoothly, "After all, it's the truth...you are all paid quite well by the Capitol now...never have to work a day in your life again. Not that Baker Boy, here, ever had it tough to begin with. And now that he's managed to ride YOUR victory to a life of luxury, well -"

"Boy, you need to shut your mouth, and shut it RIGHT NOW!" Haymitch is suddenly standing nose to nose glaring at Gale, and his voice is dripping menace. "You have no idea what you're talking about. None! What these two went through in that hellhole...what I went through twenty four years ago...I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy! There's no easy victory in the Games, and all three of us have to spend every single day for the rest of our lives living with what we had to do to survive them."

Gale's face drains of color as Haymitch speaks. All around us the buzz of conversation has stopped. It's unnaturally quiet. Out of the corner of my eye I see Darius making his way through the crowd. "Everything all right here? Mr. Abernathy? Miss Everdeen?"

Haymitch's eyes never waver from Gales. "Everything's fine, thanks, Darius," he answers quietly. The sudden appearance of the Peacekeeper seems to deflate everyone. Gale averts his eyes from Haymitch and glances over at Katniss. She's still glaring at him.

"Catnip, I-" He begins, but Katniss cuts him off. "Gale - maybe you should just leave," she says icily. Gale glances back at me. I return his gaze coolly. He turns, and with Thom and Rory, leaves without a backwards glance.

I suddenly realize that I've been holding my breath. I let it out in a grateful sigh. Haymitch is looking at me concernedly. "You all right, kid?" He asks.

I nod. "Haymitch, I -" I begin, but stop when Haymitch holds up his hand. "Forget it, Peeta," he says with a small smile, then turns to Katniss. "Sweetheart? You okay?"

Katniss looks on the verge of tears. She nods but says, "I don't know what's wrong with him. He's never acted like this before."

Quietly, Haymitch says to me, "I know exactly what's wrong with him...and so do you."

I nod. "Yeah...yeah I do," I say with a sigh.

Haymitch gives me a small smile, then turns to go. "Do you to think you can stay outta trouble without me around to bail you out?" Katniss rolls her eyes as I laugh. "Yeah, Haymitch, I think we can manage," I say.

"I'll see you two around, then," he says as he walks off.

"I guess we should be going, too," Katniss says. I nod. It's not even noon yet and I feel drained.

We say our goodbyes to Valentine then slowly work our way out of the Hob. Katniss stops every thirty seconds to say goodbye to yet another vendor or customer.

As we leave she says, "I really don't know what the Seam would do without this place. Everything in town is so expensive. But, I know it has to be with the taxes that the Capitol puts on businesses," she adds quickly.

I nod. "It's an...interesting place," I say. Katniss just nods quietly.

We walk in silence for a while, then Katniss says, "Peeta...I'm sorry...for what Gale was saying."

"Forget it," I reply, but she shakes her head.

"No, he was out of line. I've never seen him act like that. I just don't know what's wrong with him," she says with a sigh.

_I know what's wrong with him_ , I say to myself.  _What's wrong with him is that he loves you, too._

All I say is, "Don't worry about it."

Suddenly Katniss says, "And why were you so weird about that pig? I think you insulted Valentine!"

"Katniss, you didn't notice?" I ask.

"Notice what?" She replies.

"Her cough...and I could swear there was dried blood under her nose," I say. Katniss just shrugs.

"Peeta, we live in District Twelve. Coal dust, remember? Everyone coughs all the time." For emphasis she gives a couple of fake coughs, then laughs. I don't find it funny.

"What about the blood?" I ask. She shrugs. "Probably from the pig." I'm not convinced. Something wasn't right about that whole thing.

"I just really wish none of you had eaten any...Gale included," I say stubbornly.

We are almost home now. Katniss laughs quietly. "Why, Peeta, I almost think you care about me," she says teasingly.

I look at her in amazement. "Katniss, you know how I feel!"

"I know," she says quietly, then, "I'm sorry for teasing you about it. I - I guess I'm still not used to someone...a boy...saying that they - they..." she trails off.

"Love you?" I finish for her quietly. She nods. "Well, I am, and if my saying it bothers you, I'm sorry. I know that you don't feel -"

"Peeta, that's the problem. I DON'T know how I feel. I've been confused ever since the Games. And you, you've been so good. Not pushing, giving me space, allowing me to think, knowing when I need to be alone...and I give you NOTHING in return except heartache! You are so selfless!"

We stop in front of her house. I shake my head. "No, Katniss," I say sadly, "I'm not selfless. I'm selfish. I want to be with you. Only you. I've felt this way for over eleven years and it took us almost getting killed for me to finally become enough of a man to admit it to you. I'm selfish. I don't want to share you...with anyone. Not Prim, or your Mom, or...Gale."

Katniss stares at me for a moment, then raises up on tiptoe and gently kisses me, then turns to go. I watch her for a second then I turn towards my house, when I hear her say, "You have no idea. The effect you have."

I whirl around but all I see is her back, disappearing into the house.

**PART IV**

I'm sound asleep one morning a few days later. I didn't have any nightmares last night for a change. In fact, my sleep was pretty much dreamless. I become aware of an insistent pounding at my door.

Blearily I open my eyes and focus on the clock. 6:27 AM. I notice that the rain started up again sometime earlier.

I stagger downstairs, pulling on a robe. The pounding is more insistent.

"This better be important," I mutter to myself as I open the door. Prim is standing on my porch in a robe and slippers. She looks terrified.

"Prim? What's wrong?" I ask.

Prim stares at me for a moment as tears begin to spill down her face. She takes a deep breath.

"Peeta...Katniss is very sick."


	15. SECRETS

**CHAPTER 15 - SECRETS**

**PART I**

I stood there stupidly for a moment, digesting what Prim had just told me. Katniss is very sick. She's staring at me with pleading eyes. Thoughts race through my mind. What can I do? I'm not a healer! Prim, you and your mother are the healers! Still, I don't hesitate with what I do next.

"Let's go," I say grimly. She nods once and we both quickly cross the street. There's a definite chill in the air now to go along with the steady rain.

We enter Katniss's house. I see Una Everdeen sitting in the kitchen, her hands wrapped around a steaming cup of tea. She looks up as we enter and gives me a tired smile.

"Peeta...I'm so sorry to have had Prim wake you," she says. I shake my head quickly.

"No apologies necessary," I reply, "It must be bad for you to have called me."

Una nods. "I just don't know what to make of it. She started coughing yesterday, but I didn't think much of it. District Twelve, after all," she says with a rueful smile, "But I noticed at dinner last night she was flushed and had no appetite. She's running a fever, complaining of a headache, and she has abdominal pain also." She pauses and sips some tea.

I sit at the kitchen table with her. Wordlessly Prim hands me a cup of tea. I smile my thanks at her. She gives me a small grin in return, then joins us at the table.

"Look," I begin, "You two are the healers, but from what you are saying, it could be the flu or something like that."

"Don't you think I thought of that?" Una snaps, then, "Oh, I'm sorry, Peeta. I'm just so worried." Prim reaches over and squeezes her mothers hand. "It was what Prim and I saw before I sent her over to wake you that has me concerned."

I nod my head and wait for her to continue, but Prim steps in. "I woke up about an hour ago. I could hear Katniss crying, so I went in to check her and change the cold compress on her head. Peeta, her mouth was all bloody! I was so scared that she had bitten her tongue or something...I got Mom." I can hear an alarm bell ringing in my head at this news but say nothing.

"When Prim got me, I saw the same thing, Peeta," Una continues, "We cleaned off the blood and saw that her nose was bleeding." She indicates a stack of books on the table. "I've been searching through some of my old medical books but no luck so far."

I suddenly have a mental picture of Valentine, in the Hob, almost a week ago. Coughing, with dried blood on her upper lip.

"The Hob," I say suddenly, then, "Has anyone checked on Haymitch?"

"Haymitch? Why?" Una asks.

"I'll be right back," I say quickly, and I bolt from the house and head right next door. I pound on Haymitch's door as I feel the rain soaking through my robe. To my surprise, he answers the door.

"Boy, do you have any idea how early it is? And what the hell are you doing running around in the rain in your robe?" He's drunk, as usual, but quite coherent.

I push past him into his house. "Haymitch, are you alright?" I ask.

"Please, please, come in," Haymitch says sarcastically, then, "Well, define 'alright.'"

"Sick? Are you sick?" I ask. Haymitch regards me with narrowed eyes as he shakes his head.

"I feel fine. What's going on?" He asks.

"It's Katniss," I say simply. He arches his eyebrows and I nod. He grabs a coat and shoves his feet into slippers. "Let's go," he says.

Together we head back to the Everdeen house. Una and Prim quickly bring Haymitch up to date. "Can I see her?" I finally ask. Una nods and we all head upstairs.

Katniss is laying in bed, and listlessly turns her head towards us as we walk in. I can see that her face is flushed and evidence of a nosebleed is on her lip. Still, she turns angrily to her mother.

"Mom! Why did you get them?" Katniss snaps. "It's just the flu or something, no big deal." She suddenly is seized with a coughing fit. When she calms down she looks at Haymitch and I.

"I'm sorry they got you up for this," she says weakly, "But it's nothing. I'm just tired, that's all." I brush her hair out of her eyes tenderly and nod. "Get some rest, Katniss," I say softly. She grabs onto my hand briefly and nods, then her eyes flutter shut.

I nod toward the door and we all leave. Once downstairs Una asks, "What did you mean earlier, about the Hob?"

Haymitch looks up in alarm. His eyes narrow and he turns towards me. "You think...Valentine?" I nod and say, "Remember? Cough and blood on her lip?" Haymitch nods thoughtfully.

"You two need to tell me what you're talking about, right now!" Una says forcefully. Haymitch and I quickly relay to her the events of our visit to the Hob.

"Peeta, so you think that this woman Valentine and her roast pig have something to do with Katniss being sick?" Una asks. I nod and look thoughtfully at Haymitch.

"Yeah," I say, "I'm sure they're connected somehow."

"Then why aren't I sick too, 'Doctor' Mellark?" Haymitch asks sarcastically. "I was there, too, remember. I ate some of that pig also!"

I ignore Haymitch's sarcasm and shrug my shoulders. "I don't know, Haymitch," is all I say.

"Well, I don't think it's food poisoning," Una says, "Food poisoning doesn't take almost a week to show symptoms, and Haymitch would have been sick by now also."

An idea comes to my mind. "I think we need to start with the source," I say, "We need to see Valentine."

Haymitch nods. "You're right, boy," he says. Una Everdeen also nods. "I'm going with you," she says.

"I'll go get dressed," I say, "We'll leave in ten minutes."

**PART II**

Una, Haymitch and I enter the Hob. It's still early morning, so only the vendors are here, setting up. We left Prim at home to watch her sister. At this point, all that can be done for Katniss is to give her herbal concoctions for fever and headache.

Several of the vendors greet Haymitch by name. Some of them greet me as well, remembering me from my first visit. We exchange greetings but don't stay to talk. We head straight for Valentines stall. It's empty.

"Let's check with Sae," Haymitch suggests. Greasy Sae is already preparing today's stew. She sees us coming and smiles.

"Haymitch...Peeta," she says, then, "Una? Una Everdeen?"

"Hello, Sae," Una says with a smile. "It's been awhile."

"It certainly has...let's see...twenty three, no, twenty four years. Sorry, I'm not open yet," she adds, then, "By the way, where's Katniss?"

"Sae, we're looking for Valentine," Haymitch says abruptly, "Have you seen her?"

"Valentine? Come to think of it, not for a few days. Why?" She asks.

"We need to talk to her...and, did you eat any of her roast pig last Sunday?" I ask.

Sae sniffed. "Hardly! I'm not giving my competition any business!"

"Do you know where she lives, Sae?" Una asks impatiently.

"Why, yes, Una," Sae replies, "She lives in the Seam." Sae gives us her location. Una nods.

"I know exactly where that's at. Thanks, Sae! I'll explain all this later," Una says. We leave before Sae can say anything else.

A quick walk to the Seam finds us at the house that Sae indicated belonged to Valentine. I had never spent much time in the Seam growing up. Looking at the house, I shudder to think that this is how Katniss...and Prim...grew up.

Haymitch knocks firmly on the door, calling out Valentines name. After a minute or two he pushes the door open. The house is silent. We creep in, calling out her name as we do. A foul odor hits us as soon as we cross the threshold. The house is a mess.

Even Haymitch looks a little green as we cautiously make our way through the cluttered home. He leads the way to the only bedroom and pushes the door open, then visibly recoils. The smell from the room hits me at the same time and I gag, trying hard not to throw up.

Una pushes past us and strides into the room. We both look at her in astonishment. She seems totally unaffected by the nauseating odor, but instead heads straight for the wasted figure on the bed.

"Valentine? Can you hear me? My name is Una Everdeen. I'm Katniss's mother. I'm a healer," Una says. Valentine stirs and mumbles something. Una gently feels her head, then looks up at us. "She's burning up. I've never felt a fever this high!" She shakes her head. "I don't know if there's anything I can do," she says helplessly.

Valentine is muttering incoherently and tossing around in the bed. Haymitch and I approach slowly. We see overflowing chamber pots on the floor next to the bed. Una catches our gaze and says, "Don't touch anything in here."

Haymitch laughs dryly. "Don't have to worry about that, Una," he says.

At his voice, Valentine suddenly opens her eyes and tries to focus on us. "Abernathy? That you?' She asks weakly.

Haymitch steps over to the bed. "Yeah, Val," he answers gently.

Valentine snickers then is seized by coughing. After she catches her breath, she says, "Keep your hands in sight, you drunk bastard! You know I don't trust you."

"The pig," I whisper urgently to Haymitch, "Ask her where she got the pig!"

Haymitch nods. "Val...remember your roast pig? From last Sunday? Where'd you get it?"

"My pig," Valentine says weakly, "Trade secret. Go blow smoke, Abernathy."

Haymitch sighs, then pulls a handful of coins out of his pocket. He deposits them noisily on her nightstand. At the sound of the coins she looks up, smiles, and says, "Well, since you put it like that...I trade."

"With who, Val?" Haymitch asks impatiently.

Valentine hesistates. A flash of fear crosses her eyes. Finally, she whispers, "Out...out...district."

We all exchange glances. Out-district? Technically the area outside our fence, where Katniss and Gale hunt, is out-district...those regions between districts where there are no settlements, and legends of wild people living there have persisted for many years. But, according to Valentine, she's actively trading with these wild out-district people. But how could she even know any of them?

"Val...how do you trade with them?" Haymitch asks. Valentine hesitates until Haymitch deposits more coins on her table.

"Help...I have...help. Here...in Twelve," she replies weakly. Someone in District Twelve is helping her? Who? Even the people that go outside the fence to hunt, like Katniss and Gale, have never said that they have seen any signs of out-district people.

"Who, Val?" Haymitch asks urgently.

"Pat...O'Sullivan's...girl," she almost whispers. Beth? Beth O'Sullivan has been helping Valentine trade with out-district people? My mind is whirling. I glance at Haymitch and Una. Haymitch looks as confused as I am, but Una...there is a look on her face, comprehension of what Valentine is saying.

"We need to leave," I say urgently. Haymitch and Una both nod.

"Val, we're going to get you help. Don't worry," Haymitch says as we back out of the room. She's mumbling to herself again, lost in her own world.

We step outside into now what seems to be the fresh, clean air of District Twelve. We all take deep breaths for a few moments. I'm the first to speak.

"Mrs. Everdeen - Una - what do you know about what she was saying in there?" I ask.

"What makes you say that, boy?" Haymitch asks, almost angrily. Una stands silent for a moment.

"No...he's right, Haymitch," she says quietly. "It was so long ago. I'd almost forgotten."

"What? So it's true?" Haymitch asks incredulously. Una nods. I look at her expectantly.

We begin to slowly walk out of the Seam towards town. At least the rain has finally stopped. Una begins to speak as we walk.

"It was shortly after Drew and I got married," she begins, "Pat O'Sullivan and he would sometimes go hunting on Sundays...like Katniss and Gale do now," she added. "One Sunday, they were out late...a lot later than usual. I was getting worried. It was starting to get dark, and I was just about to walk down to the fence when Drew came in. I was so angry with him! He didn't even apologize...just told me to grab my bag, someone was hurt, and needed help."

She paused for a moment, then continued, "I was scared at first that it was Pat, but all he would tell me was it wasn't Pat. We reached the fence and I could see Pat with someone else on the other side. Drew quickly went back under the fence, and together he and Pat managed to get the other person through the gap. I saw then it was a girl, younger than us. Dressed strangely. She didn't look like anyone I had ever seen. Her leg was injured from an animal attack...probably a lynx or bobcat." At this she gave me a look. I could sympathize.

"She was scared to death. I could understand her but she spoke strangely, with an accent I had never heard before. I managed to let her know that I was a healer. I dressed her wounds and we managed to get her back to our house in the Seam. There we cleaned her up better and I worked on her leg some more. Drew told me that they had found her by herself, unconscious. They had ranged a lot father out than normal that day and it was just dumb luck that they had found her at all. I could tell now in the lamplight that she was very pretty. I could also tell that Pat was quite smitten with her." At this memory Una smiled.

"Anyway, Pat insisted on taking her home with him. Even then he was living behind his pub. None of us could pronounce her name so Pat insisted on calling her 'Eve.' Later, and I have no idea how he managed this, but they got married and shortly after that Elizabeth was born. I would see her from time to time in town but she kept very much to herself. I think she died some years ago during a flu epidemic."

I nod slowly. So, this was Beth's huge family secret. I had to admit, it was a pretty big one. Her mother was out-district! I remember asking one of the District Six train tenders at a fuel stop on our way back from the Games why the fuel stations looked so fortified, and were crawling with Peacekeepers. "Out-district raiders," was all he said. I thought he was joking at the time.

I don't think he was joking now.

"I need to talk to Beth...and her father," I say suddenly. "Maybe, if she helped Valentine get her pig, she may be able help figure out why Valentine and Katniss are both sick."

Haymitch nods. "I'm going over to the Liaison Office. We have one doctor here in the district, assigned by the Capitol to the Mine office. I think we'll need his help on this."

Una says, "This is beyond me, Haymitch. We'll need a doctor in on this. I'll meet you over there but I need to stop at the apothecary shop and see if there's anything we can use."

Haymitch and I share a glance. Haymitch had told me once that after Una had married Drew Everdeen, her family, which has run the apothecary shop in District Twelve for generations, had pretty much disowned her. Going there meant she was swallowing a lot of pride...but then again, it was her daughter that was sick.

I look at Una sympathetically and say, "Okay, we'll meet back at your house in the Village after we're done." She and Haymitch both nod and we all head off to our respective tasks.

**PART III**

Even in the morning, O'Sullivan's Pub was open. The recent arrival of the supply train meant that they could offer something stronger than beer and coffee. I enter the pub and look around. There were a few patrons drinking, and I saw Mr. O'Sullivan behind the bar. Beth had introduced me to him once before and he waved me over when he saw me.

"Peeta! Good to see you, lad! Looking for Beth, are you? Well, ya know she's seein' your brother now," he says with a smile and wink, "But she's workin' in back. BETH!"

"Yes, Daddy," I hear her say from a room behind the bar. She comes out, wiping her hands on a towel. "What - Oh! Hi, Peeta!"

I smile. "Hi, Beth." She looks at me quizzically.

"I'm surprised to see you here," she says. I get straight to the point.

"Beth, I need to talk to you. Do you have a minute or two?" She looks at me for a moment, then nods quickly. "I'll be a few minutes, Daddy," she says. Mr. O'Sullivan dismisses her with a wave of his hand. "Take yer time, darlin'" He says expansively.

"Thank you, sir," I say. Beth comes around and leads me outside, then back around to their house. We go inside and she pours us both some tea.

"So, what's so important?" She asks. "Coming to give me dirt on your brother?" She teases.

"Tell me about your mother, Beth," I say firmly. She looks at me wide-eyed as I add, "And about Valentine, too."

"Peeta, what -" she stammers out. I stop her. "I need to tell you what's going on first." I quickly recap the events of the day, including our visit to Valentine's house and her revelation to us.

Beth sits quietly, turning very pale with each word. Finally, she asks, "Who knows?"

"Myself, Haymitch and Una," I answer, then, "Beth...no one wants to hurt you or your father. And no one is gonna betray your secret. I give you my word on that. But, if there is anything you can tell me that will help us figure out why Valentine and Katniss are sick..."

She nods slowly. "Peeta...I...I'm...really sorry to hear about Katniss. I'll do whatever you need me to do," she says quietly.

"How do you know Valentine?" I ask. She smiles a little at this.

"She's a distant cousin. Kinda the black sheep of the family. Still, Daddy has a soft spot for her...and so do I," she replies.

"And your contact with the out-district people?" I ask.

"That was my idea, lad," Mr. O'Sullivan says. We both jump. Neither of us heard him come in.

I stand up. "Mr. O'Sullivan, I just want you to know -"

He wearily waves me back into the chair. "Peeta - my Beth tells me you are a good boy. And, no doubt about it, you and the lass brought honor and reward to District Twelve. Plus, I owe Una a debt that I can never repay. I know I can trust you...and Haymitch too."

He continues, "Anyway, I wanted Beth to know both sides of her family. Eve was part of a hunting party when she was hurt. The others hid her and went back for help. Drew and I stumbled upon her when we were hunting. Well, by the time she was well enough to go back to her people...well, we had fallen in love with each other."

"Sir...but how did you get married? I mean...the Capitol keeps such detailed records of every single district resident. To have someone unknown to them pop up..." I trail off.

"Money talks, son. And so does someone that owes you money," he replied, "I had a regular customer back in those days. A Capitolite, worked in the Liaison Office. Vital Statistics. He was even a bigger drunk than Haymitch is now. Ran up a huge tab in my Pub. Well, the Capitol takes a very dim view of one of their own owing any sort of debt to any district resident. If the head of the Liaison Office had found out he would have been fired and most likely imprisoned. But the man was a computer whiz, and when I told him what I wanted to do, he was more than willing to help. In no time at all Eve was duly registered as a resident of District Twelve, complete with family history, school records, employment status, even the number of Reapings she had participated in."

I smiled. "Blackmail, then?" I asked.

"That's such an ugly word," he said with a laugh. "It was a legitimate business arrangement. He gave me the proof that Eve had always been a district resident, and I presented him with a stack of bar receipts to do with what he would. Anyway, shortly before I - lost her - I convinced Eve to take her out with her and let her see her other family."

"And they let her come back?" I said in amazement. I had always heard the rumor that out-district people were short on women.

He nodded. "I went with them, and brought some...trade goods...with me. After a while, they learned to trust me, and Beth was invaluable...her mother taught her the out-district dialect so she could speak to them like she was one of them."

"I AM one of them, Daddy," Beth says quietly. Her father reached over and patted her hand. "So ya are, darlin'...so ya are."

I look at both of them. "You have my word - both of you - that I will never say anything."

Mr. O'Sullivan solemnly reached over and shook my hand. Beth, tears in her eyes, kissed me briefly on the cheek.

"I have to get back to the bar, Beth," her father finally said. Beth nods and hugs her father. "I hope everything turns out well for you, Peeta," he says as he disappears.

Beth turns to me. "What can I do to help, Peeta?"

I quickly describe the symptoms of the illness to her. She asks a few pointed questions, then sits back.

"A couple of the people that traded the pig to Valentine had symptoms like you say Valentine had last week, and Katniss is showing now," she said, "The out-districts call this sickness 'nervous fever' but they said that you can't catch it directly from an infected person."

I smile. "I know more now than I did earlier. Thanks, Beth!"

"I'm glad I could help, Peeta," she grins back at me, "And I really hope this helps Katniss."

I stand up. "It couldn't hurt," I say, "I have to be going now." I give her a tight hug. She hugs me back just as tightly.

"I'll see you later, Peeta," she says quietly.

"I'm sure we will, Beth," I say, then, "And I hope Quinn is treating you good!"

"He is," she says as I walk out the door, "But he certainly isn't you..."

**PART IV**

I head directly back to the Village. By the time I reach Katniss's house both Haymitch and Una are there.

"Well?" Haymitch asks. Quickly I give them a recap of my visit. Prim joins us. She's fascinated by the story of Beth O'Sullivan being the daughter of an out-district woman.

"Beth told me that in the out-districts they call what Katniss has 'nervous fever.'" I explain.

Una nods. "That will be helpful. At least I can call it something now."

"I talked with the Capitol doctor, a one Doctor Galen Wellgood," Haymitch rolls his eyes at the name, "The good doctor listened sympathetically, but then stated that his contract was to treat Mine Company employees only, and that his resources were, as he put it, 'very limited.' He couldn't even begin to guess what Katniss and Valentine have."

"I spoke to my cousin, Grace...she runs the apothecary shop now," Una says, "She was just as pleasant to me now as she was twenty years ago when she was told that I was marrying, quote, 'seam trash', unquote. Still, I looked around the shop and picked up some Capitol over the counter medications for fever, aches, that sort of thing. Her inventory was not very complete. Oh, that woman has ALWAYS infuriated me!"

"Prim, how's Katniss?" I ask.

"About the same," she answers, "I think her fever went down a bit."

"Well, that's good," Una nods, "Let's see if we can't get her to take some of these Capitol medications. Maybe they will do better than my herbs."

"Can I go see her?" I ask. Una nods. "Come with Prim and I while we try out these pills on her," she says.

Haymitch suddenly stands up. "I'll be back in a bit. I have a call to make," he says, then leaves.

We all look at each other, shrug, and walk up stairs. Katniss is staring listlessly out the window.

"Katniss, we have something that hopefully makes you feel better," Prim says.

Katniss turns and flashes her sister a smile. "I'm sure it will, Little Duck," she says quietly. Una hands her two pills and a glass of water.

"And make sure you drink all that water," she says sternly.

Katniss glares at her mother, rolls her eyes, and says sarcastically, "Yes, Mother!" Still, she takes the pills and gulps down the water. Una takes the glass from her and gives her daughter a brief hug that Katniss readily returns. Prim steps in and hugs her sister and the two cling to each other for a few moments. Finally, we turn to leave the room.

"Get some rest, Katniss," Una says quietly. As we turn to leave Katniss speaks up.

"Peeta...wait, please," she says. I look at Una and Prim. They both nod and Prim gives me a quick smile. "Don't tire her out," Una says softly. I nod. Tire her out? What did she think we are gonna do in here, anyway?

I sit in a chair next to the bed. Katniss regards me steadily. Finally, I say awkwardly, "Well, you're looking...better..."

"Liar," Katniss says with a smile, "I look like shit and I know it. But thank you," she adds quietly, then continues, "Peeta...I know that...things...haven't been easy for you since we...came home." I open my mouth to say something but she cuts me off. She takes a deep breath.

"And, I know that sometimes I haven't been...well...very nice. No, please...let me talk. I just want you to know that I...really appreciate...everything that you've done, and everything you continue to do. I certainly don't deserve all you've done. I mean, here you are, with Mom, and Haymitch, running all over the district, trying to find out what's wrong with me, and here I am, day in and day out, treating you like crap, and every single night when I go to bed, I lay here and wish...that things...were different..." Tears started to roll out of her eyes. I shift from the chair to the bed and gather her in my arms and hold her. She makes no sound but I can feel her tears dripping on my arm. Finally she pulls away, sniffing.

She looks at me and gives me a teary smile, and says, "See? I'm a complete wreck." She takes a tissue and blows her nose. It comes away bloody. Katniss stares at it and says quietly, "Oh no, not again."

She leans back against the pillows with a defeated look. I sit back in the chair and suddenly say, "Remember the cave?"

Puzzled, she looks over at me. "Huh?"

"The cave," I say, "In the arena. You brought me there and took care of me after Cato...hurt me."

Comprehension fills her eyes, but she looks at me and shrugs. "Okay...so?"

"Katniss - this is our cave all over again. Only this time, things are reversed. See? Now I'm taking care of you," I say proudly.

She slowly smiles. "Yeah, but no ones trying to kill us now," she says, then, "And I'm pretty sure if you kissed me now you would be disgusted!"

I smile. "I doubt that," I say.

She looks me in the eye and says, "Prove it." I smile and sit next to her on the bed. She looks up at me, her eyes shining. I lean down and oh, so tenderly kiss her lips. She kisses back. I pull away.

"See? I'm not gagging," I say seriously. Katniss laughs and punches my arm, then is wracked with a coughing fit. I pat her back until she gets control once again.

Tiredly she leans back against her pillows. "Peeta, can you make me a promise?" she asks.

I take her hand. "Sure I can," I say, "Depending on what you're asking, anyway."

"Fair enough," she says, then, "One. Promise that if there's a Feast, you won't slip me sleep syrup and go anyway after I beg you not to go."

I laugh. "Done."

"Two," she continues, "If I need medicine, you won't do anything stupid in order to get it, like having someone throwing knives at you and threatening to rearrange your face."

"I promise," I say.

"Three." she says in a quavering voice, "Promise me that, no matter what, if I ever need you...for anything...that you will be there to help me if I need it."

I smile and lean forward to kiss her forehead. It's hot and dry. But this time I don't simply promise.

"Always."

**PART V**

I'm downstairs, eating a simple meal with Una and Prim. We tried coaxing Katniss to eat but most of her plate was untouched. Haymitch lets himself into the house.

"Haymitch, are you hungry?" Una asks. Haymitch waves her off distractedly.

"Later," he says brusquely, then, "Sorry, Una...yes, but I have to take care of something first. Peeta, can I see you for a minute?"

I excuse myself and Haymitch leads me outside. I raise my eyebrows at him inquiringly.

"After the debacle I had today with Doc Wellgood, I decided that I need to go...a little higher. I called the Gamemakers Office in the Capitol," he explains.

"The Gamemakers? What can they do?" I ask.

"You'd be surprised at the amount of political pull they have," Haymitch says, "And when I pointed out to Pl...my source...that one of his bright shiny new Victors was sick and the local company doc blew me off, well, he set wheels in motion."

"So Wellgood will see her?" I ask.

Haymitch nods. "Yes, first thing tomorrow. I know, I wanted his fat ass out here tonight, but...my source...told me when he called me back that Doc begged off and asked for time to put together a bag and to do some research on the symptoms."

"That's great!" I say. "But, there's at least one other person sick...she'll need help too."

Haymitch shakes his head. "Not just one other person, kid," he says quietly. It dawns on me who he's talking about. Before I can say anything he says, "I just started feeling like crap a couple of hours ago. No nosebleed but my head is killing me, and it's not from booze," he adds quickly. "Don't worry, kid. I stopped at the apothecary and bought some of the same stuff that Una bought earlier. Hopefully that will keep me going long enough for the doc to figure out what we all have. Listen, I'm heading home for the night. If you need me, just remember, I'm ten minutes away as of right now from crawling inside a bottle."

I nod. "Thanks, Haymitch." He grins and turns to go. "'Night, Peeta."

I go back into the house. Una looks up and says, "Where's Haymitch?"

"He went home," I reply.

"He didn't eat! Prim, make him a plate and take it over there, please?"

"Sure, Mom," she says with a smile.

While Prim makes up the plate I fill them in on Haymitch's news. Una is visibly relieved.

"That's a weight off my shoulders," she says, "He can't get here soon enough!"

"First thing tomorrow," I answer. Prim runs the plate next door and quickly returns.

"Haymitch said I was just in time," she says with a grin. I grin back. "I bet you were!"

A couple of hours later, I'm getting ready to head back over to my place. I'm exhausted. I can see that Una and Prim are beat, also. Dark circles under their eyes. Everyone needs a good nights rest. I'm just about to say goodnight when there's a knock on the door.

We all look inquiringly at each other. "I'll get it," I say. I'm the closest to the door.

I open the door and see Rory standing there, shivering. It's a cold night and the rain is back. Still, I don't think he's shivering just from the cold. He looks...terrible.

"Hey, Rory!" I say. Rory just nods.

"Peeta," he says brusquely, "Is Mrs. Everdeen here?"

"I'm right here, Rory? What's the matter?" She asks. Prim joins her. I have a sinking feeling in my stomach that I know exactly why Rory is here.

"Can...can you come out to my house?" He asks. "It's Gale. He's really sick. And so am I."


	16. EPIDEMIC

**CHAPTER 16 - EPIDEMIC**

**PART I**

Una doesn't hesitate. She grabs her coat from the coat tree next to the door and asks Prim to get her bag.

"Do you want me to come with you?" I ask. Una shakes her head no.

"But I would appreciate it if you could stay here until I get back. I don't want to leave Prim home alone," she says.

At this, Prim rolls her eyes and says, "Mother!" I can't help but smile, as I readily agree to stay. Before they leave, Prim reassures Rory that everything will be okay. I wish I was that confident.

I sit down in the living room as Prim goes upstairs to check on Katniss. I stoke the fire that I built in the fireplace earlier.  _Fall is definitely here_ , I say to myself, as the rain hits the windows even harder.

Prim walks downstairs and heads to the kitchen. I hear noises that indicate she is making something. I ask her if she needs any help. I get a quick "no, thanks."

A few minutes later she comes out with two steaming cups and hands me one. I inhale the aroma of hot chocolate. I smile my thanks to her as she curls up on the couch and absently strokes her cat, Buttercup.

I sit back in the big overstuffed chair. staring into the fireplace, occasionally sipping my cup of hot chocolate.

"Katniss said you guys first got this on the train to the Capitol," Prim says. I nod.

"Yes...I wish I could figure out how they make it so good. Not that this isn't good," I add quickly.

Prim gives me a weary smile. "Thanks, Peeta, but Katniss says the same thing. She was sleeping when I checked on her, by the way."

"Good," I say, "She needs the rest."

Prim says nothing for a few minutes. We both sit quietly staring at the fire and sipping hot chocolate. I can hear Buttercup purring contentedly.

"She cries herself to sleep almost every night," Prim says suddenly.

"What? Who?" I ask. I had been starting to doze and her revelation took my by surprise.

Prim eyes me with some amusement. "Katniss, of course, silly," she says, "But don't mention that to her, ever. She thinks I don't know."

"I won't," I promise her, then, "Every night?" Prim nods. "Yes. Just about every night."

"Does your mother know?" I ask. Prim shrugs. "I don't think so. She's very quiet."

"I'm sorry to hear that," I say. It's upsetting to hear that the girl you love is so miserable. "Why do you think she cries every night?"

Prim grins at me. "One guess," she says. I look at her in shock with raised brows. Me?

She nods, still grinning. "I think it's awful! And you sit there smiling...why?" I ask.

"Oh, Peeta, I'm not smiling because she cries every night," Prim says, "I truly wish that I could go in and comfort her...but she would be so mad if I did. She doesn't want anyone to think she's weak."

"I know," I say, "She was like that at the Reaping and at the Training Center. She always looked bored, and kinda detached from everything. She had the same look at school too. So, why do you think I make her cry?"

Prim sighs. "Because you're the first boy to ever make her feel like a girl," she replies, "Before, she was all about hunting, and fishing, and trapping with Gale. Before the reaping, she didn't even own a dress. The one she wore that day was one of Moms older dresses. Gale never really treated her like a girl...but then you come along and boom! Tough, self-reliant, hard, Katniss Everdeen suddenly becomes Katniss Everdeen, sixteen year old girl. And I think secretly she likes it, but she also likes her old self too."

I redden as Prim talks and I suddenly remember what she said after we came home from the Hob that day a week ago. The exact same thing that I said about her after we were reaped...about having no idea of the effect she has. Only, she said it about me.

I set my cup down and lean back in the chair. I'm exhausted. "I bet you're tired," Prim says, "Here," she says and covers me with a comforter. I lean the chair back into its fully reclined position and feel my eyes getting heavy.

I feel Prim leaning down over me, then her arms going around me. I return her hug and she kisses me gently on the cheek. "Get some sleep, Peeta," she says gently as I feel myself drift off.

**PART II**

I wake up with a start when I hear the front door close. I look toward the door and see Una tiredly stripping off her coat, then walking into the dining room with her bag. She returns without the bag, so I figure she must have put it away. She sees me curled up on the chair and walks into the living room.

"Thanks for staying, Peeta," she says quietly, then, "How's Katniss?"

"Still asleep, I think," I reply. I wince as I find a kink in my neck from how I was sleeping. "How's Gale and Rory?" I ask.

Una slumps into a chair and takes off her shoes. "Both feverish, both with headaches and body aches, but no nosebleeds. I gave them a few of the pills I bought but those won't last long."

I nod. "That's five sick that we know of," I say, "I have a feeling there's a lot more. And if Valentines condition was what Katniss, Haymitch, and the rest can look forward to, it's gonna get worse before it gets better."

"Frankly, Peeta...this is scaring me. I've seen epidemics before here in Twelve. This is unlike anything I've ever seen, though. I really hope that doctor can do something."

The thought of dozens...maybe hundreds...of people sick like Valentine here in Twelve was unthinkable. But, I say to myself, it looks like that's where this is heading.

Una stands up. "Peeta, why don't you go home and get some good sleep? That chair can't be comfortable."

I smile and stand up...to move to the couch. "It's not," I say, "That's why I'm spending the rest of the night here." I stretch out on the couch and pull the comforter over me.

Una just shakes her head. "I wonder if Katniss realizes how lucky she is," she says softly, then, "Goodnight, Peeta."

"Goodnight, Una," I say. I hear her slowly climbing the stairs, then the sound of her door closing. I yawn and close my eyes. I feel a sudden weight on my chest and open my eyes to see Buttercup making himself comfortable. I scratch him behind the ear, hearing him purr, and slowly drift off to sleep.

A nightmare wakes me up with a start. Buttercup is nowhere to be seen. I hear noises coming from upstairs and lay quietly until I can identify the source. It's coming from Katniss's room. Not screaming, but moaning and mumbling. I listen for a couple of minutes, then sigh and get up. In the dim light I can see the mantle clock. 4:45 AM.

I go into the kitchen and pour a glass of water, then make my way upstairs. I pause outside Katniss's room. The moans and mumbling continue. I knock softly then push the door open.

Katniss is laying in about the same position that she was in the last time I saw her. Her eyes are closed but I can't tell if she's asleep or not. I pull up the chair next to her bed and sit down.

Gently I smooth her hair off of her forehead. It feels to me like her fever has gone up a little. Her skin is hot and dry to the touch.

"Katniss?" I say softly, then again, "Katniss?" Her eyes snap open and I feel her stiffen under my hand. She looks around wildly for a moment, then her eyes focus and I can feel her relax.

"Peeta? What are you doing here?" She asks hoarsely. I smile gently at her and hold up the glass.

"Getting you some water," I say. She props herself up on an elbow and reaches for the glass, then drinks noisily. She hands the glass back to me and whispers, "Thank you," as she settles back against her pillow.

"Why are you still here?" She asks. I debate for a moment whether or not to tell her then decide that the truth is the best option. I quickly fill her in on her mothers trip to the Hawthorne house earlier.

Katniss is silent for a moment, then says, "So it's not just me." I shake my head.

"Haymitch, too," I say, then add, "He talked to someone on the phone earlier. Someone with some authority in the Capitol. The Mine Company Doctor is coming out when it gets light to take a look at you."

Katniss shakes her head. "Not just me," she says firmly, "He has to check the others too."

"Katniss -" I begin but she grabs my arm. "Peeta...no. It's not right that he just sees me. Promise me that you'll make him see the others, too." She's looking at me intently. Finally, I nod.

"I promise," I say quietly. She smiles and relaxes back against her pillow again.

"Thank you," she says, then, "Now go on. I need to use the bathroom and you need to get some sleep."

"Okay, okay," I say, smiling. I close the door behind me as I leave.

**PART III**

Doctor Galen Wellgood was nothing like I had imagined. Portly, balding, with a shock of white hair and a neatly trimmed goatee. Some minimal tattooing behind his ears and down the back of his neck. Positively conservative by Capitol standards. Plus, he was actually apologetic.

"Please understand, Mrs. Everdeen...if the decision was mine to make I would have been out here when Mr. Abernathy first contacted me. However, my duties were made very clear to me when I was first assigned here. I admit I was pleasantly surprised when I received instructions to the contrary," he said with a smile.

"We're just glad you're here now, Doctor," Una replied, "And now that you're here, would you like to see your patient?"

"By all means," Wellgood says, but I stop them before they go upstairs.

"There's one more thing," I say, then quickly relay Katniss's conditions for her treatment.

The Doctor looks amused. Una is shaking her head violently. "No! Absolutely not! Doesn't she know how important it is to see the Doctor?"

Wellgood speaks up quickly. "Mrs. Everdeen, assure your daughter that her conditions are satisfactory to me," he says. Una looks at him in surprise, but just nods and leads him to Katniss's room. They are only up there for a few minutes when they come back down.

"Madam, you say you are a 'healer?'" Wellgood asks. Una nods. "Yes. My family owns the apothecary shop in town."

"Well, I can't see that I would have done anything differently," he says, "Especially when you don't know exactly what you're treating. You've done very well, here."

Una smiles and actually blushes a bit at the compliment. Wellgood continues, "But, I will have to see this Valentine woman as well, and quickly. I did some research last night but it would be helpful to see someone in a more advanced stage of illness."

"I'll take you there," Una says, then, to me, "Peeta, would you mind very much staying here in case Katniss needs anything? I sent Prim on to school this morning and I would rather not leave her alone."

"Sure," I say. She smiles her thanks at me and they leave. As the front door closes I hear the Doctor say that he wants to check on Haymitch first before they leave the Village.

I busy myself by stoking the fire, making some tea, and cleaning up the house a bit. Not that it was in need of cleaning, but the events of the last day or so meant that washing dishes was not a high priority. Afterwards I am sitting in the living room sipping my tea when I hear someone coming down the stairs. I look up. Katniss.

"What are you doing up?" I ask, as she moves slowly into the living room. She makes her way to a chair near the fire. I can see a blanket clutched around her as she sits down wearily.

"Katniss?" I ask again, "Why are you up? You should be in bed! You -"

"Okay, okay, 'Doctor' Mellark," she snaps, "But I'm so tired of laying in bed!"

"Well, as long as you're up, would you like some tea?" I ask. She shakes her head no. "Orange juice?" Another no. "Water?" She shrugs. "Sure. I guess. Thanks."

I get up and get her a glass of water and set it next to her chair. "Are you hungry? I think I saw some cheese buns in the kitchen, and I don't think you've eaten much -"

"Peeta! Stop!" She snaps suddenly, then turns and stares morosely into the fire. I sit quietly, as Katniss shakily brings her hand up to her face and clumsily tries to wipe the tears suddenly spilling from her eyes.

"I'm sorry," she says, sniffling, "I'm a terrible patient!"

"It's okay," I say softly, then, "Your Mom took the Doctor to see Haymitch and Valentine...and I bet they stop at the Hawthornes too."

"He was nothing like I imagined...the Doctor, I mean," Katniss says, "I was expecting someone more...Capitol, I guess. Like with green skin, or facial piercings, or something."

I nod. "I know what you mean," I say.

"I've never seen a doctor before...well, except for after the Games," she adds, "But never just because I was sick."

"Same here," I say, "Well, there was that one time, right BEFORE the Games," I add with a smile.

Katniss blushes a bit at this and averts her eyes. "Yes...I remember. Because of me," she says quietly.

"Well, I did provoke you a bit," I reply. She lifts her head and regards me steadily, then smiles.

"It...was unexpected," she finally says, and adds, "And...confusing. I guess I never really paid much attention to anything going on around me here before the Games. Madge and Delly both told me that they could tell how you felt a long time before...you actually said anything." She takes a sip of her water.

"Well," I say slowly, "I never meant to confuse you. Surprise, yes. Confuse, no."

Katniss blushes again. "Well, you did both," she finally says, "I never gave much thought to things like boys, or dating...things like that...before then. And with the Games right there..." she trails off.

"I just wanted you to know...before we...you know. You had a right to know," I say quietly.

She drops her eyes again. "You did something no one else had ever done, you know. You made...make...me feel like...a girl." I smile at her words...almost exactly the same words that Prim used last night.

Suddenly she's seized by a coughing fit. I pat her back gently as she doubles over, then, as she straightens up, I notice the blood on her upper lip. Gently I dab at it with a tissue. Katniss grabs the tissue and looks at it with disgust. "Shit," she says wearily, then, "I better get back to bed before they get home and I get in trouble."

I help her back upstairs and tuck her into bed. She whispers thank you and I kiss her forehead. She smiles tiredly and closes her eyes. I close her door quietly and go back downstairs.

It's after noon by the time Dr. Wellgood and Una return. They are conversing quietly as they shed their coats. I quickly bring them up to date on Katniss, then ask "Did you learn anything?"

"I believe so, Mr. Mellark," Wellgood answers. "We stopped in at Mr. Abernathy's and the Hawthornes before going on to Valentine's home. Her case is definitely more advanced, and she is going through periods of delirium as well as running a very high fever. I was able to take a blood sample from her that I plan on sending to the Capitol for analysis, but, after examining her along with the four in earlier stages I am almost certain that I know what we are dealing with here."

I glance over at Una. From her expression she's already heard his diagnosis, and it obviously frightened her.

"What is it?" I finally ask.

Dr. Wellgood paused for just a moment before saying, "Typhoid Fever."

**PART IV**

Typhoid Fever. The words mean nothing to me, but somehow it sends a chill down my spine.

"It sounds bad," is all I can think of saying.

"Well, there's good news and bad news with this type of epidemic. First, the good news: it's easily treatable with a simple regimen of broad-spectrum antibiotics, similar to what you received during your Games after your sword cut became infected. Also, it's not easily transmitted...it's not like the flu, which is airborne. Normally the only way that it can be transmitted is by a non-infected person eating or drinking something that was handled extensively by an infected person. So the chances of you catching it from Miss Everdeen through casual contact are remote."

I think back to Valentine and the roast pig. I whisper her name and Wellgood nods.

"In this case, Valentine is what we in medicine call 'patient zero.' The first one with the disease. I would like to know how SHE came in contact with the bacteria in the first place, though," he says.

Una and I share a glance before she says, "We asked her yesterday. She was...very secretive...about it."

"Well, chances are it didn't come from anywhere inside the district," Wellgood continues, "And whatever her secret is, she will most likely carry it to her grave with her."

"It's that bad?" I ask. Wellgood and Una both look grim.

"That's the bad news about this. Typhoid is very debilitating. The patients I saw first: Miss Everdeen, Mr. Abernathy, and the Hawthorne boys are all in the first stages. Valentine is in the advanced second stage of the illness, and she appeared to be in poor health even before she became infected."

"But you could her...all of them...a shot! Like I got in the Games!" I say.

"I could...IF I had the antibiotics to administer. My stock here is extremely limited and not up to the task of battling an epidemic. I need to put in a call to the Health Ministry in the Capitol...but you need to know that I'm not very optimistic about getting any support from them." Wellgood looks distressed as he gives us this news. "Madam, may I use your telephone?" He asks.

"Right this way, Doctor," Una says, leading him to the study. I try to digest what he just said. This...Typhoid Fever...is far worse than any flu epidemic that I can ever remember us having here.

Una closes the study door behind her. The worry on her face is apparent. I see that she's clutching an old book in her hands. She beckons me over to the dining room table.

She opens the book. In it I see illustrations of different kinds of plants. My artists eye can see that they are all hand drawn. I realize that they are all plants and herbs that have medicinal properties.

"This book has been in my family since before the Dark Days," she explained, "It's one of the few things I was able to take with me when I married Drew." She leafs through the book and finally finds the page that she's looking for.

"Notations have been made over the years on different sicknesses that my family has observed and help treat. Here's a reference to something they called 'Slow Fever.' The symptoms are identical to Typhoid. I think they are one and the same," she says. She reads for a few seconds then the color drains from her face.

"What's wrong?" I ask. She just points to a paragraph. I read the entry that she's pointing to. The entry states that 'Slow Fever,' left untreated, kills ten to twenty percent of those that are infected...and in some cases up to half that get sick die. I shake my head. No. No matter what, that's NOT going to happen with Katniss!

Still, I can't remember ever feeling so helpless.

Wellgood finally comes out of the study. His face is set in a grim mask.

"I'm afraid that I don't have very encouraging news," he begins, "First of all, I spoke with my secretary before calling the Health Ministry. She had a visit this morning from Head Peacekeeper Cray. It seems that a fair percentage of his Peacekeepers are ill and he is demanding that I do something about it."

He sits down wearily. "I spoke to the Health Ministry. They were, shall we say, less than concerned about this burgeoning epidemic. I was told in no uncertain terms that my priorities of treating epidemic victims was to be limited to our two Victors, Capitol citizens, and infected Peacekeepers."

What he has just told us sinks in slowly. Una is sitting at the dining room table, quietly crying. "You mean...everyone else just takes their chances?" I ask incredulously. Wellgood nods his head miserably. Before I can say anything else there's a knock on the door.

Una tiredly walks to the door. Her visitor is a thin, sallow Seam woman carrying a baby. "Ma'am, I'm sorry to bother you, but my husband and oldest boy are home sick. Can you come take a look at them?"

I see Una gazing past the woman down towards the entrance to the Village. She has a look of absolute despair on her face. I join her at the door and I can finally see what has her so upset. People coming into the Village...by themselves, in pairs, and even groups of three or more. All with the same destination in mind, and all with the same goal. They, or someone they love, has contracted Typhoid.

I can feel rage building up inside me. How DARE the Capitol callously ignore us? I grab my coat, then turn to Una.

"If people need a place to wait before you and the Doctor can see them, tell them they can wait at my house," I say, "I have some phone calls to make." I leave before she or Wellgood can respond.

**PART V**

I head directly to my study when I get home. I thumb through the phone directory quickly and dial a number.

"District Twelve Capitol Liaison Office, Amica Romaine speaking,."

"Amica? Peeta Mellark here. Is Hadrian there? I need to talk to him. It's urgent." I waste no time on pleasantries.

"Peeta! How wonderful to hear from you! It's been ages!" Amica gushes over the phone.

"I need to speak to Hadrian, Amica," I say forcefully.

"Umm...okay, one moment, Peeta," There's a pause in the connection, then a man's voice comes over the phone.

"Peeta? Hadrian here. Amica said it was urgent that you speak to me?"

"Yes, Hadrian, I think you can say it's urgent," I begin. I can hear noises coming from outside the study. People coming in and settling down to wait to be seen. I continue, "You are aware that there's an epidemic here in Twelve?"

"Well, I hardly think a few sick people counts as -" Hadrian begins, but I cut him off.

"A FEW? Why don't you call Mine Management and see how many miners didn't come to work today?" I shout. I can't remember ever being so angry.

Hadrian pauses and I can hear him having a muffled conversation with someone...probably Amica. Finally he comes back on the line.

"Ahh...it seems that there were...some...no-shows this morning," he admits.

"Hadrian, unless we get help, it's gonna get a lot worse. Dr. Wellgood identified this epidemic as something called Typhoid Fever. If it's not stopped, AND SOON, you'll have thousands of sick people on your hands...and hundreds of corpses!"

"Peeta...let me look into this. Are you home? I'll call you as soon as I find out something, okay?" he says.

"I'll be here," I say and abruptly hang the phone up. I leave the study, At least twenty people, mostly from the Seam but I see at least one Peacekeeper in with them, are sitting in my house, waiting to be seen. I try to reassure them that everything's going to be alright...if I was only sure I believed it myself.

In a remarkably short amount of time, Hadrian is calling me back. He tells me the same thing that Wellgood was told earlier. Victors, Capitol Citizens, and Peacekeepers get treated. No one else. I slam the phone down and storm back to the Everdeens.

Una looks at me questioningly as I enter the house. I just shake my head. Wellgood is gone. I ask Una where he went.

"He's going to treat the Peacekeepers," she says, "Then, Katniss and Haymitch. He's checking on the Capitol Liaison people, too, but I don't think any of them are sick."

No, of course not. Capitol Liaison staff don't frequent the Hob as a rule, and certainly didn't eat any of Valentines contaminated pig.

"Katniss was asking for you," she added, "Her fever's gone up." I nod and head upstairs.

I knock on Katniss's door and push it open. She turns and looks at me listlessly.

"Mom said that you're trying to get the Capitol to help," she says in a hoarse voice. I nod.

"Not much luck, I'm afraid," I admit. I sit on the chair next to her bed. She reaches out and takes my hand. Her hand is hot in mine.

"She said you turned your house into a waiting room, too." I nod again. "Yes, I did," I reply.

She's quiet for a moment, then says, "You are so unbelievably good. You always think of other people first. Not like me."

"Well, I can think of at least two people you thought of before yourself," I reply, "Prim...and me."

"That's different," she says, "Those are people that I lo...care a lot about." My heart seems to skip a beat at hearing what she almost said, but she quickly continues, "You're doing this for complete strangers."

"You can say the word if you want, Katniss," I say gently, "That is, if that's what's truly in your heart."

That gets a smile from her and a blush that has nothing to do with the fever. "Peeta, you make me feel," she says simply.

I smile quizzically at her. "I make you feel what, Katniss?" I ask.

She laughs weakly. "Just that. Feel. You make me feel. No one has ever made me feel before."

"But what is it you feel?" I ask again, then, "What do you feel with Gale?" There I go, asking a question that I probably don't want to know the answer to.

"With Gale, I feel...secure...protected...like he has my back and I have his. With him I never worry. I don't know what I'd have done without him," she says quietly.

"But YOU, Peeta Mellark...with you I feel...things. Confusing things. When you were Reaped with me, I would have almost rather had Gale standing there rather than you. After five years I was still worried about paying back my debt to you. It took me getting to know you to realize that the only debt was the one in my mind. I just want you to know that I -"

At that instant there is a sharp knock on her door, followed by Una and Wellgood entering.

"Miss Everdeen, I have the broad spectrum antibiotic that will knock this nasty bug out of you once and for all!" He says jovially.

"There's enough for everyone that's sick?" Katniss asks.

Wellgood hesitates, then admits, "No, I'm afraid my stock is limited. I had just enough for the infected Peacekeepers plus yourself and Mr. Abernathy."

Katniss sets her jaw. "Then please take it away. I won't take it unless there's enough for everyone."

Wellgood regards the sick girl in bed for a moment, then nods slowly. "I had a feeling that would be your answer," he says as he returns the serum and syringe to his bag.

"Katniss -" Una begins, but Katniss cuts her off. "Mom...no. It's not right."

"I was just going to say that you make me so proud to be your Mother," Una says simply before rushing out of the room. Wellgood smile at both of us, pats Katniss on the shoulder, and follows Una.

Suddenly I get an idea. I jump up from the chair.

"Where are you going?" Katniss asks with a frown.

"Remember the arena? The Feast? Well, it's time I get some knives thrown at me for a change," I reply, right before I shut her door and run back to my house as fast as my Robo-leg would carry me.

**PART VI**

"Effie? It's Peeta," I say into the telephone.

"Peeta! Oh my dear, I've heard the terrible news! How is Katniss...and Haymitch?" She asks.

"Very sick," I say grimly, "But I need your help. I need to talk to someone in the Gamemakers office...preferably the Head Gamemaker, what's his name, Seneca something?"

"Crane? Seneca Crane? I...I don't think he's...available, Peeta...but please hang on for a moment," she says as she puts the phone down. A few minutes later she's back on the line.

"Here's a number that may help you," she says and recites the number to me.

"Who's number is this, Effie?" I ask. She hesitates briefly before answering.

"Someone - that can probably help you...and Katniss," she says, then adds, "And I do hope that Katniss - and Haymitch - come out of this okay!"

"Thanks, Effie...they will!" We say goodbye then I immediately call the new number.

"Head Gamemakers office, Fulvia Cardew speaking," a female voice answers.

"Uh...my name is Peeta Mellark," I begin, but before I can say any more the voice interrupts.

"Mr. Mellark! What a pleasure to hear from one of our newest victors! Hold the line, please, and I'll transfer you!" There's a brief pause, then a male voice comes on the line.

"Mr. Mellark? Plutarch Heavensbee here...Acting Head Gamemaker. Where may I ask are you calling from?"

"Uhh...my home," I answer, then I ask, "'Acting' Head Gamemaker? I don't understand."

"Long story," he says succinctly, then, "I assume you're calling about the...incident...that's occurring in District Twelve."

"By 'incident' if you actually mean 'epidemic,' then yes, I am," I reply tartly, then, "And how did you find out about it? I wasn't aware that Gamemakers tracked every little illness in the districts"

"I have my sources," he says by way of explanation, "So how can I help you?"

I briefly explain the situation that is fast spiraling out of control here in Twelve, and finish with my bombshell.

"Both Katniss Everdeen and Haymitch Abernathy have refused medical treatment unless that same treatment is made available to everyone here in Twelve. From what Dr. Wellgood says, Typhoid Fever is fatal to about one person in five if left untreated. Plus, even if they survive, neither one will be in any shape for the Victory Tour. So, unless you want to take a chance on a dead victor and/or mentor, or worse, parading two obviously sick people out on the Victory Tour, I would give serious consideration to arranging to treat everyone here that needs it."

I did stretch the truth a bit about Haymitch refusing treatment, but I'm sure I got my point across. Heavensbee is silent for a few moments.

"You do realize that, in their condition, they are really in no position to resist. If, for example, Dr. Wellgood was to show up accompanied by Peacekeepers...well, I would rather not have to take such extreme measures, but..." Heavensbee leaves the unspoken threat hanging in the air.

"I would think that the Capitol would jump at the chance to show all of Panem that they are as merciful as they are just and wise," I say, trying hard to sound sincere. It's hard when I'm trying not to gag at the same time. "Plus, the longer this epidemic goes untreated, production at the mines is really going to suffer. You haven't seen what this illness does, Mr. Heavensbee. I have. I'm sure you can check production figures easily there."

When Heavensbee speaks again, he actually sounds amused. "Mr. Mellark, you make some very compelling arguments. I remember you quite well from the Games. You have a way of looking at different sides of a problem that belies your youth. I will present your case to the...proper authorities. Will you be at this number in case I need to speak to you?"

"Yes, either here or at the Everdeens," I reply. I give him Katniss's number.

"I will be in touch soon, Mr. Mellark," Heavensbee says, then hangs up without another word.

I slowly place the phone back in its cradle. I let out a long, shaky breath. It's only then that I realize my hands are shaking.

**PART VII**

After speaking with Plutarch Heavensbee, I check on my "guests." I have a houseful of people that are either miserably sick, or relatives of people miserably sick. I put out glasses, juices, and water, then the remainder of my last baking session. Some of these people I recognize. One old woman unsteadily pulls herself to her feet and hugs me tightly. She was one of the people I would visit with my small gifts of bread.

An hour passes. Still no call. I can't wait any more. I tell the people still waiting where I was going, then walk back across to the Everdeen house.

Controlled chaos is how to best describe the scene that greets me. Una and Prim move among the sick, dispensing water and juice, herbal teas for pain and fever control, and, for those that are more advanced with the Fever, some of their precious stock of medications from the apothecary.

Prim is the first to see me. She flashes me a brief, tired smile and walks over.

"How's Katniss?" I ask after greeting her with a hug. Prim shakes her head.

"I think she's starting to get worse," she says, "Her fever keeps going up and down, but every time it goes up it's a little worse than the last time."

I give her a tight smile that I don't really feel. "Don't worry, Prim. She's a fighter."

"I just wish she wasn't so stubborn and would take the shot!" She says bitterly.

"I know," is all I say. I feel the same way. Before either of us can say anything more, we hear the phone starting to ring. I see Una disappear into the study, then walk out with the phone. She hands it to me. "It's for you," she says with a confused look.

"Thanks," I say, "I explain later." I put the phone to my ear.

"This is Peeta," I say.

"You are missing your calling, Mr. Mellark," Plutarch Heavensbee says, "Your talents are wasted as a baker. You should take up the law as your calling...of course, you don't have to work any more."

"Some news, Mr. Heavensbee?" I ask tightly.

"Indeed. The...government officials...that I spoke to have agreed that, in the interests of displaying their benevolence towards our smallest and poorest district, not to mention returning the mine to full production, to provide whatever aid is necessary to District Twelve to eradicate this epidemic. To that end, the Ministry of Health is at this very moment coordinating their relief efforts with Dr. Wellgood."

"That's the best news I've heard in days, Mr. Heavensbee," I say with a smile. Una and Prim are both looking anxiously at me. I nod my head vigorously and give them a thumbs up sign. Their relief is apparent.

"Now, Mr. Mellark, I do have to get back to the task at hand, which, for me, is planning for the upcoming Third Quarter Quell. Now, if you will excuse me," he says, again sounding amused.

"Of course, Mr. Heavensbee. And thank you once again. I...we...owe you," I say gratefully.

"You are quite welcome, Mr. Mellark. I'm looking forward to meeting you in person," he says, then hangs up.

I slowly put the phone down, then turn to Una and Prim. I gather them both in my arms. We silently share a hug for a moment, then I step away.

"I'm going to see Katniss," I say with a smile. They smile and return to caring for the houseful of sick people. I climb the stairs with a new spring in my step.

I knock on Katniss's door, then slowly push it open. I see that she's not in bed, but sitting by her window.

"Hey," I say quietly. She turns and stares at me listlessly. "Hey," she croaks out.

I walk over to her and put my hand on her shoulder. Even through the robe I can feel the sharp outline of her shoulder blade. She's not eating, I say to myself.

"I did it," I say simply. She looks at me questioningly. I smile. "They threw a couple of knives at me but I managed to dodge them."

Slowly the realization of what I said sinks in. I smile slowly spreads across her face. "They're gonna help?" she asks plaintively.

"Yes," I reply, "They are coordinating with Wellgood as I speak."

"How, Peeta? How did you manage? They weren't budging at all," she says.

"I finally found the right person to talk to," I reply, "The Acting Head Gamemaker. Plutarch Heavensbee." Katniss takes my hand in hers and presses it to her face.

"You are amazing," she whispers, "If I didn't feel so bad..."

I brush the hair out of her eyes. "You won't feel bad for very much longer," I say. There's a knock on the door. I turn and see Prim come in to the room.

"Dr. Wellgood is here, Peeta," she says. I can tell by the look on her face that something's wrong.

"Okay...thanks, Prim," I say, "Guess I better go see what's up."

"Okay," Katniss says reluctantly, then, "Peeta?"

I turn. "What?" I ask with a smile.

She hesitates, then gives me a small smile of her own. "Nothing. I'll tell you later."

I nod and follow Prim down the stairs. I see Wellgood standing with Una. They both look grim.

"Hello, Doctor," I say with a smile. "So, you have some good news?"

"In the study, please," he says quietly. He doesn't look happy. I start to get a sinking feeling inside. Something's gone wrong, I say to myself.

Una, Prim and I follow Wellgood into the study. As the last one in, I close and lock the door. Wellgood looks at each one of us in turn, then takes a deep breath.

"First, the good news," he begins, "The Ministry of Health has agreed to supply the necessary antibiotics, as well as medical teams to expedite distribution, as soon as the units of serum are available. They will be flying everything out by hoverplane."

"That's great!" I say, "But...there's bad news?"

Wellgood nods solemnly. "I've exhausted my small supplies here. My latest estimates for the number of sick as of right now are approaching five hundred. That number is sure to rise over the next few days. Based on what I know about Typhoid, as many as two thousand people here could become infected." He pauses for a moment while that number sinks in. Almost a quarter of the district infected...

"The serum that is being prepared is a cefotaxime derivative. It is the best possible way to combat this illness, and it's what I had on hand here in very limited quantities. The bad news is that it will take several days to prepare enough serum for the district."

The reality of what he just said finally hits me. Several days...

"So, people here will have to stay sick for several more days?" I ask. Wellgood nods miserably.

"It could be a week...maybe more," he says, "So everyone now showing symptoms will most likely be in stage two by the time help arrives."

"What's stage two?" Una asks. It's the first she has spoken since this news was shared with us.

"Very high, persistent fever, extreme diarrhea in some patients with accompanying dehydration, extreme constipation in others, and delirium. Patients will be confused and agitated. Also, the effectiveness of the antibiotic regimen will drop off sharply during this time. In other words, the serum may do no good at all."

"You mean..." Prim says, horrified.

"I mean, Primrose, that, by this time, some patients will not respond at all to the antibiotics and the illness will have to run its course. It all depends on the timing. If help arrives soon enough the mortality rate of Typhoid is about one percent. However, if left untreated or if the serum is administered too late, the mortality rate jumps to between ten and twenty percent for the general population, rising to close to fifty percent for those elderly and/or in poor health to begin with. I've examined the demographic of those struck ill so far. My mortality estimates are not very encouraging. I estimate thirty to thirty-five percent mortality."

"Out of as many as two thousand?" I ask in horror. That means that as many as..."

"Six to seven hundred dead," Wellgood finishes.


	17. RECOVERY

**CHAPTER 17 - RECOVERY**

**THE 74TH ANNUAL HUNGER GAMES - A CAVE SOMEWHERE NEAR THE RIVER**

_I'm sound asleep when I feel a hand gently shaking my shoulder. I hear Katniss say, as if she's speaking from far away, "Peeta, we've got to go now."_

_I try to shake the cobwebs in my brain. Dimly I'm aware that my wounded leg is throbbing with dull pain. "Go? Go where?" I ask. Hopefully...yes...maybe she's taking me home._

_"Away from here. Downstream maybe. Somewhere we can hide you till you're stronger," she says. Inwardly I laugh. Doesn't she know I'm dead already? Still, I say nothing as she helps me dress, leaving my feet bare. Katniss explains it's so I can walk in water. If you had found me a day later, I think, I would be walking_ _ on _ _water. She helps me to my feet and I almost collapse from the incredible pain the second I put the slightest amount of weight on my bad leg._

_"Come on. You can do this," Katniss says gently, but firmly. Even with her supporting me I can barely move. I can feel the tortured muscles in my bad leg twitching with spasms with every step. Finally I can go no further. I put my arms out and sink down in a barely controlled collapse. All I can think of is, if we're jumped right now we're both dead. I feel Katniss push my head between my legs and dimly can feel her hand patting my back. My breathing is ragged and I feel like I'm about to throw up._

_Finally, Katniss hauls me to my feet and points towards what looks to be a cave slightly above the stream. I steel myself for another round of torture as she steers me towards the entrance. Somehow she manages to guide me into the cave where she sits me down with my back to the wall. I'm light headed and shivering uncontrollably. I want to scream at her to RUN! Leave me! I'm dead already! But I don't have the energy for even that._

_I watch her through pain dulled eyes as she gathers up pine needles and spreads them over the floor of the cave, the maneuvers me into her sleeping bag. She makes me take some pills and drink some water but I feel my stomach rebel at even that. I turn my head away when she tries to feed me some fruit._

_She's trying to hide the cave entrance now, without any luck. I can see her frustration build until she finally tears apart the crude blind._

_"Katniss," I croak weakly. She walks over to me, sits down, and brushes the hair from my eyes. "Thanks for finding me," is all I can think of saying._

_"You would have found me if you could," she says softly. I can see a new look in her eyes. Fear. That could mean only one thing._

_"Yes," I reply, then, "Look, if I don't make it back-"_

_"Don't talk like that," she says firmly, "I didn't drain all that pus for nothing."_

_"I know," I say, "But just in case I don't-"_

_"No, Peeta. I don't even want to discuss it," she says as she places her fingers on my lips. I wish she would stop interrupting me. I want to tell her how much I love her. Not in front of a live audience. Just her and I in this cave. I try one more time._

_"But I-" is as far as I get before she shocks me by leaning in close and kissing me. I'm so startled I almost don't kiss her back. She breaks off the kiss and I feel her pulling the sleeping bag up around me._

_"You're not going to die. I forbid it. All right?" She says sternly._

_All I can manage to say is, "All right." Katniss steps out of the cave and I allow myself a small smile. Katniss kissed me! I feel myself dozing off, my mind focusing hard on how her lips felt against mine._

_"Peeta," I hear her say in a teasing, sing-song sort of voice. So unlike the Katniss that I'm used to. I realize that she's actually trying to sound girlish. I keep my eyes closed until I feel her kissing me again. I pretend to be startled by her kiss and open my eyes. I look up at her with a loving smile on my face._

_Katniss holds up a small pot. She smiles and says, "Peeta, look what Haymitch has sent you."_

_If I'm dead, this must be heaven._

**PART I**

I jerk awake, my head still cradled in my arms, still sitting at the Everdeens kitchen table. It takes a moment to remember where I am. I'm exhausted but since receiving the news about the delay in getting us help I've only managed to sleep, let's see, a grand total of 13 hours in the last four days.

The number of sick here in Twelve is well past one thousand. Yesterday we had our first confirmed death from Typhoid. Valentine was found in her home, laying in her own filth, dead at least a day.

The Peacekeepers that received the precious Capitol serum have all shown a nice recovery, according to Dr. Wellgood. His main concern was limiting the spread of the disease. He willingly enlists the help of Head Peacekeeper Cray to use the Peacekeepers well enough for duty to spread the word, door to door if necessary. Don't eat or drink anything that has come in contact with an infected person. Keep food covered at all times to keep insects off. If not absolutely sure of the source, boil all drinking water for at least 20 minutes before consumption. Don't handle any bodily waste from an infected person unless proper precautions are taken.

I was surprised to hear about Cray's willingness to help until Wellgood mentioned he was one of the first to receive the serum. Everyone, including the Capitol Liaison, is deferring to him during this crisis.

Our homes here in the Village are back to normal. Una and Prim have exhausted their supplies of both herbal and pharmaceutical pain and fever remedies, as well as treatments for diarrhea and constipation, except for a small amount they set aside to continue treating Katniss and Haymitch with. With nothing more to offer other than advice to keep hydrated and to try to eat plenty of vegetables if available, everyone has gone home to deal with illness as best as they could.

Both the school and the mine have been shut down for the last three days. Hadrian Clark, concerned over the lack of production from the mine, has even joined in the daily phone call routine to various Capitol contacts, trying to speed up the delivery of the antibiotics and the medical teams. Between his calls, Wellgoods entreaties to the Health Ministry, and my calls to Plutarch Heavensbee, we are getting...absolutely nowhere. In fact, for the last two days, all I have been able to do is to talk to Fulvia Cardew, his assistant, who assures me that he's "working the problem," but I have to understand that he's extremely busy, but she will be sure to pass along my message to him. Well, thank you, Fulvia.

I did go to see Haymitch three days ago. I think for the first time since I have known him I have managed to impress him when I told him about my calling Heavensbee. Even though bedridden, Haymitch still managed a chuckle and thumbs up.

"Kid, I have a feeling some of me is starting to rub off on you," he said, "Plutarch is a smart man and not easily swayed. Stick with me and I'll corrupt you yet!"

Since then the only people to see him have been Una and Prim. They tell me that his fever is worsening, just like Katniss. It's been a day since I've seen Katniss. She's gotten so thin. Her cheekbones jut out prominently and her eyes were glassy with fever. She was confused and her train of though continually wandered. I sat with her for a while, smiled, talked to her about unimportant things, smoothed her hair from her eyes, and gave her all the reassurance that I could. Then, I went downstairs and cried until I fell into an exhausted sleep.

I'm jolted back to the present by the sound of a door slamming. It's late afternoon now, and unusually warm for this time of year. I need some fresh air. I get up and go out back, sit in a patio chair, and stare at nothing. I sense a presence take a seat in the chair next to mine.

"Warm evening," Wellgood says. I glance over at him. He looks how I feel. I just grunt a response.

"I stopped by the Hawthornes before coming here," he says, "Gale and Rory are in the early stages of delirium, as are Katniss and Haymitch. Gale's has the effect of wiping out his inhibitions. He told me to get my 'Fat Capitol ass' out of his home." Wellgood chuckled.

"That's funny?" I ask, frowning.

"Of course not," Wellgood replies, "But at least I know where I stand with the boy, deep down inside, anyway."

"Will everyone act like that?" I ask. He shakes his head.

"Everyone's different, Peeta," he says, "Katniss is exhibiting confusion, Rory anxiety, Gale...hostility. And Haymitch...well, he's remarkably calm and lucid. Until he starts conversing with people that have been dead for over twenty years."

I shiver. Somehow the idea of a man talking to ghosts in a calm voice is more unsettling than Gale hating everything and everyone.

"This will sound callous," he continues, "But for the first time in thirty years...I feel alive. Useful. Needed." He sighs. "It seems my exile here has a purpose."

I turn and look at him. He's staring off thoughtfully. "Exile?" I finally ask.

He smiles ruefully. "What else would you call it? Sending a doctor of medicine to the smallest, poorest, most remote district in Panem...and then telling...no ordering...him to treat only miners with mine related injuries, while at the same time giving him virtually no tools with which to treat those injuries! For years, watching young men and women die from burns...from crush injuries...able to do nothing for them. Watching the older ones waste away from Miner's Cough. The biggest challenge I have had up to this point was in treating Bannon's son Dawson following the beating you gave him...and THAT took just about everything I had at my disposal."

We sit in silence for a moment. Finally I ask, "What did you do to get sent here?"

He barks out a short, bitter laugh. "I...fell out of favor with...let's just say someone high up in government. By the way, that was a thorough job you did on the Bannon boy. I had to admire the technique even as I was working on him."

"Technique?" I parrot. "I'm surprised you would know about close in fighting techniques, being a doctor and all," I added, "Being as I learned those from the hand to hand instructors at the Training Center."

Wellgood stares off in the distance thoughtfully before replying, "Surprising, yes, for a doctor. Not so surprising...for a Career."

**PART II**

I sit bolt upright and stare at Wellgood. This polite, portly, caring man...a CAREER? It didn't make sense. Surely he was making some kind of strange joke! After all, he was from the Capitol. He seems to be reading my mind when he speaks next.

"I'm what's known as a 'Sponsored' Capitol citizen. It's rare, and difficult to attain, but it does happen. I was born and raised in District Two," he adds.

I can feel my skin crawling just by being near him. I almost whisper my next words.

"So, you're a...Victor?" I manage to say. Wellgood looks at me in surprise, then laughs.

"Oh, dear no, Peeta! My father sent me to the Career Academy when I was ten. My father was a proud man. He fought for the Capitol during the Rebellion. He was always a staunch supporter of the Capitol...a true patriot," he says sarcastically, " And he was determined that his son would bring honor to our family. The Academy is very expensive and the Games training there is done very secretly...after all, it's illegal to train in advance for the Games," he adds with a knowing smile.

I relax a little bit. "So you...had no choice?" I finally ask.

"None whatsoever," he replies, "And I hated it. And for all that, at my last Reaping, I was almost chosen to volunteer."

My curiosity was getting the better of me. This man was turning out to be full of surprises. I finally ask, "So...what was it like?"

"Very demanding," he says, "And very competitive. There are three types of students in the Academy. Tuitions like myself, whose families paid for them to be there. Scholarships, who were chosen to attend by a selection committee. And Community Home...yes, the Career Academy in District Two was also the Community Home. Orphans there are trained to fight and kill in the Games. Community Home rarely are chosen to volunteer, though. Usually they're used by the Tuitions and Scholarships for practice, although some really take to the regimen and end up being chosen to volunteer."

"What does...practice...mean?" I ask. The way he said it chilled me.

Wellgood gets a faraway look in his eyes. "Two months before Reaping Day, votes are cast by the students as to what boy and what girl should be chosen to volunteer. The top five boys and the top five girls are trained separately for the next two months. It's like the Training Center, but two months versus just a few days. Part of that training is learning to actually kill...by killing Community Home kids in practice combat. They want to desensitize you to everything, so you won't hesitate in the arena. The instructors assign training scores to these final candidates, but the scores are kept secret. The chosen volunteers are informed the morning of the Reaping of the 'honor' that has been bestowed upon them," he concludes bitterly.

"So why weren't you chosen?" I ask.

"Because...I refused to kill. I knew all of the Community Home kids. Up until that time I had never had a problem during combat training hitting someone or causing other types of pain or injury. When it came time to kill, though...I just couldn't. My instructors took me aside and told me that, in spite of me having the highest training scores that year, my refusal to kill forced them to choose someone else to volunteer."

"I'm surprised that they let you off the hook that easily," I say, "Considering that Two usually puts out the most ruthless Tributes."

"You'd be surprised at how many Career candidates there are that have that sort of problem. My instructors were actually quite gentle about it," Wellgood replied softly, "But they always manage to find two that are bloodthirsty enough. Like the pair from the last Games...Cato and Clove."

I shudder when I hear their names. Bloodthirsty didn't do them justice. They ENJOYED killing and inflicting pain.

"So what happened...after your last Reaping?" I ask.

"I had managed to become fairly close with some of the medical staff at the Academy," he replied, "And I had expressed an interest for quite some time in medicine. They pooled their resources and sent me to the Medical School in the Capitol, as well as sponsoring me for Capitol citizenship. As a top ranked Candidate I had pretty much my pick of what career path I wished to follow, although most of us chose other careers. Many former students become instructors at the Academy, others become part of the training staff at the Training Center for the Games...and many become Peacekeepers."

Just then Una and Prim come out bearing trays of food. I realize just then how hungry I am and honestly can't remember the last time I ate.

"You two need to eat something," Una says sternly, "Otherwise I'll have two more patients to care for!"

We both smile gratefully and dig in. It's simple...soup and sandwiches...but we attack the trays with relish. Soon we are all looking regretfully at the empty trays.

"Peeta, tonight you need to go home and get a good nights sleep," Una admonishes me.

"I'll try," I say reluctantly. She picks up on my tone and assures me that if there is any change in Katniss's condition that she will inform me immediately. I smile my thanks to Una and Prim, and share a look with Wellgood. This man is full of surprises, I say to myself. Wearily I trudge back to my home and barely strip off my clothes before collapsing in my bed. In spite of my mind whirling with unconnected thoughts, I am asleep in less than a minute.

**PART III**

I wake up with a start. My phone is ringing. I remember putting the handset on the nightstand next to my bed before I went to sleep...just in case. I fumble around for the phone and clumsily answer it.

"Hello?" I croak, then, clearing my throat, "Hello?"

"Peeta? Wellgood here. Good news! The Health Ministry has manufactured sufficient serum to airlift out here so we can start treating the most serious cases. They are flying the initial supply out, along with medical teams, today. In fact they are leaving in 30 minutes. They will be here in hours!"

I glance at my bedroom clock. Almost 7 AM. "When will they get here?" I ask.

"They should be here before noon," Wellgood replies, "And I think the most advanced cases," Katniss, Haymitch, and the Hawthornes, I say to myself, "Should respond very well to the treatment!"

That's the best news I have heard in weeks. I thank Wellgood and leap out of bed. Quickly I shower and get dressed. I want to tell Katniss the good news.

Una and Prim are already up and about, of course. Una received a phone call from Wellgood right after mine. She and Prim, although noticeably exhausted, are as happy as I am about the news.

"We tended to Haymitch earlier this morning, before the call," Una explained, "So he doesn't know either. And we haven't said anything to Katniss yet. Dr. Wellgood is on his way out here now, but we figured you wouldn't want to wait for him before telling both Katniss and Haymitch."

"I can't wait to see her face when we tell her," I say with a smile.

Una and Prim exchange a knowing glance before Una replies, "Peeta...she looks really bad...and her...mental state...is unpredictable. This high fever has really affected her brain. I just want you to know."

I nod. I want to see her no matter what. "I'm ready," I say.

We all head up the stairs to Katniss's bedroom. Una knocks quietly and pushes the door open. In the dim light I can see Katniss laying in bed. In spite of Una's warning I have to suppress a gasp when I see her.

Her black hair, normally so lustrous, is dull and stringy. She is emaciated, her eyes looking huge in her sunken, sweat streaked face. Those beautiful silvery gray eyes almost glow with fever. Even breathing seems to be an effort with her. At the sound of the door opening she turns her head towards us and stares listlessly.

Her eyes seem to focus on me. I give her a reassuring smile, that fades when I see her eyes narrow and her mouth set in an ugly sneer.

"What the hell are YOU doing here?" she snaps. For an instant I'm paralyzed at the venom in her voice. I see Una and Prim exchange a helpless glance.

"Katniss, I...that is, the Doctor called, and -" I begin, but Katniss cuts me off.

"Mom! MOM! Why did you bring him? I didn't say I wanted to see him! Where's Gale? I WANT GALE!" Katniss thrashes weakly on the bed. Una is there trying to comfort her and calm her down. I'm dimly aware of Prims hand on my arm. I look over at her and see her looking at me with a stricken look on her face.

"Katniss, shhh, it's okay, calm down, dear...try to drink some juice," Una says in a soothing voice.

"I...should go," I choke out.

"Stay right there!" Una barks out. "Katniss...it's Peeta, remember? You were asking about him last night, remember?"

"Peeta?" Katniss says weakly, "Why would I ask for Peeta? I want Gale! Go get Gale!"

"Katniss, Gale's sick too, remember? I told you this before. A lot of people are sick...you, Gale, Haymitch, Rory -"

"Why aren't YOU sick?" Katniss spits out at me. "Is everybody sick because of you? You BASTARD!"

I know in the back of my mind that it's the fever making her say these things. That doesn't make it hurt any less. It's that knowledge that makes me try again.

"Katniss -" I begin gently, only to have her cut me off again.

"Get the FUCK away from me!" She snarls. Una and Prim both jerk at the hostility in her voice.

"Katniss!" Una gasps.

Wordlessly, I turn to go. As I lurch out of the room the last thing I hear is Katniss saying to me, "I should have killed you when I had the chance!"

Her door closes behind me and, as I stumble down the stairs, I hear her moan, "Oh, no, I have to shit again!" I dimly feel the hot tracks of tears rolling down my face as I collapse into a chair in the living room. I bury my face in my hands.

I'm not sure how long I was sitting there. I'm aware of someone else in the room and I hear the clatter of cups being placed on the small end table next to my chair. I smell the aroma of hot chocolate and open my eyes.

Prim is sitting across from me, holding a cup in her hands, regarding me with sad eyes.

I lay my head back against the chair and take a deep, shuddering breath.

"Peeta." Prim says gently, "You know it's because of her fever. She's been like that for days. Sometimes she lashes out at Mom...or me...or even Dad, one time."

I stare at the ceiling. "Dr. Wellgood said that high fevers have a way of lowering inhibitions...and that people say what they really feel," I reply woodenly.

Prim laughs humorlessly. "So in that case, she really thinks I'm a little bitch, like she called me yesterday?"

I look at her in surprise. "She called you that?" I ask in astonishment.

Prim nods. "That, and a few other...choice names. Peeta, last night after Mom sent you home, she was asking for you. She isn't saying these horrible things...Typhoid is."

I sip my hot chocolate thoughtfully. There's a knock on the front door. Prim answers it. It's Wellgood. She quickly brings him up to speed on recent...events.

"I was just over at Haymitch's," he begins, "Where I admonished him severely for treating his fever with a liquor bottle. He's dehydrated enough without making things worse. He did brighten, however, when I told him the good news."

He sits next to me. "Peeta...I know what Katniss said to you hurt you. Chances are, she won't even remember saying those things once her fever is gone."

"I know," I reply. He waits for me to say something more, but I don't feel much like talking. Wellgood stands and announces that he is going to check on Katniss. I nod silently.

Una comes down and joins Prim and I. "I'm sorry," she says to me quietly. I smile and nod my head in response. After a short time, Wellgood comes back down to join us.

"Well, my examination this morning of both Haymitch and Katniss reinforces my earlier diagnosis of Typhoid. They've both developed rose spots on their lower chest and abdominal areas. Una, you said that Katniss has very loose bowels?"

"Yes," she replies, "on average about every two to three hours."

Wellgood nods. "The challenging thing about Typhoid is that symptoms are not universal. The bloody noses that we saw in earlier stages don't affect everyone. Now, in stage two, Katniss has very loose bowels while Haymitch, on the other hand, is severely constipated. Even the rose spots don't appear on everyone. What is universal in this stage is the exceptionally high fever."

"I've been giving Haymitch a tea of slippery elm and buckthorn for the constipation," Una says, "And I've been pushing liquids into Katniss."

"You're doing more than I'm able to at this stage," Wellgood says, "Sadly, I have no knowledge of herbal remedies. Perhaps, when this crisis is behind us, you would be willing to share some of your knowledge of home remedies with me?"

Una smiles. "Of course, Doctor," she says with a small blush.

Wellgood stands up. "Now, if you all will excuse me, I need to coordinate with the Liaison Office. The hoverplane will be here shortly and we need to all be on the same page when we start treatments." He says his goodbyes and leaves.

I stand also. "I'm going home," I say simply, "You know where to find me if you need me." Una smiles and gives me a quick hug, then bounds back up the stairs after hearing Katniss calling for her. I turn to Prim.

Wordlessly she puts her arms around me and hugs me tightly. My arms go around her, and, in the silence of the room, I shakily collapse onto the couch. She never stops hugging me as I bury my face in her shoulder as my tears flow freely and my body shakes with quiet sobs.

**PART IV**

I sleep fitfully on my living room couch. After I went home, to drained to even think about going upstairs, I opted to collapse here instead. I have been dozing off and on all day.

Earlier I heard my front door open and someone come in. I never open my eyes. I feel a cool hand on my forehead briefly, then footsteps and the sound of my door closing. Must have been either Prim or Una, I think.

Outside I can hear the sound of vehicles and activity. I never heard the hoverplane land but, from the sounds filtering in from outside, the medical teams must already be hard at work administering the Typhoid-killing serum to those that are the sickest.

My phone rings several times during the course of the day. I don't answer any of the incoming calls. I don't want to talk to anyone about anything right now.

The late afternoon sun is slanting through my windows by the time I stir. That, and the weight of Buttercup on my chest, convinces me to move. I lazily scratch the ugly little cat behind his mangled ear. He purrs contentedly.

"How did you sneak in here?" I ask him softly. I get a small meow in response. It must have been when my visitor came in, I say to myself. Slowly I sit up. Buttercup meows once more in protest of my movement, then jumps down and walks to my front door. I let him out, then turn my attention to the phone.

I have several messages. The first, from Wellgood, was advising me of the arrival of the hoverplane. The second was from Mayor Undersee, thanking me for my "aggressive" negotiating with the Capitol (i.e.: Plutarch Heavensbee) in securing medical assistance. The third was from Una, letting me know that Wellgood had administered to Katniss her serum and that she was already showing signs of improvement. The last was from Heavensbee, advising me to "make myself available" for an interview when the Capitol film crew shows up at my door.

At this I roll my eyes and sigh. I don't want to talk to ANYONE right now, and my words will be broadcast all over Panem? Almost at that moment there's a knock on my door.

When I answer the door I see Cressida, along with her assistant Messalla and camera crew Castor and Pollux, waiting outside. I quickly put on my "Capitol Face" consisting of a big fake smile.

"Mr. Mellark? Do you remember me?" Cressida asks, offering her hand. I squeeze her hand warmly.

"Of course, Cressida," I reply, "Very nice to see you again! And Messalla -" I shake his hand quickly, "And your crew. Hi, guys!" I wave to Castor and Pollux who are intent on filming, but both put up a hand in response.

"If this is a good time, we were wondering if we could get a few words from you? After all, it was your persistence that finally got District Twelve the aid that they so sorely needed," Cressida continues. I nod my head and invite them in, silently congratulating myself on having cleaned the place up recently.

The crew comes in and I make small talk with Cressida and Messalla while Castor and Pollux turn my living room into a temporary TV studio. I offer them some cookies that I had made and the entire crew was very complimentary on my baking skills. Finally, Castor indicates that everything is ready.

Cressida and I sit on my couch facing each other, where she proceeds to interview me. I am very generous with my praise for the Capitol in getting us the assistance that we so sorely needed. I also offer much praise towards Dr. Wellgood and our two resident healers, Una and Primrose Everdeen, and special thanks to the Acting Head Gamemaker, Plutarch Heavensbee. Thankfully, the interview is short, although I get the distinct impression that Cressida is definitely sympathetic towards the district in general and the Typhoid victims in particular.

Once the interview concludes we say our goodbyes. Cressida tells me when the interview is to air, along with other interviews she had done while here, including Dr. Wellgood, Hadrian Clark, Mayor Undersee, and Head Peacekeeper Cray.

"I'm only sorry I wasn't able to speak with either Katniss Everdeen or Haymitch Abernathy, but I do understand that they are still much too weak at this time," she says.

I force a phony laugh. "Well, I'm sure that getting Katniss to say anything would have taken all of your skill as an interviewer, as well as keeping Haymitch from saying too much!"

She and Messalla laugh dutifully at this, and I wave cheerfully at them as they all drive off back towards town.

A short while later, I'm just starting to think about what to fix myself for dinner when there's another knock on my door. Now what? I answer my door and, to my surprise, my entire family is standing on my front porch, all holding baskets and food dishes.

"Peeta?" Dad finally says, "May we come in?" I nod vigorously and hold the door open wider. Not just Dad and mother, but Alec with...Delly? When did THIS start, I wonder. And of course Quinn with Beth. They all head straight to the kitchen. I follow them and my eyes widen when I see how much food they brought.

"We figured that you folks out here were probably not fixing regular meals, so we thought we would bring dinner out to you," Dad says with a smile. Mother is trying to smile too but I can see how forced it is. I know this is all Dad's idea.

"This isn't all for you, Peeta," Dad laughs, "Some's for the Everdeens as well. Why don't we take them their share?"

That's the last thing I want to do right now, but all I say is, "Follow me."

Everyone grabs up dishes and baskets. I hold the door as my family trails out. As Delly passes me I catch her eye, raise my eyebrows and jerk my head towards Alec. She nods quickly and blushes, then whispers quickly, "Later." I give her a quick nod.

I close my door behind me and go to lead my family across the street. Beth catches my arm briefly and murmurs softly, "I need to talk to you later." I smile in response. What the hell is going on?

At the Everdeens door I knock once and enter. Una sees us and her eyes widen is surprise, then she quickly hustles over to help, while calling Prim to do the same. I'm glad to see that Wellgood is here also.

We move everything into the kitchen as Una is thanking the Mellarks.

"Liam...Abby...thank you so much! It's been so hectic we've barely had a chance to eat anything."

Mother shrugs. "Twas nothing, really. We've barely any customers as it is these last few days and it was either this or feed it to the pigs."

Dad shoots her a look and shakes his head disgustedly. My brothers just look embarrassed. "Abigail..." he says tiredly.

Mother turns and fixes Dad with a look. "What? It's the truth!" She snaps. There's an awkward silence then mother speaks again. "What IS that awful smell?" She asks.

Una and Prim look at each other in embarrassment. I knew exactly what the smell was.

"Abby," Una explains patiently, "You know we had a very ill girl here for the better part of two weeks."

"And you didn't bathe her? Keep her clean?" Mother asks with a disgusted look.

I can see Una struggling to keep her composure. "Abby, Typhoid is very...wasting," she says delicately. I'm just as angry now as Una and I can see Prims features clouding up as well. Dad sees my look and gives me a small shake of his head as if to say, Whatever you're thinking, don't do it. I angrily shake my head back at him.

"Wasting?" Mother says with a sneer. "What exactly does 'wasting' mean, Una?"

Wellgood tries to intervene. "Mrs. Mellark, it means -"

"It means shit!" I snap. Mothers head snaps around and looks at me in surprise. "It means shit!" I say again. "Shit! As in that's what Katniss has been doing, oh, about eight times a day, EVERY DAY, for the better part of a week! Living in the bathroom! Sometimes not MAKING it to the bathroom! And, sometimes, laying in it because she was too weak to move and Una or Prim couldn't get to her in time! THAT'S what it means, mother!" I spit out.

Dead silence. Mother turns her head away from my stare. Prim goes to Una and wraps her arms around her. She makes no sound but I can see her shoulders heaving as she sobs.

"I think we should go now," Dad finally says quietly.

"Liam...thank you again for your considerate gift," Una says.

"Glad we could help, Una. Everyone ready?" With that, he turns and starts to herd everyone towards the door. They were all more than willing to go.

Before I leave the kitchen, I turn and look at Una and Prim standing there. I raise my eyes up once to the ceiling. Una says quietly, "Sleeping." I nod, then mouth "I'm so sorry."

Una nods and smiles sadly and mouths back, "It's okay."

We all walk back to my house in silence. Everyone files in except Beth. She hangs back and motions me over. I look over at Quinn, he nods once and follows everyone inside.

I walk over to Beth. She grabs me and hugs me tightly. "Oh Peeta, I'm so sorry! I feel like this is all my fault! If I hadn't agreed to help Valentine this never would have happened!"

"She would have found a way, Beth," I say quietly, "None of this is your fault. And never think that it is. I certainly don't blame you."

"Are you sure?" I hear her muffled voice from her face buried in my shirt.

"Very sure," I say. She looks up at me and I smile down at her. "Believe me, I never once even thought about blaming you."

She smiles in return and puts her ear to my lips. "Katniss is so lucky to have you," she whispers. I stiffen a bit and nod, but don't trust myself to speak. We go into my house.

Dinner with my family that night is eaten in awkward silence. My mother steadfastly avoids eye contact with me for the rest of the night. I did manage to pry Delly away long enough to find out that Alec had invited her to some dance shortly before the epidemic hit. She said it felt weird going out with him, being my brother and all, but said that the weird feeling stopped the very first time he kissed her.

"Peeta, it's hard to explain, but Alec makes me feel...pretty. He makes me feel...like a girl," is all she would say.

Like a girl. I guess the Mellark boys have a talent for that.

After dinner, everyone (except mother) pitches in to clean up. It takes no time at all. They all hug me goodbye (except mother) and Dad, along with Alec and Quinn, tell me that they'll see me soon.

After they leave I turn on the Holo-TV and watch the "Special Report - Epidemic in Twelve." No mention is made of repeated phone calls and pleas for help from myself, Wellgood, and Hadrian Clark. The interviews were expertly edited. I was practically gushing with praise for the Capitol and President Snow on their timely assistance. Finally I turn off the program in disgust and go to bed.

The next few days sees the second shipment of serum come in and more medical teams administering injections. Another team visits literally everyone in the district and everyone gets what they call a "Typhoid Inoculation," a shot designed to prevent us from getting Typhoid. Like many others, it made me mildly sick for a couple of days, but I figured that was a small price to pay.

Things are slowly returning to normal here in Twelve. The mines are open again, school is back in session. and Katniss disappears every day to check Gales trap lines, and every Sunday finds them together all day, from morning till night. They have both made a full recovery. The days are getting colder and the rains are coming more frequently now.

I haven't spoken to Katniss at all since...that day. Prim is a frequent visitor to my house and assures me that what Katniss said was the result of delirium. I still make bread and cheese buns and make my regular deliveries to my neighbors...and to the needy in town and in the Seam. But I can't bring myself to talk to Katniss.

I see Wellgood frequently. He visits me and the Everdeens several times a week. One day, about three weeks after the epidemic was pronounced officially over, he brings over some statistics.

Total Typhoid infections in District Twelve: 1,519. He states that this number is significantly lower than his estimate, due largely to my persuading the Capitol to help.

Total Typhoid related deaths: 296, mostly people that were very old and already not in good health. Again, he credits me for the low number.

One statistic he fails to mention: an irreparably broken heart belonging to Peeta Mellark.


	18. REALITY

**CHAPTER 18 - REALITY**

**PART I**

I intently study the chessboard, looking for a way out of the jam I'm in. Haymitch sits back with a satisfied smirk on his face. He casually takes a swallow out of the bottle that he's clutching in his left hand. Off to the side, Galen Wellgood is leafing through a large, leather bound book he discovered in my study. He's also drinking, but instead of the raw rotgut that Ripper sells at the Hob, his drink is something imported from the Capitol, called brandy.

I make a move on the chessboard. Haymitch studies the board for all of five seconds, reaches over, and makes his move.

"Check," he says, grinning. At times like this I really hate him.

I study the board some more, realizing fully how trapped I am. Still, there must be a way out...yes! I advance my one remaining rook and -

Almost immediately Haymitch makes his move. "Check."

I sit back and sigh, then reach forward and topple my king. "Concede."

"Another game?" Haymitch asks hopefully. I smile and shake my head. "No, thanks. Three beatings in a row is enough for me."

Galen chuckles at this. Since Haymitch started the road to recovery, along with Katniss, following the Typhoid epidemic, he has been a frequent visitor out here. For some reason Haymitch started calling us the Three Musketeers. He had to explain that it was in reference to a very old story by the same name.

I get up and stoke the fire. Soon we will get our first snow of the winter. Haymitch puts away the chessboard and Galen puts the book aside. For the first time I see the title: "The Hunger Games Almanac - Revised Edition - Games One thru Seventy-Four."

Haymitch points at the book and shakes his head in disgust. "Doc, you're actually READING that?" He asks.

"Oh, yes, indeed," Galen replies, "It's fascinating. A whole different perspective from the point of view of a non-participant." Inwardly, I chuckle at our careful phraseology. We've learned how to discuss forbidden topics and even make critical comments about the Capitol, the government, and President Snow, in such a way that even if the bugs do pick up our words, the words in themselves could have several meanings...or none at all.

I have never looked at the Almanac before tonight. Haymitch had explained shortly after we moved into the Village that this book was something that all Victors were required to possess, and failure to produce the book on demand of a government official would result in a hefty fine, and the Victor having to pay for a replacement book from his or her winnings stipend. Haymitch always referred to it simply as "The Book."

Idly, I pick it up and, without even realizing what I was doing, flip to the back of the book, where the entry for the 74th Hunger Games was. I glance up. Haymitch and Galen are both watching me with guarded expressions. There beneath the entry for the 74th Hunger Games was the subtitle: "The Star Crossed Lovers Of District Twelve." Beneath that was a full color picture of Katniss and myself at the Victory Interview with Caesar Flickerman, with her curled up and cuddling next to me on the couch, looking up at me with an adoring expression on her face. Angrily I slam the book shut.

I'll give her this. She's a damn good actress when she wants to be.

"Have you talked to her, Peeta?" Haymitch asks gently. I know he's serious whenever he actually calls me by my name.

I shake my head. "No," I reply, "What's there to say?"

"Peeta, she was quite ill, after all," Galen says, "And deep in the throes of delirium. You can't hold her responsible for what she was saying...she probably doesn't remember it anyway."

"It's getting stuffy in here...what do you say we get a little fresh air?" Haymitch says, and tilts his head towards the door. We all get the hint. It's much safer to talk outside.

We step outside. The air is cold and our breath creates clouds around our faces. The trees are already bare of leaves.

Haymitch turns to me. "Look, kid, I get that you aren't all that happy with Miss Sunshine over there," he jerks his thumb over his shoulder at the Everdeen house, "But, let me remind you that the Victory Tour is gonna be here in less than three months. Everyone is expecting to see the Star Crossed Lovers -"

"Don't call us that!" I snap. "I never want to hear that again!"

Haymitch pauses, takes a pull from his bottle, and continues calmly, " - the Star Crossed Lovers -" I shoot Haymitch a look that he ignores, " - of District Twelve. You know what's at stake here. I know she told you what was going on. Believe me, President Snow has not forgotten about the berries stunt, and you can bet that he has had both of you under a microscope ever since your return. So, do whatever you gotta do, but you two need to start acting like a couple, and soon!"

I remember the phone call I overheard between Haymitch and...someone...regarding my relationship with Beth, and shudder to think that an innocent girl came very close to suffering an "unfortunate accident" simply because she had a crush on me. Still, why is it always me that has to make overtures?

"An apology from her would go a long way towards making amends," I grumble.

"Peeta, you can't hold bitterness towards her for something she said to you in the throws of delirium," Galen says, "After all, didn't she use some pretty...harsh...language towards her mother and sister?"

I nod. "Yes, she did...and she apologized to both of them! Prim told me that she almost fell over herself apologizing!"

"Look, kid, if it's that important to you, I'll talk to her and tell her she needs to apologize to you," Haymitch says, but I shake my head vigorously.

"No, Haymitch! It has to come from her. She has to be sincere about it! Look, I don't expect her to tell me that she...loves...me," the words catch a little in my throat, "But she needs to be the one to tell me that she's sorry."

Haymitch shakes his head ruefully. "Just what I need," he mutters, "Two stubborn Victors."

"It's cold out here," I say, "I'm going back inside."

"Boys, before we do...I'd like to take this opportunity to make an announcement," Galen says quietly. Haymitch and I exchange glances. What's this all about?

"I've been recalled by the Capitol," he says. We both look at him in surprise. "I leave in two weeks, on the next Parcel Train. I've been assigned to the Health Ministry. Infectious diseases. Looks like our little crisis scared some folks there."

Haymitch is the first to react. To my surprise he pulls Galen into an embrace. "I never thought I'd say this, but I'm gonna miss you, you fat old bastard."

"Likewise, you sorry drunk," Galen says with real emotion. Haymitch steps back and Galen immediately hugs me to him. "I have you two to thank for this, you know," he says, "It was your repeated calls insisting that the Capitol do something about the epidemic that got them to release me to help in the first place."

"I'll miss you," I say simply.

"C'mon, let's go back inside," Haymitch says impatiently.

We go back inside, but soon, both Haymitch and Galen are saying good night. Tonight there's nothing more left to be said.

**PART II**

The next day, after Katniss and Prim had left for the day, I walk over to deliver some bread and to pass the news of Galens recall to Una.

"Oh, I'm really sorry to see him go," she says, "He did so much for all of us. Before he leaves we need to have a going away dinner party for him!"

At this, I stiffen almost imperceptibly. My reaction isn't lost on Una.

"Are you busy, Peeta? Would you like some tea? It's been a while since we've talked," she says. Her meaning is clear. She wants to talk about Katniss.

"Uhh...sure, of course. Yes, please," I say. I really don't want to talk but at this point I don't think I can gracefully avoid it.

"Good," she says with a smile, "Go ahead and sit at the kitchen table. I'll bring the tea."

I sit and stare out the window. It's started to rain again. I know that hunting and trapping isn't as good during bad weather, but Katniss will still stay out all day. At least she's not with Gale today, I say to myself bitterly. Sunday is their day.

Una appears quickly with two steaming cups of tea, then puts out a plate of cookies. I recognize them as coming from my families bakery.

Una takes a seat. "So, Peeta, correct me if I'm wrong...but it seems that you've been avoiding Katniss lately," she begins. I take a deep breath and nod.

"Yeah," I say simply. She waits for me to continue but I just sit and eat a cookie.

"I knew this day would come eventually," she finally says, "Boy trouble, I mean. As aloof as Katniss is and as disinterested as she always appeared to be, she is much too pretty a girl to not attract attention eventually."

"She's beautiful," I say quietly. Una laughs and nods. "Yes, she is at that."

"Peeta, you have to understand something about Katniss," Una continues, "She's a proud, stubborn girl. Two phrases that don't come easily to her are 'Thank you' and 'I'm sorry.'"

"I'm finding that out," I say sadly.

"I know that the...things she said to you hurt you a great deal. You have to remember that she had been running a high fever by then for at least four days straight. She was none too kind to me or to her sister either."

"At least she apologized to you," I say bitterly.

"Yes," Una replies, "Because I'm her mother and Prim's her sister. I did ask her about her talking to you, though." She pauses. "She just looked at me and shrugged her shoulders."

"See?" I say angrily, "It's like she doesn't care or..." I trail off.

"Or...she meant it?" Una finishes gently. I nod miserably.

"Well...I doubt if she meant it," Una says, "And I don't think that she doesn't care."

"You know her a lot better than I do," I say, "I can't figure her out."

Una laughed sadly. "Neither can I. When Drew was alive, she was a different girl. Happy, smiling, singing all the time. Oh, times were hard...it was always a struggle to get enough to eat, but she...we...were happy. When he died, though..." Una trailed off.

"She was different then," I finish. Una nods.

"She's been different ever since. Sullen, angry, and even hateful at times. I didn't help much then...I was so consumed with grief that it was months before I could do even the simplest tasks," she says quietly.

"It must have been very hard for you all," is all I can think to say.

"It was...but we got through it. Katniss was changed by it forever, though."

I nod. "I remember seeing her at school...every day. She rarely spoke to anyone and I think her only friends were Gale and Madge."

"Others have been able to see the good person that she is, though," Una replies, "Like Cinna...she thinks the world of him. And you, Peeta."

I blush a little at this. "Me and probably half the boys in our class. I wasn't lying during my interview when I said that a lot of boys liked her."

Una laughs a little at this. "I must admit, you shocked everyone here by your...confession."

"Sometimes I wish I had just kept my mouth shut and never said anything to anyone about how I feel about her," I say miserably.

"Oh, no!" Una says forcefully. "Telling the whole country how you felt was the best thing you could have done!"

"That's what Haymitch says, too," I say, "That it helped her with sponsors and -"

"I don't mean the Games! I mean with how she looks at herself...and others," Una replies, "Plus, look at you...you're here now, and so is she. I'm convinced that you confessing your love for her was the difference between both of you coming home...or neither of you coming back."

Or one of us, I say to myself. And it wouldn't have been me. I was right when I told everyone on our team at the Training Center that I had no chance.

"Look," Una says, "You two need to talk. I'll send her over to your house later when she gets home."

"And what if she doesn't want to come over?" I ask.

"I'll make sure she does," Una says firmly.

**PART III**

I'm sitting at home, idly watching a Capitol soap opera on Holo-TV. It's a stupid program based on Katniss and I. A love story, naturally. They actually get most of our lives right, except, of course, for the part where both characters are madly in love with each other. Effie tells me it's the most popular program on Capitol TV.

There's a knock on my door and I feel butterflies in my stomach. Una actually convinced Katniss to come over. Part of me is thrilled, and part of me is dreading this conversation. Nervously I go and answer the door.

"Hi," Prim says, "Can I come in, Peeta?"

"Uhh...oh sure, Prim," I stammer as I make way for her. She heads to the living room and I shut the front door and follow her in.

"I'm not who you were expecting," she says. I shake my head. "No, you aren't," I admit.

"Mom tried, Peeta," Prim says, "Once she started getting better, and stronger, neither of us said anything to her about talking to you, even after she apologized to us. And when you stayed away, we both knew why. I think Katniss knows why, too...but I also think that she expects you to make the first move."

"Maybe you're right," I say, "Maybe I should go over and -"

"Peeta Mellark, don't you dare!" Prim barks out. I look at her in surprise. "That's exactly what she expects you to do. You've done it every time before when she...hurts you...and she thinks then that she always has the upper hand. It really bothers her that you haven't reached out, and now she's at a point where she thinks it's too late to apologize to you."

"Like the bread," I say quietly, almost to myself. Prim nods.

"Exactly. I never knew that whole story until that night we had our first Village dinner. I was in the room, remember? When you two were talking about it? Peeta, don't get me wrong, I love my sister more than anyone can understand, but I can still be angry with her. She was so wrong then not to thank you for that bread, and she's so wrong now not to apologize to you."

"Unless she meant what she said," I say quietly. She shakes her head vigorously.

"Peeta, there's no way she meant all those hateful things. It's just that she thinks deep down inside that she'll look weak if she apologizes now...just like not thanking you for the bread."

I laugh bitterly. "That's what she said to me when she attacked me after I confessed to Caesar during my interview that I loved her."

Prim looks shocked. "She did...what?"

Uh oh, I think. I just let a skeleton out of the closet. Too late now. I tell her the story of Katniss pushing me as we got off the elevator, and of my hands getting cut up the night before the Games.

"I never knew," Prim says softly, "But I'm not surprised."

"She was not happy with me," I say with a small smile.

"Still, you are NOT to make the first move here. She's so used to you bending over backwards to please her that it's bothering her that you're not. She really has no idea of the effect she has on you," at that I have to smile, "And now you are behaving in a very un-Peeta like way. I think it really needs to sink in to her how much she really hurt you. Maybe then she will start thinking about other people for a change."

I sigh. "I'll try," I say.

She smiles. "Good," she says, then, "Oh, Mom told me about Doctor Wellgood leaving. I'm really sad to see him go! She said to plan on his going away dinner for next Thursday night. That's three days before his train leaves."

I nod. A week and a half from now. I'm dreading it.

Prim gets up to go. "Remember what I said, Peeta. You have to stand your ground on this. She needs to learn a little humility." With that, I walk her to the door. She hugs me quickly and leaves.

**PART IV**

A week later, we got the first snowfall of the year. I always loved the first snowfall. Everything in District Twelve looked so clean and white. Of course, after a day or two the snow would start to turn gray with the constant drift of coal dust, then it would have ugly black streaks and patches of black. The first was always the best.

To keep busy, I still help out a couple of days a week in the bakery. Mother pretty much stays out of my way when I'm there. My brothers and their girlfriends are pretty regular visitors to my house. I've managed to finally convince Beth that she was in no way responsible for the Typhoid epidemic, but she has pretty much stopped visiting her out-district "relatives," at least for now.

During one of these visits, Delly passes on to me a very upsetting piece of news. It seems that Katniss has attended a couple of community dances...with Gale. Of course, in public they play up the "cousin" act, even though everyone in the district knows that they aren't related. Delly tells me that they don't even dance and they left early both times due to Gale's having to work in the mines the next morning. Delly also mentioned that when Katniss realized that Delly and my brothers were there, she seemed to be embarrassed, like she was caught doing something wrong.

Just like a Career, I say to myself. Not enough that you stick the knife in me, but you have to twist it for good measure.

Haymitch and Galen came over the night of the first snow. He, too, knows about Katniss going to dances with her "cousin," and is none to happy about it. In fact, he actually said something to her and she told him to "Mind your own Goddamn business!"

We take a walk outside so we can talk freely. I share with him the talk I had with Prim. He agrees with her in principle, but is concerned that Katniss may be going too far.

"Kid, that girl is becoming a loose cannon," he says, "And if she keeps flaunting this thing with her 'cousin' it won't turn out well for anyone. She really needs to distance herself from the Hawthorne kid or he'll become the victim of an 'unfortunate accident.' You may need to swallow your pride and talk to her anyway."

He stops and reaches into an inner pocket of his coat, then pulls out a small, battered leather case. He opens it and takes out two old, faded photographs. In the first one I see a boy, obviously Haymitch but around my age, standing with a girl about his age. She was small, petite, with long black hair. Total Seam look and very pretty. They were both smiling.

"That's my girl," Haymitch says quietly, "Or was. That was taken on my first Parcel Day. She's the only girl I ever knew for sure I loved. She was dead less than a week later."

I wordlessly hand the picture back to him and he gives me another. A woman with Haymitch and another boy of about eleven or twelve years of age. Haymitch was wearing the same clothes as in the first picture, so it was obvious they were taken the same day. Again, nothing but huge smiles all around.

"Mom and my kid brother. Parcel Day. Unfortunate accident less than two weeks later."

I had the photo back and he carefully replaces them back in the case. "Kid, I don't want that to happen to any of her "cousins," not to mention Una or Prim. But it will if she isn't careful."

I nod and sigh heavily. "I'll talk to her, Haymitch. Get her to back off and to start acting again if that's the only way she can stand to be around me. Once we get through the tour anyway."

Haymitch shakes his head. "You don't get it, boy. This doesn't end with the tour. What happens in June?" He asks. Realization hits me.

"Reaping Day," I say dully. Haymitch nods. "Exactly. And what are you and Katniss now?" I have a sinking feeling in my stomach. I guess intellectually I knew this would happen, but I always pushed it to the back of my mind. Until now.

"Victors," I whisper.

"Mentors," Haymitch corrects me. "You may get a break, though. Two male Victors means only one is necessary to mentor the male Tribute. She" Haymitch points at the Everdeen house, "Isn't quite so lucky. She will be mentoring female Tributes until she either dies or can get another female Victor."

"I'm not going to let her mentor alone," I say gallantly, forgetting for a moment how angry I have been with her, and forgetting that Haymitch would mentor if I wasn't, "She would need help."

"Don't worry, kid, I'm not gonna throw either one of you to the wolves your first time out," Haymitch assures me, "But afterwards you better get used to people around here treating you like the Angel of Death."

I look at him quizzically. "Oh, don't give me that 'I don't know what you mean' look. Have you ever seen how people treat me? Out on the street? Mothers with kids that are Reaping age deliberately crossing the street with their kids so they won't have to walk by me? The way conversation has a habit of dying when I walk into a shop in town? Hell, boy, the only place where I'm treated no differently than anyone else is in the Hob." He pulls a bottle out of his coat pocket and takes a long swallow.

We turn and start walking back to the house. "Kid, the Games are just as tough from the Mentors chair as they are from the Launch Room Platform. Only when your Tributes come back in a box, you die a little with them. I swear the worst is meeting the families after returning from the Games and having them 'understand' and assure you that 'we know you did your best.' It's a lot easier, believe me, when the mothers cry and scream and curse at you and slap you and the fathers spit in your face and call you a worthless drunk." Haymitch takes another pull on his bottle, then stops suddenly to turn and face Galen and I.

"I tried my hardest each and every year! Tried to find strengths, looked for an angle, any angle...remember last Games when I made that deal with you and Miss Sunshine? That I'd stay sober enough to help? Well, that was the twenty third time I made that deal. I'm not caring, or unfeeling. I know I came across like that to you two but it's easier when you don't allow yourself to care!"

He pauses to drink again. "You'll find out. Both of you. The first few Games you Mentor, when the Tributes are your friends, or people you know. And if you last long enough, you'll end up Mentoring the kids of your friends. To be honest, I don't know which is worse." Haymitch pauses again to drink.

"But know this - I never once gave up on any of my Tributes...even when I knew they had no chance. The twelve year olds," in my mind I see Prim walking slowly to the Reaping stage, "The kids who never had a decent meal in their lives, the ones with crippled legs or arms...I had a kid once that was born blind. Blind! And only thirteen to boot. Beautiful little girl. You know what I told her? Lay low during the day and come out at night, where you'll have an advantage with your other senses. I even got her a couple of allies...a big girl from Eleven and a big boy from Nine. You know, to help her get away from the Cornucopia and the bloodbath. I told her, when the gong goes off, to sit on the platform and wait for them to come help. So naturally both of her allies were on the OTHER side of the Cornucopia when the gong went off. She did exactly what I told her, and I could do nothing but sit and watch as a Career walked calmly up to her and snapped her neck."

Haymitch looks at Galen and I. We both silently wait for him to continue. But all Haymitch says after that is, "That's the only time I felt personally responsible for one of my Tributes dying. That year, they both died in the bloodbath. That night, after I made my phone calls to the families, I went out and drank until they had to carry me back to the Training Center."

"Is that why you drink?" I ask. "To make yourself feel better after you lose a Tribute?"

Haymitch shakes his head. "I don't drink to make myself feel better. I drink to make myself feel nothing."

After that, there was nothing more to say. Without a word the three of us return to my home.

**PART V**

Thursday night. Galen Wellgoods going away party. A night that I've been dreading ever since he gave us the news about his transfer.

That day was a positive orgy of baking in my house. Bread, cheese buns, and a special cake that I carefully decorated to honor our new friend. I hope he likes it.

Finally it's time to get ready. I take a long, careful shower, shave (even though I hardly need to), brush my teeth, and get dressed in a new shirt, trousers, and jacket. I style my hair carefully. I want to look my best for tonight. For Katniss...even though I hate myself for admitting it.

Right before six o'clock, I gather up my bread basket and the cake and walk across the street to the Everdeen house. I knock twice, sharply, and wait. The door opens.

"Come in," Katniss says flatly. She looks...stunning. Hair falling loosely around her shoulders, wearing a dark green dress of some sort of material that shimmers in the light. I struggle to keep my face an impassive mask.

"Thank you," I say just as flatly. I enter the house and walk past her to the kitchen. There, I greet Una and Prim warmly. Una indicates that Haymitch and Galen are already here and in the living room, and that I should go ahead and join them. I smile, nod, and head to the living room.

In the living room as I was greeting them, Haymitch looks me in the eye and arches his eyebrows in question. I just shrug my shoulders. He shakes his head in disgust. We make small talk for a few minutes until Prim comes into the room and announces that dinner is ready. Dutifully we all troop into the dining room and admire the feast on the table.

The centerpiece is a roast bird that at first I thought was a wild turkey, but it somehow looked...different. It finally hits me...it's groosling.

"I thought we would have something a bit different tonight," Una says, "So we were able to get this groosling with a bit of finagling."

"Gale got that," Katniss says suddenly, "Last Sunday in a trade with the Stationmaster."

"Yes, dear, I know," Una says, "And Rory told Prim about it, so I went to see Hazelle and traded her for it. She got two whole chickens and sundries."

"Sounds like she got the better end of the deal," Haymitch says.

"Probably," Una says, "But I wanted Galens going away dinner to be special."

"Then you should have invited the Hawthornes too," Katniss says stubbornly, "And speaking of that, why wasn't I even asked about this little party?"

"Dear, I know you don't care too much for social gatherings...I didn't think you wanted to be bothered," Una says quietly.

"After all, 'mother,' it is my house," Katniss says rudely, "And I don't see why you would deliberately exclude someone that I...I mean, people that I...are my friends," she finishes weakly.

Outwardly I'm calm, but inside I'm fuming. Go ahead and say it! Is the thought running through my brain. Say it! Say that you love HIM! I see Haymitch staring intently at me and shake his head almost imperceptibly. I set my mouth in a thin line but say nothing.

Una takes a deep breath. "Katniss, certainly, it's your house...and I apologize for the oversight. I will make certain to include them for dinner here soon."

"Speaking of that, this bird looks delicious!" Galen says as he picks up a serving fork and carving knife. "Una...may I?" He asks. Una smiles and indicates for him to go ahead.

Galen quickly and expertly carves up the groosling. "Not so different from a turkey," he says with satisfaction.

"Looks to me like you've eaten your share of turkeys in your day, Dr. Wellgood," Katniss says with a smirk.

"Katniss Everdeen!" Una says sternly. "That, young lady, was totally uncalled for!"

"You're right, 'mother,'" Katniss says with another smirk, "I'm sorry for calling you fat," she says to Galen. I can't believe she's doing this! I don't think I have ever been this angry with anyone before in my life.

"What the hell is YOUR problem?" I snap. Startled, Katniss turns to look at me, but the defiant mask quickly covers her face again.

"I don't have a problem...do you?" She says coolly. I clench my jaw. "Only with how you're acting," I reply tightly.

"And how should I act? Happy that the Hawthornes were snubbed? Or is it now we're suddenly too good to associate with Seam trash?"

"Katniss, that's totally unfair!" Prim speaks for the first time. "You know Rory is my best friend!" She looks on the verge of tears. I can see that Una, like myself, is barely controlling her anger. Galen looks totally embarrassed and Haymitch...well, he looks like he would gladly step back in the arena rather than be here right now.

Suddenly I get the feeling that my being here is the cause of all this. Abruptly I stand up, almost knocking my chair over.

"I think I better go. Una, Prim, Haymitch...Galen. I apologize, but I think this is because of me. Goodnight." Before anyone can say anything I turn to go.

"Oh, there he goes...selfless Peeta making yet another sacrifice," I hear Katniss say snidely.

At the door I turn and fix her with my eyes. She stares defiantly back at me. "At least, I know how to apologize to someone when I've done something wrong," I say as I spin and walk out the door. I slam it with such force I can hear the windows rattle.

Snow has started to fall again and I hear the soft crunch and squeak of the new snow under my shoes. I reach my house and again slam the door with window rattling force. I hope we gave those Capitol eavesdroppers plenty to talk about tonight, I say to myself.

I stoke my fire and collapse onto my couch. I just sit and stare into the fire for what seems like hours. I feel a sudden cold draft at the same time I hear my front door open, then softly close. I don't turn around.

"Peeta," Katniss says softy. I still don't turn around. I can feel tears forming in my eyes and I hate myself for it.

"What," I say flatly.

"Can we talk?" she asks. I shrug my shoulders. I hear her walking towards me and I say in a trembling voice, "Please don't. Just stay right there. I don't want to look at you."

I hear her breath catch as I say this, then, "Fine. If that's how you want it." I nod. "That's how I want it."

I hear her take a deep breath. "I'm...I'm...not good at this...with words, you know?" She begins. "I...when I was sick...there were...things that I did...and said." She pauses. I don't say anything.

"Everything these last few months has been so...confusing. And all this confusion is making me do...really stupid things."

I nod, once. I squeeze my eyes shut in an effort to hold the tears back. It doesn't work.

"I'm just not sure who...what...I want," she says quietly, "But in the end, I have to do the right thing...for me."

"Is it so hard to say the name?" I choke out. I clench my hands tightly, feeling my fingernails dig into my palms.

"I'm just not sure," she says in a small voice.

"I...I...think you are," I reply. I hear her voice catch again and a sob escape her lips.

"Not...not...entirely," she says, "But it's something that I've been...fighting with myself over...ever since..."

"We got back," I finish for her.

She's openly crying now. It's all I can do to not stand up and take her in my arms. But she wouldn't welcome that, I say to myself.

"Say it, Katniss. Say his...the name," I plead with her.

"I've hurt you enough," she says, "And...it wouldn't..."

"Worried about our friends listening in? I'll make it easy. I'm stepping aside. I was the one that was unfair. I was the one that tried to force something when there was nothing there. So, if anyone's to be punished, it should be me," I say bitterly.

"Peeta, no..."

"Katniss...yes. I just ask that my family be left alone. They didn't do anything wrong. It was all me." I'm surprisingly calm. I finally turn and face her. Her arms are clenched tightly across her chest. Her face is red, blotchy and tear streaked. She looks at me and shakes her head.

"I'm so sorry -" she begins before I cut her off.

"Don't say that. Not now, not ever again. Coming from you it has no meaning," I say coldly.

She regards me for a moment, then turns to go. "Why didn't you?" I ask suddenly.

"Why didn't I what?" She replies woodenly.

"Kill me. In the arena. When you had the chance. You could have pretended to look for me after Claudius made the announcement, no one would have been the wiser. You could have not gone to the Feast. You could have let me eat the nightlock. You could have put an arrow in my heart there at the Cornucopia. You had all kinds of chances. And they all would have been more merciful than what you are doing now."

I can see her shoulders shaking slightly. "You know why," she says angrily.

"Do I?" I ask.

"Damn you," she almost whispers, then walks out the door. Once again, my windows rattle with the slam of the door.

I sit and watch the fire for a few minutes. Finally, I stand up and walk into the kitchen. I rummage in a cupboard until I find what I'm looking for. Something I bought for Haymitch in case of emergency. I carry the bottle out to the living room with me.

I've never drank before in my life. I uncork the bottle. The fumes almost gag me. I bring the neck of the bottle to my lips and take a small, cautious sip. I almost cough but hold it in, then I do cough as the white liquor courses down my throat. I take another swallow and it goes down a little easier, but I still hate the taste. I'm starting to feel light headed.

Unsteadily, I get to my feet and walk out into the kitchen again. I pull a bottle of orange juice out of the refrigerator. I dump the contents of the liquor bottle into the orange juice and carry the bottle back out to the living room. Once again I deposit myself on the couch. This time, my mix makes it go down easier. I take one swallow after another, feeling the light headedness grow. The room starts to spin. I wait to start to feel nothing.

But of course, it doesn't work.


	19. THE MORNING AFTER

**CHAPTER 19 - THE MORNING AFTER**

**THE 74TH ANNUAL HUNGER GAMES - TRAINING CENTER - INTERVIEW PREP DAY**

_My eyes snap open as I wake with a start. For a few seconds, like every other morning here, I am disoriented. The realization of where I'm at sinks in and I lay back in the luxurious bed with a sigh._

_Training is over...the physical part, anyway. Since our arrival here our entire team has presented us as a pair, rather than as two individuals. From our flaming entrance at the Tribute Parade, to the days of training in the basement gymnasium, all four principals responsible for preparing us for the Games - Haymitch, Effie, Cinna, and Portia - have worked to keep Katniss and I together through every step. It's a different strategy, no doubt brought about at least in part by my confession of my love for Katniss on the Tribute Train._

_I chuckle a bit, remembering Haymitch's barely concealed shock when I told him of my feelings for my district partner. I stretch one more time and glance at the clock. Today is interview prep day. And the day that I need to ask to be coached separately._

_I swing my feet out of bed and head for the bathroom. As I brush my teeth I wonder how Katniss will react. Well, for better or worse, she will know why I asked for separate coaching tomorrow night._

_After a quick shower I get dressed. No matched training clothes today. I grab a short sleeved pullover shirt from the closet, a pair of pants, and a comfortable looking pair of shoes. I hurry...I want to be in the dining room before Katniss._

_As I head into the dining room I see the redheaded Avox girl that Katniss had recognized, and again wondered what she had done to begin with to try to run away from the Capitol. I give her a friendly smile as I pass by. I wish I could say more to her but I'm sure it would be overheard. Still, I surprise her with my smile, and, after briefly hesitating, returns my smile with a small smile of her own._

_I enter the dining room. Good, only Effie is here so far. I really need Haymitch here as well, though._

_I quickly go down the buffet table, filling my plate to near overflowing. I walk to the table and sit across from Effie. She greets me with her trademark, "Another big, big, big day ahead!" I nod politely. She's fretting now about Katniss not being at breakfast, and whether or not she should go and see if she's awake. At that moment Haymitch joins us at the table._

_"Sleep well?" He asks airily. I simply nod as Effie launches into her daily speech about schedules and timetables. Haymitch just looks bored as he breaks small pieces of pastry and dunks them in his coffee before eating them_

_"About today," I begin, "I know that you've been presenting the two of us as a team...but from now on I'd like to be coached separately."_

_Haymitch raises his eyebrows as he methodically spreads jam on a piece of toast. "Oh? This is a new development," he says, "And what brought this on?"_

_"I'd rather not go into that right now," I reply. I see both Haymitch and Effie focusing on something behind me and I know Katniss must be in the room._

_"Later," I hiss. They both nod. Katniss sits down next to me and begins eating. I smile at her breakfast choice. Lamb stew over rice. She has really acquired a taste for that here. Katniss is eating with gusto while I'm just sort of picking at my plate. The only sound at the table is that of silverware on china. Finally Katniss stops eating, takes a large drink of her orange juice, and asks, "So, what's going on? You're coaching us on interviews today, right?"_

_"That's right," Haymitch says cautiously, glancing over at me._

_"You don't have to wait until I'm done," says Katniss, "I can listen and eat at the same time."_

_"Well, there's been a change of plans. About our current approach." Haymitch says._

_"What's that?" asks Katniss. Haymitch once again almost imperceptibly glances over at me. I take a deep breath._

_I see Haymitch shrug. "Peeta has asked to be coached separately."_

_I feel myself tense, but all Katniss does is narrow her eyes a tiny bit, then she says, "Good. So what's the schedule?"_

_"You'll each have four hours with Effie for presentation, and four hours with me for content," says Haymitch, "You start with Effie, Katniss." Katniss nods tersely, throws her napkin down, gets up, and walks out of the dining room with Effie. Not once did she glance my way._

_Haymitch looks at me with amusement. "She took that rather well, don't you think?"_

_Unsmiling, I stand up. "Let's get started," I say. Haymitch nods and stands up. "Your room," he says._

_Once in my room he carefully locks the door. He then turns and looks at me, then motions me to sit. He sits as well._

_"So, I assume that your content will be...Katniss?" he asks._

_"Yes," I say simply. Haymitch regards me for a moment, then sadly shakes his head._

_"And ever since that first night on the train I was hoping that your passionate confession to me was all a dream," he says while sighing heavily. He pulls a flask out and unscrews the top while he talks._

_"You said you weren't gonna drink as long as you were still mentoring us," I say accusingly._

_"Wrong. I said I would stay sober enough to help you. I'm doing just that," he says as he takes a quick pull from the flask, replaces the cap, and sticks it back in an inside pocket._

_"Okay," he begins, "So, you really, truly, love this girl." He says it as a statement, not a question._

_"Yes," I say firmly._

_"And, you haven't said a word to her about how you feel?"_

_"No," I answer._

_"And you're sure you want to do this...in front of the entire country?" he continues._

_"Yes," I say with more conviction than I actually feel._

_Haymitch strokes his unshaven jaw thoughtfully. "Why?" he asks simply._

_"Why what?" I reply. Why? Isn't it obvious?_

_"Well, you want her to know how you feel, right? Why not just tell her privately? Today's a light day, tomorrow's even lighter, why not just tell her? You'll have plenty of time."_

_"Haymitch, I've loved this girl for eleven YEARS. If it were that simple, don't you think I would've done it by now?"_

_"I see your point," says Haymitch thoughtfully, "Okay. How are you gonna tell her? Remember, you only have three minutes from the time Caesar announces your name."_

_"I haven't figured that part out yet," I admit._

_"Well, you can't just blurt it out," says Haymitch, "It'll have to look natural...better if Caesar has to draw it out of you. He's really good at that, by the way. He can make the dullest, stupidest tribute sound exciting."_

_"Fine, whatever he has to do," I say impatiently._

_"This may just work," Haymitch says to himself, "Seventy Three prior games and NOT ONCE has a tribute ever confessed their love for a fellow tribute. This is gold!"_

_"Haymitch, don't cheapen it by making it a part of the Games!" I snap. "My feelings are real!"_

_"I hate to burst your bubble, kid...but every facet of your life from the second Effie read your name off has been a part of the Games," says Haymitch gently, "And if I can use this to help either or both of you, I will. That's my job, remember?"_

_"Look, kid," he says patiently, "Caesar will make it look very natural. It won't be cheap, that I can promise you. Caesar truly cares about each and every tribute that crosses his stage."_

_I'm still not convinced, but finally I say, "Okay. I trust you."_

_Haymitch smiles. "Good! I'll talk to Caesar tomorrow. He always wants input from the Mentors for the interviews. He'll do a good job, believe me. One more thing, though...never mention Katniss by name even after you drop the bomb on everyone."_

_"Why?" I ask, puzzled._

_"I want people to think," says Haymitch, "So when they finally understand it hits them all hard. So say something like, 'She's the one sitting next to me here,' or 'She was the girl from my district that volunteered for her sister,' or, 'she came here with me.' Got it?"_

_"Got it," I say firmly._

_Haymitch sits back. "I knew you'd be easy for content. Katniss will be the challenge. That audience will eat up everything you say and do. Remember, up until your love confession, you need to be your usual charming, witty self. Be funny, but watch out that you don't get cocky."_

_"I can do that," I say._

_"I know you can," Haymitch says, "Okay, I want talk a little strategy with you. We have time."_

_"Okay," I say, "Shoot."_

_Haymitch pauses, then says, "After the gong...I want you to get in with the Careers."_

_I don't think I heard him right. Did he say get in with the Careers?_

_"I'd love to hear your logic behind that strategy," I say._

_"I'm worried about Cato and Clove," Haymitch says. "They're gonna be furious at the eleven Katniss pulled down for her training score. She's got a huge target on her back now. You can bet she'll be their top priority as soon as the gong sounds."_

_"What about Districts One and Four?" I ask, "Aren't they part of the Career pack also?"_

_Haymitch nods. "Yeah, but they won't be vested emotionally with killing Katniss. To them she's someone they will get to when the opportunity presents itself. Cato and Clove...well, they're...different. Those two aren't all there. They're the most dangerous."_

_I ponder this for a moment. Join the Careers? I'd rather stick my head into a tracker jacker nest. Haymitch continues explaining his strategy._

_"Publicly, the advice that I'm gonna give you both is this: Get away from the cornucopia the instant the gong sounds. Hopefully, for once, she'll actually listen to me and get out of there. You, on the other hand, need to find either Cato or Clove and make sure that they understand the you can give them Katniss. Tell them what they want to hear. If they question you, tell them that Katniss outright rejected you and you want your revenge. Give them just enough so that they trust you."_

_"How's all this gonna help her?" I ask._

_"It gives her time," says Haymitch. "Time for her to get her hands on a bow, or make one if she has to. You always...ALWAYS...have to be on your guard with them. You need to convince them that you can lead them right to her. Make a good show of it...lead them close to where you think she may be. Never trust any of them. And if you think they figure out your ruse, drop them like a bad habit and get out of there!"_

_"Any other advice?" I ask._

_"Stay alive," says Haymitch grimly._

**PART I**

I wake with a groan. My eyes feel like someone poured sand in them. I struggle to open them and when I do I can't seem to focus on anything. My head is pounding with every tiny movement. Dimly I realize that I'm laying on my couch. Cautiously I turn my head to one side. My head is laying in something cold...sticky...foul smelling...

I feel my stomach lurch as I realize that my head is laying in a puddle of vomit. It lurches again as I roll off the couch into another puddle on the floor. I try to stand but collapse back to my hands and knees. Giving up, I frantically start to crawl in the direction of the downstairs bathroom.

Every movement causes a fresh wave of pain in my head and nausea in my stomach as I struggle to the bathroom. My mouth fills with saliva and I clench my mouth shut. Somehow with one last effort I lunge into the bathroom and clutch the rim of the toilet just as my tortured stomach rebelled. I gag and cough through spasm after spasm. Dimly I hear my front door open and close, but I'm so miserable that I could care less.

"Oh, no." Dimly I register Haymitch's voice. "Oh, hell, no...this is not happening!"

I reach up and flush the toilet. "Go away," I croak.

"Listen to me very carefully, boy," Haymitch says sternly, "I know better than anyone what lies at the end of this path you chose to walk. And you are not going any farther! I'm not gonna stand by and watch you become me!"

I finally manage to focus on his face and see to my surprise that he is genuinely angry.

"Haymitch..." I say weakly. He holds his hand up.

"I don't really care what happened, or why, but you two seriously need to kiss and make up," he says. I laugh bitterly.

"Tell HER that," I spit, "I've tried...tried everything! I just don't know what else to do," I finish plaintively.

"Believe me, she's next on my list," says Haymitch firmly. He examines me closely and makes a face. "So that's what I look like? No wonder people hate me," he says with a bitter laugh.

I shakily pull myself to my feet and steady myself on the sink. I take a deep breath and let it out slowly.

"Get yourself cleaned up, kid," he says, then, "So? Did it help?"

Carefully I shake my head slightly, and stifle a groan. "No," I say.

He regards me sadly. "It never really does," he says, then turns and walks out. I hear the door open, then close. When I know I'm alone again, I carefully make my way out to the living room. The orange juice bottle lays on its side in a puddle of juice and liquor. The liquor bottle lays shattered on the floor. I see a mark on the wall where I threw it.

I sigh and collapse into my easy chair. I don't have the energy to do anything. My fire went out sometime during the night and it's cold, but instead of stoking the fire back up I just grab a comforter and pull it over me. I dully stare at the wall above the fireplace until my eyes get heavy. I don't remember dozing off.

**PART II**

I hear an insistent knocking coming from far away. I groan and open my eyes. From the light coming through the window it's late afternoon. Now in addition to the knocking I hear a female voice calling my name. Katniss? No, hers is huskier...this one is higher.

I struggle from my chair and make my way to the door. I open it and find...

"Madge?" I say in surprise. Madge Undersee stands on my front porch. I can see snow starting to swirl behind her. Madge takes one look at me and wrinkles her nose in disgust.

"I'm probably gonna regret this, but...may I come in?" She asks hesitantly.

"I'm sorry...sure," I say and step back. Madge takes a careful step into my house and, as she sees my living room, her eyes go wide.

"Who won?" She finally asks. I look at her in bleary confusion.

"Won?" I finally say.

"Yeah," says Madge. "The fight you obviously had in here with someone." She waves a hand at the mess. "Never mind. I don't wanna know. You, Mr. Mellark, get upstairs and get yourself cleaned up...and I mean cleaned up. Leave your...clothes...outside your room. I'll take care of them, and clean up down here." She turns me around and pushes me toward the stairs.

Without argument I drag myself upstairs. I stumble into my room and clumsily strip my clothes off, then deposit them in a heap outside my door. I enter the bathroom and turn on the light. I'm horrified to see the dried vomit covering half my face and I'm almost sick again. I fight the urge and turn on my shower.

I step into my shower and carefully scrub at the dried mess on my face. I take my time and start to feel better as the hot water cascades over me. I scrub myself thoroughly. After my shower I grab a fresh towel and dry myself carefully. I step to the sink and take a long time brushing my teeth, finally getting the horrible taste out of my mouth. I even shave, even though my blonde beard is hardly visible. When I get dressed I opt for something simple...t shirt, lounge pants and slippers. I figure I'm not going anywhere. After I get dressed I go downstairs.

To my astonishment, the living room is clean. The broken glass is gone, the mark on the wall scrubbed clean, and even the vile mess I left on the couch and floor has been cleaned up. The juice bottle and its spilled contents are gone. There's a fire blazing in the fireplace.

"Madge?" I call out. She answers immediately from the kitchen. "In here," she says.

I walk into the kitchen. I can hear my clothes washer working. Madge is at the stove fussing with something. How did she do everything so quickly? She turns and smiles at me, then hands me a cup of tea. I smile gratefully as I realize it's been a full day since I have eaten anything. Not quite a day since I drank anything, though, I say to myself ruefully.

"Let's go sit," she says. I nod and we walk into my now clean living room. We both sit on the couch, now that it's safe to do so. I take a sip of my tea and sigh in appreciation. Madge giggles slightly when she hears this.

I look at my long time friend, and realize with surprise that I'm actually looking at her as a girl. She's dressed simply: long sleeve flannel shirt with the sleeves rolled up partway, denim pants, and boots. Her coat is hanging on the coat rack by the front door. Her hair, a much lighter shade of blonde than mine, frames her face and hangs loosely around her shoulders. I notice how slim she is...and how pretty! I blush a little as I realize that I'm staring. Her blue eyes stare unflinchingly back into mine. I finally turn away and take another sip of my tea.

"So, Madge...what are you doing here?" I finally ask.

"Haymitch called me," says Madge simply, "Right after school." I raise my eyebrows in surprise.

"I think he would have preferred Delly, but I'm the only one in town with a phone in the house, and it would look awkward if he called me to tell me to send Delly over, so here I am," she finished.

"So...he told you," I say. Madge nods and takes a sip of her tea. "He told me enough," she says.

"I didn't even realize that you knew him," I say.

"He and my parents...go back a ways," she explains, "He and my dad get together every so often."

"I never knew," I murmured. At this, Madge laughs a little. "There's a lot you don't know about me, Peeta," she says quietly. At this, I nod.

"I guess so," I say, then, "How did you manage to get everything cleaned up so quick?"

She laughs bitterly. "I've been taking care of my mother for years. I've had a lot of practice."

"Oh...of course. I'm sorry, Madge," I say. She shakes her head firmly. "Don't be," is all she says.

An awkward silence follows. I realize that I've known this girl for practically my whole life...we're friends even...but I realize that I don't REALLY know her.

"So, Haymitch said you need help. Something happened between you and Katniss?" She asks. I nod miserably and tell her everything. The hateful things Katniss said to me during her delirium, her stubborn refusal to apologize or even acknowledge her words and how much they hurt, and the blow up the night before and our confrontation right here in my house.

Madge regards me sympathetically. She just nods every now and then as I talk. Finally I finish and sit back.

"Peeta...I honestly don't know what to tell you," she begins, "I know her as good as anyone, and she's full of surprises. I can tell you this, though...that girl cares for you. A lot. And, she cares a lot for Gale also." At his name I feel myself stiffen a little.

"She's really confused right now," Madge continues, "You both have had to adjust to a lot of changes in your lives."

A thought hits me. "You two are certainly the last two I would expect to become friends."

"Not surprising when you consider that neither of us really had many friends to begin with," says Madge with a hint of bitterness. At this I raise my eyebrows.

"But...I've known you for years...and Delly too..." I say in protest. She puts up her hand.

"Peeta, you're my friend because our fathers are friends. Delly's my friend because you're my friend...but you get along better with Delly. All my life being the Mayors daughter has not exactly been a boon to my social life. I was eleven before I realized that the only reason kids would hang out with me is because we live in the biggest house in town and we have electricity twenty four hours a day," says Madge bitterly.

"Madge...I've always considered you my friend," I say, rather weakly, "Maybe not best friends like Delly and I, but still friends."

"I've always envied you," she blurts suddenly.

"Me? Why?" I ask in surprise.

"Because...you have so many friends, and you make friends easily. No matter what I did or how hard I tried, I never really fit in anywhere. My parents were both Merchants but Dad became Mayor just about the time I was born, so the Merchants think of us more like Capitolites now. And the Seam kids...well, you know how it's always been between Merchant and Seam. Take that and throw being the Mayors daughter in on top. But you...you get along with everyone."

I laugh somewhat bitterly. "Take a look around, Madge. See any friends here? Ever since we got back we've been treated differently. Everyone's changed!"

Madge looks down at her hands folded in her lap, then says quietly, "Are you sure that it's not you that's changed, Peeta?"

I look at her in surprise? Me? I'm still the same. I've reached out to old "friends" only to be politely rebuffed. My only trip to my old school was a disaster that ended with me almost killing Dawson Bannon. "Madge...I've tried! It seems that I get along better with the people in the Hob than I do with my old friends. You and Delly are the only ones that come around regularly. And you spend most of your time with HER!" I jerk my thumb in the general direction of the Everdeen house.

"You know how Katniss and I became friends?" Madge asks suddenly. I shrug my shoulders. "It was right after our first Reaping. We ended up standing next to each other with the rest of the Twelve girls. After the Reaping we both just kind of looked at each other and gave each other a little smile...you know that feeling that you get when a Reapings done?" I nod. How well I remember. "Well, a couple weeks later, during the games, we were watching mandatory viewing in our classroom and she was sitting next to me. Out of nowhere she leans over and says 'I'm glad it wasn't you.' I was shocked! That's the first time she ever spoke to me. So I said, 'I'm glad it wasn't you too.' At lunch that day I was sitting alone and Katniss walks over and asks 'Can I sit?' So I say 'Sure,' and she sits down and we eat our lunch in total silence. Neither one of us said a word. But from that day on we've had a bond."

I remember seeing the two of them sitting together at lunch many times, or partnering up for school assignments or sports. I always thought that those were the last two girls I expected to see together.

"Peeta, I'm Katniss's friend because she needs a friend...and so do I. She spends a lot of time at my house, did you know that?" I shake my head. That's news to me. "Usually she just listens while I play piano. Sometimes we talk. She's asked a lot of questions about you," she adds with a smile.

Normally hearing something like that would make me happy. Today, though, is different. All I can say to that is, "Huh. Probably not so much lately though."

Madge shakes her head sadly. "No, not for a while," she agrees.

"Madge...I love her. You know I do," I say. She nods solemnly. "Yes, I know you do, Peeta."

"But...lately...it's almost like...the opposite. You know, like I...hate her," I finish miserably. "And I hate that feeling!"

Madge regards me sadly. "Peeta...I hate seeing you like this. I just don't know what to tell you other than what I already have. I know she cares a lot for you. Oh, she hasn't said that in so many words...but I can tell. But she HAS changed, Peeta...and you have too!" I start to protest again but Madge cuts me off.

"I thought I knew you both as well as anyone before the Games. But since you've come back, there's...something about both of you. Even when you smile and laugh, there's something behind your eyes. And sometimes when you don't realize it, you get this faraway look in your eyes...and they look really...haunted."

I take a deep breath as I'm about to tell her something that I've never told anyone up to this point.

"I have...dreams...every night," I say slowly.

"What kind?" Madge asks softly.

"Bad ones," I whisper, "Katniss too. And I think Haymitch does too."

"Did Katniss tell you?" She asks. I shake my head.

"No. You're the only person I've ever talked to about this. I hear her at night. Screaming." Madge shudders. I don't blame her. Katniss's screams sometimes don't even sound human.

"Is it because of...the Games?" She asks softly.

"Yeah. But almost all my dreams are about her. Losing her. You've seen my paintings?"

She nods. "Some of them."

"Almost everything I paint is right after I wake up from a nightmare. No wonder people treat us differently. They look at us and probably think we're crazy," I say sadly.

"Whatever you've become, Peeta, you're that way because of the Games. You and Katniss both. It's NOT your fault!" Madge says this with conviction. Then, "Are you hungry?"

I suddenly realize that I haven't eaten all day...since yesterday afternoon in fact.

"Starving," I say with a grin. Madge reaches over and takes my hand. "So am I. Come on!" We head into the kitchen. Madge quickly rummages through my refrigerator and pantry. She hands me a loaf of bread and tells me to cut some of it up. Soon soup is simmering on the stove and the smell of grilled cheese fills the kitchen.

We carry our quick dinner to the kitchen table. I pour us both some milk.

"No juice, unfortunately," I say sheepishly. Madge grins at me. "I know, Peeta. I cleaned it up, remember?" I feel myself redden slightly.

We eat and talk about anything and everything...except Katniss. Somehow I think Madge has sensed that talking about her isn't doing anything but upsetting me, and I am actually relieved that Katniss is not the topic of conversation.

"I still can't believe Delly and your brother!" Madge laughs. "They go EVERYWHERE together!"

"Alec is a lucky guy," I admit. "They don't come any better than Delly."

The food is just what I needed. My headache is all but gone and my stomach has returned to normal. I silently vow to never again touch a drop of liquor.

I sit back and look at Madge. Why had I never noticed before how pretty she was? She catches me staring at her and blushes. I feel my face burning too.

"Well...let's get this cleaned up," Madge finally stammers. "You read my mind," I say. What's going on here? I think to myself. I've known Madge forever. Being around her has never affected me like this...till now. I realize with a shock that it's not just me. Madge is...feeling something...too.

We quickly clean and dry the dishes as well as the soup pan and frying pan. I realize with a start that I actually feel almost...well...normal for the first time in weeks. I must have been more starved for company my own age than I realized. And Madge was turning out to be very good company indeed!

I suddenly realize something. "Won't your dad worry, Madge? You've been here for a while, and it's probably getting late..."

She takes my hand and leads me back into the living room. "No, he won't worry. I told him that I may be a while. He understands...and he's always liked you, Peeta. And it's really not all that late. Just a little past seven. And, as usual, I had no plans for tonight..."

We sit on the couch. The fire is blazing merrily. It's amazing what talking to Madge has done for my attitude. Without resolving anything, she was just what I needed...a friend to talk to...someone to just listen when necessary. I realize that in many of my laments to Delly over the years about Katniss, Madge was right there as well. I know that she's just as much a friend to me as Delly has been. A good friend. But why do I feel so warm with her sitting so close to me?

"Thanks," I whisper. She smiles and asks, "For what?"

"For...this. Coming over like you did. For making me realize what a friend I have in you," I say sincerely.

She smiles again and lowers her eyes. "Katniss doesn't realize how lucky she is. I hope that I find a guy like you, someday."

Suddenly the last thing I want to think about is Katniss. Tomorrow I'll deal with her.

"Madge, you're a great girl," I say, "And I'm sure that.."

Madge grabs my face in both hands and looks intently into my eyes. "Shut up, Peeta," is all she says before she presses her lips to mine. I don't push her away.

**PART III**

I wake with a jerk. The fire has died down to a glowing bed of coals. I'm laying back on my couch and Madge is cuddled up next to me, her arm draped across my chest.

I glance at the clock on the mantle. Almost nine thirty. I feel Madge stir a little and let out a small sigh, then turn her face up to mine. She smiles at me. I smile back.

"Hey," she whispers. I lean down and kiss her tenderly. "Hey, yourself."

I feel her lips smiling against mine as our kiss deepens. She kisses me with growing hunger. I feel my breathing quicken and my heart pounding in my chest. She's letting out little growling moans as her arms twine around my neck. It feels like I'm falling into her.

She breaks our kiss with a gasp. I take a deep breath. I feel her hand slide down my chest as she lays her head in the crook of my shoulder.

I have to say something. "Madge?" I say softly. "Mmm hmm?" Is her answer.

"I still love Katniss," I say. To my surprise, she laughs, then looks up at me with a grin.

"I know that, silly," Madge says with another laugh.

I'm confused. We just spent the better part of the last two hours exchanging kisses that, before tonight, I had no idea could be so passionate. I tell her that I still love Katniss, and she laughs. I'll never understand women, I say to myself.

"I didn't...I mean, you weren't...I don't..." I stammer. Madge lays her finger across my lips.

"I swear...boys! Peeta...you're my friend. We've been friends for years. Nothing will ever change that. What...happened between us tonight...that was between friends. I don't expect you to love me, and I don't expect you to stop loving Katniss. I...well, I took advantage of you...and I'm sorry," she concludes.

"I wasn't complaining," I say with a smile.

"No, you certainly weren't," she says while returning my smile.

She untangles herself from me and sits up. "Would you believe me if I told you that I've wanted to do something like this with you for years?"

I redden. "I guess I never really noticed," I admit, "But you did a great job of getting my attention!"

"Peeta, what happened between you and I tonight...it was a one time thing. Years ago, when I first realized how you felt about Katniss, I've wanted to get you two together. I'm not gonna change that just because you're a great kisser," Madge says with a grin.

I sit back. I'm relieved...but saddened a little too. "Friends?" I say.

Madge nods firmly. "Always," she says. "Can I give you some advice?" She asks.

"Of course," I say.

"I think Katniss is trying to figure out exactly how she feels about you...and about Gale. I know you don't like hearing that, but that's what I think is going on. Here's my advice: Give her space. She may or may not eventually apologize for what she said to you. My guess is she won't. She never thanked you for the bread, either. Just don't push it...but don't let her push you, either. You not rolling over for her was probably a wake up call for her. You can bet she sees you in a different light now. But don't you dare give in to her."

Madge stands up. "And with that, I really do need to get home, before Dad starts calling the Capitol looking for me."

The Capitol. I completely forgot. The house is bugged. They...someone...heard every word. Madge is looking at me concernedly.

"The bugs," I whisper.

Realization comes over her face. "Oh yeah! Thanks for reminding me!" She runs up my stairs, then comes back down a lot more quietly. I start to say something but she presses her finger to her lips. I nod.

Back in the living room, she opens her hand. Several small electronic buttons are laying in her palm. She snickers quietly and moves through the living room and kitchen quickly, putting the bugs back where she got them.

Once done, I walk her to the door. She whispers in my ear, "Mayors daughter, remember? Our house has these all over too. Haymitch destroys his, but that just means that someone will be out to replace them. Better to just move them someplace when you want some privacy." She looks at me and grins. I just shake my head and smile back at her.

Before opening the door, she gives me one last, lingering kiss, and whispers "Katniss is such a fool."

I think of something else. "Curfew?" I whisper. "Mayors daughter," she says again.

She quickly slips through the door and closes it quietly behind her.

I stare at the door and touch my lips with my fingers. "Goodnight, Madge," I whisper, "And thank you...friend."


	20. REGRETS

**CHAPTER 20 - REGRETS**

**PART I**

I wake with a jerk and a gasp. Yet another Games nightmare but this time with a twist. This time, Madge had replaced Glimmer and Katniss was running with the Career pack instead of me. They had me treed and Katniss was climbing up with a knife clenched in her hand and an evil look in her eye, while all the while Madge was exhorting her to kill me quick!

As always, it takes a few seconds for me to get my bearings. I turn on my bedside light and fumble for my sketch pad and pencil and begin to frantically sketch out the vision while it's still fresh in my mind. My pencil flies across the paper as my dream comes to vivid life before my eyes.

I lose track of time as Katniss's face comes to life, twisted into an evil, hate filled grimace. Farther away at the base of the tree, Madge is wearing a cruel smile, standing casually with an arrow nocked to her bow. There's no doubt in my mind who that arrow is for.

Me.

Dawn begins to break over District Twelve when I finally get out of bed. My sheets are littered with pencil shavings and graphite dust. I open my blinds a bit and peek out. It stopped snowing sometime during the night but the sky is a mass of iron gray clouds. I'm sure there will be another snow fall today. I can see a single set of footprints leading from the Everdeen house, down the street, to the Victors Village entrance. Katniss, going out to check the traps and snares.

Katniss. After all my outpouring of love for her, for all these long eleven years of wearing my heart on my sleeve for her, for practically dying for her, last night I pushed all that aside for another girl. Not just any girl, but Madge Undersee, the Mayors daughter...and a near lifelong friend.

Sure, I had kissed girls before. Beth O'Sullivan had been the most recent before Madge, and of course the many public displays of affection that Katniss and I had become so adept at performing whenever there were cameras around...not to mention various girls in school starting when I was fourteen, at dances and school functions. But those were furtive and quick. Katniss had been the only girl to every kiss me as remotely passionately as Madge had done last night, and even those kisses from a girl that I loved with all my heart paled in comparison with the kisses Madge shared with me.

I stumble downstairs to the kitchen and start water heating for tea, then into the living room to work on getting a blaze going in the fireplace. As I toiled on my morning routine, I kept trying to justify last night in my mind.

Katniss has grown cold and distant. She rebuffs every attempt I make at strengthening our relationship. She much prefers Gale's company over mine. What happened between Madge and I was accidental. Neither of us was looking for affection. It was just two lonely people starved for affection and human contact, reaching out to one another. It will never happen again.

But, in a small hidden place in the back of my mind, I want it to.

I replay over and over how she felt, how she moved, how she tasted. The wetness of her mouth. How she would trap my lower lip gently in her teeth. How mobile her lips were. The way her hands stroked the back of my head. The little moans she made as we kissed. The little sighs she made when I kissed my way down her throat. And, when I looked into her eyes, their deep blue was smoldering in a way I have never seen before.

Even with all that, I was careful not to...take liberties. My hands stayed firmly planted on her back. Hers caressed my head, my neck and shoulders, and my face...but no lower. Still, I had the distinct feeling that if one of my hands had slipped and...wandered...that she would not have objected...but at the same time we had both erected barriers of behavior that neither of us crossed. It was an unspoken agreement to take things only so far, but no further.

I sit at my kitchen table slowly sipping my tea. I need groceries. A walk into town later is in order. I also need to talk to someone desperately...and can think of no better candidate than the man that called Madge in the first place. Haymitch will be walking into town with me today whether he knows it or not. I gulp down the rest of my tea and go upstairs to clean up and get dressed.

_Haymitch_ , I say to myself,  _you got me into this. Now get me out_.

**PART II**

I walk down to Haymitch's house, feeling the fresh snow crunching under my feet. My breath hangs in white clouds around my head. I chuckle when I see Prim's cat Buttercup gingerly making his way through the snow.

I knock loudly on Haymitch's door. No answer. I knock again. No answer. I try the handle. It's unlocked as usual. I open the door and enter, calling out his name. To my surprise, he's not only up, but awake. I hear him answering me from someplace upstairs.

I take a chair in the kitchen and wait. I don't have long before he appears, completely dressed and ready to go.

"Well, well, look who's here...and ready to go for a little stroll on this brisk morning!" Haymitch says with false heartiness. "And I'm guessing that you have...something...on your mind also that you'd like to talk about while we're walking?"

"I need groceries," I say flatly. Haymitch says nothing, but shuts and locks his door behind him as we leave. We silently walk up the street towards the entrance to the Village. As we do, we pass the set of footprints leading from the Everdeen house.

"Looks like someone was up early," Haymitch says with a smirk, indicating the footprints with a point of his finger. I simply glare at him in response.

At the entrance to the Village, the single set of footprints veers off sharply in the direction of the Meadow, and the perimeter fence that surrounds District Twelve. Haymitch and I turn the other way towards town.

We slowly walk in silence. Haymitch seems to be waiting for me to say something.

"Madge came over yesterday evening," I finally say.

"And?" Haymitch says.

"You called her," I say, "What did you tell her?"

"That you needed someone to talk to...other than me. And that you had gotten yourself drunk. And that I was worried about you," he says.

I glance sharply at him. Haymitch...worried about someone? There's no change in his expression.

"So how do you really know her, Haymitch? And don't give me some lame story about how you and Mayor Undersee used to be buddies when you were kids."

"That's exactly right, kid," says Haymitch, "Karl Undersee and I do go back a ways."

I shake my head. "No...there's more to it than that. Something you're not telling me."

Haymitch stops dead in his tracks, turns, and grabs me by the arm. He turns me so I'm facing him. He has a look on his face that's unlike any I've ever seen. Steely and determined.

"Peeta, you're a smart kid. The last thing we...I...need is for you to start snooping around and sticking your nose where it doesn't belong. Trust me, they're things you DON'T want to know. I'll give you this much...my relationship with Madge Undersee is a lot deeper than the fact that her dad is an old childhood friend. So, I'm asking you...please don't ask any more than you already have. I've given you all I can for now. Alright?"

I digest what he's told me. I realize that there's a lot more to Haymitch Abernathy than I ever would have thought. But, I can tell he's serious, so I nod solemnly. He flashes me that cocky grin of his and we turn and continue walking.

"So...did she help?" Haymitch asks.

"With Katniss? Not really," I admit. "Except to tell me what I already know and what others have told me. Katniss cares about me, she cares about Gale too, she's confused, she's stubborn, her pride won't let her admit when she's wrong...did I miss anything?"

Haymitch picks up on the bitterness in my voice. Gently he says, "Kid, you know by now that, when you told me how you felt about her on the train, and later during interview prep...well, that gave me the idea. The idea to use your feelings to turn the Games on its head. And Miss Sunshine...she was smart enough to pick up on the little hints I sent her with sponsor gifts. She played it perfectly. Honestly, I wasn't thinking about how things would be between you two months after the Games. I was just trying to keep you both alive."

"You did a good job of that," I say bitterly, "Look, what's going on between Katniss and I is something we'll have to work out. It's just so hard to take this constant hot and cold with her. One day she's hanging all over me, another day she's...cursing at me. And every time cameras come out and crowds cheer for us, she once again has to pretend...to act. No wonder she's starting to hate me."

"How do you know she's acting?" Haymitch asks.

"What else could it be? Kissing me, hugging, hanging onto me for dear life, smiling, laughing...and as soon as the cameras and crowds are gone, her wall comes slamming down again!" I angrily kick at a clump of snow and watch it explode into powder from my boot.

"I mean...how do you know that her kissing and hugging you is the act? Maybe her being cold and indifferent to you is actually the act," Haymitch says. I look at him in surprise. Could it be? That's really something I never considered.

"But why?" I ask. "Why not just act that way all the time, instead of..." my voice trails off as the answer hits me. "Oh...Gale."

Haymitch nods. "Yeah. The Hawthorne kid is the wrench in this whole works. The worst of it is, he's too stupid to realize what's at stake here. I've had to talk to him more than once about keeping his distance when you and Katniss are in public. Unfortunately, it seems that now she doesn't get it either. Bad enough they still hunt together, but going to dances, being seen together...I've already had to do some quick damage control there with...certain people. At least you are smart enough to not ruin things because you can't control your...teenage urges!"

I can feel my face redden and it's not from the cold. I say nothing. Haymitch glances over at me as we walk. I give one solitary stricken glance then turn my head away, but not before I see the light of understanding in his eyes.

"Peeta?" Haymitch says, "Is there something that you want to tell me?" His voice is tightly controlled but surprisingly gentle. I take a deep breath and nod my head once.

"Last night," I begin, "When Madge was over, and we were talking, and she was trying to help me figure things out, and, well, things just happened, and next thing we both knew, we were on my couch, and..." The words, once started, tumbled out of my mouth.

"And neither of you could control your...teenage urges," Haymitch finished, sounding totally disgusted.

"I guess not," I say, "But it's not like that at all!"

"Not like what?" Haymitch asks. "I'm beginning to think that you two have some sort of death wish, only not for yourselves, but for every single person around you!"

I stop walking. "Haymitch," I call out as my mentor keeps walking, "Haymitch! Just...please listen." Haymitch stops and turns. I slowly walk up to him as he takes his flask out and downs a quick swallow.

"Last night," I begin again, "Madge did everything she could, but we both knew we weren't gonna solve anything. Still, she tried...she really did. She really likes Katniss, you know? And she and I, we've been friends and have known each other for a long time."

"Go on," Haymitch growls. His frown is a good indication that he's not at all happy with me.

"What happened with us...just happened. Haymitch, she's as lonely as I am...as Katniss is. Maybe...maybe that's why she's reaching out to...Gale...so much. He's someone from before the Games...not someone like me that reminds her of the Games every time she looks at me. As for Madge and I...we needed each other then. Both of us starved for some kind of love. And no, I don't love Madge, in case you were wondering."

Haymitch looks at me thoughtfully for a moment. "Shit," is all he says.

"Madge moved all the bugs from the kitchen and living room," I say quickly, "So there's no chance of anyone being able to hear what...we were doing. She put them all back before she left."

At this Haymitch raises his eyebrows in surprise. "That's the only smart thing either one of you did last night," he says gruffly. He starts walking again and I fall in beside him.

"Haymitch, I...I feel...really terrible about what happened. I didn't at first, but after my nightmares, and this morning all I could think about was that I betrayed Katniss...and then I feel stupid because it's not like she feels the same way about me," I say miserably.

"Boy, here's what we're gonna do. Number one, you are never, EVER, gonna mention this to Katniss! You want her to love you? Well, if she thinks that she can't trust you, then you can just forget about her loving you! Trust is HUGE with that girl! You go to her and confess that you and Madge were locking lips last night...well, it's game over," Haymitch pauses and takes another drink from his flask.

"Number two," Haymitch continues, "No repeat performances with you and Madge!"

I nod quickly. "I think Madge and I've already worked that one out," I say.

"Good," Haymitch says, "Cause you and I are taking a little detour from shopping to swing by her house and talk to her...right now."

Seeing or talking to Madge was the last thing I wanted to do right now, but Haymitch left no doubt that he was deadly serious. With a sigh, I follow him as we walk towards the Mayors house.

I was thankful that there weren't a lot of people out today. The cold weather and threat of more snow is keeping a lot of people off the streets. We stride up the walk to the Mayors house and Haymitch forcefully raps the door knocker.

After a moment we hear someone fumbling with the latch, and the door opens. It's not Madge, as we expected, or Mayor Undersee, but his wife, Mrs. Undersee. She is rarely seen in public anymore due to some medical condition that no one really knows much about and both Haymitch and I are surprised that she's even up and about in her own home.

Mrs. Undersee looks at us in surprise and then her eyes narrow when she focuses on Haymitch.

"Oh. Hello, Haymitch," she says coldly, and then, "Good morning, Peeta!" She greets me with a smile and is considerably warmer to me than she was to my mentor.

"Annaliese," Haymitch says, almost formally.

"Good morning, Mrs. Undersee," I say respectfully. From inside the house I can hear the sounds of a piano being played.

"What do you want, Haymitch?" Mrs. Undersee is once again cold and unsmiling.

"Just a few moments of Madge's time," Haymitch says, "That is, unless we're interrupting something."

Mrs. Undersee looks first at Haymitch, then at me. With confusion in her eyes she says, "Peeta, didn't Madge come over to your house yesterday? I'm afraid I don't understand..."

Quickly I say, "We'll just be a minute, Mrs. Undersee. I...I just need to...ask her something."

Mrs. Undersee sighs, then opens the door wider. "Come on in. I'll get Madge. She does have company so please make it quick."

We both thank her and step into the foyer. Mrs. Undersee disappears into the other room. I busy myself by examining some photographs on the wall near the door. One in particular catches my eye.

It's an older photo of three smiling teenage girls. At first I thought the one in the middle was Madge until I took a closer look. The girl to the left of the middle girl was definitely Una Everdeen, only a much younger version. Fifteen or sixteen is my guess. The girl on the right is very similar in appearance to the middle girl, and I recognize her as Mrs. Undersee. That must mean the girl in the middle was Mrs. Undersee's twin sister. Madge hardly ever spoke of her except to say that she died long before Madge was born. I notice something glimmering on the middle girls dress. Something shiny, and very familiar. I take a closer look and gasp.

The Mockingjay Pin.

The same Pin that Katniss wore as her district token in the Games. There's no mistaking it. But how did Katniss get a hold of it? I turn to find Haymitch. He's standing quietly, hands in his pockets, staring at nothing in particular on the floor.

"Haymitch!" I hiss. He looks up. I wave him over. Frowning, he walks over and I point to the picture. He examines it with little interest at first until I point out the pin. I see him stiffen and his lips press into a thin line.

"Peeta? Haymitch?" I turn at Madge's voice, as does Haymitch. She's dressed much the same today as last night. I feel my face redden slightly at the memory.

"This won't take long, Madge," Haymitch says quickly, "Do you have a few minutes?"

Madge shoots me a look, and I see her face cloud over as she realizes that Haymitch knows what happened between us the night before.

"Not really," she says brusquely. "I do have company right now. Can this wait?"

"Just a couple of minutes, Madge," Haymitch begins, but is interrupted by a new voice.

"Madge, what's going on? And why are YOU two here?"

It's Katniss.

**PART III**

Haymitch and I both turn at the sound of Katniss's voice. She's standing in the doorway, arms crossed over her chest, regarding both of us coolly. This is getting worse by the second, I say to myself.

"Surprise, surprise," Haymitch says sarcastically, "What brings you here, Sweetheart?"

"Not that it's any of your business," Katniss snaps, "But I...finished my business quickly, so I was done early, and Madge IS my friend after all, so I dropped in here." She carefully avoids mention of trapping or snares. Madge must have warned her.

"Uh...Madge...I remembered something that I forgot to ask you last night," I stammer out quickly, then turn to Katniss. "Madge came over for a little bit last night." I explain quickly.

"I know," Katniss says coldly, "She told me she was there."

_I bet she left out a few parts_ , I say to myself.

"What is it, Peeta?" Madge asks. She realizes that now there's no way that Haymitch will confront her about what we did the night before, and she visibly relaxes.

I have to think, and think fast. I steal a glance at Haymitch but can tell right away that he's going to be of no help to me.

"Umm...how did you get the grilled cheese to come out so moist and perfect?" I say the first thing that comes to my mind. Out of the corner of my eye I can see Haymitch roll his eyes, as if to say, "That's ALL you could come up with?"

Before Madge can say anything, Katniss says in disgust, "THAT'S why you two walked all the way from the Village to town? To ask Madge how to make a SANDWICH?" Katniss is now looking angry. She's seeing right through this, I say to myself in panic.

Finally Haymitch speaks. "No, Sweetheart," he says in his usual condescending way, "We walked to town to pick up some groceries, and along the way Peeta was raving about Madge's great grilled cheese, but he said that every time he tries to make them it always comes out dry. We were almost all the way into town otherwise I would've just called."

Madge is looking at us with amusement. "I just use a lot of butter on both sides," she explains, then, "I'm so glad you liked them that much, Peeta!"

"They were delicious, Madge," I say sincerely. I can see Katniss isn't buying any of this, but with all three of us playing along, she really can't call us on it, either. Katniss suddenly grabs her coat off a coat rack and puts it on.

"I have to go," she says abruptly, "Thanks for having me, Madge."

"Already? You haven't been here very long," Madge protests.

"Yeah, well, I still have to stop by the Hob on the way home, and I want to beat the snow," Katniss says as she tugs on her gloves. "I have to see Ripper about upping my usual liquor buy. Seems I have two drunks to take care of now, instead of just one."

Katniss shoots a disgusted look at both Haymitch and I, and, before I can form an angry retort, storms out of the house.

The three of us stand there in silence for a moment, then Madge speaks.

"Do you two still need to go to the store?" She asks.

"Yeah," I say, "We were really headed there before we got sidetracked."

"Wait a minute," she says and disappears into another part of the house. She's back in a minute, pulling on her own coat and gloves.

"I'll walk with you," she says, "We need a few things, too."

As soon as the door shuts behind us I'm apologizing to Madge.

"Madge, I'm sorry," I say, "It's just that...well...today I've really been feeling..."

"Guilty?" Madge finishes for me. She barks out a short laugh. "That makes two of us."

"So...you didn't say anything to..."

"No. Peeta, she's my friend...and so are you. And friendship aside, hearing something like that...well, it would really hurt her," Madge says.

I snort. "Hurt her? Why should it? I should think she'd be glad!"

"Trust me, Peeta. That girl cares for you a lot more than even she realizes. Today when she knew we were lying? Yeah, she got angry...but you notice that she didn't press for the truth? It's because she really doesn't want to know what happened between us last night."

"Madge is right, Peeta," Haymitch says agreeably. "And the next time I ask you to do something for me, please stick to what I asked! No more freelancing."

"Stuff it, Haymitch," Madge says almost fondly. I smile at their exchange.

"Now, about last night," Madge begins, "And I'm saying this for the benefit of both of you. What happened...happened. It wasn't planned. Haymitch asked me to come over to see if I could help you. I think you ended up helping me more."

"Me? I didn't do anything," I say.

"Yes you did, Peeta," Madge says quietly. "Because you're one of the few people here in Twelve that can understand how lonely I am. You...comforted me. And even though I know that you don't love me...you do love Katniss, as I've known for years...you still, for a couple of hours last night, made me feel loved. Yes, I feel guilty about it, for Katniss's sake. But I'll never, ever, regret it. Not for as long as I live!"

After a few seconds, I say, "I'm lucky to have you for a friend, Madge."

She smiles. "I'm the lucky one here, Peeta."

We hear Haymitch making gagging noises. "Oh please, you two. Before I lose my breakfast!"

"Shut up, Haymitch," Madge and I say in unison, laughing.

The snow finally starts to fall as we reach the store. We make our purchases quickly and start to quickly walk back to the Village. Along the way we drop Madge off at the Mayors house. Haymitch takes Madge aside before she goes into the house and whispers something in her ear. I see her eyes widen a bit and she steals a quick glance at me, then nods once, and, with a quick hug to me, disappears into the house.

By the time we reach the Village the snow is coming down steadily. At my house, we pause for a moment. I look over to the Everdeen house.

"I'll make sure she made it back," Haymitch says, "And one more thing. That picture you saw in the Mayors house. As of right now, forget you ever saw it. Okay?"

A dozen questions immediately spring to my mind, but all I do is nod and say, "Okay."

Haymitch grins. "See you tomorrow at the train station for Doc's sendoff," he says. That's right! Galen is leaving tomorrow! I had almost forgot.

"I'll be there," I assure Haymitch. He nods again and disappears into his house.

With a final glance at my neighbors' homes, I turn and walk into my house, with a vision of a mysterious smiling girl wearing a Mockingjay Pin burned into my brain.


	21. DEPARTURE

**CHAPTER 21 - DEPARTURE**

**74TH ANNUAL HUNGER GAMES - LAUNCH DAY - CORNUCOPIA**

_The last face I see is Portia's as she smiles at me and mouths "Good luck" as my platform begins to rise. This is it, I say to myself. I make a conscious effort to control my breathing and my stomach feels tied up in knots. I clench my fists to keep my hands from trembling. Portia had just removed my bandages before I was sealed in the launch tube. All that's left of the small wounds on both hands are small pink marks. Healed on the outside, they both still hurt._

_Portia disappears and for a few seconds I'm in total darkness, then blinding light as the platform emerges into daylight. I blink frantically to clear the spots in front of my eyes._

_My eyes adjust to the sunlight and I glance around quickly at my surroundings. I can feel wind on my face and a scent of pine in my nose._

_"Ladies and Gentlemen, let the Seventy-Fourth Hunger Games begin!" The voice of Claudius Templesmith, the long time Hunger Games announcer, booms from all around me._

_I'm to the right of the Cornucopia entrance. There seems to be nothing behind the Cornucopia. A lake lies to my right and trees to my left. I risk a quick glance behind me. More trees._

_I take a quick inventory of the tributes that I can see. I spot Katniss, five tributes to my left. She's doing what I'm doing - looking around, taking inventory. Between Katniss and I is the redheaded girl from District Five. Her eyes meet mine for perhaps a second. She looks terrified. Of more immediate concern is another tribute I see between us. Clove. The District Two female tribute that's so deadly with knives. She, too, catches my eye but I see a cruel smile on her face. She's definitely NOT terrified. Past Katniss I see the boy from District Nine and, a little further on, Thresh from District Eleven._

_I risk a glance to my right. The District Eight girl is right next to me. Beyond her I can see Marvel from District One and further on I see Rue from District Eleven._

_My mind quickly tallies up my observations. Three credible threats: Clove, Thresh and Marvel. I'm going to have to contact one of the two Careers if I'm going to be able to put Haymitch's plan in action and actually join their pack._

_First things first. The countdown is still going on. I look back at Katniss and see she is staring fixedly at something. I follow her gaze. Oh, no. Resting on top of a pile of blankets, gleaming in the sun, is a bow and a full quiver of arrows. I know she's gauging her chances of grabbing it...but it's almost to the Cornucopia entrance!_

_No! She'll be killed! I will her to look at me. Come on Katniss, look this way, come on, come on, come on, look this - yes! Her eyes meet mine and I quickly shake my head. I see confusion on her face and I shake my head again. Don't do it. Don't do it._

_The gong sounds! Sixty seconds are up! I freeze for a split second while I regain my train of thought, then, without thinking, I'm off the platform and sprinting as fast as I can...toward the bow and arrows!_

_I catch just a quick glimpse of Katniss as she jumps off her platform and scoops up a couple of items from the ground. I'm still headed for the bow. If I can just get to it maybe -_

_A body slams into me from my right and behind me. I feel my wind knocked out in a rush of air as I hit the ground. My years of wrestling pay off as I instinctively roll and come up in a fighting crouch. I barely register my attacker - a girl - as she comes in low and fast. I shuffle back a few steps to position myself for her assault, while trying to regain my breath at the same time._

_I'm dimly aware of shouts and screams from all around me as other kids scramble for weapons and supplies. My attacker closes with me striking out furiously. I'm completely defensive but then I see an opening. I duck a blow, grab the arm as the fist barely grazes my head, and sweep out with my back leg._

_Off balance, she tumbles to the ground and I waste no time in putting her into a choke hold. She's still struggling mightily as I pull her backwards, keeping her off balance. She tries to head butt me, her blonde hair whipping me in the face and I suddenly realize who I'm holding on to._

_Glimmer._

_The District One girl is just what I need to get into the Career pack. I tighten my hold on her and hear her coughing and fighting for breath. I look around me quickly and I see the Careers are quickly consolidating their position. I see Clove pulling a knife from someone...the District Nine boy from the looks of him. Marvel has a bloody spear pointed at the small boy from District Three. I can see the kid talking to him rapidly, and Marvel's face is twisted in confusion._

_There's Cato! He's the leader of this pack. I'm gonna have to convince him. If I can, the others will fall in step behind him. He's emerging from the Cornucopia with a bloody sword clenched in his hand. The coppery smell of blood is strong in the air and I fight down the sudden urge to gag._

_Glimmers struggles begin to weaken and I relax my hold on her a bit. She's no good to me dead._

_Clove spots us first and quickly raises her arm to throw a knife. I twist around using Glimmer as a shield._

_"Cato!" Clove shouts. Cato looks over at Clove and sees her threatening me with her knife. He quickly jogs over with an amused smile on his face as he stands next to Clove._

_"Who do we have here?" He asks, "Is that...wait a minute...Lover Boy?" Out of the corner of my eye I see Marvel approaching, prodding the District Three boy ahead of him with his spear. He grabs the kid by the shoulder and they stop. I feel a brief flash of pity when I see that the District Three boy...who couldn't be older the fourteen...has wet his pants._

_Glimmer is still struggling. I say nothing. The next move has to be Cato's._

_"You're in a lose-lose situation here, Lover Boy," Cato says with a smirk. "You kill her...we kill you. You let her go...we still kill you. Guess you have a choice to make." He laughs and the others join him._

_"Option number three," I say, trying to keep my voice from trembling, "I join you."_

_At this Cato roars with laughter. "Oh, that's a GOOD one, Lover Boy!" He says with a smirk. Another girl has joined them. District Four. "Please tell us what good exactly you would bring to our alliance here?"_

_This is it, I think. If they don't believe me, I'm dead. I say one word. "Katniss."_

_Cato eyes me suspiciously. "Say again?"_

_"Katniss," I repeat, then, "Katniss Everdeen? The Girl on Fire?"_

_"Yeah, yeah...Fire Bitch. I know her," Cato spits out. Good. He REALLY hates her._

_"You want her. I can give her to you," I say simply._

_Clove glances at Cato. "Don't trust him!" She hisses, but Cato waves her off._

_"Sixty seconds, Lover Boy. One minute to convince me."_

_I take another deep breath. My next step involves me letting go of Glimmer. My insurance. But I have to show him my hands in order to sound convincing._

_"One minute?" I ask. Cato nods. "I need to let Glimmer go to show you something. On your honor you'll give me the minute?"_

_"I'm from District Two, Lover Boy," Cato snaps, "Honor is everything there. You have my word."_

_Without hesitation I let Glimmer go. She collapses to the ground, coughing and gagging and holding her throat. I approach Cato slowly and stretch my arms out._

_"Look," I say. He examines my hands quickly._

_"What happened?" He asks simply. I quickly explain Katniss's attack on me the night before, falling into the shattered remains of the urn after she attacked me, slicing up my hands just hours before the start of the Games._

_"Looks like she doesn't quite return your affections," Cato says with a smirk. It's all I can do to not punch it off his face. Instead, I just nod quietly._

_"No," I say with false anger, "She humiliated me. I want her dead."_

_"So, what can you bring to us?" Cato asks._

_"I know her habits. I know how she moves in the woods. The places she'll try to hide in. I can give her to you wrapped in a bow," I knew nothing about her habits or how she moves in the woods. If Cato doesn't buy it, I'm dead where I stand.._

_He considers this for a moment. Finally he speaks._

_"And after I kill her? You know then you won't be of any more use to me." He's almost gentle as he tells me this._

_I think fast. Gotta give him something reasonable. "After she's dead, promise me, on your honor, that you'll give me a thirty minute head start. That's all I ask."_

_"Thirty minutes?" He looks around at the rest of his alliance. Marvel looks confused, Clove is glaring at me, the District Four girl looks bored, and if looks could kill, the one Glimmer was giving me would certainly drop me in my tracks. But none of them matter. It's Cato's decision. "Thirty minutes works. More 'sporting' that way," he murmurs to himself._

_Finally, he nods and sticks out his hand. "Welcome to the Careers, Lover Boy."_

**PART I**

Sunday morning. Another Parcel Day for District Twelve. The day that Doctor Galen Wellgood leaves for his new post with the Health Ministry in the Capitol. The Mine Company gets a new doctor. We lose a new friend.

I've been up for a while as usual. I sit at the kitchen table sipping a cup of tea. The events of the last couple of days really have me confused.

First, there's Madge. A girl that I've known...well, forever. After what happened two nights ago, however, I'll never look at her the same way again.

She's not just a girl. She's a very pretty...even beautiful...girl. One that's spent most of her life being incredibly lonely. I've had a little taste of that the last few months. Madge has been living it for YEARS. In spite of my own troubles, I can't help but feel sorry for her. I just wish I had been able to figure it out earlier.

Then there's this whole mysterious relationship with Haymitch. Madge and Haymitch have about as much in common as I do with Effie Trinket, yet they share this strange bond. And the whole panic over that picture I saw hanging on the wall in the Mayors house...I had put two and two together, and figured that Madge must have gone to see Katniss after the Reaping and had given her the pin at that time. No mystery there, just a strange coincidence. The questions are why did Madge give her that particular pin, and why did Haymitch react so strongly about the picture?

I shake my head and sigh. No matter. I have to get ready to go, and I'm not looking forward to a walk in the snow. Wearily I drag myself upstairs. I feel a little better after a shower, and get dressed quickly. I limp downstairs, grab my coat, hat and gloves, and head out the door. I've been limping more lately. I mentioned it to Galen and he suggested that the cold weather may be to blame.

I close my door behind me and turn the key in the lock. My breath hangs in white clouds around my head as I head down the walkway. I see Haymitch making his way up the street and hear a door slam directly across from me. Una and Prim walk carefully down their walkway to the street. Katniss is nowhere in sight.

We are all clutching bags. Going away gifts for the doctor. My bag contains a variety of breads and rolls that I made. Haymitch holds a bottle shaped bag...one guess as to what's inside. The gift that Una and Prim are bringing is a mystery.

Wordlessly we all fall in with each other and walk towards the Victors Village entrance. Prim finally breaks the silence.

"What are you giving him, Peeta?" She asks.

I smile at her. "Nothing special. Just some different types of breads," I say.

"Peeta, your bread IS special," Prim says earnestly. "It's even better than your families bakery bread!"

"Thank you, Prim," I say fondly, "What are you giving him?"

Una answers, "A sampling of every medicinal herb that grows in and around District Twelve. As fresh as possible. I've had Katniss collecting ever since we found out about Galen's leaving."

That surprises me that Katniss would go along just to give Galen a gift. For some reason, she almost openly despises the man, even after her bout with Typhoid Fever. She must not have known it was for a gift, I reason.

I point to the bottle shaped bag Haymitch was carrying. "I think I can guess your gift," I say with a smile.

Haymitch pulls the neck of the bottle out of the bag in response. "This is good brandy," he says, "It was hard to leave it alone!"

I laugh. It feels good to laugh. Lately there just hasn't been a lot in my life that made me feel all that good. We reach the entrance to the Village and turn towards town. I look around for Katniss. I had figured that she had probably risen early today...it's Sunday after all...to meet Gale so they could check his trap line together and get some hunting in. I had also figured that she would be back in time to see Galen off at the train station.

I look at Una. "No Katniss?" I ask. Una shrugs.

"She knew what time we were leaving," is all she says, but I can tell that she's bothered by Katniss's absence.

It would be just like her to skip this, I angrily say to myself. Una and Prim walk a little ways ahead as I drop back to walk with Haymitch.

"You'd think she would at least make an effort," I say through clenched teeth.

"Don't you go getting all upset over this, kid," Haymitch says, "If she's there, great. If not, well, there's nothing we can do about it."

"It doesn't bother you?" I say in amazement.

"Of course it bothers me!" Haymitch replies, "The way she's been acting lately, well, I'm tempted to build myself a woodshed just so I have a place to spank her in!"

Somehow, the idea of Haymitch holding down a struggling Katniss while trying to spank her is very amusing to me. I laugh so hard at the mental picture Una and Prim both turn around.

"It's nothing," I say, gasping. The just both shake their heads and keep walking.

"You okay, kid?" Haymitch asks.

"Haymitch, it's either laugh like a maniac or sob like a baby. And just between you and me, I'm tired of crying," I say bitterly.

He awkwardly pats me on the shoulder. "Wish I could tell you it's gonna get better, but.."

"'It's not, Peeta. So just suck it up and take it like a man,'" I finish for him.

"You can't know that," Haymitch says doubtfully. I bark out a short laugh.

"Oh, can't I?" I say sarcastically, "And where is she this morning? Hmmmm? I'll tell you where...with GALE!"

Una and Prim choose this moment to drop back and join us...probably because they could hear every word I was saying.

Prim looks at me reproachfully. As close as we've become over the last few months, I know how protective she is of her sister.

However, it's Una who speaks. "Peeta...I know how hard it's been and I truly do feel bad for how she treats you and what you've had to put up with from her...but I'm really getting concerned that more and more lately you seem...angrier."

I look at Una and Prim and I feel myself soften. They've been so good to me. And Una's right. I have been angrier a lot more lately.

But all I can do now is mumble an apology. We're almost to the train station anyway.

Together we walk up the steps and into the dingy little station. We spot Galen sitting on a bench, alone, his bags and a couple of large trunks sitting at his feet. He brightens when he sees and stands to greet us as we walk up to him.

He hugs each of us in turn and we give him our gifts. He starts to get a little emotional and says something about "Never thought leaving this place would make me sad, but it does."

Even Haymitch is a little misty eyed. I know I am. Una and Prim each sport tear tracks running down their faces. Galen opens each of our gifts in turn and has a smile and a word of thanks for each one. He seems especially glad of the gift of medicinal herbs.

"Madam, I fully intend on demonstrating to my, ahem, 'learned colleagues' in the Health Ministry, of the effectiveness of what they term 'folk medicine' treatments and remedies!"

He and Prim are soon engaged in a lively conversation. Haymitch and Una are talking quietly off to one side. I notice Hadrian Clark talking to the station manager and walk up to say hello. He's here to pick up Galens replacement.

When I walk back to the group, Prim is absolutely brimming with excitement. "Peeta, Dr. Wellgood said that he'll sponsor me for attendance at the Capitol University College of Medicine once I'm eighteen! He says I have the aptitude and intelligence for it, and that my experience here as a healer will put me ahead of everyone else!"

"That's wonderful, Prim!" I say, smiling. But inwardly I was thinking, Of course, you need to survive your next six Reapings. Thinking that makes me ashamed...have I become so cynical that I can't share in a twelve year old girls excitement?

"I can't wait to call you 'Doctor' Everdeen," I tell her with a smile and a hug.

All too soon, the train is here. Even though today is a Parcel Day, there's none of the pomp surrounding the first Parcel Day. Those cars are lined up at the freight terminal where bored District Six cargo handlers quickly and efficiently distribute the parcels to the crowd waiting there. Even so, as people receive their parcels, when they see me they greet me warmly. I smile and spend a little time with them shaking hands and talking with them, all the while mindful of what Haymitch had told me about him being treated like the Angel of Death.

That's soon to be my role, I say to myself sadly. These people will avoid me like I'm a Typhoid carrier then. But for now, I enjoy the positive attention.

Baggage handlers come out and collect up Galens belongings, and all too soon, its time for him to board. We see Hadrian Clark collect up Galens replacement...this man is most definitely a Capitolite, right down to his sunset orange skin. If he didn't look so ludicrous I would admire the shade of orange that his skin has been dyed to...it's my favorite color.

Galen, too, is watching him with amusement. "Poor bastard," he says with a chuckle, "Wonder who he pissed off?"

Each of us spends a last minute or two with our new friend. Even Haymitch is teary eyed. When it comes my turn I tell him how much I'll miss him...then apologize for Katniss not being here.

"No matter, Peeta," Galen says with a smile, "Her mother already made her apologies for her. Besides, I don't think the young lady really cares for my company!"

"It's just not right that she's not here," I say stubbornly.

"Can you stand one last piece of advice from an old man?" He asks. I nod. "Of course."

"Don't ever give up on her," he says quietly. "Take it from me. That girl is in love with you. No, no...don't argue. And don't worry about the Hawthorne boy. In the long run, it's you she'll need to have around. Not him. Peeta, I've been watching people for some sixty odd years. She's remarkably easy to read. She loves you."

He pulls me in for one final hug, then boards the train. We stand and watch until the train disappears from view, then, in silence, we start the walk back home.

**PART II**

On the walk back to the Village, I decide to veer off. I'm going to visit the Hob instead. When Haymitch see where I'm going, he falls in step with me.

"Do you need anything at the Hob?" I ask him.

He shakes his head. "Not really," he replies, "But, you know, it's kind of a rough place, and..."

"So's the arena," I say bluntly. "I don't need a babysitter."

Haymitch stops abruptly. "Suit yourself," he says flatly, then turns towards the Village.

"Haymitch," I call out. He stops. "I appreciate the offer. Thanks," I say.

"Just make sure you know what you're doing, kid," he says, then continues his walk home.

No, I don't know what I'm doing, I say to myself. But, for better or worse, I've committed myself. There's only a few people out and about at this time. I mutter greetings to the ones I pass on the street. Soon the Hob looms in front of me.

I don't hesitate at the door as I arrive. I push the door open and take a few seconds to let my eyes adjust to the dim light inside. My nose is assailed by a dozen different odors. The Hob is always a buzz of activity, even in bad weather like this...or maybe because of bad weather like this.

I slowly stroll through the building, stopping and chatting with the various vendors. I notice that Valentine's stall is still conspicuously empty. Many consider it bad luck. I stop at Ripper's stall and buy a few bottles of white liquor for Haymitch's emergency stock. I see Darius, one of the local Peacekeepers, and stop to chat with him. A decent enough sort. I'm sure he joined the Peacekeepers in order to pay off a debt, rather than a feeling of "Duty" or "Honor."

My last stop is at Greasy Sae's stall. I buy a bowl of whatever stew she's making today. We chat for a few minutes while I eat. I guess Katniss isn't going to make an appearance today. I hand the bowl back to her after I finish, and I'm just about to leave, when I hear her voice behind me.

"What're you doing here, Peeta?" Katniss says quietly. I turn to face her. She and Gale are standing there, full game bags dangling from their belts. Gale has a couple of rabbits hanging from his belt as well.

"Eating," I say calmly. "Looks like you two were successful today."

"Not too bad," Katniss says guardedly, then, "Why are you here?"

"I told you," I reply patiently, "I was on my way home from the station, and thought I'd swing through here and pick up some supplies." I hold up the bag with the liquor bottles.

"Station?" Katniss says, then understanding dawns in her eyes. She looks down.

"Yeah, the station. Dr. Wellgood left today. Remember? By the way, he was asking me where you were. Of course I didn't know," I say bluntly.

Gale finally chimes in. "Wellgood? The fat capitol doctor?" He snickers.

"That's the one," I say calmly, "Oh, and Gale, he asked me to relay something to you."

"Huh?" Gale says.

"Yeah. He told me to tell you, 'You're welcome.'" I say with a smile.

Gale looks confused. "I don't understand," he stammers out.

"That's what people say in response to someone saying 'Thank you.' Like you must have done...and you too, Katniss...you know, when you thanked him for SAVING YOUR LIFE!"

For once, Gale's at a loss for words. He just blushes and turns away. Katniss, on the other hand, has the opposite reaction.

"I already thanked him. AND said goodbye. The other night at the dinner. Remember the dinner, Peeta. The one you walked out on? And then went home to get drunk? That dinner?" Katniss is flushed, but with anger, not embarrassment. Hearing that I had gotten drunk, Gale perks up. I realize with surprise that this was the first he's heard of it.

"Mellark, YOU got drunk? Not good for your goody-goody reputation, not to mention that a boy like yourself can't hold liquor very well," Gale says with a laugh.

"Yeah, I got drunk, Gale. You want details, ask Katniss. She can tell you all about why I did it." With that, I grab my bag, turn, and start to walk out of the Hob.

"Peeta!" I hear Katniss calling after me. I ignore her. "Peeta!" More insistent this time. I keep walking and open the door to the outside. I step through and shut the door behind me.

"PEETA!" Katniss shouts. I stop. She'll keep this up until I let her have her say.

"What?" I say flatly as I turn to face her. She's immediately on me, pounding her fists in my chest.

"I was TALKING to you! Don't you EVER walk away from me like that!" She yells at me. She's running out of energy, though... her blows are coming weaker and weaker. I stand there while she beats her frustration out on my chest.

"Was it because of me?" I ask quietly.

"Huh? Was what because of you?" Katniss asks. She looks up at me, her face still flushed, and tears brimming in her eyes.

"Today. Did you stay away because you knew I was gonna go?"

I can see her chest heaving with her breathing. Twin columns of condensation erupt from her nose with each breath. She shakes her head firmly.

"No. Yes. It's just that...I dunno...why can't I ever think clearly when you're around?" She wails in frustration, then slams her small fists against my chest again. I become of another presence. Gale has left the Hob and is standing a short distance behind Katniss.

"Why can't I whenever you're around?" I ask quietly.

"We're such a horrible mess," she sobs, now crying openly. "I really, really want to hate you, Peeta. I really do!"

"Why don't you, then?" I ask gently. She looks up at me with her tear stained face and her nose running. Her cheeks are blotchy from crying and from the cold. Her eyes are red rimmed and her lower lip is quivering. Stray hair has escaped her braid and partly hangs in her face. Her face is a total mess...and so incredibly beautiful that my breath catches in my throat.

I glance over at Gale. He's standing there helplessly. I almost feel sorry for him.

"Why don't you?" I ask again. She just shakes her head and half laughs, half cries.

"I want to," she whispers. "I've tried. Thought about every bad thing I could remember about you. Tried to stay angry with you. But I can't. I can't and because I can't I get mad at myself!" Her resolve finally disappears and, with a sob, she buries her face in my chest. I feel a lump in my own throat as I clumsily put my arms around her shoulders. Her hands dig into my arms and I feel her body shaking as weeks of pent up emotion pour out of her.

"Can I tell you something?" I ask. "I've been trying to hate you, too. But then I remember how much I love you and I get mad at myself, too. You're right, Katniss. We are a horrible mess."

I feel the tension drain from her body slowly. Finally, she lifts her face from my chest. Her tears and runny nose have left a large wet spot in the middle of my coat. With the heel of her hand she clumsily wipes her eyes and nose.

"Can I walk you home?" I ask. She looks up at me, then, realizing, looks back at Gale, still standing there looking helpless.

"Uhh...no...thanks, Peeta. Gale and...well, we have to finish up in the Hob, and...there's a lot of stuff for his family...so I need to stop at his house before..." she stammers out.

I nod. "Okay," I say, "We should talk soon."

She quickly nods. "Yes. We should. Okay."

She bends down and picks up her game bag. "Well, guess I'll be going. Gale," I say as I nod in his direction. He says nothing but gives me a slow nod in return.

I turn and start my walk back to the Village. I take maybe three steps when I hear her voice.

"Peeta," she says softly. I stop. "Thanks," she says in a quivering voice, then, "I'm so sorry."

I turn around but she and Gale are already disappearing back into the Hob. Getting in with the Careers was easy compared to dealing with Katniss Everdeen, I say to myself. With that, I sigh, turn, and walk slowly back to Victors Village and my empty house.


	22. KATNISS

**CHAPTER 22 - KATNISS**

**PART I**

I slowly turn the large manila envelope over in my hands. The outside of the envelope bears Effie Trinket's precise, ruler straight, elegant handwriting. I already know the contents.

Effie had called me a couple of days ago. Her usual bubbly personality could barely contain her excitement as she explained that she had mailed a packet to myself, Katniss and Haymitch. Contained in the packet was information and schedules for the upcoming Victory Tour.

The Victory Tour. I had seen other tours come through District Twelve over the years. Attendance was mandatory, after all. Thankfully, the presentations were always brief. The Mayor would introduce the Victor, the Victor would come out, deliver a prepared speech, be presented with a plaque from the district that he or she was visiting, and that was it. Oh, there were special prepared spots for the immediate families of the tributes that represented that district (and died) the year before, but other than that, it was all very much like a Reaping.

Without a pair of tributes being ripped from their families to go die in some arena, of course.

I let out a sigh and carefully open the envelope. I remove the contents and scan them briefly. Departure and arrival schedules for each district, a list of people that would be going with us (our prep teams and stylists as well as our Escort and our Mentor), information about each district that we'll be visiting, a brief biography of each districts Tributes, and instructions for the handling and display of our Talents. Effie had included a hand written note with this last, telling me how excited she was to see my art work.

_Hope you like the horror show, Effie_ , I say to myself.

Haymitch had been over some weeks ago and had examined my paintings. He complimented me on the detail that I had placed in my artwork, then gently suggested that I consider painting some non-violent subjects as well. He immediately regretted the suggestion as I enlisted him to sit for a portrait. He gamely sat for several sittings, and I could tell he was inwardly pleased by the result. His was the only portrait that I painted by having my subject sit. All of the others were painted from memory.

Katniss was, of course, my favorite subject, and I'm sure she would hate each and every portrait that I painted of her. Katniss standing next to me in the chariot during the Tribute parade, her flaming cape billowing out behind her. Katniss twirling in her interview dress with false flames licking up her beautiful red gown. Some were figments of my imagination. Katniss standing in the Meadow, looking pensively at a dandelion she was holding. Katniss giving me a dazzling smile. Katniss with her sister, Prim.

Well, maybe she would like the last one.

Idly I wonder what her Talent was. Although everyone in Panem had seen first hand her extraordinary skill with a bow, everyone seemed willing to ignore how she acquired these skills in the first place...as long as this skill was not paraded throughout the entire country as her "Talent." I remember a conversation that we had shortly after we returned. Effie had suggested several "feminine" Talents for Katniss, including flower arranging, playing the flute, and singing. Well, I knew how well she could sing, but I also knew that there was no way that would be her Talent. I'm sure something was worked out, though. After all, EVERY Victor had to have a talent!

I sigh and examine the schedule in more detail. I see that a dinner will be given in our honor in each district that we visit. We will be kept busy, visiting a different district each day of the tour until we reach the Capitol. There, a massive dinner will be held in our honor at the Presidential Palace. Our last stop will be here at District Twelve. Our stylists and prep teams will be working overtime fitting Katniss and I into the myriad outfits that we will need to wear at each stop. I will be fairly easy to fit...just variations of the same theme. Jacket, shirt, trousers and shoes, in various color combinations. Portia has it easy. Cinna, on the other hand, has to come up with over two dozen different looks for Katniss. I know that she will not be very happy with all the different dresses and gowns she will be forced in to.

I notice that our train will be considerably larger than our Tribute train was. It has to be, to accommodate our stylists and prep teams, not to mention the fact that this is the first Hunger Games ever with two Victors rather than just one. There are two cars set aside just for the display of our Talent, whatever Katniss's may turn out to be.

There's a knock at my front door, then I hear the door open and close. Only one person here in the Village feels free to let himself in anywhere. Haymitch.

"In here, Haymitch," I call out. I hear his heavy, deliberate tread come down the hallway and soon he's joined me in the study. Wordlessly, he sits down in front of my desk.

"Looking over the schedule, I see," Haymitch says.

"Yeah. Not much time built in for sight seeing."

Haymitch laughs. "Kid, you aren't being paraded around to sight see. You've been to enough of these here in Twelve. The Victory Tour is just our gentle reminder that the next Hunger Games will be just six short months after the end of the tour."

I nod. "The Quarter Quell," I say.

"Yep," Haymitch says, "The Games with a special...twist." He smiles sardonically. "Look, kid. Each district is proud in its own way. The powers that be everywhere we go will want to show off some of their districts own unique charms. Besides that, you and Miss Sunshine are probably the most popular all around Victors in the history of the Games. I'm sure you'll get a warm welcome everywhere you go. Well, almost everywhere."

I know what he means. I can't see either District One or Two cheering wildly for us...not after Katniss had a personal hand in killing every one of their Tributes.

"Anyway, there are some highlights that you both will probably enjoy," Haymitch continues, "Such as watching cowboys in action in District Ten, the old growth forests in Seven - Miss Sunshine will be sure to love that - and the white sand beaches and ocean in Four. Oh, and the year round warm weather in Eleven."

Beaches and ocean. I've never even seen the ocean except for in books, and the biggest body of water I've ever seen was that huge river we crossed both going to and coming home from the Games. Maybe that will make this whole obscene parade worthwhile.

"Anyway, I didn't come over to give you a travelogue on things to see and do on this little junket. I just need to let you know what to expect."

I indicate the packet of papers strewn across the desk. "Looks like everything is pretty well covered here," I say.

Haymitch waves his hand dismissively over the schedule. "I don't mean that," he says, "I'm talking about what to expect from the...people...you'll meet on this trip."

I lean back in my chair. "I'm listening."

Haymitch takes a deep breath. "First of all, I'm sure this trip will be quite a bit different from previous Victory Tours, only in that we have dual Victors this year, and that these Victors are  _ **in love with each other**_." Haymitch definitely emphasized the last five words.

"Previous Victory Tours...mine is no exception...have a habit of becoming somewhat...wild," Haymitch continues, "Some Victors," he indicates himself, "Have been known to...over indulge in the festive atmospheres found in many, if not all, of the districts."

This was news to me. The schedule made everything look very stuffy. Now it's beginning to at least sound interesting.

"Again," Haymitch says, "And I need to emphasize this part...being as you two _**lovebirds**_  are unique in the history of the Games, some of the usual goings-on may not even happen. Still, I gotta warn you about Games Groupies."

"Games Groupies?" I ask, confused.

Haymitch nods. "These are people...male and female alike...that are totally one hundred percent fans of everything about the Hunger Games. They're usually young, and every single district has them. It's even worse in the Capitol. These kids will literally stop at nothing to get a piece of a Victor, if you know what I mean."

I raise my eyebrows. I knew that all Victors had fans, but I never really considered this angle. And what exactly did he mean by getting a "piece" of a Victor, anyway?

"I'm not sure I completely understand," I admit.

"Let me spell it out for you, then," Haymitch says with more than a little amusement in his voice, "These Groupies consider the pinnacle of their experience with a Victor to be having sex with a Victor. They aren't satisfied with an autograph, or a picture. What they want is to experience sex with a Victor. Even Victors that aren't so...attractive...are considered to be very desirable by these people."

This blunt statement was, to be honest, pretty shocking. District Twelve had always been a fairly...conservative...district when it came to sex. Oh, sure, it happens all the time. In fact, I'm reasonably sure that my...evening...with Madge could have involved more than just passionate kissing on my couch. My shock must have registered on my face.

"Don't look so surprised, kid," Haymitch says with a laugh, "After all, look how most tributes are presented at the Tribute Parade. Skimpy outfits, total emphasis on sexiness...and some of those kids are twelve and thirteen years old!"

I had to nod in agreement. Still - "But Katniss and I...well, we're a...couple," I say lamely.

"That's different for sure," Haymitch admits, "Groupies are used to just one Victor. That may scare some of them off. But, for every one that's scared off, there's gonna be one that either doesn't care, or worse...one that thinks that if having one is good, two would even be better!"

"Well, this is one Victor that no one is gonna get a 'piece' of!" I say with more conviction than I really feel. Not that I would willingly do anything like that...but from what Haymitch is saying, some of these people are remarkably persistent. Plus, I know that customs vary a great deal from district to district. Would an outright refusal be considered insulting? Now, on top of everything else...Katniss's moodiness (and my own moodiness as well), adjusting to this new life, dealing with losing most of my friends, my strained relationship with my family and especially my mother...now the very real possibility exists that either Katniss or I (or both) may unwittingly offend some local custom!

"Haymitch, you're our Mentor. Between you and Effie, you have to make sure that the people around us...behave," I say as firmly as I can.

Haymitch laughs. "Deal," he says, "Okay, I gotta run and see if I can catch Miss Sunshine at home." He frowns and looks at the clock. "Damn. Maybe this afternoon. Well, Una's better company than you are anyway, kid. I'll let myself out, don't worry."

With that, Haymitch leaves. His last words remind me that I need to talk to Katniss also...and soon. Ever since our confrontation at the Hob, she's been steadfastly avoiding me. Was she upset because she let her emotional guard down? Or was it because everything happened in front of Gale? I know that Katniss absolutely hates displaying any vulnerability on her part. I remember how furious she was after my declaration of love for her during the interviews...about me making her look weak.

Well, even if she's not comfortable being around me, we need to work something out, and soon. The Tour is just weeks away. The problem is being able to talk to her. She's gone all day and when she comes home she spends a lot of time in her room, according to Prim and Una. I had decided when we first moved in here that, as much as I wanted to spend time with her, that she needed a Peeta-free space, and that place was her house. So for the past several months I've respected her space and gone over while she's there only when invited.

But time is starting to run out. I've actually gone looking for her during the day. Now that the weather is so unpredictable and it's harder and harder for her to successfully hunt or even trap, I know that her daily forays on the other side of the fence are getting shorter and shorter. I've taken to spending a lot of time at the Hob, hoping to catch her there. But even the vendors there, like Greasy Sae and Ripper, confirm that she doesn't spend a whole lot of time there. So where is she going during the day?

I realize that there's one person that can probably answer my questions. Prim. Time to have Prim over for a Sunday baking session.

**PART II**

As it turned out, Prim was more than eager to bake on Sunday. Gale and Katniss were taking Rory out for the day to start teaching him some of the basics of hunting, trapping, and woodsmanship. Even though I do have an ulterior motive for inviting her over, I find myself looking forward to spending some time with her.

It's safe to say that Prim is universally loved by just about everyone here in the district. And, from what Effie has told me, she has legions of fans in the Capitol as well. The little girl that the Girl on Fire so bravely volunteered for...she certainly must be someone special. Effie even mentioned that Primrose dolls were the third most popular toy being sold in the Capitol now...right after the Girl on Fire action figure (complete with faux fire cape - bow and arrows sold separately) and the Peeta post games interview action figure (complete with Robo-leg). Although it was embarrassing to hear that you are now a doll, of all things, I make a mental note to see if I can't pick up one of each while in the Capitol during the tour.

Just out of curiosity, of course. I don't dare let Katniss see them. I'm sure she would make some remark with the wrong people listening that if they REALLY wanted action figures, they should make one of me with my leg swollen from infection and leaking pus, or one of her with realistic tracker jacker stings and a festering burn on her leg.

No, best she doesn't know about them.

I wonder what Prim would say if she knew how much of a celebrity she had become. Effie even mentioned that the number one song playing on Capitol radio stations now was called "Primrose Flame." I have a feeling that Prim would bask in the attention just as eagerly as Katniss would avoid it.

Prim has become, not only a friend, but almost like the little sister I never had. My brothers and I had never had much of a "sibling" relationship, so the playful teasing that Prim and I give each other is done with genuine affection.

Right now, though, we are busy in my kitchen. As usual, we are both wearing a light dusting of flour. Prim and I had been enjoying an easy conversation, with her doing most of the talking. She talked about school, her friends, her cat, her goat, living in the Village, Rory (she blushes when I tease her about him being her boyfriend, pretty much confirming to me that there's some serious puppy love going on there), and, of course, Katniss.

Bread's in the oven. Nothing to do now but let it bake. Time to see if I can't get some information out of Prim.

"Wow, look how bright it is outside! And the sky's so blue! What a nice change from all the snow!" I say enthusiastically.

Prim agrees wholeheartedly. "Peeta, if you only knew how tired I am of snow. You and Katniss are so lucky. In a few weeks you get to see other districts and some of them have no snow at all!"

I laugh. "I know...maybe if you're really lucky, I'll bring you some beach sand from District Four," I tease.

"Oh, you're so mean!" Prim says, laughing.

"Careful...you may not get anything at all!" I warn with a smile.

"Okay, okay! Please forgive me!" She begs.

I see my opening. "So...I bet Katniss is looking forward to getting out of the snow for a while."

"Yeah...I guess," Prim says evasively.

I lean back in an exaggerated stretch. "It's so nice outside. I think I'll get a little fresh air." I tilt my head towards the back door. Prim nods. She's lived here long enough to know that the outside means being able to talk freely.

We walk outside and I shut the door firmly behind me. We both laugh briefly at Buttercup, walking ever so gingerly through the patches of snow, shaking his paws with each step.

"Has Katniss said anything, Prim?" I ask.

"About the tour? Yeah. She doesn't want to go." Prim replies. Her voice is carefully neutral, but I can sense that this has been a sensitive issue in the Everdeen house.

"Well, unfortunately, like me, she doesn't have a choice." I say.

"I know that. YOU know that. But she's making everyone miserable. She and Haymitch had a screaming match the other day. He came over to talk to her about what to expect during the tour, and the next thing you know there's yelling and screaming. It was so bad I thought the Peacekeepers were gonna come!"

No, it sounds like Katniss didn't take Haymitch's "Games Groupie" talk well at all.

"Prim, I really need to talk to her...but once again, she's been avoiding me. I need to know where to find her during the day," I say urgently.

"I...I know where she goes, Peeta...but I really don't know if I should tell you. I honestly don't know if she'll even talk to you. She...she's spending an awful lot of time...with Gale. Even during the week. Rory says that she's even had dinner over there a few times," Prim say apologetically. At this news I feel my stomach twist up in a knot, and fight to keep my face impassive.

"All the same, I still need to try, Prim," I say.

Prim nods grimly. "Peeta, she's not acting like herself at all. She's so...moody...and unpredictable. And all this stuff with Gale...I'm not stupid, I know what's at stake. It's almost like she's daring someone to do something about it. Peeta, I love Gale like a brother...like I love you," she admits to my surprise, "And I would just die if anything ever happened to him...or to you."

I admit that there's no love lost between Gale and I, but I would absolutely hate it if something ever happened to him, or any of the Hawthornes for that matter. Putting aside the fact that he and I both love Katniss (It's pretty obvious to me how he feels about her), he's a very decent guy that, like Katniss, is completely devoted to taking care of his family, and has been providing for them for almost six years.

I can admire him. That doesn't mean I have to like him. And I don't.

"Prim, all the more reason why you need to tell me where to find her. I need to try to talk some sense into her. I know she probably won't listen, but I need to try. Please."

Prim looks at me for a long minute. Finally she sighs heavily and nods.

"Okay. You're the last hope anyway. She won't listen to anyone else. After you there's no one else." She pauses for a moment.

"Our old house," she finally says, "She goes there. If she's not outside the fence, or at the Hob, she's there during the day."

I step forward and hug Prim to me tightly, then kiss her cheek. She hugs me back tightly and whispers, "Please help her."

"I will. Promise." I assure her. "Come on. Bread's about done."

Together we walk back into the house. I realize today that Prim is much more than just a friend. She is my little sister. And I love her.

**PART III**

I cautiously open the door to the Everdeens old house. Technically, it still belongs to Una. They can only stay in Victors Village as long as the Victor they are living with - Katniss - is still alive. If she should die, both Una and Prim would have to move back here.

This is the first time I've ever been here. I knew exactly where it was, of course. Years of watching Katniss from afar had shown me where she lives. I was always careful to never come too close...but I knew all the same.

I always knew the place was small. Two rooms and a bathroom. The whole house could easily fit in my living room and kitchen. It was old, and drafty, but in good repair and had an indoor bathroom, which, for the Seam, is a luxury. I sit at the simple wood table and glance around.

The house is bare, all decorations having been moved to Victors Village. A small bed sits in the corner and I realize that this was where both Katniss and Prim slept. The fireplace is cold, as is the stove that sits in opposite corner from the bed.

I've lost track of time as to how long I've been here. The sun tells me it's afternoon. Prim told me she comes here "almost" every day, but school will be letting out soon and the only time Katniss ever missed walking Prim home was when she was laid up during the Typhoid Epidemic.

Still, I wait patiently. If she doesn't come today I'll come back tomorrow. Finally, I hear footsteps approaching the house, then the sound of the latch being worked on the door.

The door opens. Katniss steps through and freezes when she sees me. I hear her sharp intake of breath as she gasps in surprise. I see her whole body tense.  _Don't scream_ , I tell her silently.  _Don't scream_.

I stand up slowly. My legs are stiff from inactivity and I stumble slightly. Katniss makes a move as if she's going to steady me, but doesn't step from her spot. Finally, she speaks.

"Prim," she says flatly. In one word, it was a question, a statement, and an accusation.

I nod. "Yes. She's worried. Haymitch is worried. I'm worried."

Katniss laughs bitterly. "Worried? Whatever for? Being some sick Capitolite Groupies sexual plaything sounds like so much fun!" Sarcasm drips from her words.

"That's not gonna happen," I say firmly. Katniss just laughs again.

"Oh, no? Who's gonna stop it? You? What a joke!" Katniss slams down her game bag on the table and roughly pulls out a chair. Angrily she strips off the jacket she was wearing. I've never seen it before. It's old, leather and definitely too big for her. I realize with a start that it used to be her fathers.

"Please, can't we just talk?" I ask softly.

She slumps into her chair. "What's there to talk about? The tour? Oh, how fun! Over two weeks cooped up on a train with Effie, Haymitch, and you! Two weeks of looking the families of twenty two dead kids in the eye and telling them how brave and noble their kids were as they bled out!" Katniss is practically shouting now.

"Katniss, please...you don't need to yell," I say in an attempt to calm her down. It just makes her angrier.

"What? Worried that a Peacekeeper may come? Get a clue, Mellark! We're in the SEAM! Not even Peacekeepers come in here if they can help it. And certainly not because of a little yelling! But, oh, I forgot, living on the Square you probably aren't used to seeing how ugly life is out here. But I am!"

In spite of myself, I can feel my own anger rising. Fighting to keep control of my voice, I say, "You know, I live in District Twelve, too. Life isn't easy for anyone here."

Katniss looks at me in amazement. "Oh, my gosh! I'm so sorry! You must have had it SO rough! So tell me...how many times have you woken up so hungry that your belly was up against your backbone? How often have you gone door to door selling your families belongings because you were starving and were so desperate to eat something, ANYTHING, that nothing your family owned was safe? You keep telling me how beautiful I am? Did you think that I was beautiful when my hair was falling out in clumps from malnutrition? Or when my belly bloated up? How beautiful was I then? Do you know what it's like to lose the most important man in your life? Or watch your mother crawl inside herself while you and your sister were quietly dying? Oh, yes, I'm sure you had it SO tough, having to eat stale bread. There was a time when I would have probably KILLED for stale bread!"

Katniss is red faced and her chest is heaving with her breathing. I've never seen her so angry. And I've never been so angry at her.

"So, your brand of suffering is worse then everyone else's?" I say quietly. "So your mother crawled inside herself after your dad died? How many times did you have to wear long sleeves in summer to cover up your bruises? How many times did you have to explain a black eye or split lip as 'fooling around with my brothers?' How many times a day did your mother call you stupid, or lazy, or worthless? How many times did the sight of your mother picking up a rolling pin make you wet your pants? Maybe you did have it rougher than me, but at least you have a mother that loves you!"

Tears are spilling from my eyes and I hate myself for it. Katniss is silent. Finally she said quietly, "I didn't know it was that bad with your mother."

"You were the only thing that kept me going from day to day sometimes," I say tonelessly. "I took the worst beating of my life after I threw that bread to you, and it still took you over five years to even thank me. But for all that I was never upset with you."

I can tell that my words are affecting her.  Katniss is silent for a moment.  

"You wanted to talk to me about something?" Katniss says softly, deftly changing the subject.

"Yes." I clear my throat. "It's about the tour. You need to start thinking about that. You'll need to pretend again that you love me." I see something almost imperceptible cross over her face when I say this.

"I'll talk to Haymitch...and read what Effie sent me," she promises.

"Okay. You really need to start getting in that mode. You need to be convincing."

"Don't you need to be convincing, too?" Katniss asks. I bark out a short, bitter laugh.

"I don't need to pretend, remember?" Katniss blushes and nods. "And another thing...and please don't blow up at me. But you really need to tone it down with Gale. I know how close you are to him...but the Capitol, and Snow in particular, will have us under a microscope before much longer. So you need to distance yourself from him a little, at least for now. Once we get back, then you can hunt with him on Sundays again...stuff like that."

Katniss suddenly can't look me in the eye. "That...may be difficult...no, impossible." She's so quiet it's almost a whisper.

"Still, it's only for a few weeks. You can -" I stop talking. Katniss is crying openly, tears streaming down her face.

"I'm not a good person. Not at all. Ever since Reaping Day I have done nothing but hurt you. But I can't hate you, much as I've tried. But you'll probably end up hating me, and you have every right to," she chokes out between sobs.

"Katniss, no, I can never -" I begin, but never finish.

"Peeta, I'm so very sorry," Katniss says miserably, "But I have to tell you this."

I stare at her as I feel my heart pounding so hard it feels like it will burst out of my chest. My stomach is totally twisted in knots. I felt fear in the arena many times but it was nothing compared to what I know is coming next.

"I think...I'm...in love...with Gale."


	23. Chapter 23

**CHAPTER 23 - PEETA**

**PART I - KATNISS'S POV (A PEEK INSIDE HER MIND)**

I take a shuddering breath as the words that I just spoke still hang in the air. Nothing I do or say now will ever be able to take those words back. I just told Peeta that I am in love with Gale....I think.

There are only two problems with what I just said. The first problem is that I don't really believe it. The second problem is that I do believe it.

Before the Reaping, before the Games, I thought life was hard. Life in the Seam was never easy, but after Dad died and Mom was drawn into the Sadness I realized that I didn't know what a hard life was. Overnight, I had to grow up. I had to be both mother and big sister to Prim. I had to take care of Mom. I had to put food on the table. My childhood ended the day of that mine accident. But nothing could have prepared me for what was to come.

Imagine being sixteen years old and measuring your life expectancy in days. That's what life was like for me from the instant that I volunteered to take Prim's place at the Reaping. Imagine being teamed up with a boy that you owe everything to, but have been unable to so much as say thank you to him. And imagine that same boy, on national television, in front of the entire country, confess that he's loved me since we were five years old.

Love. I thought I knew what love was. I knew I loved Prim more than life itself. I love my Dad and think of him every single day. And I love my mother, even though I still, to this day, can't trust her. I've even known for years that I love Gale as the big brother that I never had. But romantic love? The love that a man feels for a woman, and a woman for a man? The love that my mother and father felt for each other? That kind of love was totally alien to me. It just never entered my thoughts. That all changed in the space of three minutes.

I was, and still am, what they call a tomboy. I knew that I had some impressive skills with a bow. I could identify every edible plant in District Twelve without hesitation. Even without a bow I was competent with snares and traps and could put meat on the table without so much as nocking an arrow. But boys? Please. I had no time for boys.

That may sound funny, considering that I spent just about every day with Gale Hawthorne. Gale, who had become the single most desirable boy in District Twelve. He is incredibly good looking - I'm not blind, after all - as well as strong and resourceful. He never lacked for female companionship...and this would be cause for the only time I ever felt jealousy - but only because the time he spent with some girl was time I didn't have a hunting partner. And, even though his distaste for the Merchant kids was well known, it didn't seem to extend to Merchant girls. I knew a lot of girls, both Merchant and Seam, were jealous of the time I spent with Gale...but he wasn't my boyfriend. He was my best friend.

Then Peeta Mellark, my district partner in the 74th Annual Hunger Games, told the entire country that he's been in love with me for eleven years...and I had absolutely no idea how to respond. This boy, that I owe so much to, with one simple statement, turned my entire emotional life upside down. That night, after the interviews, I did the only thing that my life experience up to that point would allow me to do. I attacked Peeta and hurt him...the first of many hurts I would inflict, intentionally or unintentionally, on the boy with the bread.

The worst part was, it really wasn't him I was angry at. It was me. I was angry with myself.

From the time we left the studio and during the elevator ride to the 12th floor, I was fuming. Angry for not noticing even once in ELEVEN years that Peeta loved me. Angry for pretending to ignore this boy for all that time. And angry for the unfamiliar sensations his confession caused that were coursing through me...the odd light headed feeling I got when Peeta made his confession, and the butterfly-like sensation in the pit of my stomach that followed.

Then came the Games, and Peeta's seeming treachery with the Careers, then the tracker jacker induced haze where I dimly realized that Peeta this whole time was watching out for me. My alliance with Rue, her brutal murder, and my first direct kill when I put an arrow in Marvel's throat. Marvel, the District One volunteer, deadly with a spear. Marvel, who haunts my dreams on a nightly basis.

Then, the announcement by Claudius Templesmith that there could be two victors this year if both were from the same district. I knew then that Peeta hadn't betrayed me...he tried to save me. This time, my debt to him would be repaid. I would find him, and we would play this game together. We would win together - or die trying.

I find him, only to see how horribly Cato has wounded him. Dealing with sick people has always been a weakness for me, but I sucked it up and nursed him back to health. Haymitch, sending me subtle hints with his sponsor gifts, guiding my actions. Then, with all Panem watching - including Gale - I kissed a boy romantically for the very first time.

Admittedly, at first it wasn't very pleasant. Both of us stank, and neither of us had seen a toothbrush since the Training Center. And, at first, it was all an act. The more convincing I was meant that the quality of the sponsor gifts improved. But, every kiss was less an act and becoming more real. The butterflies returned to my stomach and I was now experiencing a not-unpleasant tingling sensation in...certain places. By the time the feast was announced I had come to truly care for Peeta. Care...not love...but still something that I was unfamiliar with.

Then came the feast, and my tricking Peeta into swallowing sleep syrup, my almost fatal fight with Clove, and the miraculous cure that Peeta's medicine worked on him. The wolf mutts, the final confrontation with Cato, the Capitol reneging on their promise of dual victors. Two handfuls of nightlock berries, with Peeta and I coming within ONE SECOND of dying before Claudius Templesmith implored us to stop and declared us both victors.

The hoverplane ride where I watched Peeta almost die and went hysterical in the process.

And realizing with a shock that I didn't just "care" for this boy...I had come to love him.

In the hospital, recuperating after our ordeal, reality began to set it. The giddy feeling I had first experienced with my realization that I loved Peeta was replaced by guilt. Because, for the first time in my life, I actually had time to think. And, watching Games-related programs on the Holo-TV, I caught the interviews that the film crews did in District Twelve...and saw Gale being interviewed. Watching his interview, I recognized the look in his eyes as he spoke of me. It was the same look that I saw in Peeta's eyes. I had come to know that look very well from the time we spent in the arena.

No doubt about it. Gale was in love with me too.

Suddenly, I had not just one, but two boys, in love with me. And, in a brief phone call that had been arranged for my family, I felt the same familiar butterflies when Gale's voice came on the line...the same feeling I had experienced with Peeta.

I'm such an awful mess.

Our return to District Twelve didn't help matters. I hurt Peeta the first time...the first of many...on the train home, when he became aware that many of my actions during the Games were an act. I knew what I was telling him was not all true, but I had become so concerned about hurting Gale that I ended up hurting Peeta.

Gale. Being reunited with Gale confused me even more. At first, Peeta and I were too busy...our celebratory dinner the night we returned, moving into our houses in Victors Village, the first Parcel Day and the Victory Celebration. And, with each new "performance" that we had to endure for the cameras, I found that it had become a more natural feeling to publicly display love for Peeta, and that my seeming indifference to him away from the cameras had become more of an act I continued to perform. An act that was quickly taking its toll on me.

Some girls dream of having multiple suitors...of being the object of desire for many. For me, having the two boys that were each in their own way the object of my desire wasn't a dream. It was a nightmare. Because, no matter what, this can only end in one way. With one of these wonderful boys getting their heart broken.

In spite of everything, I found myself spending more and more time with Gale, and avoiding Peeta. Then came the epidemic. Gale and I were both sick, and we both experienced the horrible delirium caused by the high fever. And, during a visit by Peeta at the height of my fever, the delirium caused me to say horrible, vile things to him. Things that hurt him worse than I ever have before. Until today.

**PART II**

I stand quietly, waiting for the explosion that I'm sure will follow. I just told this boy...this wonderful, gentle, sweet boy that I can now admit to myself that I love...I told him that I think I love someone else. At least I have managed to stop crying, for now at least. I've done more crying between the time I was Reaped till today than I had in the previous five years, and I hate it...the way it makes me feel weak.

Peeta barely moves. I see the color drain from his face, his lips set in a firm, bloodless line across his face. His hands are tightly clenched into fists. His breathing is deep, controlled. I know him too well, though. If he screamed, or cursed at me, or broke something, I could understand that sort of response. What he's doing now just scares me.

I look into Peeta's eyes. The tears that I expected to see there are nowhere to be found. His eyes are as dry as mine are wet. Seconds tick by and neither of us moves or says anything. How I desperately wish that I could now take those words back...to somehow rewind time. To just make some awkward excuse.

But I dimly realize that the shock of seeing Peeta here...in my old house...caused anger to well up inside of me. Anger that he invaded my sanctuary...the one place that I could retreat to in this entire district where I could truly be alone when I had to be. Where I could voice aloud what I was thinking without fear of Capitol bugs recording my every thought. Did I really just tell Peeta that I think that I love Gale out of anger?

Peeta stands up so suddenly that the chair he was sitting in topples over with a bang. His facial muscles twitch as I can see him fighting an inner battle with himself. When he finally speaks, what he says is not at all what I expected.

"You can't," Peeta says flatly.

"I...what?" I reply.  _I can't what? Love Gale?  Think I love Gale?_

"We leave on the Victory Tour in a few weeks...or have you forgotten?" He snaps. Anger is finally surfacing. I've finally done it. I've finally made this kind, gentle boy angry.

The Tour. No, I hadn't forgotten. I've just pushed it as far back in my mind as I could and refused to think about it. Once again, I say the first thing that comes to my mind.

"I'm not going."

Peeta laughs bitterly. "Oh, of course," he says sarcastically, "And I'm sure that President Snow won't have any problem with that at all. I'll just explain to him that, well, you 'think' that you're in love with your 'cousin' all this time and that the whole 'Star Crossed Lovers' thing was a fake. I'm sure he'll understand."

Fake? Maybe at first. Maybe before I got to know Peeta better. But it hasn't been fake for months. I struggle to find words...to tell Peeta that this inner conflict is tearing me apart. But he just takes my silence for stubbornness.

"You know what would happen if you don't show up on Tour Day? Do you? Let me spell it out for you. Peacekeepers would arrest everyone you know. Your mother, Prim, Haymitch, Gale and his whole family, and probably Madge, Delly, Leevy, and their families too. And let's not forget about my family...I'm sure they would get rounded up along with everyone else!"

Peeta's voice rises as he speaks. I've never heard him sound like this before. He sounds more like Haymitch. I have to stop saying the first stupid thing that pops into my head.

"Peeta...no, you're right," I stammer, "I know I have to go. I just don't want to."

He turns away from me. "No, of course not. Over two weeks cooped up on a train with me while...GALE," I can hear his name catch in Peeta's throat, "Is back here waiting for you to return!" He suddenly slams his fist against the table and I hear a hitch in his breath. His shoulders slump forward and I see him shakily raise a hand to his eyes.

I stand there miserably as I hear sobs finally escape Peeta's body. His shoulders shake with emotion. As I silently watch him I realize that all the times that I tried, in my mind, to hate him...I realize that the person I was trying to hate was really me.

I think I succeeded. I'm now sure that I hate myself.

Peeta's knees buckle and he slowly collapses to the floor. I want so badly to comfort him...this boy that I can't admit to myself that I love. This boy whose love I don't and will never deserve. I move forward slowly and ever so gently put a hand on his shoulder. I feel his body tense at my touch. He takes a few deep shuddering breaths as I drop to my knees next to him.

He awkwardly wipes his eyes and nose. "Does he know?" Peeta asks quietly.

"No," I whisper, "You're the only one I've said anything to."

"Has he ever told you how...he feels about you?" Peeta asks.

"No," I reply. Peeta laughs humorlessly. "He loves you, you know," he says.

"I know," I simply say.

"Are you going to tell him?" Peeta asks.

"No," I say firmly. Peeta finally turns his face to me, surprise in his eyes.

"Why not?" He asks.

"Because," I start to say, feeling my own emotional walls collapsing, "Because I don't deserve his love. I don't deserve your love. I don't deserve anything other than misery. All I'm good at is hurting people. People that I...that mean so much to me. I'm not a good person, Peeta. Not like you." I can't talk anymore as the sobs tear through my body.

Peeta says nothing as I cry. I halfway expect him to hold me in his arms and comfort me as he's done so many times in the past, but all he does is sit there while I cry.

I don't deserve comfort. I don't deserve love. And I certainly don't deserve Peeta.

"It's my fault," Peeta says quietly, "I should never have said anything about how I felt about you. I had no right to drop that on you. And I had no right to expect you to feel the same way about me."

But I do, Peeta! I want to scream. But the words stick in my throat.

"I'm the one that should be sorry, Katniss, not you," he continues, "I had a feeling that you may have loved him even before you ever said..." his voice trails off.

"Peeta, I -" I can't do it. I can't tell him that I don't love Gale, because I think I do...and I don't. I can't tell him that I love him, either...not after dropping that bomb on him about Gale.  _This isn't how it's supposed to work_ , I say to myself.

"I'm sorry I got so angry," Peeta says, "I...I should be going." He stands up stiffly, favoring his artificial leg. He grimaces a bit and I realize that it must be hurting him.

I remain on the floor. I don't have the strength right now to do anything else.

Peeta limps to the door. He opens it slowly, then turns one last time before he goes.

"About the tour...don't worry about it. We'll get through it. Just like the Games. We'll...pretend...if that's what we have to do. It's only for a couple of weeks. Then we go home and...maybe we can think of something...something that we can do that the Capitol will accept...you know, to explain why we...aren't together." Peeta struggles with his words. What he is saying starts to sink in. Some kind of plan...for us to break up...that President Snow would accept. I feel my heart sinking again.

"Goodbye, Katniss," Peeta says quietly. He steps through the opening and closes the door firmly behind him.

I stare at the door for a long time before I can finally form the words with my lips.

"I love you, Peeta," I hear myself say as my emotional resolve crumbles yet again and my tears flow.

**PART III**

Sometime later I stumble home. I barely remembered to stop in at the Hawthornes to drop of the contents of my game bag. I hardly spoke two words to Hazelle while I was there, making some lame excuse about not feeling well. I was just thankful that Gale wasn't home when I got there.

When I get to the Village I see a set of tracks in the snow leading to Peeta's house. At least I know he made it home. My hunters eye can pick out his tracks in snow or mud easily due to his artificial leg. I hesitate, wanting to badly to see him, and knowing that I would be rejected...and rightly so...if I showed up on his doorstep.

Wearily I trudge up my walk and open the door to my house. My prison. My mother calls a greeting from the kitchen that I barely return. She mentions something about when dinner was going to be ready and again I just barely respond. Food is the last thing on my mind right now. I'm going upstairs to lie down for a while. I just need to -

"Katniss?" Prim's voice cuts through my thoughts. I turn and see Prim standing in the doorway to the study, where she was most likely doing homework. I smile a bit at her. She never fails to find a warm spot inside me. She -

I suddenly realize that I never met her after school. There's been other times when she's walked home alone but I almost always let her know in advance if I can't make it.

"Oh, Prim, I'm so sorry!" I say quietly. "Things...happened today," I finish lamely.

Prim walks over to me and hugs me tightly. "I was worried," she says softly, "But I ran into Peeta outside earlier. He said you were okay. But I know better. He was upset...and you are too. What happened, Katniss?"

I envelope my sister in my arms. Prim is the one constant in my life. The one person that I can talk to.

"Have you tended to Lady today?" I ask her. Lady is her goat. She shakes her head. I take her hand and lead her towards the back door. She grasps what I'm doing instantly.

"Mom, we're going out back to tend to Lady," Prim says as we slip through the door. Mom answers us and tells us not to be long.

Once outside we walk quickly to Lady's pen. There's even a small shelter for her to retreat to in bad weather. Lady greets us with a series of loud "Maaaaa...Maaaaa" sounds.

Prim brushes snow off the small stool in her pen and sits down. She grabs the milk bucket and soon she's milking her goat. I stand and watch her, my arms folded across my chest.

"Talk to me," Prim says bluntly.

"Why did you tell Peeta about our old house?" I ask.

Prim hesitates. "I'm sorry...that was wrong. But you've been avoiding him, and he needed to talk to you."

"He could've just come over one evening," I say. Prim just shakes her head.

"Katniss, you know how he is. He's not just gonna pop in on you. Not unless you invite him first. Why does it seem that I know him better than you do?" Prim continues to milk her goat, who's contentedly standing and chewing on a pile of hay that Prim brought out for him.

I sigh. "I know. I know what he's like. But Prim, that house is the ONLY place I can go in this entire district where I feel like I can be myself! I felt like he invaded it!" I can feel myself getting upset again and fight for control.

Prim finishes milking Lady and stands up. Carefully she picks up the bucket and walks out of the pen. Using a funnel she pours the milk from the bucket into a small metal milk can. She quickly rinses the bucket out and makes sure that Lady has fresh water. While she works we continue talking.

"Katniss, I only told him cause you both needed to talk," she says, "But I think that was a horrible mistake on my part. I can tell that you're both really upset. Did you fight?"

"Something like that," I say miserably.

Prim caps the can off and looks at me expectantly. Quietly I say, "I hurt him."

Prim gives a wry little laugh. "You know how much I love you...but you have a habit of doing that to him," she says, not unkindly.

"This...was different," I stammer, "He surprised me. I was angry and said...things...to him. Then HE got angry," I see Prim's face register surprise. Peeta rarely shows anger. "He said some things to me. I started crying and that's...that's when..." At that point I felt my emotions once again take over as the tears spilled from my eyes. Prim once again was hugging me, telling me it's okay, when I know that it'll never be okay again.

"You've said some pretty...bad...things to him before," Prim said reassuringly, "And each time you've managed to work through things."

I shake my head. "Oh no," I say bitterly. "I've really screwed up this time."

Prim looks at me questioningly. "What could be so bad that -" she begins.

"I told him that I think that I love Gale," I blurt out. Prims face becomes a mask of shock. "You didn't..." is all she is able to say.

"I did," I admit miserably. Prim takes a deep breath and lets out a long sigh.

"I figured this was coming," she says, "You don't...look at Gale...the same way you used to."

"You knew?" I ask in shock. Prim nods her head.

"Only because I'm your sister," she says gently. "And I've seen other things in you also."

"The only thing is...I'm not completely sure," I say haltingly. Prim nod again.

"I know that, too," she admits. "Katniss, I'm the only one that can see what's happening to you...ever since you and Peeta got back. No one else is close enough to you...not even Mom. And like I said, I can see other things too."

"So you know," I say in a dull voice. She nods.

"You love Peeta, too," she says confidently, "Do either one of them know?"

"Peeta knows how I feel...think I feel...about Gale. But...I tried to tell him about how I felt about him...and I couldn't get the words to come out."

"What about Gale?" Prim asks. I shake my head. "I've never said anything to him about...any of this."

"You have to talk to Peeta," Prim says, "The Tour is just a few weeks away. You two need to work things out before then...before all of Panem knows what's going on."

"I can't," I say softly, "I can't face him. Not now. Every time we're together I hurt him. He's probably gonna end up hating me instead of loving me."

"Katniss...you know I'm right. You need to talk to him. Tonight." Before I can frame a reply we hear Moms voice calling us in to get ready for dinner. I shake my head firmly.

"No! I can't!" I say firmly.

"Then I will," Prim says just as firmly. My reply to her is cut off as she opens the back door. I give her a look and a firm head shake. In reply, Prim just smiles. At times like this I realize why some people really aren't that fond of their younger siblings.

**PART IV - PEETA'S POV**

I sit in my living room and numbly stare at the fire in my fireplace. Buttercup paid me a visit earlier and is now curled contentedly on my lap. I haven't eaten anything since this morning.

I am totally drained. My relationship with Katniss over the last few months has been one of extremes. Extreme highs during the time when I thought she loved me, extreme lows when it was apparent that she didn't.  But today...today was a whole new low for me. In spite of everyone's assurances that Katniss really did love me, I know now that she doesn't, she never has, and she never will. I could live with the knowledge that she didn't love me...but can I live with the knowledge that she may love someone else?

How we are gonna get through the Victory Tour is a mystery. Our relationship has deteriorated to the point that whenever we are around each other within five minutes we are apologizing to one another and tears on both sides flow freely. But somehow we will be expected to put on our "Star Crossed Lovers from District Twelve" faces in front of all twelve districts and the Capitol, not to mention President Snow...and do it convincingly.

Gale Hawthorne. Even after Katniss admitted that she thinks she loves him, even though Gale and I have never really gotten along, I can't find any hate for him. Only...envy. How I would love to trade places with him! I would gladly toil in the mines twelve hours a day, six days a week, knowing that Katniss was waiting for me at home.

Tomorrow I face a task that I'm not looking forward to. Tomorrow I need to talk to Haymitch, and we need to figure out how to deal with this. I just hope he doesn't do something extreme, and is able to help me reason through this. As hard as he worked building Katniss and I up as a couple, now I need him to work just as hard to figure out a way for me to break up with her.

A knock on my door interrupts my thoughts. "Go away!" I shout, not even bothering to get up from the couch. I want to see no one, especially not...her.

The knock comes again, more insistently. "I said, GO AWAY!" I shout angrily. Instead I hear the door open, then close, then the sound of light footsteps walking towards me.

"Katniss, I don't want to see you right now," I growl. Damn it, why is she doing this to me?

"It's Prim," the girlish voice behind me declares. I turn around. Prim is standing behind me, looking at me solemnly. I turn back towards the fire and sigh as I motion her in.

She walks into the room and sits opposite me. Without preamble, she says, "I know."

I squeeze my eyes shut in an effort to hold my tears back. I just nod, not trusting myself to speak.

"She's wrong, you know," Prim says gently.

"No...she's not," I say in a hushed voice, "She has to follow her heart." In truth, I'm not sure if I can keep fighting for her.

"Peeta...her 'heart' is the last thing she's following!" Prim says. "I know my sister. And right now, I'm not very happy with her."

"That makes two of us," I say bitterly.

"And you have every right to feel that way," Prim says, "And she had NO right to say...the things she said to you! She's not like you, Peeta...you think before you speak. Katniss just stumbles through life, reacting instead of acting, and spouting the first thing that comes to mind. I'm her sister...I see this all the time!"

I manage a small smile. "Prim...I just don't know how much more I can take. In a way...it's easier knowing...knowing that..."

"Stop it! You don't know anything, because SHE certainly doesn't know anything! She's a scared, confused mess. Before the Reapings I used to think that nothing could scare my sister. But Peeta, she's been scared every single day since then! Scared, confused, depressed...she thinks one thing and says another."

"In that case, I'm not helping matters any," I say, "So tomorrow, I'm gonna see Haymitch and together we'll work something out so after the Tour is over we can undo -"

"YOU. ARE. NOT!" Prim enunciates each word loudly and precisely. "THAT would be the absolute worst thing you can do! Get Haymitch involved? Great! He's your MENTOR! His job is to protect both of you, no matter what the cost. What do you think he'll do if he finds out...about this?"

I feel a small chill at her words. How a twelve year old can make so much sense is beyond me. I guess she, like Katniss, was forced to grow up much too fast. And her words sink home. Haymitch wouldn't help me break off my "relationship" with Katniss...he would eliminate the competition. Not by killing or hurting Gale...but the same way the Capitol controls people. Through threats against his family. And Katniss would find out, and then she would have a good reason to hate me.

"I never thought about that. All I thought of was trying to make Katniss happy."

"Please don't do it," Prim says. "Please?"

"I won't, I promise." I sigh heavily. "I just...don't know what to do..."

Prim stands up, walks over to me, bends over, and kisses me on the cheek.

"Katniss is Katniss, Peeta. She was sorry that she...said what she said...the second she said it. She knows I'm here and didn't put up much of a fight about it. She knows that I can actually say what she feels. Now concentrate on getting through that Tour. But you and Katniss are going to have to talk before then. If the Tour started tomorrow it would be a disaster. You both have some work to do...WITHOUT Haymitch."

I don't trust myself to speak. I nod once.

Prim gathers up her cat, walks to the door, and before she leaves, says, "Goodnight, big brother." She shuts the door behind her.

I'm left alone once again with my fire. Fatigue is wearing heavily on me. I feel fifty years older than I actually am.

A million thoughts race through my brain, but they all lead back to one thing. Today, Katniss told me she thinks that she loves Gale. No matter what happens in the future, those words can never be taken back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know that this sort of thing really seems out of character for Katniss, just as Peeta's brief intimate encounter with Madge seemed out of character for him. I hope my venturing into Katniss's POV was able to shed some light on just how confused she's become, especially when it comes to her internal conflict with her feelings for both Gale and Peeta. I'm really not trying to create an Alternate Universe here, just trying to figure out why both of them are so icily formal with each other the day the Victory Tour starts.


	24. COMMON GROUND

**CHAPTER 24 - COMMON GROUND**

**A RAINY APRIL EVENING, ABOUT FIVE YEARS BEFORE THE 74TH ANNUAL HUNGER GAMES**

_Today has not been a good day. It's been raining all day, not uncommon for District Twelve for early spring, but that's not been fueling my funk. I'm worried about Katniss._

_Ever since her father died during that horrible mine accident in January, she's been a different person. Never with too many friends to begin with, she's now turned her back on everyone. She once had an easy smile and could be heard singing almost every day. Since that awful day, though, I've not seen her smile once and her singing voice has been silenced._

_I truly felt awful for her, and for the Hawthorne kids too...even though the oldest, Gale, had never been very nice to either of my brothers or to me. I'm closer to my father than I am to anyone else in the world, and to lose him suddenly, like what happened to the Everdeen and Hawthorne families...well, it's just unimaginable. I was happy to see that my mother relented and allowed my father to prepare food baskets for both families, as was the custom in our district when someone died. But that was over three months ago._

_I remember seeing Katniss at a special ceremony they had in the Square a week or so after the accident. They even put up the special stage that they use for Reapings every year. Unlike Reapings, though, attendance at this ceremony wasn't mandatory...although I don't think anyone in District Twelve missed it. The Square was jam packed. The only ones that weren't there were Mrs. Everdeen, who had been taken ill at the news of her husbands death, and Mrs. Hawthorne, who was in labor with her fourth child that day._

_Katniss and Gale Hawthorne, as the oldest children of the two dead miners, represented their families at this ceremony. Mayor Undersee read a proclamation honoring the two men. In the proclamation he stated that both men disregarded their own safety to assist other miners in escaping, until they, too, were crushed as the mine finally caved in on them. Katniss and Gale were both given a special medal from the Capitol, honoring their fathers bravery, and were also given the equivalent of one months wages that their fathers would have made._

_One months pay. After that, they were expected to find a way to support themselves._

_Mrs. Hawthorne was already lining up clients, mostly Merchants, to do their laundry for them. She was a little older than my parents and Poppa always described her as a strong, resourceful woman. Mrs. Everdeen was another story. Whispers of her contracting what people called "The Sadness" were already circulating. People who had gone over to the Everdeen house spoke of Mrs. Everdeen as just sitting in a rocking chair all day long, staring at nothing, responding to nothing. I knew that her family owned the apothecary in town, but Poppa said that when she married a miner from the Seam her family had "disowned" her and she had not spoken to any of them in years. It wasn't likely that she could expect any help from them_

_Katniss, like me, wasn't quite twelve years old, and her sister was only seven or eight. How could they take care of themselves if their mother couldn't work. I had overheard Poppa talking to mother one night and he mentioned something about the Community Home. I knew kids from the Home. Most, if not all, were orphans or from families that couldn't take care of them. While not purposely mistreated, they got no love from anyone while in the Home. Community Home kids almost always grew up to be sullen, angry adults._

_I resolved that nothing like that would happen to Katniss Everdeen or her sister. I would figure something out to help them. After all, I had been in love with Katniss for the past six years, since that first day of school when Poppa pointed her out and later in music assembly, where she stood up on a stool in music assembly and sang the valley song in a voice too beautiful to belong to an ordinary five year old girl._

_Katniss was able to hide the fact that her mother wasn't taking care of either her or her sister for the first month or so. They went to school in clean clothes, their hair brushed and braided, and they had food. The last few weeks, though, I saw a change. Katniss was becoming thinner by the day. I can clearly see her cheekbones in her face, bald spots on her head that she carefully tried to hide with her remaining hair, and her body becoming thinner by the day._

_Katniss was slowly starving to death._

_I knew that her father had been taking her outside the fence, teaching her about hunting, trapping, and fishing...but I guess he hadn't showed her enough. More than once I begged Poppa to let me help her...but Poppa, like my brothers and I, was afraid of my mother. And mother didn't like the Everdeens._

_It would be up to me to act on my own, then. I just needed to figure out how._

_I'm still trying to figure out how to help her when I hear a commotion at our back door. Mother is yelling at someone._

_"Get out of here, you filthy Seam brat! And take these useless rags with you!" I see mother throwing a bundle of cloth at someone standing outside in the rain. I feel bad for whoever it is. Mother is the meanest person I know. Mother slams the door and turns around._

_"Get back to work, you lazy boy!" She shouts as she swings her hand at me. She didn't connect. One thing I had learned was to be quick. I scampered back into the bakery and checked the ovens where we had several loaves of bread baking. The rain was coming down harder._

_I hear another commotion shortly afterwards. Mother, again screaming at someone, this time to quit pawing through our garbage cans. I heard the words "Dirty Seam Trash" and "Peacekeepers" as mother once again slammed the door. I glance out of the window as I worked and I could see a small figure slinking tiredly across the street, shoulders slumped forward, head down, soaked with rain, clutching a small bundle of cloth. I could tell it was a girl. I watched the girl get as far as the apple tree across from the bakery, then slump, defeated, against the trunk. When she sank to the ground under the tree I could see her face clearly for the first time._

_Katniss._

_I felt my breath catch in my throat. Katniss, trying to sell something to my mother for food money...or maybe just to trade for food...for bread perhaps...she was starving! And somehow I knew, I JUST KNEW, that unless something was done, she would die, that night, under that tree._

_I felt tears springing to my eyes at the thought. No! I'm not letting that happen. A desperate plan formed in my mind as I stepped to the ovens, opened them, and deliberately dislodged two loaves so the ends fell directly into the fire. The bread, almost done by then, began to burn and smoke almost instantly. Mother smelled the burning bread and was in the kitchen in an instant._

_She jerked the oven door open, put oven mitts on, and reached in to pull the two scorched loaves out. She threw them on the floor as I stammered out a pretend apology. Without even removing the mitts mother backhanded me across my mouth, then cuffed me on the side of the head as I fell to the floor._

_"Stupid, STUPID BOY!" She screamed. "Two...TWO loaves ruined! You!" She pointed at me. "Feed those to the pigs. We sure can't sell them now! Then get back in here!"_

_I bent over and picked up the two hot loaves in my hands. The bread burned my skin but I ignored the pain. I was careful not to let mother see my smile as I carried the bread to the door._

_The hard rain pummeled my face as I carried the bread outside. I glanced over at the tree to see Katniss still sitting there. I pretend to tear a piece of bread off to throw to the pigs as I watched her. Look this way, I say to her silently. Look this way, look this way..._

_Yes! I see her head slowly turn in my direction and her gray eyes gleam dully in the twilight. A quick glance to confirm she's watching, another glance over my shoulder to make sure mother wasn't watching, and quickly I flip both loaves towards Katniss. I see them bounce against the wet street once then come to a rest. Without waiting to see if Katniss saw the bread, I turn quickly and go back inside. As soon as I step inside the bakery mother cuffs m against the side of my head again, knocking me to the floor. As I raise up on my hands and knees I see her standing over me with a bread pin in her hand. I don't even have time to raise my hands up to protect myself before the pin crashes down against my shoulders. Again and again the pin rises and falls. I taste blood in my mouth and I know that tomorrow will be another long sleeve day._

_After what seems like forever, mother finally gets tired of beating me. I pick myself up painfully from the bakery floor and glance out the window once before going back to work. Katniss and the bread are both gone._

_The rest of that evening, mother must have wondered why I had a smile on my bruised and battered face._

**PART I**

My resolve to not discuss my most recent conversation between Katniss and I with Haymitch lasts exactly one day. I know what kind of reaction that he'll have...but I also know that, as our Mentor, he needs to know exactly what was going on between us.

Besides, I say to myself, he got us into this mess...he can figure out a way to get us out. I've decided, however, not to mention anything about my plan to stage a break-up between Katniss and I. One crisis at a time.

I'm going to tell him everything, with three conditions: he is not to say anything to Katniss, he is not to say anything to or take any action against Gale, and he is not to say anything to either Una or Prim. What I tell him has to stay strictly between us.

So, after a sleepless night, I make my way to his house the next morning. As usual, he's passed out, sprawled over his kitchen table. After carefully waking him up (one ruined shirt is enough for me to learn to stand back) and making sure that he was lucid enough to understand me, I carefully and emotionlessly told him everything that transpired the day before...after first attempting to secure his solemn promise to my three conditions.

His reaction was predictable: He was going to immediately file a Capitol complaint against Gale for poaching - "Hey, I'm not hurting him...and it's my civic duty as a citizen of Panem!" is his rationale, and this way he would be locked up and out of the way, and he was going to personally "knock some sense into that stupid girl."

Being as I expected this type of reaction from him, I wasn't too irritated by his response. As calmly as possible I pointed out that if he attempted to turn in Gale for poaching that would be depriving the Peacekeepers of their most reliable source of fresh meat, as butcher meat was prohibitively expensive...so the chances of their acting on the complaint were almost non-existent, and that any attempts by him to do anything to Katniss would be met by an equally violent response from both Katniss and I.

Yes, even then I felt protective of her.

Reluctantly, Haymitch finally agrees to my conditions, but he puts his own condition on me as well: to remain completely sober. Shuddering as I remember my one disgusting foray into the world of liquor abuse, I found it very easy to agree to this.

"Boy, you've made me promise not to say anything to anyone...just how the hell do you expect me to help you?" He asks grumpily.

I take a deep breath as I realize that there's only one solution. "I'm gonna have to talk to her," I say.

Haymitch laughs humorlessly. "Seems to me, kid, that every time you two try to 'talk' about anything other than the weather that it always ends up with one or both of you crying."

"I know," I say glumly, "But we have to do something. The Tour is coming up and we can't do so much as one appearance they way we are now."

At this point I know that, come Tour time, it's not just Katniss who'll be acting. It'll be me as well. In all honesty, I'm dreading the thought of being cooped up in the Tour Train for over two weeks with Katniss Everdeen just as much as she is. For the first time in eleven years I don't want to be around her, talk to her, or have anything to do with her, for that matter.

And the worst part is that I still love her as much as I ever have.

Haymitch and I discuss the situation for a while longer...but it's apparent that he won't be able to offer any solutions to my...our...problem. Finally, he leaves, but not before accusing Katniss and I of shaving a few more years from his life.

The only thing that I know for sure is that I will have to talk to Katniss...sooner or later.

**PART II**

A couple of weeks pass since my confrontation with Katniss in her old house. The original pain from the sledgehammer blow of her confession of love (maybe) for Gale has subsided to a dull ache. It's like having a bad tooth. You only notice it when you drink something cold or eat on that side of your mouth. The rest of the time your brain is dimly aware of the pain but you just don't think of it that much.

Haymitch has been no help...but then, with all of my conditions, I didn't think he would be of much help to begin with. If anything, the added stress of learning about Katniss's confession have caused him to drink even more. I'm sure he has visions of a disastrous Victory Tour where neither Katniss or I are speaking to one another, and is imagining all sorts of dire consequences befalling us once the Capitol, and President Snow in particular, become aware of our "falling out."

Don't worry, Haymitch. Come Tour Day I, for one, will be the perfect actor. I will be attentive, loving, and will positively ooze romance for Katniss...no matter how much I'm hurting inside. Katniss is the wild card...will she be able to put on the same act that she did in the Games? Or will the events of the last few months prevent her from doing even that?

But before that happens I really need to get together with Katniss, and, this time, I'm the one that's been avoiding her. She's sent a few messages to me via Prim to get together...usually at her old Seam house but once she mentioned the Meadow and once she suggested the Hob...but I've begged off each time, coming up with some sort of excuse as to why I couldn't make it.

I know that Prim is tired of being our go-between. She still spends quite a bit of time at my house, mostly trying to reassure me that Katniss's feelings are very conflicted and confused. Even though talking about Katniss's feelings are the last thing on my mind, I use Prims visits to get information as to what Katniss has been doing, and specifically, if she's seeing Gale.

Although I do feel guilty about constantly digging information on Katniss's comings and goings, it seems to me that she's more than willing to keep me updated...as long as I ask the right questions. Finally, my own guilt gets the best of me during one of her visits one evening.

We're standing outside, bundled up against the cold. One of these days the Capitol will figure out that our "sensitive" conversations are being held in a place that they can't listen in to, and will begin planting listening devices outside the homes in the Village, but for now, we're still safe.

"I'm sorry," I say simply.

Prim looks at me with a questioning look. "For what?" She asks.

"For -" I take a deep breath. "For...using you. To get information about what Katniss has been doing during the day. And...who she's seeing." I feel my face redden and it's not from the cold.

She laughs lightly. "Oh, Peeta, as if I didn't know," Prim says with a smile. "But, you know I'm loyal to my sister, and would NEVER volunteer any information out of the blue. But, if all I'm doing is answering your questions..." she finishes with a wink.

I laugh, relieved. "So...has she seen?" I ask, leaving the "who" unsaid.

Prim shakes her head. "Just on Sundays...and lately for just a few hours in the morning. She hasn't gone over...there...for dinner or...anything else...since...that day."

"Do you think she knows? About what we talk about?" I ask.

"Peeta, Katniss is confused about her feelings...but she's not stupid. I'm sure she's figured out that we're talking about her," Prim says.

"I just don't want to get you in any trouble with her. After all, you ARE her sister...and her best friend," I say.

Prim shakes her head. "It's hard to explain...but it's like she WANTS me to come over and tell you what's been going on with her. Like...she's got something to prove to you."

I felt a brief, small thrill at her words...a feeling that I suppressed immediately. I've been hurt too many times by trying to interpret Katniss's words and actions. It's going to take a lot more now to convince me that she really cares for me. Still...

"She's been as miserable as you have," Prim continues, "And it's driving both Mom and I crazy! Peeta...PLEASE talk to her, and soon!"

I nod. "I know. It's just been...hard," I say with a sigh.

"Well, you've already begged off on four or five meetings," Prim says accusingly.

"Five," I say absently.

"Well, here's number six," Prim says, "Tomorrow, noon, our old house. Please."

She's right. After a moment's hesitation, I nod. "Tell her...tell her...okay. Tomorrow at noon."

Prim smiles. "I'll let her know," she says, the leaves without another word.

**PART III**

The next day, at noon sharp, I'm standing in front of the door at Katniss's Seam house. I raise my hand to knock...then hesitate. No! This has to be done. I take a deep breath, then knock firmly, three times.

"Come in," says a quiet voice from inside. I feel my heart skip a beat. Katniss. The first time in weeks I've heard her voice. Trembling slightly, I push the door latch down and push the door open.

I squint in the dim light inside the small, shabby house. I see Katniss standing at the table by the chair that I had been sitting in the last time I was here. I feel my heart catch in my throat at the sight of her.

"Hi," she says softly.

"Uhh...hi," I reply cautiously.

"The door," she says.

"What?"

"The door," she repeats, then, "Close the door. It's cold out."

"Oh!" I feel my face redden, then turn quickly and shut the door. "Sorry -" I begin but Katniss cuts me off sharply.

"Don't!" She barks. I flinch a little at her tone.

"Don't what?" I ask in confusion.

"Don't start off by apologizing for everything...or anything for that matter. It seems that every time we talk about...well, everything...it ends up with you apologizing, then I'm apologizing, then it just becomes a huge mess and we don't accomplish anything."

"Oh, okay...sorry," I say without thinking, then, realizing I said it again, follow it up with another awkward, "Sorry!"

"Peeta!" Katniss says forcefully. She's rolling her eyes and I can see she's trying not to smile. Which, of course, makes me want to smile as well.

"Okay," I say, suppressing a laugh. I then notice for the first time that she's made a fire in the stove.

"That's better," Katniss says calmly. She turns to the stove. "Please sit down. Would you like some tea?" She asks formally.

"Uhh...sure. Yes, please," I reply just as formally, as I take a seat at the table. HER seat, I remember, from last time.

Stop it! I say to myself. You'll never get anything done this way!

Katniss walks over to the table with two steaming cups. "No sugar, right?" She asks.

I feel a small thrill that she remembered how I like my tea. "Right," I say. She sits across from me. For a few seconds we sit in silence, sipping our tea carefully.

"I'm glad you came today," Katniss says softly.

"So am I," I reply. "I...I couldn't come...before."

She nods. "I know," she says, looking down at her tea, then, almost in a whisper, "I was so afraid you hated me."

"No," I say with a sigh. "Just the opposite. I couldn't come because I love you...and it hurt too much."

Still looking down at her cup, Katniss sighs and says, "I wish I was like you, Peeta. You never have a problem finding the right words."

"If you were like me, then you wouldn't be you," I reply with a wry smile.

That made Katniss laugh a little. How I've missed hearing her laugh! "No, I guess not," she says with a smile, "But you always sound so sure!"

"I am sure, Katniss," I say quietly. "I've been sure for eleven years."

I see her face redden. "I don't see how," she replies. "I haven't been exactly...nice."

"I just know," I say. "How about you. Are you...sure?" I ask cautiously, dreading her answer.

She hesitates for a second, then shakes her head, once. "I'm not sure...about anything...including...what I told you before."

"You really confuse me, Katniss," I say, trying, and not succeeding, to keep the frustration out of my voice.

"Tell me about it," she huffs with her own frustration.

I take a slow sip of tea. "I've been talking to Prim," I finally say. Katniss nods slowly.

"I know," she says, "And I know she's kept you...updated. But that's okay. I wanted you to know. She was able to tell you things that...I couldn't. So, I'm not mad at her or anything."

"I'm glad for that," I say. "I know how much you mean to her...and how much she means to you."

"She's everything to me," Katniss says in a whisper.

"She's become pretty important to me, too, in the last few months," I admit, "She's the little sister that I never had."

Katniss simply nods. "So she's told you that I'm not...seeing..."

"I know," I say quickly. I just don't want to hear her say HIS name.

"Peeta - please try to understand me for a moment. I...stopped...after you and I...talked last." I have to smile bitterly inside at her choice of words. We didn't exactly "talk." But I don't interrupt.

"I know that asking you to understand me must sound like some kind of cruel joke. I don't even understand me myself. But...I've been doing a lot of thinking the past couple of weeks." Katniss hesitates, takes a sip of tea and a deep breath, then continues.

"I know that the Tour is coming up. I know that everyone is expecting us to be presented as a couple...'The Star Crossed Lovers of District Twelve.'" I could hear more than a hint of bitterness in her voice when she says this, but I say nothing.

With just the hint of tears in her eyes, she says, "I'll do whatever it takes to present us just how everyone expects us. But, Peeta..." she hesitates again and raises her hand to her mouth, then quickly wipes her eyes.

"Go on," I say gently.

"My feelings are still really...confused. And I know that I've hurt you so badly so many times. And I feel awful for that. But, I have to do what's right for me."

She hesitates again. I just want to scream at her to just say what you need to say! But I stay silent, even though that horrible, empty feeling is back in the pit of my stomach.

"Peeta...right now, and for the foreseeable future...I don't want to be involved with anyone. Not you, not...Gale. Not anyone. I can't. I don't even know who I am. I know that's not what you want to hear...but that's the way it has to be."

I clench my jaw tightly and fight for control. I'm not going to show any emotion.

"Please don't worry about the Tour. I'll be convincing. Every district will think that we are madly in love with each other. We've done it before. And I'll let Haymitch know, too. But I need to focus on me for now," Katniss stand up. So do I. There's really nothing more to be said, anyway.

"I know I hurt you again just now. I can tell. And I feel really, really bad because of it. But please be strong, Peeta. Be strong for both of us." Katniss's lips are compressed in a tight line and I see a single tear tremble on each of her lashes, then slowly slip down her face.

"Thank you, Katniss," is all I can trust myself to say. She nods and starts to walk to the door, but as she passes me she turns suddenly and wraps her arms tightly around my neck. I only hesitate for a second before my own arms go around her. We stand there like that, tightly hugging each other, for long seconds.

"I have no right to ask you anything, Peeta...but please, please...don't ever hate me," she whispers.

I nod, twice. Quickly she disengages herself from me and walks over to the door. Without looking back at me, she quickly opens the door and then she's gone.

I allow the tight control over my own emotions slip a little as the twins to Katniss's tears slide down my own cheeks, then deliberately, I wipe them away.

I stand in her house for another minute or two. I can still smell her hair, and feel her body against me when she hugged me. I stare at the door that she disappeared through just moments before. Only one thought goes thru my mind as I walk to that same door to start the long walk back to Victors Village.

I love Katniss Everdeen more than ever.


	25. TOUR DAY

**CHAPTER 25 - TOUR DAY**

**PART I**

I awake to a cold, cloudy day here in District Twelve. The smell of snow is strong in the air. As usual, I'm in a foul mood...ever since my last contact with Katniss I've been less than pleasant to be around. Irritable, short tempered, with smiles becoming more and more rare. Today is the day that I have been dreading for weeks. Today is Tour Day.

Tour Day. The first day of the Victory Tour. The Capitol's reminder to the entire country of the stranglehold they hold on every citizen of Panem. The Capitol never lets anyone in Panem get too complacent, so, about six months after the end of the previous Games and about six months before the Reapings for the next Games, the Victor from the last Games is sent on a tour of each district and the Capitol. This obscene display serves as a harsh reminder that the Games are never very far away. Only this year, the Tour is different from any of the previous seventy-three Victory Tours. This year, there are two Victors rather than the usual one.

We both have our Mentor, Haymitch Abernathy, to thank for bringing us both home. After I confessed my love for Katniss Everdeen...a secret that I had kept from her for eleven years...Haymitch saw in it an opportunity to do something that had never before even been accomplished...the possibility of bringing two Victors home rather than just one.

Once my love for Katniss had been made public during the Tribute Interviews Haymitch worked tirelessly (and sober, I might add) to manipulate the Head Gamemaker, Seneca Crane, into altering the rules to allow for two Victors. Only when Katniss and I were the last two Tributes left alive, Crane suddenly reversed himself and decreed that the earlier rules revision has been revoked, and only one Victor would be allowed. Only Katniss's quick thinking with the nightlock berries and the threat of the last two Tributes standing in the 74th Hunger Games committing suicide together forced Crane to quickly declare us both winners.

Haymitch was later talking to me about that decision, and, as usual, he was very...vocal...regarding Crane's decision to revoke the rule change.

"Kid, I tell ya, if I was in the Control Room when that slimy sack of shit revoked that rule change, Capitol citizen or not, I woulda killed him with my bare hands right then and there! That son of a bitch got everything that was coming to him!"

I didn't grasp the significance of Haymitch's last remark until much, much later.

I sigh and roll out of bed. Slowly standing up, I stretch and limp slowly to the window and peer out. Cloudy, with snow flurries. There are tracks in the snow leading from the Everdeen house towards the entrance to the Village. Katniss is up early today, as usual. Out checking snare and trap lines one more time before we leave.

I make up my bed before heading downstairs to brew some tea. Three loaves of freshly baked bread sit on the kitchen counter, along with a box of cookies. Dad had come over the night before to say goodbye and had brought the baked goods over then. I smile and shake my head thinking about Dad bringing food over the night before the Tour. Typical Dad, I say to myself. I recognize both the bread and the cookies as some of my handiwork.

I'm spending more and more time in the bakery, much to the dismay of my mother. The only reason that she approves of with me working there a few days a week is that she doesn't have to pay me. Mother and I have barely spoken since my families disastrous visit during the Typhoid Epidemic. My brothers and I, though, are getting along better than we ever have. I guess all it took for them to finally appreciate me is for me to almost get killed in the Games.

At least my brothers seem happy. Quinn and Delly are still together, as are Alec and Beth. Poor Beth. She still carries a lot of guilt inside her and still blames herself for the Epidemic. For a while she had been very withdrawn and it had taken a lot to pull her out of her shell. Alec had been very patient with her...sometimes just sitting with her quietly holding her hand, not talking, just being there for her. Gradually, though, she started smiling and laughing again.

And then there's Madge Undersee. Madge, who I never realized until recently how desperately lonely she was. Madge, who came over one night to help and comfort me, and instead we ended up...comforting...each other. Madge, who is still going through life alone. With her mother ill, she has had to assume many of her duties that would normally be performed by the Mayors wife.

Like many of us, she's had to grow up too soon, too fast.

I hear the sound of trucks making their way slowly up the street. I glance out the window and see two trucks stopping in front of my house. I knew they were coming. Effie had called me the night before from the Justice Building to let me know that cargo handlers from District Six would be out this morning to pick up my paintings...my "Talent" for movement to the Tour Train. The entire entourage had arrived the night before...Effie, Portia and my prep team, and Cinna with Katniss's prep team. They spent the night on the train (much more comfortable for them than the VIP quarters in the Justice Building) and Effie had warned me, and, presumably Katniss and Haymitch as well, that they would arrive in the Village at around 10:30 or so to prep us for the cameras. Effie had also let me know that trucks would be out a couple of hours before then to pick up my paintings.

I let the workers in and showed them where my studio was. I had already pulled out samples of my art work for them to take. While they worked, loading up my paintings, I went into my room to get dressed. I don't bother showering or shaving as my prep team will take care of all that when they get here. Once I'm dressed I go downstairs and grab up the bread and cookies. One last delivery before the Tour starts.

I smile and nod at the workers as I head out the door and across the street to the Everdeens. The cargo handlers barely acknowledge me. District Six people have always struck me as being taciturn, but they barely even glance in my direction. I'm sure I know what they're thinking - yet another spoiled Victor.

_If they only knew_ , I say to myself.

I knock on the front door and let myself in. I call out for Una and Prim and they answer me from the kitchen. When I walk into the kitchen Una is brewing tea and Prim is putting dishes away.

"Don't tell me you were baking last night!" Says Una with a smile.

I set the bread and the box of cookies on the counter. "Courtesy of my father," I reply, returning her smile with one of my own.

"Would you like some tea, Peeta?" Una asks. I really don't, but say yes anyway. It'll give me an excuse to stay for a little bit. I sit at the table as Una pours three cups.

"You must be really excited!" Prim says enthusiastically. "You get to visit EVERY district, AND go to the Capitol again. And this time, you KNOW that you are coming home!"

I really wished I shared her enthusiasm. Even though Katniss and I had come to an understanding, I'm still dreading the prospect of us having to fake being a loving couple for the next two-plus weeks.  _At least only one of us will be faking_ , I say to myself.

"I'm sure it'll be...interesting," I reply, trying to sound enthusiastic.

At this, Prim rolls her eyes. "You sound just like Katniss! For the past couple of weeks, every time I mention the Tour she gets all grumpy, and -"

"Primrose!" Una says sharply, and gives her a stern look.

_Oh, great_ , I think.  _Both of us having to fake enthusiasm for this trip. How are we ever gonna look and sound convincing?_

"It's okay, Una," I say, "I can't say that I'm all that eager to tour the districts, myself."

"Well, at any rate...the bread and cookies are appreciated. Please tell your father thank you the next time you talk to him."

"I will," I say, "Well, I guess I need to stop in and see Haymitch too...make sure he's awake."

Prim and Una both come to me to give me a hug before I leave. Prim hugs me first, and as she does, she whispers, "I'm sorry...of all people I should know better."

"It's okay, Prim," I reply. She quickly kisses me on the cheek and is replaced by her mother.

Una whispers as she hugs me, "Just give her time, Peeta."

I give her a small smile. "I have been...for the last six months," I reply sadly.

She gives me a quick kiss on the cheek. "Have a safe trip, Peeta. Are you all packed?"

"Nothing to pack," I reply, "I don't even need to bring so much as a toothbrush."

"True," Una says, "Just like Katniss. Well, try to have a good trip."

I pause at the door, look back at them, and nod once before leaving. I let out a long sigh as the door closes behind me. I slowly walk over to Haymitch's house. Snow has begun to fall again.

As I reach his door I see a car pull up to the Everdeen house. Alarmed, I check my watch. No, still too early for the prep teams to get here. Idly, I wonder who it could be.

As I push the door open, I catch part of a conversation coming from the kitchen. I instantly recognize one of the voices. Katniss. In spite of myself I feel my heart skip a beat. It's been weeks since I've heard her voice. Weeks since we've talked. I take a deep breath and almost instantly regret it as the noxious smells from Haymitch's filthy house are sucked into my lungs.

"- should have asked Peeta," I hear Katniss say as I walk into the kitchen. Katniss is, for some reason, sitting on the window sill, the open window behind her. Haymitch is sitting in his usual spot at the table, knife clenched in one hand, dripping wet. It doesn't take me long to figure out what happened. Katniss had come in, found Haymitch dead to the world as usual, tried to wake him, then poured water on him as a last resort. Suddenly her sitting in the window makes sense. Haymitch usually comes up swinging that knife of his wildly when he is suddenly awakened.

"Asked me what?" I ask, fighting to keep my voice steady, almost hating the fact that she still has that effect on me. I walk over to the table, set down the loaf of bread, and extend my hand to Haymitch.

"Asked you to wake me without giving me pneumonia," Haymitch grumbles as he hands the knife to me. Haymitch pulls his soiled shirt off and starts drying his head and face with it.

In spite of myself, I smile, and pick up the nearest open liquor bottle off the floor. I pour the remainder of Ripper's white liquor onto the knife blade to clean it, look around for a towel or something reasonably clean to wipe it off with, then give up and wipe it off with my shirttail. I then slice off the heel and hand it to Haymitch. At least between Katniss, Una and I we were able to keep Haymitch fed.

I finally look over at Katniss. Completely recovered, at least physically, from the Games, and recovered from the bout of Typhoid that she and Haymitch had both suffered some months ago, to me she looks even more beautiful than ever.  _Don't lose it, Mellark,_  I say to myself.  _Not here, not now._

"Would you like a piece?" I finally ask her politely, as if I'm speaking to a stranger rather than to the girl I love. It was the first time I had spoken to her in weeks.

"No, I ate at the Hob," Katniss replies, almost formally, "But thank you." I see her gray eyes regarding me coolly, without any emotion that I could see.

"You're welcome," I reply with stiff formality. What I really want to do is cross that short distance to the window and take her in my arms and never let her go. But I can't.

Just then I notice Haymitch watching us with something approaching amusement. He tosses his soaked shirt into a pile of trash up against the wall as he says, "Brrr. You two have a lot of warming up to do before showtime."

Tell HER that, not me, I wanted to shout. But I say nothing, just clench my jaw tightly. I glance briefly at Katniss. She seem to redden slightly and averts her eyes from mine.

"Take a bath, Haymitch," Katniss says as she swings her legs through the open window and drops to the ground below.

"I already have," I hear Haymitch say wryly as Katniss disappears from view. I feel my shoulders slump forward.

"I don't see how we can do this," I begin, before Haymitch cuts me off sharply.

"Don't start. Just don't. Bad enough she's been bending my ear about the exact same thing - I don't need to hear it from you, too!" He snaps.

I sigh heavily. "I know...sorry," I say, feeling my emotional resolve crumbling as I fight for control, "But it's just so damn hard!"

"I know, Peeta," Haymitch says in a suddenly gentle voice. I know when he actually uses my name that he's being serious. "Just remember what's at stake here. I've never had to worry about you before. Just remember, if you need help I'm always there."

"Thanks, Haymitch," I say gratefully, "By the way, the trucks were here earlier picking up my paintings."

"Good," he says, nodding. "Wonder how the Capitol is gonna take it when they see your horror show rendered with oils on canvas?"

"There's not a problem with them, is there?" I ask in alarm.

"No, kid, don't worry," he replies. "It's not like they haven't seen everything live as it happened, anyway."

I nod, relieved. "Okay...I just hope they like them. By the way, when are they picking up Katniss's 'Talent'? What IS her 'Talent', anyway?"

At this, Haymitch lets out a barking laugh. "Oh, that's a good one! Her 'Talent!' No worries, kid...her 'Talent's' already on the train. I'll let her explain it to you later...if she wants to, that is."

Confused, I just nod. "Guess I should get back home," I say, moving to the door. "Portia and my prep team will be here soon...followed shortly by Effie and the cameras." I open the front door and turn around.

Haymitch waves lazily from his chair. "See ya on the train, kid," he says. I nod once more and shut the door behind me. As I walk back across the street I see the same car still parked in front of the Everdeen house. The trucks carrying my portraits are already gone.

As I open the door to my house, I make a mental note to ask Katniss about the car later on.

**PART II**

I'm not home for very long when there's a knock on my door. It's Effie Trinket. Despite my lack of enthusiasm for the Victory Tour, I can't help but be glad to see Effie. District Twelve's Capitol bred Escort is as bubbly as always. When I was first Reaped for the Games I admit that I couldn't stand to be around her at first. The same thought kept running through my brain.  _Doesn't she realize that, by pulling my name, she's condemned me to death_? It took me a while to realize that under this manic, shallow exterior was a woman that genuinely had a good heart. She knocked herself out trying to help both Katniss and I during our Games and the emotion that she showed both of us at our Victory were as real as could be.

She greeted my in the usual Capitol style by air kissing both my cheeks and gave me a quick run down of today's schedule.

"First things first! Portia and your prep team will be here shortly to get you ready. Cinna and his preps will be busy working on Katniss during that time as well. I certainly hope she hasn't let herself go too badly these last few months...and you did say that she and Haymitch are fully recovered from that awful epidemic, Peeta?" Effie was, as usual, talking a mile a minute.

"She and Haymitch are both just fine, Effie," I say with a smile.

"Oh good...well, I'm going to see Katniss next, then Haymitch, so I can see for myself if they need any additional 'help' with their appearance. Oh, and the trucks were here already to pick up your 'Talent?'"

"Yes, Effie...they were here earlier," I reply.

"Oh, good! Once the train leaves today for District Eleven, we will do a short taped interview in the Portrait Car on the train where you can discuss your 'Talent' for broadcast later on today, but before the District Eleven stop. Well, I'm off to see Katniss! I'll see YOU at noon sharp when you and Katniss meet up for the cameras!" And with that, the whirlwind that is Effie Trinket is gone, across the street to the Everdeen house.

A short while later Portia and my prep team arrive. Another round of greetings and air kisses, and, while the prep team gets set up to start work on me, Portia quickly briefs me on what styles she has selected for me to wear at each stop and at the Capitol. By her own admission, I am a lot easier to prep and present than Katniss is. Like Effie, I am truly fond of Portia.

Later, while my prep team fusses over me, I idly listen to their chatter as they work. They spend a lot of time examining my Robo-leg in detail, clucking about the workmanship and engineering that went into its construction. I heard the name Beetee Latier mentioned more than once and finally asked who they were talking about. They patiently explained that Beetee was an electronics genius from District Three that designed many of the components that went into the construction of my leg. I was surprised to learn that he was a past Victor as well. Well, it wasn't hard to tell what his 'Talent' was!

It wasn't long before they were finished with me. For the most part, all they really did was bathe me, give my hair a little trim, and do some work on my fingernails. They also reapplied the same ointment on my face and neck that inhibits beard growth that they used during my prep for the Games. Not that I had much of a beard growth to begin with, but this will guarantee that no hair at all will grow on my face for at least the next six weeks. Finally, Portia comes in to finish dressing me and put on the final touches.

"Excited, Peeta?" Portia asks with a smile as she begins to fuss with my clothes.

"Sure," I say noncommittally. Portia looks at me sharply at my tone and raises her eyebrows. I just shrug my shoulders in response.

"You get to visit each one of the Districts! That's a real treat! Which one are you looking forward to the most?" Portia asks.

I can tell you which one I'm NOT looking forward to...and that's District Eight. Where Holland, the girl that I went back to finish off, the girl whose throat I cut, used to live. The others will all be difficult, but how am I expected to stand there on that stage and look her parents in the eye and talk about her bravery and integrity and her sacrifice, when it was me that killed her?

But, I smile and say, "Probably District Four. I'm looking forward to seeing the ocean."

"Oh, so am I!" Portia gushes. "I've never really been anywhere before...I'm so looking forward to seeing how each district lives!" She gives me a knowing look as she tells me this, and I realize with a shock that Portia, a Capitol Citizen, is no more free to travel around Panem than I am. She's just as much a prisoner of this system as me!

"And how are you and Katniss getting along?" She finally asks the question that I've been dreading. "You know, you two are STILL the talk of the Capitol. Everywhere you turn you two are on magazine covers, there are Katniss and Peeta dolls being sold for children, and there's even a TV show about you!"

"Uhh...we're doing fine," I say as I shake my head at her. She raises her eyebrows in an obvious question that's easy to read: "What's wrong?" I say nothing but I'm sure the look on my face spoke volumes.

"Okay, let's check the fit of this jacket," Portia says as she steps behind me and holds the jacket up for me to slip my arms into. As I do, she leans forward and whispers, "What happened?"

I turn around as she continues to fuss with the jacket. It fits perfectly, of course, but it's an excuse for us to talk without my friends the bugs from overhearing my conversation.

I lean forward and whisper, "We're...not together." Even now the words are painful. "I'll explain later."

She pulls me close. "I'm so sorry, Peeta," she whispers, "I'm still rooting for you."

Portia finishes dressing me and steps back. "Well, I must say that you do clean up very nicely!" Her smile is sincere as she compliments me, and I can't help but smile in return.

Just then, there's a voice from downstairs. "Three minutes!"

Portia looks at me as I take a deep breath. "Showtime, Peeta!" She says brightly.

I nod. "Ready as I'll ever be," I reply, and walk down the stairs.

**PART III**

My preps are downstairs as Portia and I descend the staircase, along with a stranger...a young woman that isn't introduced to me but Portia identifies as a member of the camera crew production staff. She was the one that had given us the three minute warning.

Portia examines me one last time. "Two minutes," the staffer reports. The prep team is complimenting me on the bread and pastry tray that I had made up for them last night, and had remembered to put out at the last minute. I examine myself in the mirror by the front door. Dressed for winter, new coat with fur lined collar, high topped boots, and a pair of extremely comfortable gloves. The stranger staring back at me has my face, but I don't recognize the eyes at all. The face is that of sixteen year old Peeta Mellark. The eyes are those of a much older man...one who has seen and done far too much for a sixteen year old.

"One minute!" The countdown continues. I see the staffer talking urgently into a headset, but I can't make out the words. From the windows placed on either side of my front door I can see the camera crews standing by, their breaths hanging over their heads in white clouds. Suddenly I flash back to the Launch Room under the arena, with Portia standing there with me as a disembodied voice counts down how much time I have left before the platform rises up and disgorges me into the arena. Then, Portia had asked me if what I had said the night before during the interview, about loving Katniss, was real. The sad look on her face when I told her it was real was the same look she gave me when I had just now told her that Katniss and I weren't together.

"Thirty seconds!" The same feeling I had when I stepped into the Launch Tube...butterflies in my stomach, weak in the knees, unable to control my breathing...has returned with a vengeance. Once again, I will soon be asked to live a lie, and sell it convincingly...only this time, I have to do it live and in person, in each district...and in the Capitol, in front of President Snow.  _I can't,_  I say to myself,  _I can't do this!_

"Ten seconds!" My door opens in front of me. Across the street I see the door to the Everdeen house swing open, and Katniss standing there, staring back at me, dressed similarly to me. Dimly I can hear my prep team behind me applauding. I fight to control my breathing.

"And seven! Six! Five! Four! Three!" Portia taps me on the shoulder. My cue. I step forward at the same time that Katniss steps out of her house. I plaster a big smile on my face as the cameras begin to track both of us. Purposefully I begin to walk toward her. I see Katniss walking towards me, a huge smile on her face...then she suddenly breaks into a run...running towards me. I only manage a few more steps before she's in my arms, and I'm spinning her around, and we're both laughing - then I feel my Robo-leg slipping on the snow and I'm falling, still clutching Katniss in my arms, landing heavily in the snow with her on top of me, me as always wishing fervently that it was REAL, that she really did love me this much...then she's kissing me...our first kiss in months. Forever. And in spite of the cameras recording our every move, and in spite of all the hurt that this girl has inflicted on me time and time again over the last six months...it feels real.

Katniss kisses me deeply, passionately, the fur from our collars getting caught between our lips and neither of us caring, snowflakes hitting us in the face and us not caring, the fruity taste of her lipstick...when was the last time I kissed her while she was wearing lipstick? Have I ever kissed her while she wore lipstick? It didn't matter, I was reveling in the taste, knowing that it all wasn't real, but a kiss like this, a kiss with so much passion - so much LOVE behind it...had to be real!

Katniss finally breaks the kiss and for a moment it's just us, laying in the snow, her taste still fresh on my lips...no cameras, no stylists, or preps, or Escorts or Mentors...just us, and as she looks into my eyes I see something flicker briefly in those gray orbs...something achingly familiar...a look that I've given her many times over the last eleven years, and in that instant I know that I love this girl even more than ever before.

She looks down at me, smiling, and gives me one more quick kiss. I can dimly hear interviewers talking to us and laughing...who doesn't love the Star Crossed Lovers of District Twelve? Katniss suddenly leans her head forward and whispers, "Thank you, Peeta."

"One more time? For the audience?" I reply using the same words I remember using the day we got home, and I see that same look flicker briefly across her eyes again before disappearing, then a final quick kiss and a smile as Katniss stands up and offers me her hand to help me to stand up. Once on my feet she immediately nestles into my arms as the interviewers start up with the questions again, and as we answer them only one thought is going through my mind.

_Let the games begin._

**THE END**


End file.
